Yeah, I know it's been a while since I last updated anything here (about two weeks, but it feels sooooo much longer xD), but there is this really great German song you should listen to, even if you don't know the language, because it's just plain amazing. So, the song is Bye Bye by Cro, and there are a few passages that fit Jibbs quite well (it's more like just the chorus fits them in a way, actually). Hope you'll enjoy (I swear it isn't as sad as it may seem now).
-DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN BYE BYE BY CRO-
BYE BYE
Days had passed after their heart-to-heart in autopsy, then weeks, then the first month. He was tired of waiting, and he thought she knew it, as she was deliberately avoiding being alone with him. It hurt to think that she was through with them, and it hurt even more that she couldn't bring herself to just tell him, that instead things turned akward between them.
Gibbs sighed. Tony and Ziva were bickering again, annoying the shit out of McGee and him but at the same time reminding him so much of how they'd used to be when they had still been in DC with Pacci and Burley that he just couldn't bring himself to tell them to stop.
"Going for coffee", he grumbled, taking his coat and his badge before tucking his sidearm into the holster on his hip. "Call me if we get a case."
His team nodded as he strolled over to the elevator, hitting the button to call up the cart maybe a tad too hard.
She sat in her office, pen in hand, paperwork in front of her. She hadn't read a word in what felt like hours, and if he was on her thoughts any longer, she wouldn't have done anything by the time she got home. Jenny opened one of the drawers, gingerly taking out one of the documents in it. It was an old case file, dated back in 1999. It was their undercover assignments, including their mission and the orders for the sanctioned hits they had to make, but, far more importantly to her, also their fake wedding bands, their wedding photo, and a note on further assignments.
Him being ordered to come back to DC, her being ripped away from him to go to Spain. She could have declined the offer if only she had thought he'd loved her enough. She had doubted him, never as an agent, never his abilities in the field, but his abilities to let her in. And at times, she still did.
He had been awfully closed up when the Kyle Boon case came back to bite him in the ass, and even when she had gone to great lengths to be able to catch him if he'd fallen, he hadn't opened up to her. So she'd cut herself off from the illusion he could ever trust her enough to let her in, had thought it would hurt less in the long run, but even if she knew it was for the best, she still felt as if a part of her had been ripped away.
Jenny looked at the picture for a long time. They were smiling, looking happy. She remembered the day the photo was taken, they hadn't been together for long and hadn't shared more than a few kisses, but it had felt special to her. She'd felt special, as if for the first time since her father had died, she really mattered to someone.
She didn't know when it had gone so wrong. If it was her who hadn't had enough sympathy or if it was him who wouldn't even let her try to mend them once they'd felt broken.
She put the file back into the drawer, she couldn't spend to much time on going over the same things again and again, sometimes she had to accept them the way they were.
He ordered a coffee and while waiting for his order, he decided it couldn't hurt to hold a gun to certain redhead's head (I really hope that this is the correct idiomatic expression here!). So he paid for a second cup and took both of them with him to her office. Bypassing Cynthia in his usual way he barged into her office, hoping she wouldn't be talking to someone important what would ruin his chances to get a more or less civil conversation.
"Jen", he said, putting the cup on her desk as he took the seat in front of her.
"Jethro", she greeted back, her glasses still perched on her nose as her eyes flew over the paper in front of her. "What can I do for you?"
"We have to talk", he stated bluntly.
She arched a well-manicured eyebrow and took her glasses off. "You don't talk, Jethro." She turned to her computer, seemingly engrossed in whatever she was doing.
"Yes, I do when I deem it absoulutely necessary."
"Well, I don't see why it would be necessary for you to talk, but go ahead if it makes you feel better."
"It's about you, Jen. You and me actually." Her breath caught a little, just enough for him to her, but way too little for him to identify what it meant. "You've become cold, Jen, you've put your mask on, you don't show any real emotions, you neither laugh nor smile anymore." He waited for her to argue, to defend herself, but she didn't. "You aren't the Jen I knew anymore. You avoid me, we don't talk to each other anymore, we don't have fun, we don't tease each other. What's happened?"
"Since when?" She asked flatly. "Since I left in Paris? Or since we talked in autopsy?"
"Both."
"I am just not the same woman I was anymore. Things change, feelings change, people change. You too, Jethro."
"So you don't think we could make it work some day?" He wanted to know.
She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "It's too late, Jethro. You still haven't learned how to fully trust me, and I am not sure if I can wait much longer."
"So you just want to give it up? Give us up? Everything we had, everything we could still have? You don't think it's worth it in the end?"
"Sometimes it's just too late, and you have to accept that. When I left you in Paris, I never expected to meet you again some day. And yet here we are, still making the same mistakes as ever. In the end, we are who we are. We had a second chance and we let it slip through our fingers. There's nothing we can do." A lone tear was running down her cheek but neither he nor she cared.
"What if I don't want to give up on us?", he asked agitated. "What if I don't think our second chance has slipped away just yet?" He stood up and went around the desk, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I won't change at a moment's notice, but I'm willing to try. Boon is one of the most cruel persons I have ever encountered. I didn't want to exclude you Jen, I wanted to shield you. I'm sorry I didn't voice my feelings back then, but I just couldn't put them into words."
He framed her face with his hands. "Jen, we can work. I know we can. And if you are willing to hold on to our second chance, so am I."
He didn't wait for her response as he touched his lips to hers.
Es ist ein unglaublich schöner Tag
Draußen ist es warm
Er ist auf dem Weg nach Hause mit der Bahn
Schaut aus dem Fenster, lässt Gedanken freien Lauf
Lehnt sich ganz entspannt zurück
Denn er muss lange noch nicht raus
'n paar Menschen steigen ein, andere wieder aus
Er wechselt grad das Lied
Und plötzlich stand da diese Frau
Und er dachte sich "Wow"
Sagte: "Klar, der Platz ist frei"
Sie lachte und er dachte sich nur
Das ist das Schönste, was du je gesehen hast
Und sie hat sicherlich keinen Mann
Stell dich nicht so an (an)
Wenn nicht jetzt, wann (dann)?
Doch alles, was man hört ist mein Herzschlag
Was soll ich nur sagen
Irgendwas knockt mich aus
Ich bin ein Versager, weil ich mich doch nicht trau'
Mein Kopf ist voller Wörter, doch es kommt nichts raus
Und sie steht auf
Und steigt aus
Bye bye, bye bye meine Liebe des Lebens
Und ja, wir beide werden uns nie wieder sehen
Kann schon sein, dass man sich im Leben zweimal begegnet
Doch es beim zweiten Mal dann einfach zu spät ist
Es ist ein unglaublich schöner Tag
Draußen ist es warm
Sie hat Bock auf Shopping also in die Stadt
Sie braucht so Sachen, die Frauen halt eben brauchen
'nen Bikini, 'ne neue Tasche und außerdem will sie schauen
Also los, ab in die Bahn
Sie zieht sich nen Ticket
Vier Siebzig für die Fahrt
Ist ja ganz schön hart
Doch dann sieht sie diesen Typ
Findet ihn süß
Setzt sich extra zu ihm hin und denkt sich:
Es ist ganz egal, was du jetzt sagen würdest
Ich spring darauf an
Du bist mein Mann (Mann)
Wir gehören zusammen (sammen)
Wenn nicht jetzt, wann (dann)?
Ich hör mein Herz,
Was soll ich nur sagen
Irgendwas knockt mich aus
Ich bin ein Versager, weil ich mich doch nicht trau'
Mein Kopf ist voller Wörter, doch es kommt nichts raus
Und sie steht auf
Und steigt aus
Bye bye, bye bye meine Liebe des Lebens
Und ja, wir beide werden uns nie wieder sehen
Kann schon sein, dass man sich im Leben zweimal begegnet
Doch es beim zweiten Mal dann einfach zu spät ist
es beim zweiten Mal dann einfach zu spät ist
es beim zweiten Mal dann einfach zu spät ist
es beim zweiten Mal dann einfach zu spät ist
Was soll ich nur sagen
Irgendwas knockt mich aus
Ich bin ein Versager, weil ich mich doch nicht trau'
Mein Kopf ist voller Wörter, doch es kommt nichts raus
Und sie steht auf
Und steigt aus
Bye bye, bye bye meine Liebe des Lebens
Und ja, wir beide werden uns nie wieder sehen
Kann schon sein, dass man sich im Leben zweimal begegnet
Doch es beim zweiten Mal dann einfach zu spät ist
I admit that this song was more of an inspiration, and it doesn't fit Jenny and Gibbs as well as Goodbye to Yesterday, but it's on the radio like all the time in Germany (at least on my station) and it deserves some tribute.
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