Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Big Bang Theory or the characters I'm writing about. Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady are the geniuses responsible for the greatness of TBBT and The Shamy. This work is intended only as an homage to our favorite couple, whatever their current relationship status.

Author's Note: Recent developments not withstanding, the story goes on!

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"Ha, I win! That's two in a row Dr. Cooper!" Amy laughed with glee while collecting the Nobel Prize token in the new expanded edition of Research Lab. It was New Year's Eve and while their friends all made plans to spend the nights with their significant others, Sheldon and Amy had decided to make it Good Friend Board Game Night at her apartment. Sheldon had brought over the latest edition of his self-made board game; however the night had not exactly gone his way.

"How could I have gotten the nuclear meltdown card two games in a row without getting any silicon carbide coating or graphite sphere cards to combat the uranium leak? I may have to double-check the card probabilities in this new expansion set…" Sheldon grumbled.

Amy smirked at him as she returned to the couch proffering a peace-offering bottle of YooHoo. "Maybe you've met your match Dr. Cooper. Or, maybe you don't excel at everything after all," she joked, not noticing how his eyes had followed her to the kitchen and back, or lingered on her all evening whenever she was looking elsewhere. Sheldon was in a dark mood, and not just from the game.

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Ever since their embrace when the skeleton had been delivered his emotions had been running roughshod over his intellect. He had thought he could control this, he had thought he could appreciate Amy and her brilliant mind without needing the rest. It was the rest that had the power to hurt, the power to strip him bare and leave him gasping for breath, right? Oh, how wrong he had been. It wasn't just a part of her that could cause him to come undone. It was her. Any and every facet of who she was. And he had no idea what to do about it now.

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It was 10:30pm. All Sheldon had been able to think about all night was the clock. At midnight you were supposed to kiss the one you loved. But he couldn't. Shouldn't. Wouldn't. He wouldn't, right?

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"I'm well aware I don't excel at everything, Amy. Only most things. For example, I'm terrible at sports, driving still scares me and of course I was a bad boyfriend," he sighed in a rare moment of self-flagellation. It was the 3rd time since they had become "friends" again that Sheldon had made an offhand comment of this type about his inadequacies as a boyfriend. The first had taken her completely by surprise and so she had said nothing. The second was at dinner with the whole group and she couldn't see how to discuss it. This time, though, they were alone. And Amy had had enough.

"Sheldon?" At the sound of her voice his head raised and he met her eyes. "Where did you get that idea?"

"Amy," he said "everyone knew it, I was just too self-absorbed to see it."

"Sheldon, you were not a bad boyfriend." Her voice was firm.

"Yes, I was. I was self-centered and callous, I withheld affection from you, and didn't treat you like I should have. I can see it now. I was too busy pretending I was above it all and didn't need feelings, didn't need you," he sighed. Amy sat motionless, silent, listening with rapt attention. "I'm…I'm not like that anymore. Even though we're only friends now, I want to make it up to you. I'm sorry for the past. I'm sorry I'm such a difficult person. Thank you for putting up with me as long as you did. I didn't deserve you. You were right to leave to find someone better than me." He looked down, his countenance dejected. He wanted her, and he knew she wanted him. But he didn't know that he could be enough, and he couldn't lose her again. It was so much harder than he had anticipated. But it had to be this way. It was better this way, right?

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Amy hated seeing him like this. She had to make him understand. "Sheldon, yes, I know I said I found you...challenging at times...but you were not a bad boyfriend. We had so much fun together, you made me feel more loved than anyone else ever has. Our relationship took you by surprise, it did me too. It was unexpected, but you were in it, you changed so much for me, for us."

"Yes, well clearly not enough…" it was only a whisper, but she heard it.

Amy took a deep breath. She had tried. She had given him the distance of friendship that he had requested. She had not brought up their failed relationship. She had not told him how much she still loved him, how she desperately wanted to be with him. She had tried, but clearly this was not working. She could read so much he wasn't saying and by now she was sure he still loved her, no matter what he said about them being "friends." Maybe it was time to lay all her cards on the table. She only hoped he wouldn't try to bluff his way out of the game again this time.

"Sheldon, do you remember when we went to the aquarium and I told you I had dated 6 different men?"

"I remember." His tone was even but she noticed his jaw clenched tightly after he spoke.

"I never got past a first date with 5 of them; they just didn't interest me at all. And do you know the only reason I saw the other man more than once was that he kind of reminded me of you? And then later, he really really reminded me of you..." she muttered, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that - "

"Is that why you kissed him?" Sheldon couldn't stop the words before they tumbled out of his mouth. In that moment he knew: despite his earlier promise, if he ever invented time travel he would not go directly to the day he met Leonard, he would instead return to this day, 35 seconds ago and crack himself over the head before he could ask that question. He knew he had no business asking it, but even more he really didn't want to know the answer, really didn't want to think about it ever again, in fact.

Amy's eyes grew wide. She had not even told Penny and Bernadette that she had kissed Dave. How could he possibly have known that? Had she told him? No, no she definitely hadn't told him. Dave had been obsessed with Sheldon...had he found him and told him? Oh boy..."Um...Sheldon, how do you know about that?" she ventured tentatively.

"I...uh..." Sheldon stammered before dropping his head, unable to meet her eyes. His shoulders slumped. "I was there" he finally admitted.

"You were where?" Amy asked him, thoroughly confused.

"Outside your apartment building" his answer was a whisper. She could see his downcast eyes from the side, and saw the tears.

"Oh god..." she panted, feeling like all the air had left her lungs. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth as her own eyes filled with tears that that immediately spilled over. "You were there…you...you saw?" Her heartbeat ran wild in her chest. Time slowed for Amy. She knew it had been only the briefest of kisses. Chaste, in fact. But her mind realized how she would feel had she had to see Sheldon kiss another woman, no matter what kind of kiss. She then thought of everything she knew of Sheldon and what that must have done to him. She remembered every time she had pushed him for intimacy, every time he had acquiesced, and every time he hadn't. She knew from the weeks he was relentlessly pursuing her just after the breakup that he thought she had left him to immediately find someone else to be intimate with. She had told him that was not the case, but then he had seen her kissing someone else. Yes, she knew how she would feel if the roles were reversed - even having been the one to call it off she would feel like someone was ripping her heart out. She couldn't begin to imagine what it had done to Sheldon.

Sheldon's voice pulled her out of her musings. "Before you jump to any conclusions, I wasn't following you. I was coming to..." he swallowed hard. "I was just coming to talk to you. And there you were..."

"Sheldon, nothing else happened - "

He rose from the couch. "You don't owe me an explanation." He had already picked up his windbreaker and was reaching for his messenger bag.

"You're right, I don't owe you an explanation, but I want to give you one. Please, look at me Sheldon" she implored him.

He froze for a moment, as if weighing his choices. "Please" she asked again, urgently.

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He set his jacket back down and slowly turned around toward her, taking the two steps back to the couch before looking up to meet her eyes.

"Please, sit." He complied. "Sheldon, what you saw was all that happened between he and I, and that was the only time it happened. You just apparently have really, really horrendous timing. I never so much as held hands with anyone else on any other date."

"Ok" he replied, looking down again, unsure what else to say. She didn't need to tell him this. He didn't need to consider what this meant. They were just friends, right?

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She just wanted him to look at her so without thinking she reached out and lifted his chin with her fingertips, noticing him stiffen the instant she touched him. Oh no, is my touch uncomfortable to him now? Has so much changed? "Sheldon, please believe me. I want you to know this, because the reason I could not be with anyone else is that I realized I only want to be with you. I love you, and only you. I know we're just friends now, I realize you...you don't feel that way about me anymore," Amy took a shuddering breath, "but you should know that I didn't ask for a break because you weren't enough and I wanted to run out and find someone else. You were enough, we were enough Sheldon. I realize that now."

"Then why? Why did you ask for the break?" There, he had finally asked. For better or worse, he had asked.

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Amy sighed deeply before answering. "Honestly, I feel like I hardly know anymore. I guess...we had been together a long time, Sheldon, and our relationship didn't seem to be going anywhere. I realized how much I loved you, but I didn't think you felt the same way. I realized what I wanted more than anything was to be with you for the rest of my life, and yes, that included physical intimacy, but wasn't the main factor. I didn't think you felt that way about me. I was afraid of spending the rest of my life wondering how you really felt and if we would ever move forward or if you would just leave again. I had been weighing the future for a while, and your comment about The Flash was just the last straw. I thought that if even our anniversary meant nothing to you, wasn't worth celebrating, then our relationship must not mean as much to you as me."

Sheldon stared at her. She could not possibly have been more wrong. "Amy, that is not true, our anniversary meant a great deal to me, too. You have no idea how I felt that night. What I was going to... How much I..." His eyes were wide and wet, staring into hers. She saw so much raw emotion in them, she was unable to name even half the feelings reflected back at her. The intensity of the moment overwhelmed her.

She waited for him to continue, hardly daring to breathe. He hadn't opened up to her at all until now. Please, Sheldon, please, talk to me…

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He rose abruptly, hands raking back and forth over his hair. He took two quick steps away from the couch before turning around taking two in the other direction, pacing a tight circle, his eyes now on the floor. "I can't…I can't do this. I'm sorry. I can't…" and like that he was gone, leaving Amy sitting alone on her couch staring at the open door.

Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I think we've got one more chapter to go. Hang tight!