Chapter Five: The Way She Feels

"Lexa I presume?"

Lexa shut her mouth and snapped up to attention automatically, "your majesty!"

"Mum?!"

Clarke felt her chest clench, things were going well between Lexa and her and suddenly her mother would just have to show up now and ruin it all. She felt the beginnings of a panic attack set in as her breathing became strained and her eyes unfocused.

"Clarke!" Why was her name so muffled to her, as if it was coming from far away, "Clarke!" It was getting closer and louder, everything was falling apart around her, the world was becoming distorted she didn't understand what was happening, "Clarke!"

Her eyes snapped open, she launched her upper body up, it was a dream. "Clarke, it's okay, it was just a nightmare."

She turned to look at Lexa, her Lexa, she wouldn't be able to understand the deep panic inside of Clarke now. Even though she had only dreamt of such an outcome something was bound to happen one day, Lexa would find out and Clarke didn't know what she would do when the time arose.

"Lex, I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you."

Soft green eyes met hers, concern painted across the brunette's face, she was too sweet for Clarke, she had no idea what she was getting in to, she had no idea what was, who she was, what she was expected to do, what her life was to be. Lexa was too good for Clarke, too caring, too innocent, she didn't deserve the life she would have if she stayed with Clarke and Clarke was too scared to tell her.

"Hey it's okay, do you want to talk about it?"

Clarke could have cried in that moment, how could she explain to this amazing woman that she had a dream where her worst nightmare of the brunette finding out her secret in such an awful way, how could she begin to explain the crippling fear of a woman Clarke was fast falling for leaving her because she found out that Clarke wasn't exactly who she said she was. She chose the easier option.

"I can't really remember it, it's fuzzy, but like you said just a dream." Except it wasn't just a dream, not to Clarke it was an ugly truth, Lexa would find out one day, and if Clarke didn't tell her who she was before then, she could lose the other woman.

Despite her fears the blonde knew she couldn't tell the pilot, not yet, their relationship was too young and she couldn't risk exposure on it, no matter how much her heart begged her to.

"Okay, but if you change your mind and want to talk, I'm always here okay," Lexa pulled Clarke back down and tucked the blonde's head under her chin, wrapping her arms around her body, "go back to sleep for now though, it's still early."

"What time is it?"

"06:30"

"Hey Lex, I'm awake now, I don't think I can sleep anymore." She wouldn't want to if her dream was to return.

"Me neither," Clarke looked up to the pilot who had a devilish smirk on her face, "but I have an excellent way to start the day," she said flirtatiously.

Clarke shook her head at the brunette, leaning up to kiss her lips softly.

"Maybe you should show me then fly girl."

Three hours later the two women were a tangle of sweaty limbs and heavy panting.

"You were right Lex, that really is an excellent way to start the day."

Once Clarke had finally managed to catch her breath from their exertions she untangled herself from the other woman. She quickly slipped Lexa's shirt from last night on, only buttoning the middle.

"Okay that's not allowed," came from the bed where the pilot was still tangled in the sheets.

"What's not?"

"You are not allowed to look that hot in my shirt after literally hours of mind blowing sex, it's not allowed, it's doing things to me that I'm ashamed to admit!"

Clarke sent a wink at the other woman, sauntering out of the room. Lexa scrambled for her underwear, quickly slipping it on and following the blonde into the kitchen.

"Coffee?" Clarke asked as she flicked the kettle on, turning to Lexa as the other woman pressed herself against Clarke trapping her between the kitchen counter and the warm body in front of her.

"I would much rather have you instead."

"As much as I would love that too, if I don't eat and have coffee in my blood soon I won't be able to go another round."

The two women heard the front door open and close and voices came from the entrance, male voices.

"Expecting anyone?" Lexa asked with her eyebrow raised at Clarke.

"Not really but I kind of always have an open door and my friends basically always just waltz in here uninvited."

Bellamy walked into the kitchen followed by Monty and Jasper who eyed the scene before them.

"Wow princess, we interrupting something?"

Clarke reached behind her and threw a tea-bag at Bellamy's head, "shut up Blake, you know exactly what you are interrupting," Clarke turned to Lexa who looked slightly amused by her friends but slightly annoyed at the interruption, "Lexa these are my friends, Bellamy, Jasper, and Monty. Guys this is Lexa my... uh..."

"Girlfriend I'm her girlfriend," Lexa looked into Clrake's eyes, looking to see if she said the right thing or not only to be met by a grin that lit up the other woman's face and a slight nod of her head.

"Yeah this is my girlfriend, Lexa."

They boys each said hello and Jasper said he wished they had walked in a few minutes later so he could have 'watched the magic unfold' to which he earned a slap across the back of the head from Monty.

Clarke passed a shirt from the radiator over to Lexa so the other woman didn't feel too uncomfortable in her boy shorts and bra in front of basically strangers to her.

They made small talk for a while, before Bellamy asked where his sister was. Lexa and Clarke looked at each other and Lexa explained just why she stayed the night at Clarke's, causing Bellamy to turn red with embarrassment and state how he wished he was still in his blissful ignorance of thinking his little sister was still a sweet innocent who never had sex and stayed away from that sort of thing.

They boys left after a few hours and Lexa had to leave soon after too as she had to get food in or she would have to face Raven's hunger. They kissed goodbye and promised to see each other as soon as they could.

Soon after Lexa left Octavia came home with a dopy grin on her face and a string of love bights up one side of her neck.

"Looks like someone had a good night," Clarke said pointing at her roommate's neck.

"Clarkey, Clarkey, Clarkey, my sweet dear summer child, good does not even begin to describe the night I had, phenomenal comes closer, honestly I think I'm in love, I'm besotted, I'm in adoration of a snarky mechanic who knows how to use her hands better than any lover I have ever had, and yes that includes Lincoln."

Octavia talked her ear off about how amazing the mechanic was and Clarke listened with a smile, glad her friend had found someone that makes her so obviously happy. The two women didn't even spend all night exploring their physical relationship either, they had talked and watched movies and snuggled before things got heated. Clarke was happy for her friend and glad she had finally found someone after Lincoln and her decided to break up four months ago due to him moving to America.

Then the conversation moved to her and Lexa.

"I'm worried O."

"Worried how princess?"

"Well I really like her and due to events from this morning she's like officially my girlfriend but O I'm so scared she'll find out who I am before I'm ready to tell her."

"Clarke, you need to calm down. I can tell Lexa means the world to you already, but think rationally. Now obviously one day you'll have to tell her that you're the future queen of England, but for the mean time there is such a low chance of her finding out it's unreal. The list of people in this country who know what Princess Clarke Griffin looks like and where she lives is minute, she won't find out until you tell her. Your mother wouldn't out you like that and you know it, if she had her way you'd marry your cousin and have his weird deformed, inbred babies and you know it. It'll be okay, and one day when you tell Lexa, she'll understand why you kept it a secret, she has to okay."

Clarke nodded and thanked her friend for calming her down, she knew Octavia was right, her identity was safe and there was no way for Lexa to find out who she was without her actually telling her who she was. Octavia was right.

Now all Clarke had to worry about was her mother, would she allow this relationship or not? Obviously the answer was no but Clarke would fight her on this, she would not let Lexa go because of her mother and because of tradition. She wanted a normal life, she never asked to be who she was, and she wanted to be able to love who she wanted, and be who she was without the public scrutinizing her every move. She would have a normal life, or as normal as she could, she would be Lexa's girlfriend, she would fall in love with who she wanted. Nothing would stop her. This was the twenty-first century and by the time her father died and it was her time to rule, the public would be used to Clarke, they would have to accept who she was.

Clarke would fight to be who she was, tradition be dammed.