I don't own these babies. Writer's block hit, so… whatever.
EDIT: Any truth, dare or torture for any character will be accepted! PG 13, alright?
Enjoy~
"Hmm… let's just all go left." The group nodded in affirmative as all of them went left at the author's orders. Ggio remarked, "Is it just me or is that 2nd division captain watching us from above?" Findorr promptly slapped him on the head. "It's just your imagination, idiot… How can you keep serving His Majesty if you keep being so delusional?" "But she's still there!" Findorr looked up to see a pair of glinting eyes and a camera. "Err… you're right. Whatever, let's keep running."
"Damn, the telepathy didn't work, did it? It was wrong, after all." Gin was massaging his temples wearily but Rangiku was more concerned that Soi Fon was found. "Err, Gin-chan, what about the contestants?" Gin didn't even take a glance towards them when he replied, "They'll be fine." Shinji had fallen asleep while France was desperately chewing at his bonds. Long forgotten, Uryuu resembled a topless (and almost bottomless) witch at the stake. The 11th division were forced to stop fangirls with Stanley knives trying to cut off Rangiku's pink sparkly bikini bottoms. "I wonder why they chose my best bikini… thank the king we got him gagged earlier. His screams are so high pitched. Which reminds me, how is our author doing?" Ichigo was laughing his head off in the audience. At least, until Rukia hit him with a frying pan.
Shuuhei Hisagi, unlucky idiot, was manning the spotlight. Now knowing what it was like not wanting to work, he decided to do his best at goofing off instead. Looking around for ideas (and Nanao), he realised that the spotlight was giving off smoke, meaning it was hot…
…a perfect temperature for cooking.
Rummaging around in his pack, Hisagi produced a raw kebab and some foil. Wrapping the kebab, he looked around for suspicious eyes before stuffing it into a space in the spotlight.
If he was caught, he would end up like Mashiro.
He didn't care.
Gasp! "It's a bunch-o-hookers!" the author stated the obvious, pointing at the barely dressed, armed women standing their way. "Release the Ggio." Findorr let go of a hissing, spitting Ggio's collar and watched apathetically as his comrade ran in a beastly manner towards them, drooling enough to put even the drooliest dogs to shame. The women immediately ran off in different directions until they somehow managed to knock each other out.
"Ooh, random door!" Urahara ran towards a door, labelled (quite conveniently):
To Aizen
"It's unlocked!" Without another word, Urahara disappeared through the door, without considering the possibilities that it could have been a trap.
Sighing, Yoruichi ran after him. One by one, the members of the group ran after each other. Yumichika, the last one left, sighed deeply. "It won't be fabulous if I'm alone!"
He ran in after them.
It was a scene that was overly glamourized, involving a lot of tears and flowers.
"What!? What a stupid thing to do!" Rangiku actually used her brains for once and glared at the screen in horror. France had chewed half-way through his bonds, and Shinji was starting to do the same. "Anyway, Gin-chan, the contestants are chewing through their bonds. Should we have the 6th division get better restraints?" Without even taking a glance, Gin automatically replied, "It's fine, Rangiku." Uryuu was still on the pole, having fallen asleep. Toshiro was finally starting to melt out of his ice pillar, to his fangirls' joy. Kenpachi hadn't noticed that there was a pink sparkly bra on his head, courtesy of Yachiru.
Luppi had released Trepadora, and his tentacles were getting closer and closer to Rangiku.
Hisagi carefully removed the kebab from its hidey-hole in the spotlight and was peeling it open. He didn't notice the glint of Nanao's glasses right behind him. Smelling the kebab for spotlight fumes, he licked his lips. "Mmm… yum." Before he could savour it though, a female voice behind him scared his life out. "Boo. Are you working?" Turning around, he was met with a smirking Nanao. "That's a nice kebab you've got there… can I have a bite?" Resisting the urge to back away, Hisagi gave her the kebab in the same manner one would feed a crocodile. Nanao took a tentative bite, and after chewing it for a little bit, her eyes lit up. "It's tasty! I command all of you measly techies to make me spotlight kebabs EVERY DAY! Starting now, of course." Hisagi wept as she left with his hard-earned kebab. Maybe it was something about power that corrupted the mind. All the other techies glared at Hisagi.
He was screwed.
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Yumichika was met with a very compromising sight.
Hinamori was about to do unspeakable things to Aizen involving a rope, a riding crop and what looked like one of Mayuri's potions. Aizen was cowering away the best he could in his bondage. "You defeated my hookers!? IMPOSSIBRU! But, I still have one last weapon I can use… RELEASE THE KANGAROOS!"
"Kangaroos?" Yoruichi looked around in confusion. Upon hearing a click, she whipped her head towards the way they all had come to be met with the sight of boxing kangaroos.
Before any of them could draw their weapons and whatnot, an even weirder sight was to come.
"Look what I found!" The wall gave way to a fluoro green monster truck, which had happened to squash Hinamori before she could do anything. Aizen sighed in relief.
"Wait a second… STARRK!?" the author pointed hysterically at the figure in the monster truck. "Hanatarou, go release Sousuke, please. But Starrk," the author grabbed her head in confusion, "where the bloody hell did you get that!?"
Starrk shrugged. "I found it lying around somewhere."
(in an unknown place)
"WHERE'S MY MONSTER TRUCK!?" Rudborrn stood in his front yard, looking around for any sign of his beloved monster truck.
"First my orange juice, now this…" he muttered as he wandered back inside.
"Err, what about the kangaroos?" Yumichika was glancing nervously at the animals behind them.
"We'll find some way to deal with them. Err…" She grabbed an unconscious Hinamori and threw her at them. "Done."
"I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Aizen ran towards the author and glomped her. "I have absolutely no idea what that random potion was, but it's making me feel sooooooooooooo happy! It took effect just then!" The author started shaking violently under his grip. "MAYURIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
(in Hell)
"How did you make a campfire in such a place!?" Szayel stared in awe at the small fire in the middle of the desert that was hell.
"You should have known this place better; you live in Hueco Mundo, don't you?" Mayuri grabbed a passing lizard and threw it into the fire. "Yeah, but I'm cooped up in my lab so much that I never go outside anymore." Szayel gave in and sat beside Mayuri.
"MAYURIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" a shout resounded, carried by the desert wind. "The author!?" Szayel jumped up, looking around for any sign of their jailer.
"It's probably about that potion I gave Hinamori. Sit down, Pinky." Mayuri gestured to the ground next to him. "Wait… what was that potion for?" Mayuri shrugged, "It was for handicapping the senses or something. I guess she used it."
"What do you mean? She's probably squashed by a monster truck or something now…"
Szayel hoped he wasn't right.
"Wait a second, PINKY!?"
Mayuri snickered. "That leaves me as the Brain now, doesn't it?"
"Why, I swear on the paint stuck on me – ooh, receipt…" Szayel peeled a piece of paper off his paint-covered hair and read it. "What did she buy?" Mayuri craned his head around to see.
"She bought a WHAT!?"
"H-h-how much of it did she give you?" the author was still under the grip of our favourite evil villain (Yhwach, you suck). "I think all of it." "Let me go," the author glared up.
"Nope~" Aizen grinned down.
"Let me go!"
"Nope~"
"LET ME GO OR I'LL GET STARRK TO SQUASH YOU!"
"Aww, fine~" Aizen smiled innocently, receiving a slap as a reply.
"I guess we'll have to get Mayuri or Szayel to fix this…" Yoruichi tilted her head in thought. "Where are they anyway?" Urahara looked around, only noticing Ggio using Findorr as a blond chew toy.
"Aww, spit! I wanted to keep them in hell a little longer… Never mind," the author scowled before sighing. "I'll get them when we get back."
Urahara turned to Yoruichi. "From where?"
She shrugged in reply. "Goodness knows… hell, maybe?"
Only a couple of metres away from them, Yumichika was dragging Findorr along the floor while the latter was fighting off his fellow fraccion.
"Gak! Sit! Stay!" Ggio attacked relentlessly despite the commands for him to stop.
"He's a cat. Give up." Yumchika was not feeling the fabulous.
"She bought a $10,000 limo!?" Szayel's face flushed red from the surprise.
"Damn, I thought she would have bought a Jeep," after receiving a glare from Szayel, Mayuri sighed, "Just kidding."
A whooshing sound made them turn their heads towards a blue, shining portal that floated behind them.
Leaping before he looked, Szayel dived head-first into the portal. "FREEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" Unfortunately for the infinitely more cautious Mayuri, he was grabbed by the headdress and pulled along into the portal.
All that was left of their former presence were a campfire, two spots of sandy blue paint…
… and a receipt.
SUSPENSE~ What will Luppi's tentacles do? Or will someone stop them? How's Uryuu doing? Does Rudborrn get more of his stuff stolen? And what happens next? Find out next time~
Any ad-conscious Australian should understand what I mean by the Jeep. I've noticed I've written characters OOC. That's for comedic purposes only (and because I actually wonder if Ggio's ever acted like that before…). Do not try spotlight barbequing, kiddies. I only know that you can cook a kebab in your car engine. I'm not responsible if your school spotlight dies because of a desperate attempt at cooking.
Viva la fanfiction.