Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Big Bang Theory or the characters I'm writing about. Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady are the geniuses responsible for the greatness of TBBT and The Shamy. This work is intended only as an homage to our favorite couple, whatever their current relationship status.
Sheldon stared at her. She could not possibly have been more wrong. "Amy, that is not true, our anniversary meant a great deal to me, too. You have no idea how I felt that night. What I was going to... How much I..." His eyes were wide and wet, staring into hers. She saw so much raw emotion in them, she was unable to name even half the feelings reflected back at her. The intensity of the moment overwhelmed her.
She waited for him to continue, hardly daring to breathe. He hadn't opened up to her at all until now. Please, Sheldon, please, talk to me…
Tick tick tick
He rose abruptly, hands raking back and forth over his hair. He took two quick steps from away from the couch before turning around taking two in the other direction, pacing a tight circle, his eyes now on the floor. "I can't…I can't do this. I'm sorry. I can't…" and like that he was gone, leaving Amy sitting alone on her couch staring at the open door.
Amy sat on the couch for several minutes, too stunned to move. He had left. They had been so close, she had put everything on the line, he had been so honest, she had been so sure…and he had left. She didn't cry; that had already been done. She just felt…numb. Would she now lose this tenuous friendship they were rebuilding, too? How could they ever go back to the ease from earlier tonight after what had just happened? Had she lost him…again?
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Sheldon made it as far as the elevator, pressing the button with far more force than was required before he leaned back on the wall and tried to steady his breathing. It didn't work. He slid down the wall until his behind hit the floor. He buried his face in his hands and tried to hold back the tidal wave attempting to burst from his chest. He was not going to do this. He would not cry sitting on this dirty floor in his ex-girlfriend's apartment building. He was Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper and he was stronger than this. Seven months. It had been SEVEN MONTHS. He was so angry with himself. How had it come to this? What had he been thinking? "Let's be friends." Yes, clearly that was a great idea. He scoffed at his naiveté. There was no way in the world he and Amy Farrah Fowler could remain friends. He knew what he had to do.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
At long last Amy rose on unsteady legs and closed her apartment door. She turned the deadbolt and leaned against the door, unsure if she could even make it back to the couch. And then it happened.
Knock knock knock…Amy
Knock knock knock…Amy
Knock knock knock…Amy
Her breath caught in her throat; ok, just maybe she had been on the verge of tears, after all. She threw the door open to find Sheldon, eyes glassy and full of pain. He didn't even speak before grabbing her and pulling her into a tight embrace, nearly knocking her off her feet. He held her close, one arm at her back, the other on the back of her head, cradling it to his chest. He was shaking. Amy felt the world spin away from her; she thought she might pass out. Neither spoke for a long moment. He softened his hold on her head and she craned her neck up to look at him. Sheldon's eyes met hers before he bowed his head and spoke into her ear, his lips brushing the outer shell, his breath making her shiver.
"Seven months ago I watched you walk out my door, and it almost destroyed me. Amy, I'm so sorry I walked out this door tonight. I don't want either of us ever walking away again. Please." He pleaded, the last word more sob that speech. She wrapped her arms tightly around him as he buried his face in her neck, his body wracked by all the emotion he had not shown her. She soon found her own frame trembling in response. They clung to each other, their embrace the only thing keeping them both upright.
"Sheldon, I'm so sorry," Amy managed finally.
"No, I'm the one who is sorry. Amy, you had every reason to think I didn't care for you as much as you cared for me. I was unwilling to show you how I really felt, because I was uncomfortable with it. It's not an excuse, it doesn't make it ok, but I spent most of my life pretending I didn't have feelings, then you came along and there were so many...I just didn't know how to handle it. I'm a genius, Amy, but I was stupid," he kissed her forehead tenderly, "I was so stupid." Another kiss. "I can't do it. I love you, Amy. I've tried not to love you anymore. Everyone told me I had to get over you, I had to move on, I had to let you go and let you be happy with someone else. But I can't." He pressed his forehead to hers, chest heaving.
"Sheldon, I don't want you to. I told you, I don't want anyone else. I want you. I love you."
It was too good to be true. He had done nothing in his life to deserve this woman before him. "I love you, too. I love you so much, Amy." His voice shook, "But I can't lose you again."
"I'm not going anywhere."
His pulled back slightly, eyes searching hers, his gaze deep and penetrating. She felt herself holding her breath as they bored into her soul. His right hand slid up to cup her left cheek and he held her there for a moment. No words were spoken but volumes were said before his hand slipped around to the back of her neck, fingers entwined in her hair as he pulled her to him, his lips pressing to hers tenderly. Awash in sensation she felt him sigh her name against her lips more than she heard it. "Amy…" Then his mouth opened and she was engulfed by his love. His left arm wrapped around her waist, drawing their bodies flush. His lips were insistent, pressing, molding around hers, his tongue slipping out to trace the junction of her own lips, still together. It was the most erotic feeling Amy had ever experienced. The electric sensation caused her to gasp and her mouth welcomed his tongue. He pulled her tightly against him, desperate to feel every inch of her, needing to convince himself that she was real, that this was real.
Amy was putty in his hands. So much passion. I never knew how much passion. How did I not know? He maneuvered them to her couch, sitting down and pulling her onto his lap. Her hands found their way to his shoulders, his chest, his biceps, her nails ran through his hair.
Sheldon's hands likewise were everywhere, like he needed to map every inch of her form. Oh god I never knew it could feel like this. I never knew she felt like this. How did I not know?
It felt like hours or maybe only seconds later before another word was spoken. Sheldon had just trailed a line of kisses up the side of Amy's neck from her collar bone to her earlobe, drawing a moan from her lips. They were lying across her small couch now, his body covering hers, and her chest arched upwards under him automatically as his mouth traced its path. He kissed the spot just behind her earlobe before he spoke. "Amy, I need you, please let me stay with you tonight." Her eyes flew open, finding his in the half-light.
"You want to stay here? With me? In, um, in my bed?"
"Yes, please," he ran the back of his hand down the side of her face, gazing into her eyes. She was momentarily torn. She wanted him to stay, would be happy to never be parted from him again, but if he meant…oh god, she could hardly finish the thought…she wondered if they would regret rushing into it.
Sheldon saw the indecision flash across her face. "Amy, we don't have to…do more tonight…I just need to feel you with me, I need to hold you. I want to wake up with you in my arms. I just can't leave you now." He turned slightly sideways against the back of the couch, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her tight against him, laying her head against his chest.
"Ok. Stay with me, Sheldon." She breathed, the words feeling foreign, and wonderful, and scary and freeing all at once. She slowly slid from his arms and stood next to the couch, holding out her hand to him. He rose and took it. "Let's go to bed."
Tick tick tick
It was midnight, but neither of them noticed.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading and for taking the time to leave such lovely comments. Your participation inspires me to write. Please let me know how you feel about the end.
And to my dear anonymous reviewer who was concerned that this was another story "where Sheldon abandons Amy again," as you can see he didn't get far. I don't think Sheldon will ever be able to be far from Amy again. :-)