Once in the car Kate sat in somber quietness beside Castle. Her gaze vacant and despondent, transfixed on the mindless haze of irrelevant scenery as it flashed by. Her mind adrift, inundated with pangs of guilt. Lanie's disclosure a seamless addendum to the elegiac symphony narrating Emma's now forlorn world. Kate's thoughts ruminated on Emma. On her expression after waking to the dejected fragments of her once joyful life.
Kate failed to notice that the car had stopped and Castle was now standing alongside her open door. A compassionate smile garnished his face while his arm lay outstretched in gentle expectation. She slipped her slender hand into his allowing herself to rely on his strength. She discovered herself sitting at the foot of their bed with no memory of her arrival or change of clothes.
"Hey, you." Castle uttered in a soft voice as he entered the room.
"Hey." Her response more hollow than intended.
"I made you some dinner. Are you hungry?"
"No. Not at the moment. Thanks though." She replied with a heartbreaking smile. Under normal circumstances Castle wouldn't push Kate. But after their recent discovery he knew it was necessary.
"Babe, you need to eat something. Please. If not for you then…" He countered. His intonation conveying profound worry.
"You're right." She released a troubled sigh, resting her palm upon his jaw beneath his ear. Until now all thoughts of their baby had become subdued by her remorseful conscience. "I'm so sorry."
"Kate, please don't apologize." Castle murmured, his eyes imploring her. "You've been through enough as it is."
"I think… I think I just need some sleep after I eat. Sleep will make everything better." She breathed, scrubbing her hands over her languid eyes. Her words a recognizable effort to abate the torturous confines of her distressed mind.
Castle couldn't allow himself to sleep until Kate was already asleep. He felt every fiber of himself teetering on the threshold of collapse. He'd come so close to losing her. So close to losing both of them. His inability to save her from the car that day, to keep her, safe plagued him. If only he had distinguished Tyson's course from the beginning.
Kate had requested the bedside light remain on. She wished see Castle's face should she awake. Her measured and balanced breathing implied the surrender of her consciousness to her reprieve. He held her as close to his body as he could longing to shelter her in his arms, her heart neighboring his in immaculate cadence always. The tips of his fingers danced across the minute swell of Kate's abdomen as daydreams of their baby lulled him to his slumber.
Castle awoke from his sleep when he rolled to his wife's side of the bed only to encounter vacant sheets. He threw the sheets off of him and jumped to his feet. Identifying the unbroken trickling of the shower in their bathroom he inhaled and advanced toward the door. With his hand outstretched to grab the door he paused, heartbroken at the hushed sobs amid the falling water.
Castle opened the door with care, wanting to stay unnoticed. Agony surged through his body as he saw his wife sitting on the floor of the shower, weeping as the water struck her still clothed frame. Without a word he entered the shower and sat behind her, his legs on both sides of her. He then wrapped his arms around her to draw her into him with gentle ease. The couple remained motionless within their silence.
After several minutes Kate disbanded the silence with a blank utterance.
"I still have everything because of her and she now has nothing because of me."
"What are you talking about, babe?"
"She…." The sobs racking Kate's body hindered her words.
"Kate, please slow down." Castle implored resting his cheek against hers while tracing comforting orbits atop her hand. "Breathe. Slow deep breaths."
The warmth of the water had now gone cold, but Kate hadn't seemed to take notice. Castle endured the frigid water, his patience unwavering and concern only for his wife. His body enveloped Kate's in unspoiled stillness until her breathing eased. He didn't neglect to note the significance of his wife's trembling. Without regard for permission, he rose to his feet with Kate's curled up in his arms and grabbed a towel from the closet. He covered her icy body then moved toward their closet to gather dry clothes.
"Do you have a preference?" He asked perusing her side of their closet.
"No." Her reply no more than a distant mumble.
"Okay. I'll try my best not to pick out something weird." He mused in a frail attempt to provoke a smile to no avail.
Castle peeled Kate's sopping clothes from her body with care, toweling the excess moisture from her skin. He then proceeded to clothe his wife with the dry ensemble he'd selected for her, disregarding his cold, soaked frame.
"Alright, I'm going to change and then I'll hold you for as long as you need."
Shedding the saturated apparel from his body wrapped Castle in a newfound warmth. He suppressed a contented sigh as the arid fabric contacted his skin. He hadn't time to relish in his comfort as he turned his attention back to Kate. Scooping her into his arms, he carried her to their bed and laid her down with marked gentleness, positioning bedding over her. He wasted no time climbing into bed to rest beside her, compelling her to draw nearer so that he might nestle into her.
"Castle…" Kate voice buckled under her immense exhaustion.
"Shhh… Babe, I know you're not ready to talk about this. And that's okay." He assured, nuzzling her neck. "Until you are… I'll be right here, by your side. Always."