A/N: This was supposed to be a one shot, a hit of pain so to speak. But 99% of you seem to want this to continue. I can't promise you that I can fix Tamsin, I can't promise you that this will end with Valkubus. I have no idea where it's going, or where it will end. You all seem to have more faith in me than I do. This part ended up slightly longer than planned so I split it into two, you can have the other part tomorrow. The song used in this part is called Irrelevant and it's by Lauren Aquilina, look it up. Don't forget to drop me a review.
x-x-x
Tamsin was sleeping peacefully in the bed in Trick's spare room, Kenzi was standing in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe, just watching. Her arms were wrapped around herself, she was worried about her young Valkyrie. She knew the pain of having your heart broken, she'd lost the love of her life, she knew the pain Tamsin was in.
Trick quietly walked up behind the small human, Kenzi sensed the movement next to her and looked at the Blood King. He softly put his hand reassuringly on her arm.
"She's going to be okay, right Trick?" Kenzi asked, looking back at the sleeping form of the Valkyrie.
"I hope so," he said, smiling softly, "having your heart broken is a difficult thing for any of us to deal with, but for Tamsin... For a Valkyrie..."
"It's everything..." Kenzi replied quietly, "what did Freyja do to her?"
"She took the pain, she took..." Trick started to say.
"Her feelings for Bo..." Kenzi said, nodding a little.
"I thought that it would just be her love, the thing causing her pain..." Trick said.
"But it's not?" Kenzi asked, looking at him again as he shook his head.
"It's everything, her love, her concern," Trick replied, "she just..."
"Can't anymore..." Kenzi said as Tamsin's face gave away the pain she was in even when she was asleep, "then why does she look like she's in pain?"
"Because she is," Trick replied with a sigh as he looked at Tamsin, "in our dreams we finally get what our heart wants. I still dream about..."
"Yeah... I know..." she replied.
x-x-x
When she woke up she had no idea where she was. She saw Kenzi sitting on the chair in the room, Tamsin smiled a little as Kenzi handed her a bottle of alcohol.
"Gift from Trick." the human said.
Tamsin nodded and smiled a little, putting the bottle on the table next to the bed.
"How are you feeling?" Kenzi asked as she moved to sit on the bed next to Tamsin.
"Empty..." Tamsin replied honestly.
"Tams..." Kenzi started to say.
"No, this is good," the Valkyrie said with a nod, "empty is good."
"So, what do you want to do today?" Kenzi asked, figuring it was easier not to push Tamsin to talk if she didn't want to.
"First thing, shower, change of clothes," Tamsin said, climbing out of the bed, "then we should help with the clean up. Shit is a mess out there."
"Want me to go and get you a change of clothes?" Kenzi asked as she stood up.
"Nope," Tamsin replied with a little smile, "I need to do this..."
The small human nodded as she let out a sigh.
x-x-x
Bo was sitting alone in the Clubhouse house, she hadn't slept a wink, every time she closed her eyes she saw Tamsin's face, the Valkyrie's words echoing in her head "What's wrong with me, why not me?" constantly reverberating around her mind.
She knew Tamsin felt something for her, she had no idea how strong that something was. Tamsin, the one person in her life who had never expected anything from her, and Bo couldn't give her the one thing she asked for. She had stood in front of her, tears burning her eyes, laying her soul bare and her heart on the line, and Bo had made her feel worthless.
She heard laughter coming from outside the door. It sounded like Tamsin. Kenzi and Tamsin walked in.
"So then she actually..." Tamsin was saying to Kenzi, still laughing as the human laughed along with her, the Valkyrie stopped as she saw Bo, "Hey..."
"Hey..." Bo replied, smiling a little as she stood up.
Kenzi walked into the kitchen.
"Breakfast Tams?" she asked.
Tamsin was standing looking at Bo, who was looking at her. Their eyes were locked, Bo trying to portray how sorry she was in that look. Tamsin was trying to figure out why she felt a stirring sensation in her stomach. She shouldn't feel anything.
"Half Captain Crunch, half Lucky Charms..." Bo said quietly.
"I'm not hungry," Tamsin replied, shaking her head a little before she looked at Kenzi with a smile, "I'm just gonna shower and then we can go."
"Okay." Kenzi said with a smile and a nod.
Tamsin headed up to her room to get a change of clothes before taking a shower.
"How is she?" Bo asked Kenzi as the human set about making coffee.
"Top of the world, completely blissfully happy," Kenzi said, stopping what she was doing and looking at Bo, "How do you think she is?"
"Kenzi... I..." Bo started to say.
"I just don't get it," the little human said, "I mean you're a Succubus, Bo, people's feelings are kinda your thing, or am I missing something? You once told me you knew Ryan had fallen for you because his Chi tasted differently, did that not work with Tamsin?"
"Her Chi has been different since her rebirth," Bo said, "she tasted... Happy. But that wasn't due to me, that was due to all of us."
"Was it, really?" Kenzi asked, looking at Bo like she wanted to run her through with a power tool of some kind.
Bo's mind flashed back to Valhalla, she remembered Tamsin's confession, how she said "this is my last life, I don't want to live it without you".
"Shit..." Bo said, sitting down at the island.
"While you were off finding Daddy dearest, when me and... Lauren were here, thinking that ghost was you," Kenzi said, "Stacey came here, needing a soul to balance things out. She was going to kill Lauren, Tamsin stopped her. She could've just let her take Lauren, get her our of the picture, but she didn't. Do you know why?"
Bo opened her mouth to say something before closing it again.
"She did that for you, Bo," Kenzi said, "She saved Lauren, for you."
"I fucked up, Kenzi, I know that," Bo said, "I know that I could've stopped it before it got that far, I could've turned her down on the night of my birthday, told her there and then that I wasn't interested... But I was..."
Kenzi looked at the Succubus with a look of utter disbelief on her face.
"I was interested... I'm a Succubus, as you all keep reminding me," she continued, "she's gorgeous, and the sex was..."
Bo's eyes flashed blue, she closed her eyes before she continued.
"I never expected her to fall for me... That was never my intention," she said, "never... It's Tamsin, you know, I mean when have we ever known her to be in a relationship that lasts past the morning after... She doesn't usually get that far..."
"So you thought, what, you could use her because she wouldn't get attached?" Kenzi asked, getting angry,"she has a fucking heart Bo, one that had walls higher than the tallest Maximum Security Prison, it's easier to get to Alcatraz than it is getting into her heart... For everyone other than you."
At that moment Tamsin walked back into the room. Her hair still wet, she was wearing a black top and light blue faded jeans with rips at the knees.
"Bo, is my black jacket in your room?" she asked as she walked over to the island drying her hair as she walked.
"Er..." Bo said, trying to remember, "I think so... Want me to grab it for you?"
"Please." Tamsin replied with a little smile.
Bo nodded and walked upstairs. Tamsin sat down at the island.
"You okay?" Kenzi asked.
"Is this not an 'I'm okay outfit'?" Tamsin asked with a smirk, "I'm okay, really, you don't have to keep asking."
"I know, I'm just worried about you..." Kenzi replied, walking over to Tamsin, putting her arms around her and kissing her head.
"You don't need to be..." Tamsin said, smiling softly at the gesture, "I'm okay..."
Tamsin heard the main door of the Clubhouse open, she took a deep breath.
"Morning Lauren..." she said, without even looking at the door as the doctor walked in.
"Tamsin... I didn't... I didn't think you'd be here." Lauren replied.
"I kind of live here." Tamsin replied coldly.
"Of course..." Lauren said, "about last night..."
"Which part?" Tamsin asked, "the part where you tried to apologise, or the part where I let you live, again?"
At that moment Bo walked back downstairs with Tamsin's jacket, at first she didn't notice Lauren.
"It was in the weapons chest," she said, "I do not... Lauren, hi."
Tamsin smirked to herself, remembering how the jacket ended up in the weapons chest.
"I think it was that night we fought the two fugly ass under-fae," she said, walking over to Bo and taking her jacket, "the night I healed you, then had to heal you again..."
Bo's eyes flashed the brightest blue any of them had ever seen, Tamsin laughed and put her jacket on before turning to Kenzi.
"You ready to go?" she asked.
The human nodded and they both left.
"I deserved that..." Bo mumbled.
x-x-x
After a day of helping clean up the mess from the storm Tamsin and Kenzi were sitting in the Dal, eating their bodyweight in free food, Trick's treat. Bo and Lauren were also at the Dal, drinking and talking.
"She actually looks kinda bored." Kenzi said.
"Who?" Tamsin asked, looking up with a mouthful of food.
"Bo..." Kenzi replied.
"Wouldn't you be?" Tamsin asked with a laugh, "I mean right now she's probably hearing about how Lauren was so excited to find the test tube she thought she'd lost."
Kenzi couldn't stop the laugh escaping her.
As they were talking and laughing a song that came on the radio caught Tamsin's attention.
Let's start at the end
Becoming strangers once again
Or maybe that's all we ever were
Tamsin knew Kenzi was talking to her, she could see the small humans mouth moving, she couldn't hear a word she was saying though. She looked down at the food in front of her.
Do you know how it feels
To crave a body made of steel
To give your all for no return
Cause I've been running marathons
While you're still standing still
And I'd be anything for you
But I'll never fit the bill
She closed her eyes, things she shouldn't be feeling burning in her chest.
"You okay there T?" Kenzi asked.
"Yeah," Tamsin replied, "think I ate too fast..."
Kenzi smiled a little, knowing whatever Tamsin was feeling wasn't from the food. She saw the Valkyrie's eyes flick towards the Succubus as the song continued on the radio.
Cause I'm Irrelevant
You'll be fine without me
And it's evident, it shows
Bo had no idea why she was looking at the Valkyrie as she turned her ice green eyes towards her, but she knew the heavy feeling in her chest, she knew it well. She watched as Tamsin looked away again, pushing the plate of food away from her, with a clenched jaw.
"Bo, is everything okay?" Lauren asked with a little smile.
"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine," Bo replied with a smile of her own as she looked at the doctor, "I didn't get much sleep last night."
Lauren nodded a little.
"Last night was..." she said.
"Yeah..." Bo replied as she again looked at the Valkyrie.
And in your excellence
I forgot I used to have my own
You won't even notice I'm gone
"Do you want to get out of here?" Kenzi asked, "we can go to Dyson's, pig out on crappy food and watch X-Files reruns."
Tamsin laughed a little as she looked at Kenzi.
"No..." she said, shaking her head a little.
Cause you consume my thoughts
I'm not sure that I'm in yours at all
Your mind is too far gone to see
The worst part of it all
Is that I desperately still want
Someone who never wanted me
"Evony came by earlier..." Lauren said, trying to regain Bo's attention.
She knew Bo felt bad about Tamsin, she did too, but it wasn't her fault or Bo's fault that Tamsin had fallen in love.
Cause you've been burning bridges
While I've been building homes
And I'm only your everything
When you feel alone
Tamsin stood up, she couldn't be there right now. She needed to talk to Freyja, find out why it still hurt, why she still cared. With one look back at the Succubus she left.
"Tamsin!" Kenzi called after her.
"Let her go..." Trick said, "she just needs time."
"I thought Freyja took her feelings," Kenzi said, "That was not the reaction of someone who doesn't care, Trick."