I have an announcement: This story has been nominated for a non-canon award. I mean holy f*ck! There are some other stories there which I adore, and Convulsion is listed along those great titles! OMG!

See if you'll find your favorite at

www. thenoncanonawards . wordpress . com (remove spaces)

- voting starts March 18th.

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loopylou992, thank you for your support, your patience and wisdom, my darling!

~"~

Ah, well. Final chapter.

Chapter 25

Carlisle's POV

"Doctor Cullen! Doctor Cullen!"

Nurse Stanley's face fills my field of vision - a blurry, but obviously too animated face with sparkling eyes; her mouth is hissing at me, greeted teeth and all. She doesn't give a damn it's the middle of the night and I've taken another long shift. Annoying little thing, she is. I am fully awake now but she is still shaking my shoulders so I shrug her palms away and raise my finger in a warning.

"Gotcha, nurse Stanley. I am awake now. What's the big deal?"

"We have an emergency in room three. You'd better come immediately, Doctor."

"The crash victim? Is it? Is it Jasper Hale?" I am thinking of the miserable blond haired boy who came into town only to survive a car accident and spend his time here sedated, an unconscious mess of broken ribs, scars and bruises, with missing relatives, and an object of inappropriate gossip among the nurses.

"No, Doctor, I said room three, it's the drug addict."

Oh, I must be too sleepy - Jasper's room is number two, indeed. So it's about our super star, the Seattle glam-rock singer, the wacko, Edward Masen.

"What's going on?"

"We're losing him, Doctor, this time it's for real."

On our way through the corridors she gives me the update, there obviously has been a visitor who gave him another dose, an overdose… well, we couldn't protect him after all.

As we enter, his screams are deafening, the room smells of excrement and perspiration; appliances are beeping crazily. His body spasms and shakes as if a giant hand is picking him up and tossing him back into bed.

"Simple as that!" He yells. "I love you! I love you, baby!"

With a last shrill yell, his throat gives up with a growl, then a last, hissing breath leaves his lips, and he's gone. A few of the beeps stop and a monitor to my right shows a flat line.

"Clear!" I hear myself shouting, I am going to try to reanimate him. I am roughly pushing at another nurse's shoulder - she is in my way, I can't reach, I can't reach the machine in time. I hardly register someone is pulling at my sleeve. I turn my head, it's nurse Stanley again, shaking her head. "No," her mouth speaks, her voice is coming from far, far away. "There's nothing you can do, Doctor. We're late."

The flat line on the monitor is still there, an angry green path outlining my failure; I've lost a patient.

"It's for the best, Doctor. He's in a better place now." They are talking to me, yes, all the correct words. "His soul will be in peace, at last."

Yes, at last. What a journey it was, with my patient Edward Masen.

A few months ago, he and his band had a concert in our town's only decent venue. Too strange, the concert was a huge success but he disappeared right after he got off the stage. They found him in an alley, with a needle still sticking out of his arm. I treated him, and kept him in my hospital. When he came to himself, he was convinced I was his father. He was also convinced he was a Doctor, like me, working long shifts at the hospital, overworking himself, spending night and day here… he told me so when he was conscious. He passed out from time to time, only to come back imagining his different personality with more detail. When he felt at his best, he wandered along the corridors, peeking into rooms, with a set of stolen scrubs on him, pretending to be looking over the patients. Sometimes things got worse, like that one time I caught him in Jasper Hale's room. He was laying on the floor, convulsing. It frightened me a little, until he got up to his feet and disappeared.

His band mates came to visit in the first days, but later on, they abandoned him. He became a lonely ghost, roaming in the hospital in his good days and laying in bed in his worst. Only one more person appeared by his side every now and then, Jane - Krakowski? Bukowski? I can't recall - an admirer of his and a closest thing to a girlfriend. I can't put my finger on the moment I realized she was bringing him drugs. I just knew he was waiting for her too eagerly. And after she left, he acted strangely. My fault, I didn't know I should test him. When I finally did, it showed he was still a drug addict. We never let her in again; how she sneaked in today is beyond me… but she did her deed. Now I know I made a mistake - I felt a strange attachment to this young man and kept postponing his transfer to another institution.

And now he's gone.

One thing Jane did right during her previous visits, was bring him a notebook, to write in when he felt lonely. I had seen him scratching inside it, sometimes for long minutes, with a blissful smile on his lips. I suspected it was a diary.

So this is what I am holding in my hands right now, the deceased Edward Masen's diary.

If only I knew how confused he was! It strikes me how bad things have been, and no one knew. No one even suspected.

He's referring to himself as Doctor Cullen, and he believes Jasper Hale is his patient, and a criminal.

He believes he's in love. He believes he's helping Jasper escape the hand of law.

Next entry; he thinks he is Jasper. He has another life. Moving from town to town with his sister and a friend. Has sex with a stranger.

Next entry; he's a girl named Alice. More people are involved. Jane is mentioned for a second time…

Next entry; he's Edward again, fucks Jasper's mouth and gives him a beating. His crazy imagination kills Alice.

Next entry; he is back in Forks, ready for a happily ever after, makes love to Jasper, feels loved.

I find a comfortable sofa and let myself relax, opening the damn thing again at a random page. That is not a diary but a work of fiction. ...holy hell. He was not only delusional, but also schizophrenic… Who could have guessed?

He was always quiet. So quiet.

Nurse Stanley tugs at my sleeve, "Did you doze off, Doctor?"

Did I?

Ah yes… I was reading Edward's story. I had closed my eyes trying to imagine Jasper and Edward together.

I go hide in my office and start again at page one; I will read it all from the beginning, and more carefully this time - before they confiscate the notebook as evidence. Here goes...

...Plan A: Graduate from Forks High School, leave for Seattle, sing lead vocals in a Glam-rock band, hit the charts, become a celebrity. By the age of thirty-five, marry the most devoted and good-looking fangirl, become the father of 2,3 adorable kids, and live a happily ever after in a luxurious, artistic, but warm and cozy house far-far-away from your stupid home-town.

Zap! ...

Did you hear that? It was the sound of paper sheets being shred into ugly pieces. In this particular case - my wonderful scenario, ruined by Fate...

A/N: Thank you thank you thank you for staying with this story!