Kate Marsh was ecstatic. Or something more than that, only she didn't know the right word to describe it. In fact, she didn't really think one simple word could describe this feeling.

Kate Marsh was super-soaker water fights in the heat of summer with best friends that lasted all day. She was waking up late to a new world blanketed in snow, and the subsequent heavenly news of no school. She was the night before Christmas, laying in bed with her sisters, bellies warm and full of egg nog and hope for the morning to come.

Kate Marsh realized she didn't have any allegories that fit an adult, but that was OK because Kate Marsh never really felt like an adult.

It had been nearly three weeks since the night she met Maxine Caulfield up on the roof, and the girl was getting noticeably better. She rarely skipped classes. Did her homework assignments. Occasionally made jokes. Kate even saw max looking at a camera "porn" -eww gross- website. And sometimes, on the rarest, sweetest of occasions, Max would smile. When she thought nobody was looking. But Kate would see and it would make her smile in return and she would dip her head and bring a hand up to cover herself and..

Ok...

So, she still skipped classes. The homework she did had been completed by Kate, and the jokes often came very late. As if she had been lost in thought and, moments later, finally acknowledged things that had been said. But this was a process.

Max was making progress.

She did show up to those library study sessions with Kate. She would feign interest as Kate went over the homework, describing the process in detail. And she cared enough to take the papers Kate had finished for her.

She would come over to Kate's room for movie nights. Comedy movies. Nothing too serious, not yet. And, after a significant amount of begging from Kate, childrens cartoon movies. Max never wanted to watch those, but she would for Kate. Kate liked that.

For some reason. That...that max would do something she didn't necessarily want to all because of Kate made...well it made her feel special. She told herself that was progress for Max, and not her own selfishness.

This was a process. And maybe Max wasn't always to gung-ho on taking forward steps, maybe Kate had to lift and place her feet down for her, but she let Kate do that.

Anyways, Kate was ecstatic because today was a special day. Today, Max had agreed to venture into the world. The actual oustide. Where people would be. Social interactions. It was just...such a huge step for Max that Kate couldn't help but beam when she thought of it.

Three weeks ago she had been ready to step off of a roof, and now she was agreeing to go to the town's Christmas party.

Sure, it had been..difficult to convince Max. Kate had begged and begged and begged and begged and Max had finally given in. When she had finally succumbed, she had muttered under her breath something about not being able to turn down those eyes.

It had made Kate feel wonderful. Selfishly so. And special and wanted and loved and warm. And tingliy. And

-No- Shut up. She's just..well this is just a big step for her and that is why you are happy.

...Right?

Anyways, it was December 19th, and the last day of school and the day of the party and Kate was getting ready in her room. Paying extra care to well...everything.

She had spent simply too long trying to decide on what she wanted to wear. It's not like it mattered anyways, Max wouldn't care. Well, yeah she liked girls, or Chloe, but she didn't like Kate. So it didn't matter what she wore. Max wouldn't notice.

Or would she?

Shut up!

The red cashmere sweater.

Don't you usually wear like black and white?

And this Black skirt. With matching leggings.

Really? Skirt? It's going to be cold tonight? Yeah you totally aren't trying to get aaannnyone to-

Kate shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts. She wasn't trying to get max to notice her, it was just...festive. And if the sweater maybe hugged her form a bit too tight that wasn't Kate's fault. She hadn't worn the thing in forever.

That skirt? Don't you have a longer..

No! The longer one wasn't the right texture and wouldn't fit the...wait.

Kate sighed. She didn't have to do this. Argue with herself. She wasn't trying to attract Max. It was simple as that. Max was her friend and this would be her first time maybe trying to peek out of that shell she had built and that was all that mattered.

But, looking in the mirror, she did look kind of cute.

Stop.

She took a pair of white earmuffs off of her desk and headed towards Max's room, though not before blowing her sweet bunny a kiss, and telling him to behave himself.

As Kate walked the considerably short distance to Max's room, she noticed the hurried air in the dorms. Everyone was preparing. Or already gone. In the wake of the whole Nathan and...Jefferson -shudder- thing, the Vortex Club had dissolved. What, without the Prescott money it apparently couldn't stand on it's own. And lacking a school-backed alternative, the Blackwell students were forced to travel into town to get their festive on.

Either way, Kate was excited to go to this party. Was that weird? The last time she had gone to any type of party had..well...Jefferson happened. But no, this was different. And Kate loved christmas. Besides, Max needed an excuse to get out of her room.

Kate knocked on the door and waited.

And waited.

..and waited.

She knocked again.

No answer.

Darn it Max.

She pulled out her cellphone and dialed her friend. After a few rings, a voice came through on the other line

"Hmm..Wh-what? Hello"

"Max?"

"Mmm..what?"

"Really Max, were you sleeping? And with the party starting in less than an hour"

"Sleepin'..no I was..Uhm..I'm gettin ready -oof-" The grunt fell in line with a suspicious thump Kate heard through the door. As if a certain someone had just fallen out of bed.

"Open the door"

"What?"

"Now.." A shuffle. A reluctant sigh. The click of the lock and the door was opened for Kate to see the mess that was before her.

"Maax" She let out, a slight tinge of disappointment in her voice. The girl was in Pjs, or whatever PJs were for Max. Boy shorts and a long, ill-fitting shirt. Definitely not what Kate would choose but, well it was kind of cute on Max.

In a platonic way. Of course.

"Oh umm, See I...well I was...Kate do I have to go to this thing?" The girl turned back towards her bed and fell face first, head burying itself in pillow, knees instantly pulling themselves closer towards chest.

"I dn' wanna"

Ugh. Kate would be mad if not for the silliness of it all.

"Max, you promised"

"I don't recall"

Kate threw her phone at the girl "I figured you would try and cop out. But you can't go back on a pinky promise. Even if it was a pinky-swear emoji"

Max raised her head up from the pillow, staring at the phone screen intently. As if she didn't remember the promise. Kate had made her confirm it several times over. Ooh that girl.

"Besides" Kate remarked "I did-I didn't get this dressed up to go alone"

Max looked at Kate, really looked at her for the first time since Kate had entered her room. And there was..a shift. Something there in those sweet blue eyes. Kate noticed it and it made her stomach flip. Filled it with butterfiles.

Butterflies? No, these were Velociraptors. They sped and tore through her stomach and left an odd sensation in their wake.

Oh yeah Kate, no.. that's a totally normal way to feel about a friend.

She shook her head. She was just...well Max was just...

Ugh. Max had noticed her and that was it. Kate must have just seen some...life in her eyes or something. A level of alertness that hadn't been there yet, Lord knows the girl had been near dead to the world for too long. That was why Kate felt like this. To see her friend feel..anything for a second was exciting.

Not...anything else.

"Wowsers Kate. Isn't this just like a normal town celebration? What's with the getup?"

"This" she looked down at herself "It's nothing. It's..these are the only Christmasy themed clothes I could find.."

Max twisted her legs over the bed and sat up, rubbing a hand over tired eyes.

"Well, I guess I did promise...and you'll probably need someone to keep the Blackwell boys off of you dressed like that"

Kate turned her head to the side for a moment, trying to hide the distinct hue of red that appeared.

Yes the sweater kind of...gripped her form. And maybe the skirt was just a hair shorter than what Kate would usually wear, but she didn't think it was That noticeable.

"I'm just giving you a hard time Kate. I said I'd go and I'll go" Max stood up and collected some clothes from the ground that she had discarded previously. Kate tried to stifle the sigh she let out.

It's a process. Process. Baby steps Kate.

She turned her back as Max threw on her clothes. It wasn't like she had to undress to do it, but Kate still felt it would be...inappropriate to stare.

"You ready to go Kate?"

"y-yeah. Uhm...are you gonna bring your camera?"

Max looked to her camera bag, then down at the ground.

"I don't know...It just feels"

"No, that's totally ok Max. I just thought you might want to take some..a..picture"

"It just-it doesn't feel. I don't feel" she sighed "I can't Kate"

"I understand, besides the uh...lighting probably won't be so good"

Stellar save Kate.

At least it seemed Max didn't notice the awkwardness Kate felt. The girl just stared at her insistently

"So..Uhm..Onward to to the party"

"On dasher"

Oh max, Kate smiled. Girl could be such a dork at the perfect times.

"On prancer on...uh...On..Declan"

"I think it's dancer"

"Definitely Declan"

"Ok...declan. Declan the reindeer"

"Yeah" Max smiled. And Kate melted. For a moment. "Declan the reindeer. Like a normal one, but all emo-y. He dyes his antlers black"

Kate rolled her eyes, and this conversation continued longer than it should as the two girls headed out of the dorm and on their way to catch a bus.

Arcadia Bay had been transformed from simple fishing town to a winter wonderland.

Well...not the type of wonderland Kate was used to. Those involved real snow. And were a significant bit chillier. But still, this was nice.

Sure, you always heard about the celebrations in larger towns. Giant Christmas trees and ice-skating at Rockefeller center. Obscene amounts of money spent on decorations and fireworks. But small towns were where it was at.

There was an intimacy here you just couldn't find in big cities. It must come from the familiarity a small town brings. Everyone knows everyone, and when you celebrate, it feels like you're doing it together. Kate was a sap for the holiday goodness.

The streets were lined with decorations, fake cotton-snow, paper mache snowmen and santas, light poles decorated to look like candy canes, and Christmas lights everywhere. Christmas lights were Kate's favorite. They had a way of making even the most depressing of places, like a dorm room, take on a more...ethereal and magical feel. OK, yeah, Kate was a sap.

The atmosphere was vibrant and alive. Kids whose parents were nowhere to be found running up and down the street. Young and old lovers walking hand in hand. Cries of vendors offering hot chocolate, or Christmas themed desserts, or Santa hats. One person was even selling candied apples.

Wasn't that an autumn thing?

No matter, Kate wasn't really bothered by it. She just felt so...hopeful. This was a sun rising on a darkened world for Kate, heralding the end of six months of winter.

Yes it was the middle of December but...whatever. Kate had hope.

Partly due to the Christmas everything and the inherent childlike giddiness it brought about in her. But most had to do with the girl by her side.

Max was keeping pace next to Kate as they meandered through Arcadia Bay. Certainly not as in awe as Kate was with everything, but sometimes she would stop to notice a particularly pretty decoration. Or laugh at some kids dressed up as elves. Or to smell the candied apples that had confused Kate.

This made Kate smile.

Sometimes their hands would brush as they walked together and this would make Kate smile as well. In a completely different way. Kate would quickly draw her hand away, clutching her wrist with her other hand sheepishly.

Max never noticed. Or made no show of noticing. Sometimes maybe Kate prayed that she did.

Kate ignored the implications of that thought. She was getting pretty good at ignoring these things.

Just enjoy the moment Kate.

Sadly, these moments don't last forever. And the end of this particular moment reared its ugly head in front of them, and it looked a heck of a lot like Victoria Chase, perpetually shadowed by Courtney and Taylor.

Kate grumbled inwardly. Victoria had changed since everything had gone down. Sometimes she teased Kate, sometimes she only nodded a courteous 'hello' in the hall. They had even been paired up in their photography class for a project and it had gone remarkably...smooth.

But Victoria was still Victoria. She had a way about her. Like a cat. One moment calm as the morning, the next all claws and fangs biting your toes off, for no other reason than the fact that it could.

Come on kitty, be nice.

This was Max's first outing and she didn't need claws.

"Kate Marsh, Shouldn't you be like, praying in a nunnery or something"

Kate shook her head. Great.

"I'm not catholic Victoria"

"Whatever. And max, welcome to the land of the living, though, looking at you I can't say you really belong here"

Crap

Max paused, staring at Victoria. There was a moment of awkward silence as Victoria shifted on her feet.

"I...I'm sorry Max it's just you've been acting really fucking strange for so long it's just...weird to see you out like this"

Wait what?

"I know you were close with that gir-uh Chloe"

Was this happening? Victoria wasn't being a bitch. She wasn't even being faux-nice. She was being downright cordial. To max. Hadn't they been like..sworn enemies or something? Kate knew a lot of the Jefferson evidence had been made public. Maybe Victoria saw the empty binder meant for her.

Right next to the one labeled Maxine Caulfield. I guess it would be hard to not change at least a little after that.

Victoria shook her head looking past Kate and Max towards a group of over-excited children on one of the hayrides. Courtney and Taylor had begun tapping their feet impatiently next to her

"Well..umm...if you need anything Max just..uh let me know. My parents know a really good therapist and..I uh..I'm sure you could use one"

"Th-thanks Victoria." Max finally spoke up

"Yeah..well anyways. Sorry to interrupt your date"

"No.." Kate started, but as quickly as the monster appeared it disappeared down the road.

Well. Change was a process yes? It would have been odd for Victoria to not let a little bit of the bitch out.

"So..uhmm that was a little"

"Strange" Max offered, and Kate nodded in agreement. "She was so...nice"

"She's been getting better Max"

"I guess I haven't really noticed"

"There's a lot you've missed" Kate regretted saying that as she noticed a slight of hurt in Max's eyes "No Max I mean just...you obviously have so much to deal with and it has kept you occupied. But all this stuff with Jefferson..well, everyone has changed a bit"

"You don't seem like you changed Kate."

Kate twisted the corners of her mouth into a slight frown

"What do you mean?"

"Well..you're still Kate Marsh. Equal parts adorable and strong as shit"

Adorable? Did she really think...

"Max I'm the furthest thing from strong"

"I'm not saying like...start talking with an Austrian accent and run for governor of California or anything"

Dork

"I mean just..look at you. After what Jefferson did to you, you're still you. As positive as ever."

"I told you... it got pretty dark for me for a while. And...besides I barely remember any of it"

"Yeah, but you saw the pictures. And I'm beginning to think that..well maybe that would be worse"

Kate took a hold of Max's hand and turned her so they were standing face to face

"Max...nothing could be worse than what you had to go to. To give up so much..for everyone else. If I'm strong then you are..well you're like super max"

Kate saw a wall go up in those blue eyes. Like a physical wall. Or at least it felt like it. She saw it, knew what max was doing.

Zombie mode engaged.

It confused Kate. How was that the wrong thing to say? She had been hoping for maybe a giggle from the girl over the nickname. Or a smile. Or at least...well anything other than looking away and continuing their walk. Which is exactly what happened.

"Max I'm sorry did I..did I do something wrong?"

Max shook her head.

"No. I'm just...kinda tired. Not used to being around this many people..do you think we could turn around"

"S-sure." Kate sighed, and Max pursed her lips

"What Kate?" The blonde stared at the ground as she sheepishly brought a hand up to her neck.

"Well, it's just...I was hoping we'd get some hot chocolate" She gave Max her best puppy-eyes impression. Or what she thought were puppy eyes...you just opened your eyes a bit wider right? Max sighed. It had an...endearing sound to it.

"How about we get some to go, and drink it on the roof"

"Yeah, sure M-"

"Proviiding" Max interrupted "Providing you bring your violin. And personally serenade me. I kind of need to just...decompress"

Kate visibly perked up at that suggestion, nodding in agreement. She had hoped for a moonlight walk along the beach -not for any amorous reasons, it was just a pretty place to be and Kate liked pretty places- but this...this was an acceptable alternative.

Sometimes Max has dark days. On these days she is adrift in a sea of anxieties. Her room a small ship and the world a furious sea. She spends these days in her bed weathering a storm of tears and regret. She thinks she can see water seeping under the door and before long it is up to her neck and she prays for death. Death is a long hallway, and at the end of it there is a single blue butterfly. She sits and prays for death until she wakes up, and it is a different day.

More often than not her days are gray. She feels over-medicated and as a result she feels nothing. Nothing other than unreal. Zombie. Alone but not sad. Just...apart. Apart from everything and there is no color in the world. People ask her questions and she takes a little too long to respond. Sometimes they wave a hand in front of her eyes, attempting to see if she is still there. Sometimes she waves a hand in front of her eyes too.

Then, more recently, there are bright days. Bright days brought about by her own personal sun Kate Marsh. Kate took a flashlight and shone it on Max's darkness and it was hard not to smile when it happened. She tried to hide them, but Kate always saw. Today was one of these days. Today Kate looked beautiful in that soft red sweater that hugged her form graciously. Hair always perfect. And a timid smile that sometimes made Max's stomach hurt in a way it hadn't for a long while.

Today Max's hand brushed Kate's several times, and she didn't stop it. She liked the way it felt and she liked the way Kate's hand would jet away and she liked the way Kate's face would turn bright red.

Max still felt pain these days. She still felt the hurt and the wound that loss had marked her with. But she also felt something else. She felt the warmth of hope in her stomach and she felt hopeful that maybe...maybe this wound would one day be a scar. Still there, but survived. Maybe she could live with it.

Today Max spent the evening on the rooftop with the girl she had seen up here far too often. Max laid on her back, head propped up by a tote bag, hands wrapped around a still-warm cup of hot chocolate. She smiled as she watched Kate carefully bow her violin. She watched as Kate played a piece by some composer she knew she couldn't pronounce the name of, and maybe she wished she was the violin Kate was playing. Maybe she wished those hands were caressing her own.

On the bright days she had thoughts like this and did not feel guilty.

Snow began to fall. Softly. Dampening the outside world. It felt as if it were just Kate and Max on the rooftop, and the rest of the world was...somewhere else. It felt like they were inside a Kate-and-Max snow globe and that felt right.

Max didn't have her camera, hadn't touched it since...long before. But tonight she took a picture with her eyes. Don't blink. Slow down the shutter speed. Remember this.

The snow fell.

Kate quietly hummed along to the violin tune.

Max smiled, and prayed tomorrow wouldn't be a dark day.

Prayed today wouldn't end.