6 months after
Phil stood at his bedroom window, Lola curled up in his arms, the pair of them watching the snow falling outside in the early morning sunlight.
It was Christmas morning, and the first time Lola had ever seen snow. She was staring at it, mesmerised, and Phil couldn't help but smile at the look of fascination on her face. Her blue eyes were wide, and she had her chubby hands reached out towards the glass, trying to grab onto the flakes on the other side of the pane.
It was moments like this, that Phil knew he was thankful for what he still had in life.
It was also moments like this, he wished more than anything that Audrey could be stood next to him, spending their first Christmas together as a family.
Six months had passed since his life had been destroyed, and every little thing reminded Phil of his wife. When he brewed coffee, first thing in the morning, he sometimes still found himself taking down two mugs from the cupboard. When he went into the bathroom, a can of hairspray had still stood upon the windowsill until a month previously. He was pretty sure that her pillow still smelled like her.
Things weren't easy, but he was moving forwards, slowly.
Very slowly, in fact, but they were getting there.
Lola kicked out slightly, and Phil rearranged her, sitting her on his hip as he turned away from the the window.
Breakfast time.
He wandered down the stairs, chattering on to Lola about it being Christmas, the silent perfection of snow outside, and wondering if Santa had been to see her.
She wouldn't be able to understand him or reply for another few years, but Phil was happy enough to talk to her like she knew what he meant. She babbled back incomprehensible words and sounds, and as he headed into the kitchen to prepare her morning bottle, Phil smiled.
He placed her into her high chair, and turned the radio on, busying himself with boiling the water for her bottle, before grabbing a sachet of baby porridge from the cupboard, and pouring it into a little pink plastic bowl. He prepared the oats quickly, pulling a chair up in front of Lola's high chair, and attempting to spoon feed her her breakfast.
"Lola, open wide" he cooed, moving the spoon towards her topped with a little porridge. She waved her arms around and babbled, before opening her mouth, smacking her lips together as she tasted the warm mixture.
Phil grinned.
He loved watching her growing up, right in front of his eyes. It only felt like a few weeks since she had been a tiny baby refusing her bottle, but now she was staring at him with big blue eyes, whilst he flew her porridge-laden spoon around, teasing her before letting her eat.
As soon as the last mouthful was gone, Phil rose from his seat, putting the empty pots into the sink, and making up a bottle for Lola, out of the slightly cooled water from the kettle. He mopped the porridge mess off her face with a Captain America bib he'd bought for her the previous month as an early Christmas present, before throwing it into the washing machine, and grabbing the bottle from the kitchen counter.
"Come on then Lo," he murmured, lifting her from the high chair and sitting her back on his hip. "Let's go and see if Santa came…"
Three hours later, and an already exhausted Phil was wrapping Lola up in her new winter clothes - a fluffy jumper with a reindeer on it, tiny little leggings, and a pair of novelty snow boots - before heading out to the car with her.
The two were off to his mother's for the day, and as she lived several miles away, they had a good few hours in the car together before they got there.
He strapped Lola into her carseat, double checking the seatbelt, before handing her a cuddly dragon toy he'd bought for her to keep her occupied during the drive.
He was still wary of driving, especially with Lola in the car with her, and as Phil backed off the drive, he couldn't get the thoughts out of his head that Audrey should be with them, off to celebrate their first Christmas as a family, had she not gone out on that fateful day, six months earlier...
When the investigation into the accident that tore their family apart found that it had in fact, been caused by a third party, Phil had never felt so angry.
Marcus Daniels.
A psychotic stalker, who had taken an obsession with Audrey to the next level. He'd been to all her shows at the symphony, he'd tried to meet her several times. That had been fine. Fans did that, and she'd had no problems signing photographs and CD's for him when he asked.
It was almost flattering.
But when he showed up outside their house one evening, at almost 10pm, it had been the final straw, and Phil had called the police.
They'd thought that a restraining order would be the end of it.
But it wasn't.
CCTV footage from the scene of the accident that killed Audrey, revealed a battered red car had been tailing Igor's own for several miles.
Daniels had been in that vehicle.
From the footage, it appeared they had realised they were being followed, and in a desperate attempt to escape from him, had tried to overtake the car in front. Another came at them head on down the opposite side of the road, and that was it.
Phil had closed his eyes when the video was shown as evidence against Daniels in court. He couldn't bring himself to watch, didn't want to have to see what had happened. He already had nightmares from the accident without having been there, and he didn't need them confirming.
Daniels was sentenced to ten years for his stalking, as it was deemed his presence at the scene, and the fear it would have put into the family, had paid a direct contribution to the accident. He was placed into "The Fridge", a downtown prison specifically for those who had caused a death. It was a terrible name, and Phil shivered every time he heard it mentioned.
He specifically avoided certain routes when driving, so he didn't have to pass either the prison, or the scene of the accident. Both sent his mind down a path he didn't need or want, especially whilst in control of a vehicle.
Pulling onto the driveway of Anne's house, several hours later, Phil breathed a sigh of relief.
Lola had been fussing for the past hour at least, desperate to be freed from the restraints of her carseat, and her whining had been breaking his heart since it began. He hated seeing her distressed.
Phil clambered from the car quickly, wrapping his coat closer around him to protect from the cold, before opening the back door, and undoing the seat-belt holding his daughter in. She reached her arms out for him, babbling away happily, and he lifted her from the car, making sure her hood covered the fair hair that swept across her head.
The sound of the front door to the house opening caught Phil's attention, and as he turned to see who it was, he smiled, his younger sister coming out to greet them both.
"Hey Phil!" She pulled the door closed behind her, and headed out to help him with the bag of baby things in the boot. "Hey Lola! How's my favourite niece?!"
"Hey Maria," Phil replied, shutting the car door with his side, and walking up the driveway to meet her, boots crunching in the frosty gravel that lined the front of the house. "Lola's good aren't you Lo?" he bounced her up and down a bit, and she giggled. "She's been fussing for half the journey though."
"Ahhh, she was just excited to see her Aunt Maria" she grinned, reaching out and taking the toddler from him, pressing a kiss to Lola's forehead.
"I doubt that" he shot back with a smirk, earning a well-deserved a glare from his sister. Phil grabbed the bag from the boot, before slamming it closed, and locking the car behind them as they wandered back up to the house.
"So," Phil started, holding the front door open for Maria. "Is he here?"
They both knew who he referred to. Maria's new partner, Steve, who Phil had heard little about directly from his sister and was yet to meet, despite his mother constantly gushing about how lovely and charming he was.
"Yep" she smiled, stepping over the threshold and into their mother's house, shuffling her boots on the doormat. "He is… please be nice."
"I'm always nice."
Half an hour later, and the five of them were sat around Anne's dining table, sharing their Christmas dinner.
Each plate was loaded with goodness, from roasted potatoes, to slices of cured ham, rich vegetables in every colour, and drizzlings of the best gravy they'd ever tasted.
Lola was looking around in wonder, having never seen so much food in her life, and happily munching away on her baby-version of Christmas lunch… although Anne kept sneaking her the occasional spoon of mashed carrots, or piece of roast potato.
In the background, a CD of Christmas songs was playing, and the cheerful lyrics floated through into the room, reminding them all exactly which day it was.
"So," Phil began, swallowing the mouthful of juice from his glass. "How long have you two actually been seeing each other?"
Maria and Steve exchanged a glance - one which Phil did not miss as he took another sip - before Maria replied.
"Almost a year."
He had to restrain himself from spitting his drink across the table at her, and potentially extinguishing the bright red candles that were flickering in between the plates of food.
"A year?!"
Maria nodded, and Steve, to his good grace, actually blushed a little bit.
"We met last January," she continued, as though her brother wasn't currently choking half to death opposite her. "And then we officially got together around May."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Maria paused, flicking her gaze to her mother and back, before stabbing a potato on her plate. Phil watched her debate her answer.
"Because," she told him slowly, pushing the food around absently. "We'd only just got together when you lost Audrey… I…. we didn't want to rub it in or anything, so we kept quiet."
Phil was stunned. And admittedly a little moved that his sister, who he didn't always get along with, had been so thoughtful. The mention of Audrey too made him a little misty eyed, as the sudden image once more of her funeral flitted back into his mind, and he had to take a deep breath before continuing.
It was Christmas Day - he would not cry.
"M… I wouldn't have thought you were rubbing it in."
"Even so" she shrugged, sending him a comforting smile across the table, as though she knew exactly where his mind had been.
"Thank you."
After dinner they moved to the lounge, and everyone began exchanging presents.
Whilst their own were exciting, each member was far more interested in watching Lola open - or attempt to open - her own. As her first Christmas, and not even being a year old yet, it was the first time she had ever been given an abundance of gifts all for herself to open.
She sat amongst the wrapping paper, waving the occasional piece of reindeer-pattern wrapping around, and pulling feebly at the sellotape that had attached itself to her leg.
Phil helped her open the gifts from his mother - her grandmother - and Lola seemed to love the polka-dot dress that she'd received, despite it being winter and too cold to wear it out right now.
"I got it a size up" Anne explained, watching her granddaughter with a soft smile on her face. "So she can wear it in Spring."
"Thank you," Phil told her sincerely, before bringing Lola up onto his knee, wrapping his hands around her to support her; she'd only begun sitting up properly on her own a month before, and she still wobbled a little when she was doing it for long periods of time. "What do we say Lo?"
She babbled incoherently in response, and all of them laughed.
That would do.
Maria had bought her niece her first ever art set, a kit for toddlers to finger paint designs onto paper, and then have them framed by a parent in a paint-splat frame. Phil thanked her profusely, and wondered how messy his house was going to get over the next few years, if Lola turned out to be a creative child…
Steve, despite never having met either Phil nor Lola, also bought her a gift, a pair of tiny furry slipper boots with white LED lights on them. She kicked her feet around in wonder when Phil switched them on, and the smile that lit up on her face, followed by the giggle of joy, only confirmed to Phil that becoming a parent, had been the best decision he'd ever made.
He only wished Audrey could witness their daughter's happiness.
The thoughts of his ex-wife only continued, as he looked up at the photographs lining his mother's fireplace.
There were several of he and Maria throughout their lives, from babies up to present day, interspersed with shots of them with their father, before he passed away, and photographs of various other friends and relatives.
But it was the photograph of himself and Audrey, the day Lola was born, that finally brought the tears.
It had been taken in the hospital, only an hour after their daughter had arrived. The smiles on their faces spoke volumes, and he remembered it as though it were only yesterday.
The past eight months had been more than a rollercoaster.
He held back the choke until he left the room, quickly excusing himself as needing the bathroom, and handing Lola over to his mother.
He hoped none of them had seen.
But he had a feeling they all knew.
A few hours later and they were all getting ready to leave, letting Anne have her house back for the remainder of Christmas day.
"Phil" Maria said quietly, pulling him to the side in the hallway, whilst Anne fussed over ensuring Lola was wrapped up warm enough. "You know I love you, right?"
Phil nodded warily, and pulled his coat on. His sister telling him that was a rarity, and he knew something else was coming.
"Steve knows this guy, back from when they were in the cadets together," she pulled a business card out of Steve's wallet, and Phil had to wonder if he knew she had it. "He now works as a counsellor."
"I don't need help, Maria," Phil replied, wrapping his scarf around his neck, a little tighter than he intended.
"I know, I know, but…" Maria sighed, pressing the card into her brother's hand. "Please just think about it. He's a professional. Even if you just talk to him about… things."
He stared at her, before glancing over his shoulder, finding Steve quickly look away and busy himself with peering at the photographs lining the wall. He'd clearly been listening.
Phil nodded reluctantly, taking the card from Maria, and placing it straight into his pocket without reading it. "Okay," he promised, shaking his head a little. "I'll think about it."
Maria smiled softly, before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks Phil."
Steve wandered towards them, clearly sensing their private conversation was over, and held out a hand, shaking Phil's. "Good to meet you Phil" he told him, grinning at him as Maria took Lola from Anne. "Hope to see you again soon."
"You too," Phil replied, glancing over to his sister, who was currently bouncing Lola around in her arms. His daughter was giggling wildly, but he had a horrible feeling if Maria didn't stop soon then Lola might just end up throwing up on her. "And I know you've been together a while, but good luck."
"With what?" Steve asked, curious, as he replaced his gloves and zipped up his jacket.
"With Maria."
"I heard that" she called, frowning at her brother, and Phil grinned back. Anne shook her head at them.
"Behave, both of you" she scolded fondly, before pulling Steve in for a hug. "It was lovely to see you again Steve."
"Thank you for everything Ma'am."
"Oh please," she waved her hand at him. "I've said before, just call me Anne."
Steve grinned. "Yes Ma'am."