Dear Karen,

I'm sorry I haven't written. I didn't meant to stop, but my life got in the way again. It always seems to do that. There were times that I could have written, there were times I tried, but I couldn't. It's easy to remember the good times, like the day at the office when we spent all that time together. Or when we messed around at Josie's. But life isn't meant to be enjoyed, it isn't meant to be reveled in and celebrated, it's meant to be lived. And part of living is dealing with the consequences of your decisions. Whether that's calling the woman you love when you're afraid to leave this world without hearing her one more time, or pushing a man out of the way of a truck and being blinded by chemicals in the process.

Keeping things from the people that matter to me, it all seemed to be necessary. I don't know if I kept the truth from you for so long because I wanted to protect you, or because I feared your reaction. I wasn't scared of guns, knives, or beatings, but losing your trust, your respect, your affection, that terrified me. But my Father didn't raise me to run away from things. You can't run away from your problems you have to face them head on. You have to fight them. "You can't run from things your scared of Matty, you have to square up to them and take them with your chin tucked and your hands up." I have repeated his words to me dozens of times. But it's one thing to do have them in my head when I'm fighting someone, and it's another to have it repeated when I had you in my arms.

"What do you have to tell me?" You were still crying, I couldn't tell if it was from anger, grief, or happiness. I couldn't hear your heartbeat anymore, all I could hear was mine beating faster and faster. I had gone through the scenario of telling you about me several times, but facing it, laying myself bare before you, it was almost more than I could stand. I kept holding you, I didn't know if I had just become so comfortable with the contact, or because I was stalling for time. Eventually though, you regained your composure, while I continued to lose mine, and you took a step away. It was just one step, but it felt like a thousand miles.

"Matt? Where are your glasses and cane? What happened last night?" Your voice changed with the second question. You were angry. You had every right to be. "And I don't want anymore bullshit excuses. No more stories about how you tripped, no more rushed explanations by Foggy. Just you and me-" Your voice threatened to break again, and it was torture for me to realize just what I had put you through. "And the truth."

"I-" I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I know what I wanted; I know I wanted to hold you again. I know that I wanted to tell you everything, to wave a wand and make it so that everything could seem normal. Hey Karen, I'm not really blind, I'm actually a vigilante, and I've kept this from you in the vain hopes to protect you from my life. I just did what I thought was right at the time. How do you break through the tangled web of lies I had created over months in a few minutes?

"I never wanted to hurt you." The tears started, I tried to fight them, but it was a losing battle. "I wanted to keep you away, because Karen-" I looked dead at you, and I can never be sure, but in that moment I think you began to understand, "you have to believe this one thing. No matter how you react, you have to know that I care about you."

"Matt?"

"I cared so much, that I blinded myself." I laughed bitterly at the irony, and then waved my hand over my eyes, "and not just in the normal way. I thought that if I kept you at a distance, you'd be safe from me. But I couldn't do that. It was too much for me, to try and convince myself that I didn't want more of what we have."

You stood there, and you let me speak. You didn't interrupt. Besides your heartbeat, the sound of your nervous swallowing, and your perfume, you could have been a statue.

"The truth-" I swallowed hard. My mouth was so dry; I just wanted to get this over with. "When I was blinded something got in my eyes. It did, I don't know what but something. I can't see Karen, that's the truth. But I can. My other senses, they create a picture that I can piece together to see the world almost like you."

"What?" It was so much to burden you with at one time. I'm sorry Karen. But once I started I couldn't stop.

"After my Dad died, I was trained by a man named Stick. He was blind like me. He taught me how to fight, and I kept training even after he left me. I don't know why: I told myself it was to keep in shape, to stay ready for the realities of the world as a blind person, that it was a way to honor my father's legacy as a fighter. But, one day, that damn man-the law couldn't stop him from what he was doing to his daughter. But I knew I could."

"Matt, what are you saying?" You were short of breath. I felt so ashamed, because I knew what I was doing to you. I was tearing down the person you had trusted, the good blind lawyer who overcame the odds, who fought for the little guy, and I was showing you the real me. The real me wasn't some knight in shining armor. The real me was a Devil.

"I'm saying that I'm Daredevil. That I've been lying to you. That no matter how good my intentions were that I hurt you, and that's the last thing I wanted Karen. Last night, I was stabbed, it was bad. I almost died. I realized I had to tell you. I'm saying that I can't keep you from hating me, or never wanting to see me again, or- dammit I don't know. I just want you to be with me. I want to keep you safe. I didn't mean for this-" it was becoming harder to speak.

"Matt….ok. You either have lied to me" you were trembling, I could feel it. I wanted to hold you, but I was terrified I had lost that privilege now. "Or you hurt yourself last night so badly that you're delusional. And that's what I'm going to choose to believe."

I think you knew. I just think you didn't want to believe that I was Daredevil.

"So we need to get you to a hospital ok?"

"No, I'm telling you the truth Karen."

"No you're not." You spat out through gritted teeth.

"Yes I am, you have to understand that I neve-"

"You're lying! Because the Matt Murdock I know wouldn't hurt me like that. The Matt I know wouldn't save my life dressed in a mask, and be so heartless to not tell me it was him! He wouldn't lie to my face; he wouldn't take my trust and just throw it right back at me with lies! He wouldn't just pretend to be blind as some act!"

"Karen…"

"Come on," You said, calming down for a brief second. You stepped forward to grab my arm to guide me. "We're going to a hospital."

"No." I grabbed you, then unzipped and threw down the gym bag that had been hanging from my shoulder. I heard the leather and Kevlar pieces of armor fall out. And the roll of the metal billy clubs across the floor was deafening. "I'm sorry."

"You," you just stared at the spilled items on the ground, inculpatory evidence. "You're him."

"Karen-"I took a step towards you, but when I extended my hand you batted it away.

"Leave me alone!" I was helpless as you got your jacket, and you walked out. I didn't know what to do. I could have followed you; it would have been easy. All I'd have had to do was follow the click of your heels, the sound of your heart beat, the scent of vanilla and jasmine, mixed with the salt in the tears you were shedding and the adrenaline. But I had no right to chase after you. You had every right to storm out; I had hurt you. This was justice.

I don't know how long it was until Foggy came back. He found me in my office. I was a wreck. I had never felt the sense of loss and loneliness that I felt then. I was convinced I would never see you again, you would give up on me, you would quit your job at our firm, you would move cities, and eventually would forget me. And it was my fault.

"Matt?! Where have you been Karen and I were worried sick?" The frustration in your voice gave way to worry when you saw the state I was in. "What happened? Where's Karen?"

"I told her. Everything," those four words was the only thing I could say. It took effort just to do that.

"What?" Then he looked down, he saw the clubs, the armor. Foggy's a sharp guy, he pieced it together pretty quickly. He didn't need me to say anything.

"Matt, you have to go get her."

"She won't-" it was so difficult to choke out the reality of the situation I was in. "She won't see me. Why would she want to?"

"Matt, ok look," he dropped down to my eye level. "You just dropped a huge bombshell on her. You're right, she's probably pissed off at you. I know I was when you told me. But I also know that she's different. She'll want someone- I could go, but we both know she really wants you."

"Foggy, it's not that simple. I just destroyed her faith in me."

"Then start rebuilding it." That's one thing I've always loved about Foggy, how idealistic he is. "And start by going to her."

But I just sat there. I was scared to move, I was scared to face you again, of what you might say. Eventually, even Foggy had to leave, it was getting late. He had the presence of mind that I lacked to grab my armor for me before leaving, bless him. It had to have been dark when I left. I don't remember walking to your apartment. I didn't even mean to, but I did. When I came to, I was in front of your door. I told myself that I was just confused and disoriented from my wound. But I just wanted to be with you. I knocked, it was a few seconds but I heard you get up to go to the door. You had been drinking, but you weren't drunk yet, just on your way. You looked through your peephole, and your heartbeat spiked again, and you hesitated. Your hand was hovering over the doorknob. I silently prayed that you would let me in.

"Karen, please…."

I heard the door open, and you were in front of me. I had hurt you, and I just wanted to try and be there for you, and hopefully the wound would heal.

"What is it Matt?" You weren't sure what you should be feeling, should you be mad at me for lying? Maybe relieved I came to try and explain myself? One thing I could tell, you were tired.

"I came to fix this."

"It's not that easy Matt." You looked down, I wanted to tell you I would make what you were feeling go away, to hold you and never let go.

"I know it isn't. I just want a chance to try."

I don't know how long you waited, but eventually you made up your mind. Your heart became regular again, you made your choice, and you faced me with your head held high. You were so beautiful, your will, your sheer ability to remain a rock during a storm.

"Come in, and help me finish this bottle." I went in. And everything would be different from then on.

Love,

Matt

Authors Note: I apologize for the lack of an update in recent weeks. I will make no excuses and will try and update more regularly. I hope you enjoy.