The newly married Clara Smith was never scared, not when teaching a bunch of 4 to 5 year olds, not even when she was facing her husband's vile stepmother, so why was one tiny little object scaring her so much? Why did she need the support of her friend just to help her face this, to remind her it was something she had always wanted? Would all her worries finally be alleviated by telling her unsuspecting husband? She really didn't know…
Two Little Lines
Two objects sat before her on the kitchen table, one was her mobile phone and the other was something she wished didn't exist. It wasn't anything simple, not a bill or letter from the council about the changes in bin collections times, no, nothing so pleasant. Actually, that one particular object, so small yet so significant, was something which had the ability to change her entire life in a heartbeat, and she wasn't sure she was ready for that.
Looking up from the table and out of the window opposite her, the one overlooking the garden of her new house, the awfully quiet house, Clara didn't really register the birds which kept landing on the washing line, only to fly away then return seconds later.
They had only moved to the new house a month earlier, and only five weeks beforehand had the Doctor begun his new job at the Royal London Hospital. She had been so proud of him when he had received the letter accepting his application as one the hospital's General Surgeons. At only 26 years of age, literally only finishing his course to become a qualified Surgeon a few months before receiving the acceptance letter, he was already working in a good position in a well established hospital.
Allowing her already pounding head the opportunity to fall into her hands, Clara could feel her thoughts racing at a billion miles an hour, if that was even possible. The day had barely begun but she already wanted it to end. She just wanted to go up to bed and wake up to find out that it was just a dream. She didn't want this to happen… not yet.
A few times she reached for her mobile, only to shove it further away every time. She wanted to call the Doctor, she needed to speak to her husband, to hear his voice, but she couldn't. He was working and even though it was only ten o'clock in the morning, she knew he would have been heading down to theatre if he hadn't done so already. She knew he had a full list that day and unfortunately for her, he wasn't due to finish until at least four o'clock that afternoon, providing everything went to plan. God she hoped it went to plan.
Sighed deeply and roughly reaching for her phone, she was caught a little off guard when her elbow hit the wooden surface. Gasping as the horrible tingly sensation which shot up her arm, she almost screamed with frustration. It was a good thing she wasn't working that day, the poor children would have probably thought their usual, smiley teacher had been possessed by an angry monster.
Feeling anger, not really directed at anything, build up inside her, Clara grabbed her phone and shot up from the chair. The door to the living room which had been directly behind her was lucky to be open. If it hadn't, it was more than probable that she would have shoved it off its hinges. Although, in her stampede to the living room, she had failed to notice a pair of the Doctor's shoes lying pretty much in the entire doorway… that was until she tripped over them.
Finally snapping and screaming, her frustration taking over, Clara ended up taking it all out on the pair of shoes. She had no idea where they ended up after her moment of kicking them around like they were rag-dolls but by the time she managed to calm herself down, she just felt completely stupid.
Rubbing her free hand across her entire face, picking up her tears as it did so, she breathed out rather roughly and flopped down on the sofa. Taking a moment, she just stared blankly at the wall, not even daring to look towards the kitchen door to her right. It was almost as if it was forbidden, her mind not wanting to remember what she had just abandoned inside it.
Finally pulling herself back to the mobile waiting patiently in the hand in her lap, Clara slowly raised it and unlocked the device. Scrolling through her contact list, she physically had to stop her hand, which seemed to have a mind of its own, calling the Doctor. Instead, she turned to the next best person who only lived a few minutes drive away.
Clicking on the name and sticking the phone to her ear, Clara waited for the dialing tone to end and ringing to begin. She barely even realised she was biting her other thumb until the sharpness of her teeth was detected by her brain.
Waiting for the ringing to end seemed to take forever, despite the fact it was only three or four rings at most.
"What?" the recipient asked thickly, clearly just been woken up by her phone going off.
"Nina?" Clara whispered, biting her lip and deeply wishing her friend was actually with her.
"Clara…?" Nina queried tiredly, "Why… why aren't you at work?"
Clara sighed down the phone. "Called in sick this mornin'." she responded.
Despite the fact she couldn't even see her, Clara was sure Nina was raising her eyebrow.
"You don't sound that sick to me…" she pointed out, "And couldn't you have waited until a decent hour to call?"
Clara peered up at the clock above the kitchen doorway, despite the fact she already had a pretty decent idea of the time.
"It's ten o'clock." she explained to her friend.
"And that is not a decent hour for me." Nina reminded her.
As a silence drew between the pair, Clara unsure what to say next, she noticed to change as Nina became fully alert in the quickest of moments.
"Right, what's wrong?" she enquired, her voice slightly concerned.
Clara shook her head against the phone. "I…" she trailed off, "Are you working today?"
Clara could almost feel the frown directed in her general direction.
"Alright, you're scaring me now." she confessed, "And not 'til later this afternoon… Why?"
Clara sighed and nodded a little. "Would… would you mind popping over?" she questioned, "I mean, I… I could really do with a little company right 'bout now."
"Five minutes." Nina promised, abruptly ending the call.
True to her word, not literally five minutes after the call ended, but soon enough, Clara's doorbell rang. Upon opening the door, she was greeted by the sight of her friend who was looking rather rough. Not surprising since she hadn't been up long. Clara would even have guessed that she hadn't even showered or anything that morning. She probably only just threw a selection of clothes on.
With her hair not brushed and only shoved up in a scraggy ponytail, she honestly did look like she'd just been dragged backwards through a bush. However, apart from the Doctor, she was the best sight Clara could have asked for.
Stepping through the door, Nina's already uncertain expression intensified as she closed the door behind her and followed Clara into the living room. It was unlike Clara not to smile or greet her when she arrived and considering her usual strong, positive self seemed to have been replaced by a nervous wreck, saying she was worried was the biggest understatement of the year.
"You look like…" Nina tried to reason, "Absolute shit."
Clara was used to Nina firing rather blunt statements in her direction. Usually that particular statement wouldn't have affected her in any way, shape or form but that day just wasn't a usual day.
With her thumb firmly held between her teeth and her emotions shooting all over the place, Clara couldn't stop herself from snapping then, releasing all of her anger, frustration and fear in the form of violent tears.
Nina's eyes widened instantly and upon instinct, she found herself pulling her friend into her arms, something she had never actually done before. She had always been one of those people who found any form of hugging extremely awkward, whether it was a friend or a lover. However, for that one day, in that one moment, she didn't mind in the slightest and by the way Clara clung onto her, it seemed as though she needed it too.
Despite the fact the hug seemed to be going well, Nina had absolutely no idea how to proceed. There was a reason people didn't see her as the caring type: she wasn't. She really had no clue what to do next. How exactly do you comfort someone who's crying? Do you shush them? Rub the back of their heads until they've calmed down? Serious, Nina Lux was definitely the most unlikeliest person to know.
It was actually Clara who eventually pulled away first, much to Nina's relief.
"I'm sorry…" she apologised, actually feeling quite embarrassed of being so weak in front of her friend. The only bonus was that she had known Nina for years so she knew she'd be fine with it.
"It's… okay." Nina reassured her, hoping she wasn't coming across in any way insensitive. Being comforting was most definitely not one of her strong points, a little concerning since she was a trained and qualified counsellor. Clara had always found that funny. Nina could listen to people easily yet when it came to comforting people, she was the complete opposite.
Clara laughed lightly, feeling very touched at her friend's attempts to help her feel better. The fact she was trying was amazing in itself, especially as with anyone else, she'd just tell them to get over it. That was true friendship right there.
Sighing, Clara slowly increased the gap between her and her friend, taking the time to dry her eyes with the sleeves of her grey jumper. This only increased her friend's already heightened concern.
"Right." began Nina, resulting in Clara turning to face her, "What's goin' on? Have… have you and the Doctor had an argument? Do I need to have a few choice words with him?"
Clara immediately shook her head, biting into her inner lip. If that had been true, yes, it would have been incredibly strange, but it would have been so much simpler.
"No…" she trailed off, once again looking away from Nina.
As a counsellor, one who had already mastered basic psychology and reading human body language, it didn't take long for Nina to see the defensive position put up by her friend, namely the way her arms had folded around her torso.
"Talk to me, Clara." Nina told her gently, "That's what I'm here for."
Clara sighed. Usually she would have made some comment of her 'psychoanalysing' her, but to be honest, her thoughts were so jumbled up that she was pretty lucky that she actually managed to hear her friend speak.
Once again biting her lip, drawing blood from the already weakened area which had been bitten into countless times that morning, Clara brought herself to look towards the kitchen, the one she had previously had her back to.
Motioning with her head as she slowly walked in, Nina – who was pretty intrigued and concerned at the same time – followed gradually in her wake. Clara leant up against the counter adjacent to the cooker and sighed, allowing her heavy eyes to fall onto the table on the furthest wall of the room. Nina, who soon entered, looked over at her silent friend and then at the table directly in front of her after noiselessly being told to do so.
To say her mouth dropped open a little was positively one of the biggest lies of the century. To be fair, the shock on her face at the tiny item on the tabletop was probably only a minute fraction compared to how Clara was feeling inside.
"Holy shit…" Nina trailed off.
"I know…" whispered Clara.
"Holy shit!" Nina repeated, her voice a little louder that time.
"I know." Clara reiterated.
"But…" she trailed off, turning to look at Clara's frail form, "But you…"
"Yeah, I know!" Clara exclaimed, snapping but immediately regretting it.
Nina travelled the entire space of the room in less than a second, ending up directly in front of a trembling Clara.
When a small yet definite smile plastered her lips, Clara just frowned.
"I guess I should say congratulations…" supposed Nina.
Although, by the way Clara turned away, Nina soon saw just why Clara had been so down in herself that morning.
"Oh…" she realised, "Oh dear."
Sighing, Clara shrugged her shoulders and once again folded her arms while Nina slowly moved back, finding the edge of the kitchen table and leaning upon it.
"So what's the problem?" enquired a still rather concerned Nina, "I thought you and the Doctor wanted kids one day?"
The gulp which followed from Clara's direction only made Nina's growing confusion intensify.
"Yeah…" confessed Clara, "But, not yet!"
"Why?" quizzed Nina, discretely slipping into her counselling head.
"Because!" snapped Clara, however, she was unsure about her reason.
Truth be told, Nina was right. She had always wanted children, both she and her husband had. Their ultimate dream as a family was to have little one's to share their joy with, something which they had talked about quite often. Nevertheless, now it was slowly becoming reality, she wasn't too sure. It wasn't that she wasn't sure whether she wanted children, she was just scared; scared something would happen like it had before.
Nina sighed, looking up at her wreck of a friend, a friend who she rarely saw so weak.
"Talk to me…" she tried to ease out of her.
Clara sighed, biting into her thumb before bouncing off the edge of the counter and heading back into the living room.
Sighing in a small amount of defeat, Nina grabbed the test from the counter before following.
"Clara!" she called, "You can't ignore this." She held the stick up to emphasise her point.
"You think I don't know that?!" Clara snapped as she turned, immediately feeling bad upon seeing Nina's calm face.
Of course, Nina wasn't taking anything to heart but it still hurt Clara that she was taking her frustration out on her friend. No excuse would ever make that feel right.
"Sorry…" she expressed, flopping down onto the sofa behind her.
Slowly crossing the room and sitting on the other sofa to Clara, the one opposite to the kitchen door, Nina looked back over at her friend.
"It's just…" Clara attempted to explain, "We've just moved house, the Doctor's just started his new job, I've just properly settled into mine… How would a baby fit into everything?"
Nina sighed, feeling her friend's pain for a moment.
"The same way everything does when it comes to you two… You'll handle it together." she answered honestly, "Have… have you told him?"
Clara shook her head, deeply wishing she could at that exact second. However, part of her also was petrified of what he'd say once he knew.
"No. I've only just found out…" she explained timidly, "I mean, what… what if he doesn't want it? What if he leaves?"
Nina couldn't stop herself from laughing at that; it was honestly one of the most audacious thing's she had heard for a long time.
"That's just your fear talking." stated Nina, "This is the Doctor we're on about… He wouldn't leave you for anything, and I think you're forgetting… he wants children just as much as you do."
Hearing Nina say those words filled her with some sort of confidence, a confidence she was seriously lacking.
"You really think so?" she queried softly.
"Course I do!" responded Nina, looking at her as if she'd just said the most absurd thing possible, "Seriously Clara, you've both wanted children for years, so what's the problem now?"
Clara sighed, glancing down at her flattened abdomen. It really hadn't sunk in yet. It looked completely normal yet underneath the layer of skin, cushioned by muscle, a new life was growing. Inside of her, a baby which would be looking more like an alien than a human was beginning its first few weeks of life.
"I just… I don't think it's really… sunk in yet." she admitted, slowly looking up at Nina, "I'm gonna be a mother."
"Yeah, you are." confirmed Nina, "A great one."
At that point, Nina expected her friend to smile, at the very least be a little happier. However, instead the room grew intensely still. Clara seemed to freeze for a moment, her thoughts travelling somewhere Nina could only assume was very dark.
"Clara?" she enquired.
Jumping at her friend's voice but not turning to face her, Clara's eyes remained locked onto the spot on the floor.
Moving over immediately to Clara's side, Nina gently nudged her.
"Hey…" she called softly, "Clara? Are… are you really that scared?"
Clara cleared her throat but that made no room for any words to exit.
"I don't understand." Nina trailed off, "Are you… scared of tellin' the Doctor? Is that it?"
Clara slowly closed her eyes momentarily, her heavy eyes almost sinking down as a torturous feeling began burning a deep hole in her heart. It was raw, almost as if the pain she had tried to bury for years was slowly leaking out, flooding her petite body at an agonisingly slowly pace. That was something she couldn't even fully share with her husband, let alone Nina.
"Y-Yeah…" managed to breathe out, hoping her lie wasn't easily recognised, "Yeah, that's it."
"Well, don't be." whispered Nina, "I know this will make his day."
Finally bringing herself to look up at her friend, Clara sighed.
"Promise me you'll tell him." wished Nina, "As soon as he gets home."
Clara nodded slowly, becoming more definite as the seconds passed.
"I will." she promised, "I will."
The pair of them spent the rest of the morning together, talking about everything barring babies. Clara had decided that she didn't wish to do that until her husband knew about her pregnancy. Besides, she had no doubt that over the up-and-coming months; babies were going to be one of the most predominately talked about subjects.
Nina left not long after lunch, leaving just as the time for the washing up to be done came about. Her excuse: 'I need to get ready for work', and unfortunately, that was one Clara couldn't argue with. She knew what it was like to be rushed off your feet when your working hours approached at a scarily fast pace. However, the time it took for those hours to end was certainly much slower.
It had occurred to her that she had a lot of people to inform about her current situation, not just the Doctor. There were his family, including Leanne, their friends, her Dad… now, that one scared her more than Leanne and that was saying something. Her Dad, Dave Oswald who lived up in Blackpool, still saw her as his little girl. In fact, she was sure that even if she were ninety and by some impossible miracle he was still living at that time, he would still see her as his little girl. However, now she was on the road to becoming a mother, meaning his little girl was definitely about to grow up whether he liked it or not. Despite that, Clara didn't really care about any of them at that moment in time. All she wanted was to tell her husband.
Counting down the minutes, referring between her watch and the clock on the wall every few seconds, Clara was always disheartened when she realised the minutes didn't seem to move. It was only when the clock sounded three that she realised she'd been sat waiting for almost an hour.
It was highly likely that she'd fallen asleep during that time considering she couldn't really remember anything besides constantly checking the two time-telling devices. However, as soon as she heard that certain sounding car pull up on the driveway, the familiar click of the shoes on the tarmac and signature slam of the car door, she shot up like someone had fired caffeine through her blood.
Watching patiently like a dog waiting for its master, Clara watched the lanky man with the rather big yet perfectly sized chin exit the shining blue car through the window. Retrieving his blazer and bag from the back seat, Clara smiled softly as the car locked with a single yellow flash of its indicators. Then the moment she was waiting for happened, he headed towards the front door.
Pushing herself up of the sofa and darting across the room to the front door, Clara opened it mere seconds before he managed to get his small silver key into the lock.
To say that he wasn't a little shocked by her haste appearance would have been a lie and the Doctor was no liar. To be honest, especially since that day was one of the rare days he got to leave the hospital early, he was a little surprised that she wasn't still at the school. After all, it was only five past three and if his memory served him correctly, the home time for pupils wasn't until quarter past three, let alone the staff.
However, he wasn't going to complain. He was more than happy to see her.
"Whoa…" he whispered as she grasped his shoulders sharply, forcefully pulling him through the door and straight into the living room, "Hello."
Dropping his bag as she did so and managing to somehow kick the front door closed, the Doctor soon found his hands gripping her tightly, mainly because of the way she was almost crying into his neck. Softly stroking her hair and planting a deep kiss into it, the Doctor carefully pulled away to be able to look into her eyes, eyes he could see were full of tears ready to be released.
"Hey…" he soothed, cupping her cheeks gently and stroking them with his thumbs, "Darling, what's wrong? Why… why aren't you at work?"
"I took the day off." she admitted in a whisper, "I… I weren't feeling too good this morning."
"Oh, darling…" he sighed, his concern mounting as he looked for any obvious signs of illness, "Why didn't you say anything?"
Clara shrugged her shoulders in response, her hands gripping tightly onto his shirt. Even though she knew exactly what she wanted to say, she was petrified. All she could think of was the time before, the time before she had been in that position and hadn't told him. Look how they had turned out…
"Clara, what's wrong?" he questioned softly.
Bringing herself to look up at him, her lip quivered rather noticeably.
"I…" she trailed off, her hands gripping tighter on his shirt that her knuckles turning a deep shade of yellow, "I need to tell you something… and I'm not sure how you're gonna take it."
"What is it?" he asked softly, feeling her leaning figure slowly pull up so she was back on her own feet.
Clara was aware that a silence was beginning to fall over them but she just couldn't find the words to say. Usually just being in his embrace was enough to fill her with a confidence where she felt she could tell him anything without any worry. However, that day her confidence was seriously lacking.
"Clara…?" he attempted to ease out of her, aware of the struggle taking place behind her heavy eyes.
Once again, the silence which followed was long and heavy, weighing down on Clara's shoulders and making her feel extremely uncomfortable, something she never should be in her own home. The Doctor, on the other hand, didn't share that discomfort. He just felt panicked. It was extremely rare for him to see his wife in such a state, and since he didn't know the exact reasoning, his mind was playing evil tricks on him, immediately making him imagine the worst possible outcomes.
Feeling his eyes glue to her entire body, Clara shuffled on the spot, slowly moving away from him and closer to the sofa.
"How… how was work?" she asked suddenly.
Shaking his head slowly, the Doctor found himself frowning a little.
"Clara, don't change the subject." he silently begged, "You're worrying me now…"
Sighing deeply, her eyes finally rising back to his, her hand snaked slowly around her back. Each action only concerned him further, his frown showing that, but in a way, it just gave her the courage to continue.
Her hand stopped when she reached her back pocket of her jeans, the pen-like object she needed sticking partially out. Gripping it like it was somehow a lifeline, Clara gave herself a moment. She just needed to find the strength to give her the final push… why was she so afraid? He was the Doctor, her Doctor…
With one swift, sudden movement, Clara's hand shot around to her front, the test stick taken along for the ride and thrown rather majestically towards the man a little more than a couple of metres away from her, a man she was rather glad had pretty damn quick reflexes and catching skills.
Sighing with a hint of confusion, the young doctor glanced down to his hands, eagerly curious to find out what was going on. Upon seeing the pregnancy test he had unknowingly just caught, the positive test, he found himself literally freezing for a moment. For a few excruciating long seconds in his wife's eyes, he just stared at the result window, sure for a moment his eyes were playing tricks on him, but no, it was definite. Two little lines were what were beaming up at him, two little lines with a power like no other. They were a simple message, nothing more, but they meant that their lives were never going to be the same again… and he was okay with that.
Stood trembling, the relief which crashed down her body when she saw a hint of a smile appear on his lips made her legs feel weak. However, somehow she managed to remain standing.
Lifting his head, the smile from his lips only made her heart flutter the more it continued.
"We're… we're gonna be parents." he trailed off, slowly closing the distance between them before swiftly grabbing her around the waist and spinning her around.
Laughing softly and feeling her emotions get the best of her, Clara released a shaky sigh the moment her feet returned to the ground and his lips crashed against hers.
They broke apart, their noses still touching as his smile refused to leave. "We're gonna be parents." he repeated, kissing her again and that time she could taste his tears. He was happy. Unbelievably happy.
There was no doubt in her mind any longer, no doubt at all. His reaction was all she had needed to see to make all her worried seem absolutely meaningless. He was overjoyed, and that knowledge alone was enough to make her utterly prepared for the months ahead. Now all they needed to do was tell the rest of their family.