Chapter 2

A few months earlier.

Rachel slowly opened her eyes and looked at the alarm clock on her night stand.

Six thirty a.m..

The alarm wouldn't ring for another hour, but thinking of the days ahead she was too nervous to go back to sleep. She turned towards the other side and felt a smile form on her lips when watching the sleeping countenance that filled her vision. Blonde locks fell across the other woman's forehead and she wore a peaceful expression in her sleep.

Careful not to wake her, Rachel brushed the blonde strands out of Quinn's face. She watched her for another moment, marveling again at how lucky she was to have this wonderful woman in her life to love and be loved right back.

The brunette indulged herself a moment longer in the moment before getting up.

Deciding not to deny Quinn the luxury of sleeping in, Rachel quietly slipped out of bed. Slowly she closed the bedroom door behind her and walked into the kitchen.

There she prepared some coffee and while she waited for the dark brew to be ready, she walked to the window and looked outside. Summer was almost over, fall about to roll in. The sun was already up and begged Rachel for a run in the park. The brunette decided to wait for Quinn to wake up and ask her if she wanted to join her later. Besides, she still had some work to.

Rachel leaned her forehead against the cool glass and watched the street below slowly coming to life with cars and pedestrians on their way to work. The usual flock of tourists had not arrived at this early morning hour, which left the streets to the local inhabitants. The next day she would join them again on her way to the studio where one of the last days of filming for her first movie was scheduled.

It was amazing how fast the last months had passed by, Rachel mused. She remembered how nervous she had been on her first day of filming, but it was already a thing of the past. Well, not quite, there was still some editing and post-production going on and then the film premier itself was on schedule still, but the whole physical work was almost complete. As nervous as she had been about her first day on set, as nervous Rachel was now about the reception of the movie. What would critics say? Would people be interested in watching the movie at all?

The warm and rich aroma of coffee filled her nostrils. There was something about that smell that always gave her a warm and content feeling. Rachel couldn't quite tear herself away from the window yet. Since Quinn's apartment was on the upper floor of the building, it had a nice view that wasn't completely obstructed by other houses, which was rare in New York City. Thinking of her own apartment, Rachel usually enjoyed the view of her neighbor's bedroom or kitchen. Well, it wasn't that bad, but living in the city meant that you did not have too many choices in terms of a great view. Not unless you were very lucky or had enough money.

Quinn had been lucky to find an affordable apartment including a view. That was also why they spent most of their time there. And because it was the bigger apartment. Santana was currently living there as well and the three of them had become very close friends over the past years. This hadn't always been the case. Even though they all had known each other in high school, at times Rachel had not gotten along at all with neither the blonde nor the Latina, to put it mildly.

But sometimes circumstances in life change and push people in directions they never would have chosen for themselves willingly. And with those changed circumstances sometimes those people changed as well or the way they looked at other people changed. Then it happened that and someone they did not get along with at all could now prove to become one of their closest allies.

With her head still leaning against the glass, Rachel smiled.

Even though she had thought all her dreams were lost, all of a sudden she found herself back on her feet again; ready to go on still being able to make that dream come true. Her friends had been the greatest help through some very rough times. She would never forget that. Especially not since it was them who had convinced her that she could still make her dreams come true. A bit differently than planned, maybe, but still close enough.

The brunette cast a last glance at the promising day and turned back to the kitchen. She took the cup from the automatic coffeemaker and plucked a script out of her bag.

Rachel took the cup with her back to the living room and plopped down on the couch. She opened the script on the page where she had last worked on. There was just one final scene to be shot.

It was still kind of unbelievable for her that she was really going to be in a movie and that she had actually been given the lead role. Even though a friend of hers directed and produced the movie, she had auditioned like everybody else. She had not wanted any favors; she wanted to be chosen because of her talent and not just because of her friendship with Tom.

While taking a sip of coffee and savoring the taste on her tongue, Rachel thought again about the first day of shooting. The whole team, including her, had all gone through the scripts beforehand, speaking about the scenes, the story line and the whole set up. She had met the team and colleagues and she had been really excited for the first shoot. But next to the joy and excitement Rachel had also felt nervous as hell. As much as she had tried to encourage herself, the same questions had circled in her mind over and over.

Would she be able to manage? Would she be able to meet expectations?

After all, she had only stage experience; she hadn't worked with a television crew so far, except for the one or other interviews and the recording of a musical.

This movie was totally different and it had been anything but smooth sailing, especially in the beginning. It had not been easy working with her co-star and many scenes had been physically and mentally challenging for her. With steely determination and the refusal to butt in and let anybody ever steal her thunder again, she had grit her teeth and worked through the rough patches.

It was a trait that had helped a lot in her life. If she had her mind set on a goal, she would achieve it. Rachel was proud to have found her backbone and drive again. It had not been easy after the accident a year and a half ago and she still had her share of bad days. But they were getting less and she learned better how to deal with them and the situations that caused them.

Rachel focused back on the pages in front of her. This musical scene was going to be tough, she thought.

The brunette placed the half empty coffee cup on the couch table and walked over to the stereo. She flipped through the CD rack until she found the one she was looking for. Conscious of the time, she plugged the headphones in and took them with the remote back to the couch. Adjusting the volume, she put the head phones on and skipped to the required song. They would use the same recording also in the film; Tom had already secured the rights and since Rachel had been the singer and writer of that particular version, she was very familiar with all its nuances.

She made some notes on the script and when the song was finished, she pressed the repeat button. Tom had already mentioned how he wanted the scene to play out, so Rachel imagined herself in the scene delivering the lines that lay written in front of her.

Tom wanted to call her later and discuss some last details. Her first call on set would be six a.m. sharp the next morning, that meant going to bed early and getting a good night's sleep. She had to be rested in order to be at her best, especially with that scene, which would be a huge challenge. She had already postponed dinner with her friends Lauren and Max that evening. Luckily they understood, though she had to promise them to make up for the postponed date.

When Quinn woke up, she found the other half of her bed empty. Since it was her free day, she reveled in the luxury of not having to hurry out of bed. Stretching and sighing she waited a moment longer to give her senses the chance to wake up as well. Her nose was the first one to tell her that someone had already made coffee.

'Yay!' She thought to herself. The best thing when waking up was to get a nose-full of that aroma. Then her ears told her that someone was busy outside in the apartment and the blonde forced her eyes fully open to go out and investigate.

Stopping in the kitchen to help herself to coffee, she found Rachel sitting on the couch, headphones over her ears, nodding to the rhythm of the music that came from the stereo. Her feet were propped up against the coffee table in front of her. She marked a passage in the script that leaned against her legs and scribbled a comment on the rim of the page.

Quinn stood a moment leaning against the counter, watching her girlfriend over the rim of her coffee cup. She wondered if Santana, their roommate and close friend, was already up, but then remembered that this was the Latina's day off as well. She was probably still sleeping. At the thought of sleep Quinn yawned, but was glad that she had woken up so early. At least she still had the whole day in front of her. Lots of time to do things. Like kissing her girlfriend.

The blonde took some more sips and then placed the empty cup on the counter to walk over to Rachel.

Quinn entered the brunette's field of vision and caught her gaze.

"Hey, honey!" Rachel smiled up.

"Hey sweetie!" Quinn bent down and retrieved a kiss from Rachel's lips. She cast a cursory glance at the papers and pointed at them.

"Rehearsing?" She asked.

"Yes. Last scene is up tomorrow," Rachel answered with a shy smile. She reached up and slid the headphones down. The music still blasted away, Quinn could hear every word of the song.

Rachel noticed the short flicker of the blonde's eyes to the headphones and grabbed the remote.

"Sorry. Let me turn this down."

Quinn smiled. She plopped on the couch next to Rachel, leaning her head on the brunette's shoulder.

"Still tired?"

Quinn nodded and Rachel felt the movement of her head rub against the fabric of her shirt.

"Did I wake you?"

Again the same movement.

"Liar" Rachel turned with an incredulous look to Quinn and laughed. No matter how much she cranked up the volume, it just couldn't be so loud that Quinn woke up from it. Not when the music came through headphones and the bedroom door was closed.

Quinn used her index finger and lazily drew some letters on Rachel's leg.

Missed u in bed.

"Oh. That's why you woke up?"

The blonde head bobbed slightly up and down again. Then Quinn pushed her lower lip out in a perfect little pout.

"Awww, come here, poor you." Rachel chuckled and gently kissed the protruding lip.

"All better?"

"Yes!" Quinn laughed, her foot bobbing along the music she still heard coming over the headphones that hung around Rachel's neck.

Rachel noticed the movement.

With the volume lowered, she couldn't hear anything anymore.

She hadn't heard anything before either when the music was louder.

The music she had listened to was only playing in her head.

The rhythm; that she could hear, or rather feel.

If she turned the volume up all the way, the beat would send vibrations through the headphones and along the bones of her scull strong enough so she could feel the rhythm.

Rachel had lost her hearing in an accident - a truck had slammed into her cab on the way home from a photo shoot. The delicate bones and nerves in her ears had been destroyed when her head slammed sideways into the window of the car.

The months following the diagnosis and the realization that she probably would never be able to hear again had been devastating. All her dreams had been shattered. She would never be able to sing. Never be able to hear music again. Never be able to have a "normal" conversation. Never be able to hear the voices of people she loved. She would never be able to continue living her dream.

At the time the accident happened Rachel was starring in her favorite musical, Funny Girl, as Fanny Brice. Even though the schedule with eight shows a week had been grueling, it had been the best time of Rachel's life. Despite being so young and only having graduated few years prior from NYADA she had managed to land one of the major roles on Broadway.

It had been her role. She had owned it. On stage, she was Fanny Brice.

And in one horrible second everything had been snatched away from her forever. All hope, all her dreams and with it almost her whole will to live. Rachel had barely hung on; just the thinnest thread of self-preservation had stopped her from taking the final step.

Somehow she had endured the endless weeks and months of depression, dread, confusion, feeling lost and without a direction. She had barely functioned. Every morning when waking up she had asked herself why she was going through another endless and senseless day.

Then, one day Quinn had appeared in front of Rachel by chance while the brunette was on her way to the community center for her sign language lesson. Rachel had almost panicked when the blonde stood in front of her all of a sudden. Not knowing how to react and not knowing what the other woman was saying to her, she had brushed Quinn off and had hurried away from the reminder of her past, a past that still held dreams and hope.

Quinn however did not let herself be pushed away. She followed Rachel and was one of the few people Rachel slowly – very slowly, started opening up to.

Rachel had learned that Quinn had already searched for her for a while, had tried to find her, had wondered why Rachel had disappeared from the public eye. It had both shocked and surprised Rachel, because the two former friends hadn't been in contact for a long while before that fateful meeting in the street.

Years back, while they were both still studying, the blonde had cut off any contact with Rachel without any explanation. Rachel had tried to call Quinn so many times, had sent countless text messages and handwritten letters to understand what had happened and why Quinn was acting like that. One day the brunette had even shown up in person on the university's campus to get an explanation from her friend as to why she had cut her out of her life.

They had not talked to each other that day. Quinn had watched from afar, like a coward, as Rachel waited in front of her dorm building, with a look of utter bewilderment, hurt and disappointment on her face. It had made Quinn's heart ache so much that she had to dig her nails into the tree she was hiding behind to stop herself from racing towards her former high school friend, collecting her in her arms begging for forgiveness.

Even though she knew that Rachel would have forgiven her, Quinn had not been able to bring herself to do it. Rachel would probably even have understood why Quinn had acted like that. She was of that forgiving nature, but the blond girl could not let herself give in. She knew that she would have fallen deeper than she could ever imagine. She knew that she would have just drowned in those soft brown eyes. And it would have deterred her completely off course. So she had stayed hidden until Rachel finally left, her small shoulders slouched in defeat.

Even though it had almost broken Quinn's heart as she left another one of Rachel's attempts to contact her unanswered, she could not bring herself to act differently. Otherwise she would have always stayed in Rachel's shadow, just being the friend, that could sing a little, of the soon to be Broadway star. This belief had almost blinded Quinn from recognizing her own talent. The talent that with the right training and determination had brought her to where she was now. A recognized Broadway singer with a promising career ahead.

This fear to stay in Rachel's shadow however, hadn't been anything that Rachel had ever insinuated; she had never even hinted at it. Quinn knew that these feelings of inadequacy were only of her own making. But there was nothing she could do against it. If she ever wanted to succeed on stage, she would have to do it on her own. Without Rachel and her incredible talent close by.

Eventually Rachel's calls had gotten less frequent and so had the text messages. Until one day they had stopped completely.

Quinn had almost been relieved.

Trying to focus on her own career without any distraction had seemed so right at that time.

But keeping Rachel out of her life had been easier said than done. Secretly she had followed Rachel's career, her interviews, her critics. And one particular evening Quinn had even thrown all doubts overboard and had watched her perform as Fanny Brice. She had known from the beginning that it would be a mistake to come. Even if she never planned to speak to Rachel, just seeing and hearing her on that stage in the role of her life woke all the wrong feelings in Quinn again. Feelings she had tried to hide for years. Not just recent years. But years reaching far back into her past, back to high school.

After leaving the theater that night, torn between giving in to her longing and contacting her friend and the knowledge that this would not end well, she was still happy for Rachel to have managed to make a wonderful career and that people recognized the true talent she had.

So it had seemed so wrong all of a sudden that one day Quinn was on her way to stardom while Rachel had disappeared completely from the public eye some months later. And Quinn could not find any explanation for that. It just did not make sense. None at all.

No one could provide any details, neither where Rachel Berry went nor why nor how.

The Broadway star had disappeared completely off the radar just when her career had taken off like a rocket. Quinn had been more than alarmed. And she knew that she needed to hear that voice again, that she needed to find her.

She needed to know what happened, whatever the consequences.

It had been a coincidence, spotting Rachel on the street that day. A coincidence, which both young women were glad the universe, the gods or whomever had arranged.

No matter how doubtful Rachel had been about Quinn's motivation in the beginning, the blonde had never stepped back from the challenge that presented Rachel's disability after that first accidental meeting. She had not backed away, nor had ever questioned Rachel's ability to still live a happy life. Quinn had plunged herself into sign language lessons and had tried everything to understand Rachel's situation better.

After multiple long discussions – laboriously with pen and paper at first - Rachel began to understand Quinn's reasons for her behavior during high school, her absence for years and why she now never wanted to part from her side again.

Both women had denied themselves their true feelings for years and both had dealt with it differently.

Meeting Quinn, being drawn from her isolation by the blonde and allowing herself to exit her self-imposed asylum and loneliness, had opened the world again for Rachel.

Slowly she had crept out of her hiding place, had allowed Quinn to learn what had happened and had vice versa learned why Quinn had stayed silent for so many years. Gradually they had come closer again.

Until finally, one night, despite all the difficulties their current lives presented, Quinn and Rachel had admitted their love for each other. For both women it had seemed as if the whole world made sense all of a sudden. Everything seemed to fall into place.

The way Quinn openly and honestly tried to learn to cope with Rachel's disability had led Rachel to give other friends a chance as well. She found out that not all people treated her like an outsider like she expected.

Kurt had been the only person to know exactly what had happened. At first, Rachel hadn't wanted anyone to know what the consequences of the accident had been. Her publicist had told the media that she needed time out for personal reasons. Even though Kurt had only learned from her parents that Rachel had lost her hearing. He had tried to stay in contact with her, but she had pushed him away at first. She had limited her contact with her parents and cut off any contact with anyone else.

However, Kurt had never given up on her. He had learned American Sign Language even though Rachel rebuffed all efforts to contact her. When she finally did answer one of his e-mails and met him in person, she had been more than surprised and touched to find how considerate he wasand that she could communicate with him. She had missed her friend so much.

These encounters and many more little steps forward had finally led her to realize that not everything had been lost. Changed, yes. Very much so, but not completely lost.

Santana, who never failed to give her friends an honest opinion, turned into one of Rachel's closest friends. She had been the one who had pushed Rachel beyond her self-imposed limitations. Santana had dragged Rachel to watch one of Quinn's shows, she had convinced Rachel that she should never give up on her dreams. If singing didn't work out any more, then she should do the closest thing. Acting was still an option.

Rachel had not always docilely taken on Santana's advice, though. They had more than one fight were Santana always crossed over the line that others wouldn't even come close to. It was exactly what Rachel had needed. The Latina had been the only person, besides Quinn, who didn't wrap Rachel in cotton wool.

Quinn and Santana, plus the small circle of friends that Rachel slowly included in her life again had pushed her again and again. Never careless, but always past her own boundaries. In return, while they showed Rachel that she could still be included in the world, they tried to understand her situation. They took ASL lessons. They went to a musical with earplugs. They asked the best of themselves for her but expected nothing less of Rachel in return.

All of this had finally brought Rachel to the point where she ended up with that script on her lap starring in a movie, working on her career in the dramatic arts again. When finally, after many discussions with her friends, Tom, the director of the movie and herself, after the auditions and everything else, Rachel realized that her life was going in the right direction again.

In the movie Rachel portrayed a young women who lost her hearing. The story was very close to her own.

Tom had met her not long after her accident when Santana had dragged her to visit Quinn's show. Tom had been offered a role in the musical and ran into Rachel and Santana behind the stage. Some days later he met Rachel again at a restaurant. After the first shock of learning about his former colleague's accident they had worked out the logistics of how to communicate, and Tom had found it very interesting how Rachel approached her new situation. He found it inspiring and impressive how her friends and she herself always pushed beyond her limitations and how she seemed to find a way to rekindle the fire in her.

The idea about the film had formed in his head and using Rachel as a sparring partner, he had developed it further until the whole project truly came to life.

Even though Rachel had been really happy about getting the role, shooting certain scenes had not been easy. More than once the exhausting schedule paired with her disability and the fact that she had to face some things very close to her past, had not made it an easy ride. The final scene was one of the most difficult of all.

Rachel fervently wished she could actually have listened to the song that had been playing over the headphones, but this wish was fruitless and lingering on it would only cause the old pain to surface. Sometimes she could still feel the tendrils of fear and dread to sneak out, trying to get a hold of her, but over the past months she had learned to cope with it better. They had been roller-coaster kind of months, pulling her and her friends and family up and down along the ride, all of them hoping that when they ever stopped, they would still be in one piece. Luckily, with perseverance, love and patience they had all managed to grow together through the ordeal.

© by Phoenix2013, 2015