Katniss' POV
My palms slam against the metal double doors, revealing a snow-covered District 12. Tiny flakes land on my bare skin and my shoes slide against the icy ground, but going back is not an option.
The thought of my escape was the only thing that got me through Mr. and Mrs. Mellark's questioning, along with their lawyers' final statements. I can't recall a word of them. I stopped listening the moment Peeta returned to his seat. I didn't want to listen anymore.
My beginning to soak feet carry me to the back of the Justice Building slowly, only partly because I don't want to fall. The judge asked for half an hour to make his final decision. But I've already made mine.
What got me to this place? Was it taking the pictures of the affair, was it proposing to help Peeta prepare for the trial, was it beginning to actually care? Or was it just making things right, alone with some extra money? Now that I have been pulled directly into the mess, the reason doesn't matter. My job might be illegal, but I have rules of my own. Peeta Mellark broke them.
"Katniss," I hear him say before he's reached the place where I'm leaning against the wall, gasping for breath. I'm so angry.
His walking slows down as he nears me, stopping a few steps farther from me than he probably should. "Look, I- I didn't want it to happen that way. I'm sorry if I caught you off guard or emb…"
"Do you honestly think that's what's going through my mind right now?" I interrupt him rudely. "Whatever scheme you and Haymitch had, yeah, it would've been nice to give me a heads up. But you knew I wouldn't go with it. Really, you two make such a great team, playing against the rules and everything."
"Katniss…" I can't believe I ever trusted him. That I was so worried about how he would be today, I actually had him sleep under my roof.
Everything that I had built him up to be originated from the day he threw me the bread. I see it in a different way now. He threw it to me, like to some pig. He might have known he was going to get punished, but it's not like it was the first or last time. I liked to think that I do, but I don't know Peeta Mellark.
"I can't believe you lied!" I burst out. What he did didn't align with my idea of him as a person.
"Lied?" He asks quietly, in contrast to my tone. "Katniss, are we talking about the same thing?"
"We're talking about the thing where you lied about how you feel about me so we would win." Everyone loves a good love story, even District 12.
Realization draws upon Peeta's face, leaving me confused. What else could I possibly be upset about?
"It doesn't… it doesn't have to change anything," he stammers.
I scoff. "Wasn't that the point? You said it yourself – the abuse didn't leave much of an impression. But this, this will get everyone, especially the judge, thinking."
We gave people the idea from the beginning, when we walked in with our hands linked and never really separated. The kiss on my head grabbed those who weren't already intrigued. I didn't want anyone to think I was doing this because I had some romantic interest in Peeta, yet he was one step ahead.
"You used me."
He has no response for that.
I don't know how much time passes, but it must be close to 30 minutes, because Elsa comes to gather me - Effie's orders. The sight of the pregnant woman shakily making her way around the ice destroys any ideas I might have had about not returning to court.
"Are you okay?" Elsa asks me before we enter. I manage a nod.
She sighs, her hands settling on her belly. "Katniss, I don't know what conclusions you've come to, but Peeta really didn't mean-"
"I don't want to talk about Peeta."
"If you'd just listen-"
"All I've done today is listen." With that, I open the door to the courtroom. Everyone, already in their previous seats, turns to look at me. Despite my outburst, Elsa walks side by side with me to the front row and sits between me and Peeta. The distance might confuse the crowd, but it doesn't bother me. I don't plan to put on an act, if that's what Peeta or anyone else is hoping for.
When we win, I hate myself for the breath I let out in relief, for the way my heartbeat returns to its normal pace the moment the words are out of the judge's mouth. I hate myself even for thinking I had some part in winning. But it was because of me, wasn't it?
Elsa squeezes my shoulder before going into her husband's arms. Down the row, Haymitch and Mr. Mellark are shaking hands. Peeta's back is to me as he and Rye share a brief hug, but then his brother says something with a sly grin and Peeta pushes him away, turning to find me. His smile disappears as he notices my expressionless face, in contrast to every other person in the room that's either reveling or grumbling. He swallows when something behind me grabs his attention. Someone – his mother. Her lawyer is trying to console her but Ellesse doesn't seem to be moved, staring right at her youngest son.
"Congratulations," I say loudly to grab Peeta's attention.
He blinks. "Thank you."
"Was it worth it?" The plan was to say quick goodbyes and get home with as less attention on me as possible, but his tortured expression keeps me in my place.
Peeta sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know yet."
I nod. "Well…" I glance towards the doors where there's beginning to form a line of people. "I'm going to get going."
"It's freezing out there." He casts a quick look behind him. "My dad should drive you."
"The roads are frozen, Peeta. I'm safer on my own feet. Besides, your dad is going to have a bunch of stuff to sign. And you really should all be together now."
"But you…"
"I'll see you later, okay?" Brushing my hand against his arm, I give him a reassuring nod before slipping away.
Later ends up being a week later.
Even the agreement we had made for Peeta to help me out with my investigating business didn't manage to bring us together. The absence of the money the Mellarks owed me that didn't seem like much at first started to become a more obvious problem, combined with all the job offers I missed during the time I was focused solely on the trial. Upset at myself more than at anyone else, for the first time in a very long while, I wanted to wallow and stay at home forever. With school out and the weather too cold for hunting, I did wallow and stay at home not for forever, but for 3 very long days. Then we ran out of food and Prim fell on the snow because she needs new boots we don't have the money for and will certainly not have if I spent one more second staring at nothing.
It turned out, though, that I wasn't the only one that had chosen to stay at home. Due to the bad weather, the district was entirely peaceful. The Mellarks' divorce seemed to be enough drama for people and unfortunately that meant no mysteries for me to solve. I couldn't exactly go around asking if someone has something lost or stolen, so I was beginning to get desperate. Then last night Madge called me with a problem of her own. Hopefully she doesn't solve it before I get to her house, which might not happen as soon as I had hoped. Not with Peeta in my way.
"What…" I try to get over my shock at seeing him on my porch. "What are you…" For some reason, I imagined that whenever we saw each other again, it would be on my terms, when I decide.
"Um… hi," Peeta says, getting over his own surprise at me opening the door before he even knocked. "Sorry." It's said too flippantly for it to be the apology I need. And I know he didn't come here to try to make peace with me using words, as I suspiciously eye the big paper bag he holds in his hands.
"There was… it was a holiday a couple of days ago. Christmas. Nobody really celebrates it… because we're not supposed to… but I wanted to give you a present anyway." He hands me the bag. It's even heavier than I expected, so I lift it with both hands and press it to my chest. It doesn't warm me like I expected it to, but I should have known whatever's inside couldn't have remained heated in this weather, especially since I'm not sure just how long Peeta spent in front of my door before I opened it.
"I'm not going to bother denying taking it, but… I don't have anything to give you," I say.
He smiles faintly. "That's alright, I didn't expect anything." That doesn't make me feel much better. "Well, actually, um…" He looks behind him nervously. "You could let me walk you to wherever you are heading off to."
I can tell him I was just going to throw out the trash, or that I was going to bring in the mail. Or simply deny. This time, I have a way out. However, something in his expression makes me put out the fire that I've been feeling spark inside of me whenever I think of his betrayal. So I nod and step inside to leave his gift.
If it wasn't for the part inside of me that's waiting for confrontation, begging for release, Peeta's presence would have absolutely no effect on me. Especially since he is not only refusing to talk, but to look at me too. He walks as if he has never made his way across this exact path before and the snow that hasn't had time to melt hasn't been covering everything for days now.
Before, when I had a different idea of who Peeta was, I would catch him staring at me from time to time. Even before we became what I mistakenly called "friends", when we were just strangers that had one real encounter that didn't really mean anything, whenever I looked at the boy, he would hold my eyes for a second before looking away. It happened more frequently as we got closer, when we prepared for the trial while lounging on my couch or when our desks in class were right next to each other. But I never allowed myself to even enjoy the idea of looking at Peeta in any other situation than the one that required me to show that I was listening to him.
I can't help it now. Without the fear of him catching me, I stare, more than impolitely and at times dangerous, as my eyes aren't glued where they should be - to the icy road.
I don't know what I expect to find. Something to confirm what a manipulative person he is? Surely I would've seen that from the start. But I guess that's what manipulation is all about.
His eyes stray in my direction; not to me, but a little lower and a few steps ahead. I know he knows I'm watching him, but he won't return my gaze. Instead, he puts his hands in the pockets of his coat and sniffles, looking down.
Not even blinking, I ask, "Are you sick?"
He shakes his head, a little smile appearing on his lips for a second.
Then what's wrong with you, I want to ask. Another question to add to the list. I might as well start ticking things off.
"So did you do anything… on Christmas?" I ask dumbly, just to begin somehow.
"Nothing exciting. Quite the opposite actually. My mother had a few days to get all of her stuff from the house, so we had to wait and the moving back happened to be exactly on Christmas."
I've avoided that side of town recently. "Oh. So the bakery's open again?"
"No, not yet. There's some stuff to work out and things to consider. We have almost too much freedom now," he chuckles. "It's opening the first day of the new year."
"New beginnings," I think out loud.
"Yeah," Peeta says, looking to me so quickly I would've missed it if I had been looking anywhere else. "Things at home don't really feel… new, yet," he continues hesitantly. "Not that I wanted everything to change all of a sudden, but…"
"Rye is still a jerk?"
He laughs. "Well, yeah. But not much more than usual." His smile slowly vanishes. "My dad… He hasn't acted any different either, but I feel like that's the problem. Ever since he said those things at the trial…"
I swallow nervously, because I had been too upset to listen by the time it was Mr. Mellark's turn to speak. "Which things exactly?"
He chooses this moment to finally look at me. I must look raddled enough, because he clarifies. "What we knew was going to be a problem – why he didn't do anything to stop what his wife put her children through. His… tactic, or whatever, was to apologize instead of to actually give a good enough excuse," he says bitterly. "I never needed an apology. I saw it in his eyes every time he looked at me. I just needed a better explanation than fear or futility."
Some things you're better off not knowing. It's my one fear whenever I think about my dad's murder. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay. It was worth it. I just wish it hadn't cost me you."
A shaky breath escapes between my chapped lips as I quickly look away. For a moment, I long for the same thing. But then I remember Peeta is the one who ruined… whatever we had, or were beginning to have. He has no right to take anything else from me. I hold my head up, focusing on the mayor's house that is slowly appearing in the distance.
"And how is Prim doing?"
"Oh..." I struggle to form words, unprepared for his inquiry. "Good. With school out, she's constantly out running around, leaving me to worry. But since she fell on the ice a couple of days ago, I only allow her to go to her friends' homes."
"It's funny how you wish for snow all year long and when it's finally here, you don't want it anymore."
I wrinkle my nose. "No. I never look forward to it. It would mean anticipating cold, hungry nights. Though it's not to blame for Prim's accident. If her boots weren't so worn out, she would've been fine."
"Katniss! You should've said something!" Peeta explodes, but thankfully only slows his steps. I'm scared that if we stay in the same place for too long, people will show their curious faces. "You know we owe you money. Enough for a good pair of boots."
"We had another deal."
"We did. But obviously I haven't held up my end of it. While you've been struggling, we've been ordering new ovens from the Capitol."
Something tugs at me, screaming at the unfairness, but I know it wouldn't be smart to let it out.
"A deal is a deal. And I do need your help. I would've asked for it, but I haven't found any clients recently."
Peeta considers this for a moment. "Then let me help with finding them as well."
"Peeta, that's a very discreet task..."
"I know. I'll be careful. I know the kind of people that seem to get themselves into trouble."
I nod at him. "Thank you."
"Just doing my job." He smiles shyly at me and I bite my lips to keep from doing the same. They're so dry and easy to tear, so I immediately taste blood.
I look to the mayor's house again. "You might have to do it soon. Madge has asked for my help with something, and if it requires photography…"
"Just give me a call," Peeta says and I nod.
The awkwardness reappears when we come to a stop in front of the Undersee's door.
"Well… Thanks for walking with me," I say.
"Thanks for letting me," Peeta laughs. "I hope you like your gifts."
"Unless your baking suddenly changed along with all of this talk about new beginnings, I will," I reassure him with a smile. He returns it before continuing his walk down the road.
While I wait for my knocks to be answered, I turn in Peeta's direction just to catch him looking back at me. The stupid grin returns to my face and I shake my head, reaching out a hand to knock again.
The maid is the one who finally answers. I expect her to follow me to Madge's room as usual, but she just gives me a gesture to go up the stairs.
"I've been given strict orders by Miss Undersee to let you in without bothering her," she tells me. I raise an eyebrow at the thought of Madge ordering someone, especially this nice woman, but I do as she says.
Not knowing what to expect, I knock on the door that leads to her bedroom instead of just walking in.
"Who is it?"
"It's Katniss."
The door opens immediately and she ushers me in.
"Katniss." She takes a deep breath. "How are you?"
"No, you don't get to do that. What is going on?" I try to laugh it off, settling on her bed.
Madge plays nervously with her hands before climbing on the bed, one leg beneath her and the other tapping against the floor. "You didn't see anyone outside the house, did you?"
Even though I was too preoccupied with Peeta, I remember noting the deserted streets. "No, nobody. The only person I've interacted with is the maid. Why?"
"Well… I haven't seen anyone either," Madge says. "But I know they're there. Somebody is always there. Has been since school ended, possibly longer than that."
"Outside your house?"
"No!" She suddenly exclaims. "Wherever I go! Always!"
I watch her carefully as she unravels.
"And Katniss… you know I don't go out often. Only to get some fresh air or something to eat. But they know whenever I do. They're at the park, at the bakery.
"My father didn't believe me, but I know you will. You have to."
A/N: I updated! It must be a Christmas miracle. Well, this chapter did mention the holidays and it is Christmas so… Merry Christmas! In my defense, this update was faster than the last one lol. The thing with this story is, I sit down and write a lot, but then once I'm done, I have a hard time sitting down again. I do write and that's what's important, but I can't make any promises about faster updates. I'm posting a new story at the beginning of next year that I plan to take seriously (while TMO is going to get deleted until I write more and can actually publish it properly). Silhouettes is going to keep getting updated though, so those that decide to stick around can count on that at least!