ETWentHome, thank you for the review. I'm really relieved you like it! I was worried as I've written so many stories about Ethan comforting Cal and I wanted to make it different, but I didn't know how.
Tanith Panic, I'm sorry for making you tearful, but I know what it's like! I'm always crying over this site! Thank you so much for your review and I'm really so happy you like the way I write their relationship.
CBloom2, thank you for your review. It's a relief (in a way) that you found it difficult too. Maybe it's the subject matter that's the problem and not me! I hope you enjoy the next chapter.
Thank you also to all the people who followed or favourite this story - I really do appreciate it. I hope you like Chapter 2 and that it's not too similar to my other stories. I'll try to post Chapter 3 tomorrow before tomorrow's episode.
Ethan opened the door a little further. He was almost afraid of what he might find, though he didn't know why. He released a breath he didn't know he was holding when he saw Cal. He was standing with his back to Ethan, looking out of the window. His shoulders looked tense and they rose and fell with each shallow breath. Ethan hesitated for a moment, unsure whether his presence would be welcomed, but when he heard Cal sniff, he came out of his trance and went quickly over to his brother, picking his way carefully across the floor. As usual, it was littered with all sorts of rubbish, but for once Ethan didn't mention it.
Cal started, but didn't turn around. Ethan put his hand on Cal's back and stood beside him. Ethan still had no idea what to say, but he wanted Cal to know what Ethan had completely failed to make clear in the pub: that he was there for Cal and he wanted to help.
Cal continued to look up at the stars, but his eyes were swimming with tears and Ethan doubted he could see anything. He gently massaged Cal's back and knew he hadn't done completely the wrong thing when Cal didn't shake him off or tell him to go away.
Neither of them spoke, but Ethan felt as though words were unnecessary. He turned away from his brother and looked out of the window too. It wasn't a great view in the daytime: it was all grey, ugly buildings and not much else, but in the dark, they could see hundreds of lights, both from streetlamps and lit windows, and then, up in the sky, were millions of sparkling, twinkling stars. Ethan couldn't see any falling stars and didn't believe in their magical qualities in any case, but he still wished that Cal could be happy. Just in case it worked.
Cal sniffed and wiped a hand across each eye. Ethan felt close to tears himself and he longed to put his arms around Cal and hold him properly, but something told him that keeping his hand on Cal's back was enough. Cal closed his eyes, gave a little sigh and sniffed again.
Ethan rubbed Cal's back. "Shall I make some tea?" he said, very softly, his mouth close to Cal's ear. Speaking felt almost wrong after standing in silence for so long.
Cal nodded. His steps were slow as he left the bedroom and Ethan adjusted his pace to his, keeping his hand on Cal's back. Cal still didn't speak. There were no further signs of tears, but Ethan could tell from the set of Cal's jaw and the emotion in his eyes that he was still hurting.
They reached the sofa and Cal sat down. Ethan wanted to sit beside him but decided he'd better go and make the tea. He put his hand on Cal's shoulder and squeezed it gently before going to the kitchen. When he returned to Cal, his brother didn't seem to have moved. Ethan put the tea down then sat beside Cal. Cal was breathing slowly and deeply, though his breath occasionally caught.
Ethan's own eyes were stinging by then: partly in sympathy and partly because he couldn't help feeling it was partly his fault. Cal had been upset already, but it was Ethan's reaction that had made him leave the pub.
He swallowed hard and tried to speak. "Cal…" Ethan had to stop to clear his throat. "Cal, it's just one person's opinion. He doesn't know you. He can't possibly know what you're like. He's very good at putting a brave face on it, but he's bound to be emotional and irrational sometimes. You just happened to be in the firing line today. But that doesn't mean what he said is true. He doesn't know you at all. He's in no position to judge you."
"But he is right," said Cal hopelessly. He lifted his head and Ethan felt pain searing through his body as he saw the tears in Cal's eyes again.
"No, of course he's not right," said Ethan. "You're an incredible doctor and you prove that every day. Including today. You did so much for him, Cal. Even though he hurt you. I know it can't have been easy for you, helping another cancer patient. Getting involved with another charity must have been difficult too." Ethan put his hand on Cal's arm. "But you did it. Lily told me you'd asked her to give Matt the bad news and I really wished I'd been there so we could have done it together. Then Lily told me you had done it by yourself. I'm sure I couldn't have done that." Ethan paused and smiled. "I felt so proud of you."
For a moment, there was a spark of hope in Cal's eyes as he tried desperately to believe what Ethan was saying, but then it was gone. "But I am a waste of space, Ethan. It's true what I said in the pub. I felt so awful and I just wanted to talk to someone, but even though I was surrounded by people I thought were my friends, I couldn't talk to them. There was only you and you only put up with me because you know it's what Mum would have wanted."
"Cal…" Ethan's throat felt tight, but he knew he had to get the words out. "That's not true. Of course it's not true."
"But I tried to talk to you and you… you just looked at me." Cal looked at Ethan, not troubling to hide the pain in his eyes.
Ethan felt almost overpowered by guilt. "Cal, I'm really sorry." His voice wavered but he kept going. "I don't agree with what Matt said at all. I was just completely in shock. I was expecting you to be a bit upset because of everything you had to deal with, but you seemed really devastated. I just didn't know what to say." Ethan still didn't dare hug him, but he squeezed Cal's arm. "I'm so sorry I made you feel worse. I let you go off on your own because you asked me to, but I just kept thinking about what you said and how you looked and I just had to come after you." He saw Cal's expression change and gripped his arm more tightly. "Not out of any sense of obligation because you're my brother. Because you're Caleb and I care about you."