Each day I put my body through hardship
Whenever I arise, I am never refreshed
Like how I used to be
I arrive at school mere minutes after being tormented
Each day I try to decipher this mental atrocity upon my consciousness
All to no avail
The deeper meaning of my wierder dreams are yet to be unearthed
But the erotic ones remain an enigma
Forever haunting me with unwanted lust and spiritual damage
Why do I try to understand
When the greatest aspect of my daily life becomes corrupted
And warped beyond measure?
It's no wonder I suffer through the night
When I stay awake through the one prior to it
Going to bed at an earlier hour does no good
As it merely reduces the possibility of being tormented through the night
Sleeping is meant to be relaxation and luxurious to the mind
But instead it drags my mind and soul through Hell and back
All because I suffer a sinful desire and this is my punishment for it
Each day I shove it down deeper and move along
What else is there to be done?
My schoolwork scarcely pays the price for my torture
As I become easily focused on it
Even so
At the end of the day,
When all is said and all is done
I suffer deep down inside with no cure to it
My elders console me on the subject
And I appreciate their understanding and selfless effort
To get me well again
But three years of unconscious torture have broken my sanity
I no longer what is real and what is not
My dreams and nightmares have altered that sense
And my only release is to illustrate them and write it out
Because if I don't surely I will go insane
Not many out of my family circle know of my pain
But I suppose it is better that way
The less that know,the more that bother to care
I have recently asked the Lord for insight on my dreams
And I have been rewarded
But my dreams only got even worse
And a thousand times more bizarre
I used to be fearful to close my eyes
And travel through the freakshow of the mind
That I am not sure is even mine
Several aspects of my dreams
May have direct sourses
Should I be doing anything repeatedly before rest
Everything else frightens me all the same
There's nothing I can do
To make it all stop