History Lessons
"Whatcha doing?"
"The Great and Powerful Trixie has elected to favor Apple Blossom with a display of her amazing magical prowess," Trixie explained proudly.
Apple Bloom chewed on that as she fidgeted atop the crate Trixie had levitated her up onto. Finally she said, "Why?"
"Trixie feels that Trixie should display Trixie's humble and beneficent nature to correct erroneous prevailing opinions about Trixie's character."
Apple Bloom puzzled over that for a moment, then said. "Miss Great and Powerful Trixie?"
"Yes Apple Blossom?"
"What's 'erroneous' mean?"
For some reason Trixie stopped what she was doing, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again she was smiling. Apple Bloom thought the smile looked kind of strange.
"It means wrong. Mistaken. In error. Such as the negative things some ponies believe about Trixie."
Apple Bloom brightened. "Oh, you mean like how you're an egotistical jerk who spends her time in small towns like Ponyville so you can feel like a bigshot even though normally no pony would think that you were anything special?"
Trixie gritted her teeth but nodded. "Yes."
"And how you're a power mad petty tyrant who started acting like a schoolyard bully at recess the moment she got her hooves on some real magic and got off way too easy just because Princess Twilight is too nice for her own good?"
Trixie took another deep breath. "Yes," she said from behind clenched teeth.
"And how the only way you could have gotten into Princess Celestia's school for unicorns is if your family pulled a whole buncha strings or else you must have been spreading yer hind legs for every—"
"Yes Apple Blossom, those are the opinions Trixie was referring to!" Trixie shouted, very loudly. "They are mistaken impressions and Trixie wishes to correct them!"
Apple Bloom was quiet for about fifteen seconds. Then she said, "But how is puttin' on a magic show for me gonna do that?"
"Trixie is glad you asked," Trixie said happily. "Once you have been amazed by Trixie's feats of magical ability you will go about your business happy and delighted. Ponies such as your brother will note this and ask why. You will excitedly tell them about how Trixie deigned to give you an exclusive performance out of the goodness of Trixie's heart and he will realize that his initial impression of Trixie was in error and Big Macintosh will come to see how generous and wonderful Trixie is!"
Apple Bloom's eyes grew steadily wider as the monologue proceeded. "What's mah brother got to do with this?" she asked, clearly confused. "Ah thought you said this was about all ah Ponyville?"
Trixie snorted. "As if Trixie cares about this little hayseed—yes of course that is what Trixie meant. Trixie was simply using Apple Blossom's brother as an example."
"Oh." Apple Bloom thought about it some more. "Okay."
Trixie busied herself with something behind the makeshift stage which normally served as some sort of gazebo. After a good deal of tinkering and some angry words that Apple Bloom didn't recognize Trixie gave a satisfied "Hah!" and rose. She turned back to Apple Bloom with a confident smirk. Her horn lit up and two spotlights of multi-colored lights shone out of nowhere onto the stage. They roamed about seemingly at random for several seconds before turning pure white and focusing on Trixie. Trixie stood out in perfect relief amidst the evening shadows. The rest of the stage faded into the half light by contrast. Trixie threw her platinum mane back haughtily before speaking in a dramatic voice.
"Little Apple Blossom, in olden days before the harmonious reign of Celestia there was only WAR!"
A series of sparkling streaks came flying up from behind the gazebo. They burst in the air, illuminating the stage with pulses of light. Trixie continued.
"The three tribes of ponies were locked in ceaseless conflict. Hatred spread across the land as—"
Apple Bloom raised her hoof. Trixie paused. "Yes, Apple Blossom?" she said in a weary tone.
"Princess Twilight said that the Three Tribes period was characterized far more by economic coercion an' extortionist trade policies than actual warfare, with each of the tribes being locked together in a hostile but inextricably intertwined system which left them too mutually dependent to attempt to conquer one another militarily."
Trixie stared at her. "What?"
Apple Bloom continued to look at Trixie with those big, innocent eyes. "Like, the pegasi and the unicorns used their respective control over the weather and the diurnal cycle to force the earth ponies to give them crops as tribute, but the earth ponies kept the tribute low enough and spread over a long enough period of time to prevent the other tribes from accumulating sufficient stockpiles of food to make going to war a viable option."
Trixie blinked. Apple Bloom stared back.
"Princess Twilight Sparkle is dumb," Trixie said finally.
Apple Bloom gasped. "But she lived in a library an' read all them books!" she protested.
Trixie rolled her eyes. "History is written by the victors, little Apple Blossom. Think about it. Where did Twilight Sparkle go to school?"
"Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns," Apple Bloom said promptly.
"And who was her teacher?"
"Princess Celestia," Apple Bloom said confused. "Everypony knows that."
Trixie nodded sagely. "And who replaced the leaders of the three tribes?"
"Princess Celestia," Apple Bloom said slowly. "But that was way later, after the Windigos. Once they unified the leaders of the three tribes invited the princesses to be their rulers cus they were alicorns and represented all the kinds of ponies."
Trixie scoffed. "Why ever would they do that? What politician would ever invite foreigners to simply come in and take their place? Clearly the story in Twilight Sparkle's history books is a fabrication created by Princess Celestia to hide the grim truth of how she acquired her throne!"
Apple Bloom's eyes were wide as saucers as she processed what she was hearing. "But Miss Trixie, how do you know all this?"
Trixie sniffed. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has learned many secrets long forgotten in her studies at the outer boundaries of known pony magic. How do you think Trixie learned of the Ali—" Trixie coughed. "Trixie has learned many secrets," she finished lamely. "Great and Powerful secrets!"
The silence dragged awkwardly. Trixie tried again.
"Now, would Apple Blossom like to hear more of Trixie's Great and Powerful story? There will be fireworks," she promised.
Apple Bloom perked up. Fireworks sounded like a great way to get a cutie mark.
†
"I have a huge penis," Big Macintosh thought.
It wasn't something he was especially proud of. It wasn't like he'd done something special to make the danged thing grow until it was thicker than some of the orchard's trees back during his adolescence. He certainly didn't think less of ponies not so well endowed as himself, or even the ones like Filthy Rich and Caramel whom equine biology had seen fit to play a cruel prank upon. Still, if pressed he would have to admit to a certain quiet gratitude for the sense of security his large member brought him. It hadn't escaped his attention that many colts had lingering doubts stemming from the size of their genitals and an instinctive need to preemptively defend their masculinity. Taking pride in all his hard work on Sweet Apple Acres and lending a helping hoof whenever his neighbors were in need would have been so much harder if deep down he had to contend with the knowledge that the whole thing was an elaborate way of saying, "Don't look at my penis."
It seemed awfully unfair that mares didn't have to worry about that sort of thing, come to think of it. He felt a bit guilty at the thought, but some part of him wondered what the world would be like if female members of the community had to worry about how the size of some dangling hunk of flesh affected the way others viewed them and judged their relative attractiveness. It would definitely be a very different place from Equestria, that was for sure and certain.
Big Macintosh shook the thought from his head. The only fleshy bits that should be hanging off a mare's body were her teats, and Big Macintosh didn't want to meet the fellow who got excited over the sight of crotch boobs.
A gigantic fireball went screaming across the sky in a zigzag pattern. It landed somewhere with an enormous crash. Big Macintosh sighed, stopped what he was doing and began moseying over to survey the damage.
When he got there Trixie was on her back again atop a pile of broken lumber. Parts of it were still smoldering. Apple Bloom was standing a nearby covered with soot. Her face was screwed up as if she was trying to figure out what to do next. She looked up when Big Macintosh's shadow fell over her.
"Big Mac!" she shouted loudly enough that he folded his ears back defensively.
"Are you alright?" Big Macintosh rumbled once the ringing started to fade.
"Ah'm fine!" Apple Bloom said enthusiastically. "Miss Trixie broke mah fall."
Big Macintosh shook his head and walked over to check on their troublesome guest worker. Trixie was mumbling something incoherent and seemed to have trouble focusing on anything. Big Macintosh knelt down to check for injuries. He had just assured himself that her skull wasn't broken when her amethyst eyes focused on his face.
"You alright Miss-" he began. He was cut off abruptly when Trixie wrapped her forehooves around the back of his head in a death grip and kissed him with hungry, desperate passion. Big Macintosh reared back reflexively. Trixie clung to him as he did and found herself hauled upright. She wrapped her hind legs around his chest to improve her grip.
"Mmpff!" Big Macintosh said behind the suction of Trixie's lips. He shook back and forth but she clung to him like a lamprey. Finally he gave a mental sigh and waited for her to get tired.
A minute passed. It stretched into two. After an interminable amount of time Trixie finally came up for air. Big Macintosh interposed one of his own forehooves while she sucked in air. When she was done Trixie started in for another kiss. Big Macintosh held her back gently but firmly. Trixie stopped struggling and smiled at him happily instead. Big Macintosh stared back stolidly. Trixie sighed in utter contentment.
They held the pose for awhile. Big Macintosh found it intensely uncomfortable. He cleared his throat. Trixie perked up eagerly.
"Ah find your behavior inappropriate and unwelcome, Miss Trixie."
Trixie froze. She looked around and seemed to notice her surroundings for the first time. She looked back to Big Macintosh.
"We are not in Trixie's wagon?" she asked.
"Nope."
"And Big Macintosh did not wake Trixie up to confess his love and adoration for her?"
"Nope."
"And the epic seafaring adventure in which Trixie rescued Big Macintosh from the Dread Pirate Gumdrop Giggles who had abducted Big Macintosh to serve as her concubine and stud to her crew was only a dream?"
"Eyup."
Trixie took all that in.
"...Oh."
Trixie let go of Big Macintosh and looked sheepish. Big Macintosh glared at her.
"What happened this time?"
Trixie suddenly looked all shifty-eyed. "Trixie was practicing a routine. Some parts of it require refinement to avoid overwhelming Trixie's future audiences to an unbearable degree."
Big Macintosh looked at her dubiously.
"Ah'll go get Granny Smith's medicinal kit," he said finally. "Ah'll meet you in the barn. Apple Bloom, help her get there and keep an eye on her in case she's hurt and doesn't know it."
With that he left. Trixie watched him go wistfully.
"Uhm, Miss Great and Powerful Trixie?" came a voice from nearby. "Thanks for not ratting me out for messing with yer fireworks. And for grabbing me on the way down."
Trixie smiled down at her. "You are welcome, Apple Bloom."
†
Luna swept into Celestia's solar ten minutes after Celestia had begun breakfast.
"Begone, dutiful servants," she said imperiously. "Your Princess of the Night must needs speak privately with Our dear sister."
Celestia raised an eyebrow. The servants looked at Celestia uncertainly. She nodded to them with a gentle smile. They bowed their heads and left without a word.
Celestia waited. Luna waited. Immortals tended to be good at that. But only one of them had recently spent a thousand years alone on the moon. Celestia broke first.
"Good morning Luna," she said calmly.
"The morning's light reveals many things," Luna declaimed grandly. "Not all of which should be revealed."
The words hung in the air. Celestia coughed. Luna looked awkward for a moment before continuing.
"It would seem that your propaganda has not been as successful as imagined," she said grimly.
"Come again?" Celestia said. She cocked her head to one side quizzically.
Luna ground her teeth and tried again.
""You recall perhaps that Dame Applejack has a younger sister?"
Celestia nodded. "Apple Bloom. Darling filly. She and her friends took part in Cadance's wedding, I believe."
Luna coughed awkwardly. "Yes, well, I would not know. In any case, this past night I visited her dreams and learned of grave tidings."
Celestia stiffened at that. Ponyville had always been a magnet for trouble, and any trouble for the Apple family was sure to affect her faithful student as well. "Go on."
"It would seem somepony has unearthed the true history of how we gained our crowns, sister."
Celestia gasped.
"Indeed sister," Luna continued grimly. "I was unable to ascertain the identity of the culprit during the course of my rounds, but the scenario in the filly's dream was far too accurate to be a coincidence."
Celestia was quiet for some time. Finally she said, "All books and documents relating to that time should have been expunged or altered ages ago. I saw to it myself. If somepony has managed to put the truth together from whatever scraps I may have missed then they can only be a genius and a mastermind of the highest caliber."
Luna nodded. "Our thoughts as well. It can be no coincidence that this narrative has surfaced in Ponyville of all places, so recently relinquished to your student as her personal domain."
"And therein lies the problem," Celestia said, unconsciously falling back on the formal speech patterns another age as the weight of the situation sank in. "Twilight will of a certainty notice if we seek with a heavy hoof, and Twilight has never failed to investigate that which piques her curiosity. I…would fain not see her reaction to that part of my past. I had thought it long behind me."
"And I as well," Luna agreed. "I ask that you let me and mine handle the investigation. There are those among the thestrals whose discretion can be considered inviolate."
Celestia hesitated before nodding her acquiescence. "It would seem that we have few options. Good hunting Luna. Remember, we need to both find whoever is spreading these tales and learn who else they might be in partnership with."
"Verily," Luna said firmly. "I trust the instruments of painful interrogation are yet stored in some secure dungeon?"
Celestia winced at the thought. "Verily," she confirmed sadly. She turned her face back to the window and the light of the morning sun. "I had thought that time was behind us once and for all."
Luna walked over and wrapped a comforting wing around her sister.
"That day will come. For now we must ensure that all we have worked for does not come to naught."