marriage of alliance
chapter 6
friends come, go, and talk shit
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"You know, I'm really pissed right now, Smoker," Ace said jovially, fingers idly playing with a toothpick. Smoker didn't pay much attention to the movement itself, but he was surprised a ghost was able to physically touch and use the items of the real world.
Well, whatever. Smoker had seen crazier shit — like this goddamn wedding, and the first sketches of Law's dress. Why did he have to marry someone with a fashion sense of a dead bird.
Smoker lamented this face, huffing out smoke as he mostly ignored Ace's indignant protests to not being invited to the wedding of his 'good pal'.
"I thought we had a thing, you and I," Ace grumbled, arms crossing over his ghostly white chest, eyes narrow as they glared at the Vice Admiral. "Smoke and fire get along well, y'know, so yeah, I thought I'd get invited to my pal's wedding. But instead I had to come out on my own."
"First of all, the wedding invitations haven't been written yet," Smoker grunted, "secondly, how the fuck would we even send anything to you? You're dead as far as I know."
"Tsk tsk, Smoker," Ace waved a finger — very sassy, very annoying — at Smoker's face, and the Vice Admiral felt the gut-deep itch to punch Firefist in the face. Too bad it wouldn't do anything other than make Ace laugh at him even harder. "When there's a will, there's a way."
"That does not make any sense," Smoker protested with a grunt, not wincing when Ace's head hovered closer to his. But he did wince when Ace's hand went through his head, and that was the strangest fucking sensation he had had in a long, long while. It was even weirder than the whole Trafalgar kidnapping his heart affair had been.
And that had ended up with him in Tashigi's body, an extra layer to make the situation more uncomfortable. But boobs had been good, he reluctantly acknowledged that — minus the darn back pain that had bothered him at that time. Tashigi really dealt with that shit all the time? Four for her, then. Four for her.
"Well, you could have burnt the invitation or, like, used an Ouja board," Ace grumbled, shoving his hand up and down through Smoker's chest, apparently having the time of his life doing that while occasionally letting out a high-pitched whistle. "Those do work, ya know."
A thick puff of smoke rolled past Smoker's lips as he gave the Fire Fist an exasperated glare. The young man didn't seem to get the hint that he was very much unwanted right at the moment — then again, had he ever been tactful, other than to people that were not Smoker. The Vice Admiral scowled at the thought. Go figure Fire Fist would whine like a baby about missing the chance to ruin Smoker's most important day. Except that the bride — bride-groom? Groom-bride? — was Trafalgar Law, a complication on a whole new level.
Eyebrows twitching, the gruff man sighed. Now Law had gotten into his head, too, even without being around — well, not too close by, anyway. He pulled out one cigar more, lit it, and stuffed it between his lips next to the rest of them, brow knitting in displeasure as Ace's smile widened.
There's only so much shit he could handle right now, and Fire Fist's ghost was not one of them.
"Just so you know, Smoker," Ace began, his teasing lilts fading to make place for a new, serious tone, "it's completely fine if your cigars compensate for something. Size ain't a big deal."
The Vice Admiral nearly choked, teeth gritting around the nicotine sticks jerkily and almost biting them in two halves. "I'm not compensating for anything, Fire Fist."
"It's fine, ya know! S'not like the Trafalguy needs a big cock or anythin', since his ass looks relatively flat and small where I'm looking at…"
"Go fist people, that's all you're good at," Smoker grunted as he stood up and mentally dusted himself off from this fucked-up conversation that he did not need.
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"Cora-san, this is just," Law made a face, "plain stupid." He normally wouldn't settle for such a childish word, but this whole ordeal had stopped making sense to him a long time ago, and what he really needed was a bottle of whiskey and maybe Bepo to sleep on.
(The nonexistent gods knew he deserved at least that much.)
"Your marriage is not stupid!" Corazon snapped, large hands coming to rest on Law's shoulders. "The person you're marrying, though — that is debatable," he relented when Law quirked an eyebrow at him. "At least it's not Doffy," Corazon added under his breath, a smile full of relief on his lips, and Law choked on air.
Just… what was wrong with everyone?
He had entertained the thought of running away but he knew better than to try to escape from Monkey D. Luffy's rubbery clutches. There was just no winning with that man, as absurd and hopeless as that thought made his situation out to be.
The wedding dress was already in the making — sizes measured, fabric purchased — and Law only found comfort in the fact that there would be feathers to put him at ease, black as the blackest night. (Black as his nonexistent soul, one of the anti-Laws would whisper. [Akainu, quite possibly, considering the hair-graying grief his earlier actions had brought upon the Marines.])
"Cora-san, just what have you been smoking with Fire Fist-ya?"
"Silly boy," Cora laughed, lips tilting into a smile, "it's been too long if you think this is embarrassing for you."
So, you are out to embarrass me?
Law's lips curled down into a sulky pout, but he didn't have much time to mull over it as the doors to the large hall opened up with a harsh slam.
"Yo, the party's here!"
Law briefly glanced at the ceiling. Despite his very well-grounded atheism, he started to question if there was a god that just loved to fuck with him. Why, Law asked the ceiling, was Eustass "Captain" Kid here now of all times?
And, fuck, that was Basil Hawkins and Scratchman Apoo with the damn redhead, were they not?
There were so many mysteries in life — but the most important one, to Law personally, was: how many times did Life have to fuck him up before It was satisfied?
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Kid caught sight of Trafalgar Law almost immediately, and the muted look of absolute horror that flickered in Law's usually inexpressive eyes was enough to make the trip worth it. Almost, anyhow — but he wouldn't be satisfied until he heard the damn story about Law's misery.
"Trafalgar," Kid purred, and by his side, Killer let out a muffled snort-laughter. ("Holy shit, Kid, you don't do that without warning me next time." "Do what?" "That fucking sound you just made. It's hilarious." "Shut the fuck up, Killer.")
"Eustass-ya," Law returned, face returning to its usual deadpan, and the… ghost (the fuck?) beside him glanced between them with raised brows. "To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing your deformed mug around here."
"Snappy, are we?" Kid sneered, though the comment regarding his 'deformed' face got to him, and his fingers played with the hilt of his knife. "I simply came to congratulate you on your marriage, Trafalgar."
Law's eyes narrowed into slits. "How-"
"It's plastered on every newspaper from New World to the ends of the Blues," Apoo piped in, playing a cheery tune for shits and giggles as he spoke. "The kid here wanted to make sure you're, er, sane. And probably boiling in his own jealousy."
"Shut the fuck up, Apoo," Kid growled just as Law muttered, "Stay silent, Scratchman Apoo."
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Approximately fifteen minutes later, the hall was filled with Kid's obnoxious laughter. "THAT'S FRIGGIN' HILARIOUS," Kid guffawed, hand slapping at his own knee as he struggled to breathe. "Holy shit, that Straw Hat kid is fucking genius. Where is he, anyway? I'm gonna give him a pat in the back for this classy crap."
"He's busy with Black Leg-ya. Arranging the menu, you know." Law pursed his lips. A white lie, really, but he didn't need to set the two idiots together so that they could prank him — again. Though Black Leg and Straw Hat probably were a far worse combination, considering Black Leg's intellect.
"Holy shit," Kid repeated, his laughter dying a little as Law's somber voice got to him. "You're seriously going through with it?" Okay, he was always glad to laugh at Law's expense, because let's face it — it was fucking hilarious. But the concept itself (Trafalgar Law's marriage) was… weird. The hell? He had thought Law would be trying to run off tail between his stick-figure legs. Partly, it had been Law's reaction to this farce Kid had looked forward to the most, but the resignation that radiated off from Law was greatly disappointing.
Holy shit, this marriage was actually happening.
No wonder the Marine chick had looked so glum and irritated when she had crossed ways with Eustass Kid and his allies.
"Life is full of surprises, Eustass-ya," Law began, his lips slowly forming a smile as Kid gawked at him. Basil Hawkins, from some distance, hummed thoughtfully.
"It is just as I thought… the news, in the end, were not fake…" Basil had his cards out again, turning a few of them for a reading. "Trafalgar Law and Vice Admiral Smoker…"
"Will you quit it with that bullshit already, Hawkins?" Kid barked out, but Basil ignored him — like always, with an air of complete indifference. "Anyway, shut the fuck up, Trafalgar — like hell you're happy with this bullshit. After that fucking tantrum you pulled on me at Sabaody two years ago, I doubt you'd seriously consider fulfilling other people's expectations of you."
"I consider myself above temper tantrums such as yours," Law drawled, an easy smirk tugging his lips, but irredeemably fake. "Are you quite done laughing at my…" Law faltered as he struggled to get the word out of his mouth. "…marriage yet, Eustass-ya?"
"You know what this calls, right," Kid declared, "other captains of the 'Worst Generation'."
"…You can't be serious."
"Watch me."
"I am, and I still can't believe that you would act that big an asshole—"
"Trust me," Kid grinned, "I would and I fucking will."
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"Smoker-san, you really should cut down on the booze," Tashigi said wearily as she adjusted the thick-framed glasses on her face, but her eyes never shifted to Smoker's forlorn figure at the bar counter. "You're getting married in… what was it… two weeks?" If all the invited even made it to the island on time, anyhow.
"Shut it, Tashigi," Smoker grumbled, "it's not like it's the night before the goddamn wedding." The Vice Admiral took a big gulp from the bottle of rum he had grabbed from the warship earlier — the storage was starting to run low, but in dire need, he'd probably end up stealing from the pirates despite his morals. Whatever, they owed him anyway.
Tashigi was on her fifth vodka shot by then, a pale red tint spreading over her cheeks. If this ordeal hadn't turned her into an alcoholic, well, it surely would in the upcoming two weeks, for sure.
She didn't even want to think about the wedding, or the time after that. Did Smoker-san even have time for a honeymoon?
No, erase that thought, Tashigi. Do not think about Trafalgar Law and Smoker-san spending a honeymoon together doing Navy knows what— (probably each other, her mind supplied, and Tashigi let out a quiet screech.)
"Your parents," Tashigi blurted out, "are they coming?"
"Don't plan to invite 'em," Smoker huffed, rocking the glass between his fingers. "They're not fond of… the idea of same-sex marriage."
"Oh." Tashigi swallowed, blinking as her sight turned blurry for a moment too long. No. She was not emotional over her superior's family life. No.
"'Sides, G5 is like some sorry excuse for a family now," Smoker laughed then his typical, gruff and edgy laugh that scared many soldiers shitless, but not Tashigi. "Pretty sure those guys are more involved than my parents would ever want to be."
"Say, who's your best man?" Tashigi continued to blurt things out, which she would later on be ashamed of. "I swear to Fleet Admiral's goatee, if you haven't thought about that, then I'll—"
"Lay off the vodka, Tashigi," Smoker seemed alarmed by now, his own drunken gaze setting on her. "I'm thinking about it. Kind of. How did this shit even happen to me, I'll never understand."
"Trafalgar sent you a love note," Tashigi said helpfully, a despairing giggle leaving her lips in a soft snort. "Can't say he's much of a poet, however."
"Tashigi, lay off the vodka."
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"The chance of a divorce… 15%."