Class Warfare
Trixie sat alone in her cell and contemplated the possibility that she was wrong about something.
It seemed impossible. But the evidence was starting to pile up. Failed to graduate from Celestia's school. Failed to make a name for herself as a magician, or at least as a good one. Failed at performing simple farm labor.
Buck, she had just failed to outwit a school filly.
Dark thoughts. It was rare for for Trixie to think about herself and not be pleased. She traced one hoof in an idle pattern on the bare stone floor in front of her cot. She was oblivious to the world, which was why she failed to notice Big Macintosh had to come in until he cleared his throat. Trixie jerked her head up to see him standing in front of her cell. She looked excited for a moment before sagging again.
"Big Macintosh," Trixie said morosely. "Sent to stand watch over Trixie to make sure Trixie does not do anything stupid?"
"Nope," Big Macintosh said.
"Come to see Trixie's misery during Trixie's moment of despair then," Trixie snapped bitterly. She stared at her hooves again.
"Eyup," Big Macintosh said.
Trixie's head snapped up again. She hadn't expected him to admit it. She started to shout something angry but couldn't seem to muster the energy.
"Trixie cannot blame Big Macintosh," she admitted. "Trixie knows she looks pathetic right now. Big Macintosh is right to laugh at Trixie's humiliation."
"Ah ain't here to laugh at you," Big Macintosh rumbled. "Ah'm here to keep you company."
Trixie blinked. "Why?"
"Cus Ah knew you'd be feeling sad and Ah figured it might help," Big Macintosh replied.
Trixie was confused. "But you don't even like Trixie!" she protested.
"Ah don't like a lot of things about you," Big Macintosh said. "But that don't mean I want you to be all lonely and miserable."
Trixie's confusion grew. "Why not?"
Big Macintosh rolled his eyes. "Ah don't have to like everything about you to want you to be happy, Miss Trixie. Or even most things about you. What kinda pony wants to see a neighbor sad just because she's a lil annoying?"
"Trixie does!" Trixie protested. Big Macintosh stared at her.
"Trixie is the best at laughing at other ponies," Trixie continued. "That is why Trixie is so popular!"
Big Macintosh continued to stare. Finally he said, "That don't make no sense."
"Of course it does!" Trixie said indignantly. "Ponies see how much better Trixie is and that makes Trixie popular!"
Big Macintosh blinked. "You... Think you're popular?" he said.
Trixie sniffed disdainfully. "Of course! That's why Trixie is in this situation! Other ponies who are purple were jealous of Trixie's greatness and sought to humiliate Trixie for out-shining her and being so amazing!"
Big Macintosh thought about that one for awhile. Trixie could practically see him chewing it over in his head. Finally he rumbled, "Sweet Celestia you're screwed up."
"What?" Trixie shouted indignantly. She leapt to her hooves and glared daggers at Big Macintosh. Big Macintosh was unruffled.
"Ponies don't like you because you make other ponies look bad," he said. "Sure they laugh when somepony gets embarrassed, but that's just because they think it's all in good fun like in your little talent contest show."
Trixie stopped glaring. "Big Macintosh thinks Trixie's show was funny? He does not hate Trixie for embarrassing Big Macintosh's sister and her friends?"
Big Macintosh shook his head. "AJ was right peeved about the whole thing, but a li'l embarrassment never hurt nopony. Ain't like she had to get involved or nothing. It was just a game."
Trixie thought about that. Big Macintosh continued.
"Just because a ponies a little annoying don't mean you shouldn't be a good neighbor when they're in a bad place. Sides, Ah reckon we're supposed to be teaching you while you're in the farm."
Trixie took all that in. Big Macintosh had a seat in front of her cell door.
"So Ah'm here to keep ya company and you can tell tall tales or do tricks or whatever makes you feel better," he concluded.
Trixie walked over and sat down on the cold floor near the cell door. "Thank you, Big Macintosh," she said. Her voice shook slightly.
"You're welcome," Big Macintosh said calmly.
Trixie smiled slightly and they sat there in silence for a long while. Finally Trixie spoke up again.
"Trixie still wishes to be mounted by Big Macintosh," she said matter of factly.
Big Macintosh sighed. "Ah know."
"Trixie thinks that Big Macintosh is handsome and has a crush on him," Trixie continued.
Big Macintosh heaved another sigh. "Ah noticed."
"Trixie has to explain these things because Trixie is very subtle," Trixie clarified.
Big Macintosh started to say something, stopped and then burst out laughing. Trixie looked annoyed but quickly broke down and joined in. They were still laughing when Applejack came back with Princess Twilight Sparkle in tow. Applejack looked at them askance.
"Enjoying yerselves?" she asked sarcastically.
"Eyup," Big Macintosh said. He did not elaborate.
"Trixie said something funny," Trixie elaborated.
Applejack cocked an eyebrow. "Don't tell me she's actually growing on you?" she asked Big Macintosh.
"Trixie has decided she enjoys Big Macintosh's company even if he will not rut Trixie," Trixie replied happily before Big Macintosh could say anything. Big Macintosh looked embarrassed.
Applejack grinned. "Sounds like a certain Apple's very special somepony is going to be a mite jealous," she needled.
Big Macintosh glared at his sister. Trixie looked surprised.
"Big Macintosh has a marefriend?!" Trixie gasped.
"Nope," Big Macintosh said shortly. "Don't pay Applejack no mind."
Trixie's eyes widened in understanding. "Ooh..."
Her voice trailed off for a moment. "...That's hot," she said finally.
Applejack lost it at that. She started laughing hysterically, barely catching her hat before it fell off. Even Twilight looked amused. Big Macintosh continued to glare at his sister.
"Applejack," Twilight managed to say before things could proceed any further. "You ready to take her back to the farm?" Twilight was clearly trying and failing to hide an incipient giggle fit behind her nascent Princess Face.
"Eyup," Applejack forced herself to say. She shook with suppressed laughter as she did.
Twilight turned to Trixie and forced herself to look serious. "By my authority as Princess I hereby release you to the custody of Applejack and the Apple family and declare these charges vacated. Do you have anything to say, Ms. Lulamoon?"
Trixie blinked. "Thank you?" she said slowly, as if experimenting with an unfamiliar concept. She shook her head and seemed to gather herself.
"That is, Trixie thanks Princess Twilight Sparkle on possessing the wisdom to see beyond her long and bitter rivalry with Trixie."
That bit very nearly broke Twilight's reserve and sent her into a helpless giggle fit, but Celestia's most faithful student managed to maintain control. "Thank you, Trixie," she forced out in a semi-regal tone. With that she bolted toward the jailhouse door, desperate to get out of sight before she cracked. "Ifyou'llexcuseme."
Applejack was still grinning. "Y'all ready to head on back?"
Trixie thought for a moment. "Trixie sprained an ankle in the fight and needs to be carried back?" she said hopefully. Applejack turned her grin to her brother.
"Nope," Big Macintosh said.
†
Acting Captain of the Royal Guard Prince Blueblood was almost done with the day's paperwork when his office door flew open and a batpony in dark armor like an inverted mirror of his own marched in and saluted. His yellow eyes shown with a feral, predatory light and utterly un-ponylike fangs jutted just noticeably from behind his lip.
"Captain Blueblood!" the nightmare apparition barked. "We have a situation!"
Blueblood sighed. This wouldn't turn out well. He returned his temporary peer's salute. "Captain Frolicsome Meadowlark. What has transpired?"
Captain Frolicsome Meadowlark of the Night Guard's scowl deepened. "We have received word of an insurrection in Ponyville. Princess Twilight Sparkle has overturned royal law and rejected the throne's authority."
He paused to let that sink in. Prince Blueblood felt his eyes bulge. Frolicsome Meadowlark continued.
"What's more, Princess Luna recently traveled to Ponyville on unspecified business. We have been unable to establish contact with her and must assume that she has been somehow waylaid or detained. On behalf of the Night Guard I have declared a state of emergency and formally request that the Royal Guard mobilize what forces are available for immediate deployment."
Blueblood stared for a moment, then shook his head and nodded. "Understood. Give my aide a summary of available Night Guard assets. We will initiate "Twilight Sparkle Goes Insane" contingency plan number four until more specific tactical information is available. You have received the post coronation updated version?"
Frolicsome Meadowlark nodded, saluted and left. Blueblood heaved a long sigh before pulling a locket out of his cumberband. Opening it he saw a picture of an adolescent version of himself in a tuxedo standing alone at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns New Year's Eve Formal a decade past. A lone tear fell down his cheek, but he wiped it away angrily.
"And now we shall settle old scores, Mutant Princess Nerdpony," he whispered darkly.
†
Applejack scowled as she saw the brown earth pony with the expensive tie standing at the fence that marked the boundaries of Sweet Apple Acres. "Whatever it is Ah don't wanna hear it," she said brusquely, determined to get back to her beloved manual labor as quickly as possible. "Just turn around and mosey on back the way you came before Ah say something we both end up regrettin."
"Applejack," Filthy Rich said with a swarmy smirk. "Just here to deliver a message. Hand over the felon who attempted to abduct my little girl and this doesn't have to get ugly. I'm going to see her back behind bars one way or another."
"You and what army?!" Applejack demanded angrily.
Filthy Rich gestured behind him to where a host of armed and armored Royal Guards with chariots and cannons and catapults were arrayed around the farm.
"Me and the Equestrian army."
Applejack gulped. "Oh horseapples."
That was a good army.