Do you see how much trouble Glorfindel caused poor Erestor? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ALLOW SOMEONE TO HUG YOU! SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO SAVE YOU FROM THE TRAUMATIZATION BY PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE! BELIEVE ME, IT WILL HAPPEN! IF IT HASN'T ALREADY, IT WILL SOON!

Erestor stared up in disapproval and more than a little disgust at the tower before him. Once a terrifying blackish gloomy color, it was now painted bright neon green and yellow! There were pink stripes on the spiky tips, and glitter was all over the place! Oh, the horror! Erestor clutched at his head as he saw a huge group of giggling elves dashing all over the place, trailing ribbons, hairbrushes, and nail polish.

Then he punched them all in the face and went inside.

"Oh, hello, my jolly old fellow!" greeted Saruman in a fantabulously happy voice, holding out his arms for a hug. "I saw that you visited earlier, but you didn't stay for the Hug-Fest!"

Erestor punched his nose.

Saruman fell over and stayed on the floor.

Erestor kicked him, just to add a little more evil back into him, then walked away. As he went outside, he saw a massive group of orcs, dripping nail polish and make-up and staring around with horror at their manicured nails and stylishly made-up hair.

"Whoop, looks like they're back," said Erestor, and left. A few orcs seemed to consider going after him, but they were in too much shock to actually carry it out.

Then Erestor found the same white-faced human he had seen earlier stumbling back toward Isengard, clutching a donut to his chest.

Erestor took the donut and punched the human in the face. The white-faced human toppled to the ground and stayed there, and Erestor ate the donut and went on, writing something in his notebook. Saruman is a wimp and his minions are really lame.

Suddenly Erestor heard a noise.

"Oh, by the great horror of hugs!" said a strange little person somewhere. "That mushroom has been trampled!"

"Oh noes!" said another strange little voice somewhere near the first strange little person. "Our day has been ruined!"

"Who stepped on our mushrooms?" wailed the first strange little voice again.

Erestor walked around a tree and found two strange little people kneeling next to a pile of crushed mushrooms and both crying piteously.

"Hmm…" said Erestor, seeing that there was pink glitter on both of them, but that it looked dull for some reason. Wait! Had they actually tried to reject Glorfindel's hugs? Maybe there was some hope for Middle Earth yet!

"Hello, Hobbitlings," said Erestor, as he called every Hobbit a Hobbitling because he liked to annoy people and because he was Erestor.

"Hullo, Erestor," said Merry.

"Whhhyyyyyy?" cried Pippin, throwing himself down beside the mushrooms and staring at them with a terribly sad look on his face.

Erestor punched them both in the face.

"That was interesting," said Merry.

Pippin leaped to his feet and glared at Erestor. "How dare you punch me!"

Erestor punched him again.

Pippin suddenly danced around happily. "Oh, I'm so happy! To think I would see the day when an elf wouldn't hug me!"

"You're welcome," Erestor said, and then walked away to find someone else to punch. Those two were either untraumatized now or there was just something really wrong with them that they would cry over a mushroom.

"I heard you think that!" shrieked Pippin from somewhere. "How dare you hate on mushrooms!"

Erestor ate a donut, put the lightsaber he had stolen from Pippin into the pocket of his heavy black cloak, and then walked around the corner into Hobbiton.

"Oh, look, an elf!" cried some random Hobbit in delight, seeing past Erestor's disguise of the Nazgûl cloak.

"ELF!" screamed everyone, running at Erestor for hugs.

Erestor punched them all in the face, kicked the pony, and then went to find someone else to untraumatize, jotting a little note in his pad as he went. Hobbits were very traumatized, hopefully I've fixed them by now – but I've discovered two very odd individuals who I think might join me on my noble quest to save Middle Earth from traumatization.

My mom is awesome – I was going to Google how exactly to punch someone in the nose and the cartilage would go back into their brain and kill them, but my mom just told me because she's also a writer, but she was in the military and took karate too. Yes, writers do need to know these things.