Everyone, I must mention the fabulous Sixty-four K again! She is fabulous for beta-ing this madness! Go check out her own fabulous stories, and make sure to review them!
If you're still reading this, congratulations. You've successfully regained your touch with reality, according to the current genius adviser. Thank you for not hugging anyone, and if you would please continue to refrain from doing do, we will all be grateful and un-traumatized.
Erestor surveyed the land before him with distaste. There was a super big mountain and lots of little hairballs dashing around doing things. They looked sickeningly happy – and traumatized! There was pink glitter everywhere!
Erestor clutched at his hair in horror. This was going to take forever to fix!
He started with the closest one, a blond-haired hairball that had far too many knives all over his clothes. Then he punched a brown hairball with no hair on its face – how odd – and many, many, many others.
By the time he was done, Erestor's fists were aching and he was exhausted from all of the punching. The hairballs were all lying on the ground, staring at the sky with angry faces, but they couldn't move because their noses were all broken.
Erestor had found that breaking noses was a very effective way to get rid of the glitter.
To finish it all off, Erestor quickly punched the last hairball in the face, knocking the metal weird crown off his head, and then ran away. There was no more glitter; his mission here was completed.
To Erestor's utter disbelief, he soon found a blonde-haired woman outside a random city and she was utterly covered in pink glitter. She swung a sword at him, screaming something about 'Nazgûl' (probably because of the massive black cloak Erestor was wearing that practically dwarfed him) but Erestor ignored it and punched her square in the face.
She fell over and then stood up after a little while, giggling and running at some brown-haired guy who had his girlfriend's necklace and who immediately ran away from her.
Erestor ran around the castle wall and found a white-faced human unconscious on the ground. Erestor punched him, which revived him. The white-faced human jumped up and an evil look crossed his face.
"I will go steal her shoes," said the white-faced person in a creepy voice, then dashed away to steal someone's shoes.
Humans show very odd effects to the cure, Erestor wrote in his notepad. Then he ran inside the castle and punched the two guards, who were still swooning. Glorfindel had obviously been here earlier. After punching the guards, he found some dude on a throne and punched him in the nose.
The guy screamed and suddenly turned into a wrinkly scrinkly twinkly old man. "Why why why would you do that?" he screamed.
Erestor peered into his glazed eyes. "Are you feeling any less traumatized?" he asked.
The old man died.
Erestor wrote in his notebook. One human traumatized so badly that it died upon administration of cure, how terrible.
Then he ate a donut and quickly ran outside. After looking around, he gasped. There was a trail of pink glitter leading somewhere!
Erestor followed it.
He found another human city.
This one was a little different, but basically just as boring. Erestor punched two nearby people he saw with glitter and then ran up a bunch of steps. There was another old guy on a throne, and this one looked really weird, but at least he was reading a book.
"Oh no," said Erestor depressedly, seeing the glitter all over the old guy. He didn't know what to do. He was reading a book, so he couldn't be that bad, but he did have pink glitter all over him!
The old man looked up and saw Erestor. "Hey!" he said in a delighted sort of voice. "Guess what? My dad was Ecthelion and he was killed by a Balrog! The books say he died of cancer, but I know better!"
"Definitely traumatized," Erestor said, and punched him in the face.
The old guy gasped, dropped his book, and ran outside. Then he jumped off the edge of the courtyard and reinvented the Denethor Plummet.
"There, that's done," said Erestor, and started for the door, punching some glitter-covered person in armor before he went out.
Pausing just outside the city, he wrote once more in his notepad. I hope I'll catch up to Glorfindel soon; this punching is making my fists sore.
I completely made up the word depressedly, just because it looks cool. Use it if you like, but if YOU DON'T REVIEW FIRST, ERESTOR WILL SUE YOUR SOCKS OFF. Seriously, he will, because he needs socks (did I mention the twins happened to borrow all of them?)