Incomplete

"Abarai-fukutaichou." Renji bit back a sigh and ignored the gazes from the other captains as Kyoraku-soutaichou removed his hat – as he always did at the end of the taichou meetings – and looked at him briefly before nodding to the others briefly to move on. I know what he is going to ask but my answer is still the same. The red-haired Shinigami ignored the heavy gazes of his comrades, including one orange-haired Shinigami in particular. I won't change my answer.

Kyoraku-soutaichou bored his eyes into Renji's own and spoke carefully. "Abarai-fukutaichou, I believe it is wise that you accept the taichou positon of the sixth –"

"No way!" The shout came out louder than he intended to, and Renji forced his breathing to calm and still the emotions wanting to break free. "I cannot accept the positon, Kyoraku-soutaichou," Renji stated quietly with somberness in his voice. "You know that."

The former carefree taichou nodded, his eyes heavy with sadness. "Kuchiki Byakuya has not woken from his state in three months, Abarai-fukutaichou. It is…standard procedure –"

"I don't care about that!" Renji shouted. To hell with calm! he thought as his emotions surged as he thought about the whispers that followed him from his division. The Shinigami didn't give a shit what those shit-faces thought about him. But when they talk about Kuchiki-taichou…it's like I can't think. Like…I am just agonizing rage. "Kuchiki-taichou will wake up! It's only been three months since the war, Soutaichou! I know he will –!"

"Renji." The red-haired Shinigami stared in shock and gaped at the sound of his name. Normally only Rukia and his other friends called him that. And then…there's taichou… His fists clenched, seeing the unnatural detachment from Kyoraku-soutaichou as he spoke. "The first lesson that students in the Soul Academy learn is not to be afraid of death. The other, is that when they fall in battle, it is because of their failure. Kuchiki Byakuya fell in battle not once, but twice." Renji could only hear the words as his heart beat frantically, as if understanding the immense rage that steadily surged within him. How dare you…! Renji thought as the Shinigami's eyes remained detached. How dare you insult him like his is…! "I know Byakuya knows this. It has been drilled in him, and I believe you know this as well."

"Are you saying that it Kuchiki-taichou's fault that he fought an enemy using his own bankai?!" Renji stood very close to Soutaichou, close enough to see the clean-shaven face closely for the first time. How much he has changed, Renji thought furiously as he remembered the Shinigami who had once reassured him that Kuchiki-taichou did like him during his early days of being his vice-captain. I pleaded with him to not let anyone find out, and he laughed, saying the only one he would tell would be the sake bottle! Why…? "Are you saying that he was weak, Kyoraku-soutaichou?! Because he wasn't! Taichou…took several fatal blows from his own bankai and survived! Lesser Shinigami would have died! And…he grew stronger! Much stronger than before, so strong he defeated three of the enemies on his own with only his shikai!" Renji fought for breath, his hands shaking as his face broke out in a snarl. "If it is anyone who failed, it was me! I was supposed to protect him, and I failed as a vice-captain!" His voice quieted, and pain entered his mind as he thought about the last words his taichou had spoken to him. "That is another first lesson that students at the Soul Academy learn, right Soutaichou? That it is a failure to protect your superiors."

Kyoraku-soutaichou sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Very well, Abarai-fukutaichou." For a mere moment, sadness appeared in his eyes before it disappeared. "You will have three more months. If Kuchiki Byakuya does not awaken then, you will become the sixth division's taichou with no complaint." There was a pause. "Do you understand?"

It seemed to be a long time before Renji responded. Despite his will, a crack appeared in his voice.

"Hai."

"And Abarai-fukutaichou." Renji paused and looked back at the soutaichou. "I once thought that you and Byakuya would not get along, knowing of how he did not have a vice-captain until you took over the position. Now, as you stand here," the older Shinigami stated with a sad smile, "I find myself comparing your to Yama-jiji and Sasakibe-fukutaichou." Renji remembered the funeral of the first division's vice-captain after the first invasion, seeing the flames turning the corpse into ashes. "You cannot begin to understand the agony Soutaichou is feeling right now." I think I can understand… Renji thought as he remembered holding his captain's body in his arms, a little bit, Taichou. "Even though he was strong enough to lead his own division, Sasakibe-fukutaichou always remained at Yama-jiji's side. His devotion and loyalty was unparalleled…except…" For a moment, it appeared that Kyoraku-soutaichou was about to say something. Instead, the recent soutaichou turned around and stated quietly, "It is also a failure to protect your vice-captain, Abarai-fukutaichou. It…truly is an unspoken rule that all captain are supposed to uphold."

Renji lowered his eyes and his thoughts returned to the aftermath of the battle between the former eighth division's captain and the Quincy he had fought. The once-mischievous eyes were blank, holding his vice-captain's body in his arms as he stared at her broken glass and open shocked eyes. It's not just him, Renji thought at the thought of the other devastated division. Kurotsuchi-taichou as well… Unlike the vice-captain of the twelfth division, however, Ise Nanao had been accidently caught in her taichou's bankai, causing her death along with the enemy. Since her death, Kurotsuchi Mayuri had been unable to function, unable to understand that his daughter was dead. Eventually, Urahara Kisuke, the former captain of the twelfth division before he was exiled, became the captain again with a broken scientist as his vice-captain.

"I'm sorry about Nanao, Soutaichou."

There was no response. Then,

"Nanao-chan always wanted me to be serious and take my duties seriously." There was a faint tremble in the Shinigami's voice. "I could not do that…and could not even protect her from my own bankai. It is the least I can do…to be the captain she wanted me to be now that she…is gone."

Renji pretended he didn't notice the tears in Kyoraku-soutaichou's eyes.

Renji only heard the voices as he began to exit the building. His brown eyes had echoed against the empty desk that was next to his own, exactly as it had been before the beginning of the war that tore their worlds apart. Renji refused to take Kuchiki-taichou's desk and continued to do the paperwork at his own desk. No one in the division had said a word.

Until now.

"…You mean Abarai-taichou, Kenta. We all know the former captain isn't going to wake up." Renji stilled, his heartbeat faint against his ears as the conversation continued. "I mean, he was defeated by his own bankai! How pathetic is that!" The laughter coming across from the building made Renji's heart shatter, oozing black anger as his entire body started to shake. "And what's more, he was defeated again. Can you believe that? Someone so weak shouldn't be the leader of any division."

Stop. Renji thought as he gritted his teeth, trying to keep his reiatsu under control. Stop talking!

"I heard that the Shinigami wasn't even sociable. He even sent his own sister to death!" Renji felt cold rage tear through him, flashes of memory pouring through his mind as he remembered his taichou's expression as he said that Renji probably wanted him dead. The blood – so much of it – breaking free from Ichimaru's zanpakutou, splattering on the ground, Rukia's screams burning in his nightmares. "And Abarai-taichou was probably so scarred by him that he can't accept anyone else as his taichou because he fears him!"

"Enough." The two Shinigami found themselves crushed beneath Renji's hands against the soft flesh of their necks. The two – young unseated officers, recent graduates from the Academy – stared at their superior in stunned silence with their eyes wide as the brown eyes surveyed them with cold and heavy disgust. "You have no right to speak of Kuchiki-taichou in such a manner. Tell me," Renji rasped slightly as the two Shinigami began to shake, "have you ever personally known Kuchiki-taichou?" There was no response, and Renji felt a surge of anger at the sight of them. "Kuchiki-taichou is never weak, and never has been! Tell those same cowardly words you whispered to him just now, and I tell you will be dead before you hit the ground!"

One of them whispered something underneath his breath, and Renji's eyes widened at the smirk on the young Shinigami's face.

"He was weak…because he had to protect you, Abarai-taichou." Renji paled, his hands almost dropping the Shinigami on the ground. "Why do you think he got injured so badly against his own bankai?" Renji swallowed, his eyes losing focus as he remembered his own words to Kyoraku-soutaichou. I failed him, I know that, but… "He fought to protect you, and he was already weak to begin then!"

The two Shinigami halted their muffled screams as their heads slammed against the wall. Renji stared at them in murderous rage, his reiatsu almost choking them. "I should kill you for speaking those very words," he stated as the Shinigami started to choke, spittle slowly dripping down their mouths. "For insulting Taichou most of all. I don't give a shit about me. But…when you insult the Shinigami who had protected your asses during the invasion, you make me wish he hadn't." Renji removed his hands, looking in disgust as the Shinigami heaved and gasped for breath on their knees. "I will sign your reassignment paperwork to the eleventh division tomorrow morning." He did not miss the dismayed gasps, and inwardly Renji grinned. "Now go."

"Renji-san?"

Renji made no sound as Rikichi moved towards him, his footsteps hesitant and unsure.

"Yes, Rikichi?" Renji had never felt so exhausted. Hearings those words from Kyoraku-soutaichou and the shitty subordinates made his head spin. I have no idea what to do. I don't know…what to do.

Taichou…

"I heard what you said, Renji-san." Slowly, Renji turned and looked at the unseated officer. His dark brown hair had grown longer considerably in the years that had passed since he had become a member of squad six. It was tied into a ponytail, reaching the back of his neck. The signature tattoo that he had gotten from admiring Renji shone in the moonlight briefly, and it took a moment for Renji to notice that Rikichi was wearing a thin white scarf around his neck. Similar in the manner of… Renji's eyes widened.

"I too believe in every word that you said. Kuchiki-taichou will wake up, and you then you won't be so sad anymore."

"I'm not sad," Renji retorted immediately to the younger Shinigami. "I'm just…" He searched for the words and found none. I'm….I'm what exactly?

"In the beginning, I used to be so afraid of Kuchiki-taichou," Rikichi said with a self-conscious smile. "I couldn't even look at him, not to mention being in the same room with him. You were my hero, Renji, because you actually noticed me and I wasn't afraid of you. But…Renji, you also made me see of how admirable Kuchiki-taichou is to me."

"How?" Renji asked.

Rikichi gave a small laugh, causing Renji to look at the Shinigami incredulously.

"You changed him, Renji-san. When you fought him, I was…surprised to say the least when I found his scarf covering your body. I wasn't certain what it meant, until I asked Rukia-san." A faint blush ordained his cheeks, and Renji continued to stare uncomprehending until Rikichi whispered, "It was a sign of respect, Renji-san. To cover you with a family heirloom…must be of how much he showed he respected and cared for you."

"W-wait," Renji stated, holding up his hands. His mind was unraveling at the information he was being bombarded with. "W-what do you mean, family heirloom? I know it's a sign of nobility to wear the hair piece thing he used to wear, but what does Kuchiki-taichou's scarf have to do with anything?"

Rikichi blinked at him. "I thought you spent forty years pursuing him, Renji-san. Didn't you know that the scarf Kuchiki-taichou wore was passed down from generations in the Kuchiki family?"

Renji felt heat rush to his face. "H-how was I supposed to know what the scarf meant? He didn't say a word to me when I handed it back to him anyway!"

"After your battle, Kuchiki-taichou seemed to notice his division around him, including those who didn't hold a seated position," Rikichi continued as if the interruption hadn't happened. "One day when I was sick, Kuchiki-taichou came to me and asked me if I was unwell. I had no idea what to say, and…I was stunned to find a Kuchiki healer in my room, telling me that their leader had instructed him to take care of me." Rikichi smiled and looked at the stunned fukutaichou's face. "You noted his kindness right away, Renji-san after he changed. That's why…you refused to leave his side despite him almost killing you. You didn't hate him anymore."

"He didn't try to kill me," Renji stated softy. Rikichi looked at him, confusion in his dark orbs. "He would have if he was serious, like his battle with Ichigo. But he would have, and I still am amazed he didn't simply kill me because I broke so many laws to save Rukia. And…I didn't hate him, Rikichi." Renji remembered the moment when he had met Kuchiki-taichou, his heart in his throat as he felt the Shinigami's immense reiatsu. Incredible… he had thought. His younger self had sought to know everything about the mysterious noble who was so strong, and strived to match his strength…but it was not out of hatred as many thought. "I simply…wanted to walk by his side. To show him…" What? Renji thought as his voice died. So many times he had watched his taichou's back, the kanji for six embedded on his haori and his scarf flowing in the wind. "To show him that I was worthy enough to fight with him. And you noted of how he changed, didn't you, Rikichi?" He turned to the younger Shinigami and his eyes observed the white scarf across the Shinigami's neck. "That's why you admire him as well."

"Hai, Renji-san. But…" The red-haired Shinigami stared as Rikichi looked at him with genuine emotion in his eyes. An emotion Renji couldn't name. "To you, your life…is incomplete without his. You long for him…so much that empty spaces fill your heart without him."

Incomplete…? Renji thought as he stood alone in the night. The moon was shining brightly, the white light shining in Renji's eyes. It is true that I have been…not myself, but… He thought of Kuchiki-taichou. The emptiness surged within him as he remembered of the calm harmony they shared working in the sixth division. He thought of how the older Shinigami would sometimes stare at the moon as he was now, his dark eyes looking at something far away, not responding to Renji's voice. Incomplete…without you… Of how, after the fourth division had said they had done the best they could, Renji had visited his taichou every day to the point where the servants insisted he have a room there.

Senbonzakura shattered across his feet.

Incomplete…