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Chapter 23

Jasper is seated by the window and stares blankly outside, into the darkness.

My Dad is nowhere to be seen, and Mum is busy brushing off non-existent dust form the grand piano.

"Dad," I shout once I've made my way to my man. I squeeze his hand in mine and let myself sink into his eyes which are now focused on me, full of wonder.

"Edward," he whispers to me, "calm down."

Ah, should I, Jasper? At least I know it is obvious that something is boiling inside me.

I don't pay attention to the warning of his fingers' slight twitch within my hold.

"Dad!" I shout once again, which results in my father's figure appearing through the door frame to my left.

"No need to shout, son. I was busy serving dinner."

What? That sudden switch in moods feels like I've raised my foot to get on a carousel, but the thing suddenly spins too quickly and I'm left out, watching it blur before my eyes.

"Ah, you're finally friendly."

"I'm civilized, Edward. Let's eat."

"No." Maybe my voice is too harsh, but, whatever. I have things to say. They should listen. All of them. "Not before you hear me."

Now I'm the center of attention, of course. My father is not even arguing, he stands with his arms crossed over his chest, his shoulder leaned against that door frame, and mom has left the dust cloth behind.

Next to me, still sitting in his chair, Jasper inhales loudly, and so do I.

"Here's the deal. I am going to explain what I feel towards this man, once and for all, and you all will stop telling me I can't be in love with him."

There's a snort from where my father stands. I clench my fists, Jasper's fingers are even more tightly trapped in my dry palm now - but he doesn't try to withdraw, which is comforting.

"Have you ever been in a place where beauty doesn't exist?" I ask no one; words simply start spilling out of my mouth. "I've been there, I was there before I saw Jasper. With the first sight of his face I felt beauty entering my life for the first time. I was filled with love, and if they say God is Love, then yes, it was divine. My heart overpoured with goodness, I wanted to be kind and gentle to everybody, I wanted to be a part of something big and important. That's what my love is - its big and important. Huge. Beautiful. Irresistable. I will always be thankful to Jasper for this… awakening.

"People invent things, fight in wars, run quests and fly into space. And me? I am treating someone's hemorrhoids. Just imagine, this exquisite creature lands in Forks hospital and lays there looking all heavenly and helpless in his sleep, screaming need of protection and adoration. What do I do? I decide to protect him, do something important for once. And I fall in love.

"I fall in love with the idea of him, with the belief that things are starting to matter. I knew he was beautiful even before he woke. And then… He wakes up, he opens his eyes and I lose myself in them. Can't you see that my fate is sealed? Can't you?

"My chest is larger, I breathe deeper; I notice the smallest detail of everything and feel enchanted by little things that I would otherwise consider unimportant. But now, everything matters. Waking up each morning now is for a reason.

"Do you remember when you last wanted to sing in the shower? I sing, I sing every day. Every fucking day!"

Mom blushes at my profanity. There's more to her face though, she has tears welling in her eyes. But I can't stop, I know I'm not really upsetting her.

"Now tell me, if that is not love, what is it, then? Not being able to refuse to think about him? Dreaming of his eyes in every waking hour? Craving his touch and itching for a glimpse at his body every now and then?"

This is where Dad interrupts me. "Edward. That was unethical."

"I know, Dad." Well, I do know but I couldn't help it. "I was unprofessional, I realize that. I even think I should quit."

"A-ha. And what about your future?"

"My future doesn't exist right now, Dad. Not until Jasper accepts his feelings toward me. Not until he accepts my love. And after that, I'm moving out with him. Who knows, I may even become a lead vocal in a glam-rock band in Seattle for fuck's sake!"

Okay now I'm shouting. Mom is staring at me, unbelieving, she's stunned but I think it's not by my tone, or language.

I feel Jasper's fingers slip away from my grasp. I haven't looked at him, maybe I am afraid of what I will read in his eyes. Shit, he's pulling away from me.

I finally look at his face and it is stone cold, expressionless. He stands to his feet and turns his back to me.

"Mrs. Cullen, Doctor. I am sorry I am not going to stay for dinner. It was nice meeting you."

He grabs his jacket and walks away to the door, not bothering to look at me.

I am not totally dismayed, I knew this could happen. While my fingers pull at my hair, I see Dad is mouthing a word to me, "Go," I read on his lips. He nods once and walks the few yards which separate him from my mother.

I head for the door out, waving Mom and Dad goodbye. She's crying in all honesty and my father is trying to comfort her. Well, I would be crying too if I wasn't busy putting my shoes on and trying to compose the next part of my speech, designet to only his ears.

I'm in no hurry. Somehow I know he is waiting for me outside. The first thing I do - after I close the door behind me - is to call a taxi, while he watches me approach. He's only a few feet away, under the streetlamp, his hands in his pockets and a little smirk on the corner of his lips.

"Where to?" He asks, and I remember he's actually not familiar with the town.

"Olympic Suits Inn. It's near."

"We could walk, you know. I'm not that bad."

"Yes, you are. But also, I need you naked as soon as possible."

"Is that so?" He is smiling at me now, and his eyes are smiling too.

"Yeah. Which I couldn't say in front of my parents. I need you naked, sucked and fucked, and then fast asleep in my arms until my morning wood and a little kiss to the nape of your neck wake you. Cause that is part of my love, too. I want to lull you to sleep and be the first thing you see in the morning. Simple as that. I love you."

A/N: I missed them!