Dear Karen,

I went to Josie's today. It reminded me of so much. The smell of the cheap beer, the tobacco smoke that still lingered even after it was made illegal to smoke indoors, there was even a brief lingering scent of jasmine and vanilla from the table were we used to sit. They say that smell is the one sense that is most closely linked with memory. I wonder if that is even more so for me.

The most fun I had ever had at Josie's was with you, and often with Foggy. I never allowed myself to drink much, because I knew that after I left, I'd be out, trying to make my city a better place. It's hard to fight and navigate the city when you're half drunk. So, I usually just held myself to one bottle of Heineken. You never asked why. I always loved that about you. When you were curious about someone, you would let him or her tell you at his or her own time, you would never press the issue.

The night we went to Josie's after seeing Kilgrave, it felt so naturally. If I had never become Daredevil, is that the life I would lead? I would be happy, with a practice that makes decent enough money, and with you and Foggy by my side. It would be paradise. But we all make decisions, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better.

The ride over from the precinct to Josie's was short, but felt strange. I had told Foggy I would tell you how I felt about you. Which, most likely, meant telling you about my nighttime activities as well. I was already beginning to wonder how to do it, when to do it, or even if I should. You don't deserve an idiot boyfriend who wears red and beats up crooks every night. But, what you had said on that blog. What Foggy had said, it made sense.

It was a Thursday night, and Josie's wasn't that busy when we got there. I remember opening the door for you, and guiding you in by putting my hand at the small of your back. You gasped, and made some excuse about it being colder in the bar than you had expected. The fact I could make such an impact on you, with such a small gesture, it made me smile despite myself.

"So then," Foggy asked as we all sat down at our typical spot. "Josie's is usually a Saturday/Friday thing, what's with the early day?"

"Oh, Matt and I were just going to hang out I think." You looked to me, for confirmation, but there was something else there too, something like, hope.

"Yeah, she found me at Fogwell's. We were going to come here afterwards."

"A workout, and a beer. Sounds like it could be a Murdock biography!" Foggy joked, but he wasn't wrong. I guess my Father and I were just made up of dichotomies. "You guys sure I'm not interrupting anything?"

Neither of us spoke. We didn't want to be rude. "Foggy you're here and you're going to make us laugh." You said, and the mood immediately became jovial and light. I never understood how you could do that, just light up a room with you presence and your words.

"Oh Matt, this was not a good time to bring Karen to Josie's." Foggy sounded defeated; he had clearly noticed something I hadn't. I became tense, was there someone here who would hurt her? Surely I would have noticed. "Hey Josie, could you take the TV off mute please, so Matt can hear it?" I waited a few seconds, and then heard it.

It was Rocky IV. I immediately regretted coming here tonight. "Can't we cheat this once Foggy? Not do it this time?"

Foggy was already ordering the drinks, "Matt we promised each other, swore we would always do this when we watched Rocky IV. We have to, trust me I'm not looking forward to it either."

As the shot glasses and bottle of Jack Daniels was delivered to our table, you had finally had enough and had to ask.

"What are you two doing?"

"Rocky IV is on the TV!" Foggy stated, apparently believing that was enough.

"In law school we used to watch the Rocky movies in our dorm to just relax, or for white noise when studying," I explained, "our favorite movie was always Rocky IV. It got to the point that we saw it so many times that we made a drinking game out of it."

"And we swore that whenever we watched Rocky IV," Foggy continued for me, "we would play this drinking game. Whenever, wherever."

"Which looking back was incredibly stupid." I said, then I heard it, I heard Rocky say "Adrian". Foggy handed me a glass, and we both took a shot of Jack Daniels.

"Well I want in." You said. No, no, that was definitely a bad idea. Us getting drunk together, while dealing with our emotions, there was no way I could let that happen. I wasn't going to let us get drunk together.

"Great! Welcome to the tradition, Josie can I get another shot glass?" But then Foggy happened.

"Foggy, you really think this is a good idea, us all getting drunk when we have to go into work tomorrow?" Foggy was having none of it.

"Matt we swore, that we would always do this." He sounded offended I would even mention not going through with the drinking game. "Now God as my witness if you don't do this I'm firing you."

"You can't fire me. We're partners."

"I'll find a way to fire you."

"Come on Matt, what's the worst that could happen." You chimed in. And now, I had to, for you. I never realized just how much what you thought meant to me. So, if you asked me to, then fine, I'd get drunk with you. But I had to make sure to pace myself; I didn't want anything I needed to tell you slip out under the influence of alcohol.

After a sigh, I grabbed my shot glass, "Foggy tell her the rules."

"Yes! Beauty has this day killed the beast that is Murdock!" Foggy never could hold his liquor that well, and he already had a buzz. "One shot every time he says "Adrian" Two shots for every boxing match there is, three shots for every time the theme music plays!"

Needless to say, we each had a few shots that night, since we caught the beginning of the movie. And I hate to tell you this Karen, but towards the end, I cheated. I would throw the liquor out of the shot glass before it got to my lips. Foggy was too drunk to notice really by then, and you didn't seem to care.

By the end of the night, Foggy was so far gone that I had to pick up the tab and call him a taxi. I helped him in, but not before he grabbed the lapels of my blazer and pulled me close.

"You going to tell her tonight?" He slurred, I knew I'd be able to smell the alcohol on his breath for a few days to come. "Cause you know, you know you need to tell her at some point that you like her and that you, you know, like her."

"Yeah, I got it." I said, trying to unceremoniously stuff him into the back of the taxi. I told the driver where to take him, and gave him a fifty. It would cover any fare, and was insurance in case he threw up in the back seat. That left just you and me.

"I need to go home, thanks for a great night." You said, you smiled so brightly at me, I wanted you to always this happy. "I'll see you later!" You slapped my arm playfully and then went to get a cab. Luckily for me, your heel decided to break at that exact moment. You fell, and I caught you. It was so cliché looking back on it. I had actually known for a while that the heel on your right show was weak. I had daydreamed about maybe catching you if it broke, and now there we were, living it out. It was so hard to break contact with you. But I eventually brought you back up.

"Thank I, I'm clumsy and- I mean my heel broke." You explained. You were looking at me, and I never wanted you to stop. "I should get home."

"Are you good for that? I mean, my place is within walking distance?" I offered. I wish I could say it was out of the kindness of my heart, but a part of me just wanted to be with you for the night.

"I don't want to impose." You were always so worried about being a burden. You never were.

"Please, it'll be nice. And I'll know that you're safe." I replied. Looking back, I must have sounded so desperate. How you didn't see through me, through all of my lies, I'll never know. Maybe, you just chose to ignore them out of kindness to me.

"Ok, if you say so." And you kept smiling, all the way down. This time, I led you. You didn't ask how I was so sure of where to go. You didn't ask how I knew when cars were coming through crosswalks or where potholes were. You must have assumed I knew it because I walked it all the time. Or maybe you had figured out there was something different about me, and you were just waiting for me to come clean. When we came into the apartment, you were singing a Katy Perry song. I was suppressing a laugh, but you didn't care. You were having fun. Suddenly, you screamed, and everything stopped. I immediately ran in to see what had happened.

Was it Fisk, had he found out whom I was and had attacked? Had someone broken in to my apartment? But there you were, holding a balloon.

"You kept it?!" You practically screamed. You were holding the almost completely deflated monkey balloon in your hand.

"Of course I did." I said, and then everything just sort of tumbled out, "it reminds me of you, how you cared about me when I was at a really low point. I couldn't throw it out, so I just, kept it I guess." I realized how it must have sounded, but it was like I couldn't stop myself.

"Matt…" you began. You came closer to me, step by step. Things were escalating quickly.

"Karen, we need to talk." You smiled, and it wasn't your normal smile either, it was a smile that spoke more about this situation that any amount of words could.

"I know Matt." You looked down, and you were holding your hands in front of your chest. "But let's not do it like this ok?"

You always were the smarter one.

"That seems smart." I replied.

"No, smart is going to bed," you said with the slightest slurring of your words. "Um, can I, if it's not too much problem could I-

"You can borrow whatever you need." I cut you off, I know you didn't like borrowing my shirts necessarily, but you had to sleep in something.

"Thanks, I'll wash it for you." Why would you do that? It wouldn't smell like you anymore then.

"Don't worry about it." You changed, you got into my bed, and I laid down on my couch. It was quiet for a while. I was drifting off to sleep, listening to the sound of your breathing and your heartbeat.

"Thank you Matt, for everything." You said, and my world stopped. The way you said it, how it reverberated around my apartment, I wanted the feeling it gave me to last forever.

"Thank you Karen, for tonight, and for everything." I replied, and then under my breath, "and thank you for teaching me what happiness is again."

I'm don't think you heard me, so I'll say it again.

Thank you Karen, for teaching my what happiness is.

Love,

Matt