So ever since I saw their one single scene together at the beginning of season 1 and saw the chemistry between them, I wanted more Jaime x Jon action. Except that there was no more! =( And I don't think they even met in the book (I really can't remember...). Since no one else seems to be writing fics for them...I've finally decided to just do this… Everything thru the end of season 4 stands. This starts at the beginning of season 5, replacing most of it with lots of timeline shifts, but I'll still borrow some of the main plot points from the show/books and hope I don't butcher anything...anyway, here's chapter 1!

Warning: May contain spoilers for the show...depending on how much of season 5 you've seen...although it's possible that you will be blissfully unaware of which plot points are spoilers... =P

Disclaimer: Don't own Game of Thrones or anyone in it. If I did, I'd be busy having way too much fun doing other stuff. ^_~

Chapter 1

Jaime sat in front of the fire turning the note over and over with his left hand. He was unsure of what he should do. Everything was so complicated now and he yearned for a time when things were simpler. He recalled the trip to the north that set all the events of the last few years in motion and the one person that had managed to stay on his mind.

~~Flashback~~

Jaime had wanted him at first sight. When he first saw the brooding young man standing in the crowd as he rode into Winterfell with King Robert, Jaime's interest was immediately piqued. There was something about him that pulled Jaime in and a quiet inquiry revealed that he was Ned Stark's bastard. Jon Snow.

He had held out approaching Jon for nearly their whole stay in the north. And it wasn't until the last day before they left that Jaime finally indulged himself and approached Jon when he saw him working with the blacksmith in the castle yard. Jaime still remembered their exchange like it was yesterday.

Though Jaime spoke about how noble it was to serve the Night's Watch, he had said the words mockingly and sarcastically. But Jon was so naive about the world that he didn't understand the reason why Jaime spoke of the Watch the way he did. Jon truly believed that the Night's Watch was a brotherhood full of noble, honest, selfless men who joined to protect Westeros from all the wildlings, beasts and walkers beyond the Wall. He thought they were all like him. And some were, but most were criminals, murderers and thieves, from the lowest rungs of society. Men who were only there because their other choice was death.

Jaime knew right away that Jon was still a virgin and the knowledge made a part of him feel giddy. How that was possible, he had no idea. Bastard born he may be, but Jon still had Stark blood in him and there were many other noble bastards who would have used that fact to their benefit. But not Jon Snow. Even though it was clear Ned had cared for his bastard son greatly. Cared enough to keep the boy close and raise him amongst his legitimate children even though it was also clear Catelyn Stark could barely stand the sight of him. Small wonder he joined the Night's Watch.

And when Jaime took his hand, he felt the strongest urge to tumble Jon right there in the yard, ogling castle folk and mud be damned. It took all of Jaime's will to release Jon's hand and walk away nonchalantly as if he didn't matter to him one bit. He didn't understand how he could feel this way about someone other than Cersei, let alone a man. And it wasn't that he believed like others that to love another man would be terribly sinful, after all, he would be hypocritical if he did. But he had only been with women, had only felt desire for women, and none other after Cersei first sought his bed the year before Geoffrey was born. So this sudden urge shook Jaime to his core. A part of him even felt as if he betrayed Cersei with these feelings for Jon.

After they all left Winterfell, Jaime back to King's Landing and Jon to the Wall, Jaime thought of him on occasion and tried to dismiss it as a fluke due to being so far north for so long. The man was barely out of boyhood and naive about the ways of the world outside of Winterfell. It was unlikely he would survive long in the Watch. Which Jaime thought would be such a shame, as he would likely die still a virgin. Jaime even wondered if it might have been a service to Jon if he'd taken him, just once, to let him experience the pleasure of having a lover.

Then all hell broke loose after the start of the war, with Jaime getting captured and then losing his hand. Everything changed after that. Cersei never looked at him the same way again and other than the time by Geoffrey's corpse, which Jaime will regret until the day he died, they hadn't been together since his return to King's Landing. Her feelings for him had changed after he lost his sword hand and worse yet, she blamed him for allowing Tyrion to escape and murder their father. And Jaime was a different man now than he was before the start of the war. He was tired of the war and sick of all the deaths in his House and in others.

There was one bright moment when he found Cersei in a rage one day in her chambers. She shoved a note at him which stated that Jon Snow had been elected the 998th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. Jaime was surprised. How he had underestimated Jon. Jaime found that he was also happy; happy that Jon was still alive and had made something of himself in the Watch. Cersei felt quite the opposite and ranted that now Ned Stark's bastard would use the Night's Watch as his own personal army against the Lannisters. Despite the fact that Jaime pointed out that the Night's Watch didn't take sides in conflicts in Westeros, Cersei wanted him dead. And when Jaime heard those words, he surprised himself yet again, when his protective instincts rose up and he felt anger towards Cersei for threatening Jon.

It was at that point that Jaime realized that his feelings for Cersei had changed as well. Part of it was because he had changed, but mostly because she was such a different person from the woman he had loved. She had become paranoid with power, distrustful of everyone and had filled the Small Council with inept loyalists who catered to her every whim. Jaime could see that with Cersei in control of Tommen, King's Landing and Westeros would sink into further chaos and cause great suffering to the people and the economy of the Seven Kingdoms.

Further blows came the Iron Bank of Braavos refused to grant new loans to the Crown due to Cersei's refusal meet with their representatives personally. And due to her scheming against Margaery Tyrell, Cersei herself was arrested by the Faith for adultery and incest. And Jaime was shocked and dismayed when Cersei admitted to committing adultery and incest with their cousin Lancel. Jaime discovered that as soon as he went off to war, Cersei had seduced Lancel into her bed and used him to get Robert so inebriated on wine that when the boar came at him, he had no chance.

Jaime realized then that Cersei used him as well and never really loved him the way he loved her.

~~End Flashback~~

As he reminisced about all that happened, Jaime thought that if he knew back then all that would come to pass, he might very well have abandoned his position in Robert's King's Guard and followed Jon Snow to the Wall that day so long ago.

Jaime stared at the note in his hand. Cersei wanted to use Jaime again. She wanted him to represent her in her trial by combat. It was almost laughable, he was barely half the fighter he used to be. Learning to fight left-handed had been thus far a slow affair. Even if he were at the same level as before, after everything she'd done, she didn't deserve to be saved. Jaime was done putting his life on the line for her. He needed to find his own salvation now.

He thanked the Seven that their remaining children were in good hands. Tommen had their uncle Kevan and Mace Tyrell and though Margaery was manipulative, she was nowhere near Cersei's level and Jaime could see that there was some kindness in her. And Myrcella was safe in Dorne and she and her betrothed Trystane Martell were actually in love. As angry as he was over their father's death, Jaime thanked Tyrion silently for arranging the match that has surely saved Myrcella. Yes, their children were better off without them. It wasn't as if he can be a father to them anyway. Not without destroying all their lives further.

With that, Jaime threw Cersei's note into the fire and gathered the necessities he would need for his long journey and quietly slipped out of the castle.

A/N: Sorry for such a long "monologue" of sorts...just needed to set up the background, how Jaime was feeling and what his mindset was...anyway, hope you liked it. Please R&R. =)