This is probably gonna be one of the longest chapters I've ever done. I've worked on this for two days, and reached thirty-three pages (yes, my writing turned small. But then again, I used a small notebook so I don't know).

WARNING: Insanity, murder...Deranged!IceBear and too much emotions. Also, grammar errors (how do u stay in past tense-)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own We Bare Bears.

Now sit back and enjoy!

-Ultimate-Bear-sama

P.S. I'm also done with Chapter 4, btw ^^

Three times. Ice Bear had only seen that kind of dream three times. And in those three times, he would feel his heart being beaten repeatedly by that pang of guilt, then crushed by those heavy tears he wouldn't dare to show, especially in front of his own brothers. It hurt, yes. But he still kept that poker face. He had to hide it. He didn't want to be looked down or pitied by the people around him. He fully believed that in the treacherous world in which they call "home", the only person he could rely on is himself. He believed that there will come a time when everyone, including his own siblings, will turn against him. If he would rely on them too much, then the pain would be much worse than what he'd feel in that type of dream. So he masked those emotions, for he really believed that that's the only strength there was in that so called "home".

But when it came to those dreams, that's where he would break mentally. But his brothers never knew about it. Ice Bear made sure to keep the tears to himself whenever those dreams occurred. He only experienced them twice, yet he would remember that feeling from the moment he would open his eyes just to get ready for the day. And even in those moments whenever he would close his eyes to rest, the pain would continue to eat him up slowly until its venom would spread all over his body. And the process would repeat whenever the venom would clear up. Indeed, Ice Bear was sick of it. But that was life, he thought. Life for him was carrying all the pain without help. Those who would fall because of that pain were weak in his eyes. That itself pushed him to become stronger.

But seeing his little sister standing in front of him once again, he wondered if he can keep his act up. Just seeing or remembering his little sister hurt more than a bullet, a drug, and a sword combined going through his heart.

That's why upon hearing that certain voice calling him, he froze. His heartbeat pounded and his blood flow stopped.

N-not this again, Ice Bear thought. And he thought that the dreams about his sister would stop. That's when he realized that as long as the memory was still there, the dreams will never stop. It was at the third time when the truth finally came in. And it made him feel very pressured. As much as he wanted ot forget, he can't just throw away the memories he share with his precious sibling. After all, they were the only things that mattered to him in this tragic world. To him, his sister was the light that can save him from a world full of darkness. That kept him alive and well. And that's what's going to make him live no matter what.

"д-да, Ashley?"

Ashley ran up to her big brother. She was shorter than him, yet more adorable. Unlike the other polar bears, she was a bit chubbier. Another unique thing she has when it came to appearance was the pink bow that was tied near her right ear. With that charming look, the boys couldn't help but to court her. But because of her big brother, they had to be careful.

As soon as Ashley was in front of him, she hugged Ice Bear. Said bear gave a small smile and hugged her back, Even if it was just a dream, he was glad to have his sister hug him once again.

"Ne, Anton. An explorer's here and he has a television. Want to watch with me?"

Of course, Ice Bear thought. Back then, Ice Bear used to be Anton. The only reason why Anton turned to Ice bear was because...

"Большой брат?"

The sound of her voice brought him back to Earth. "да?"

"Are we going or not?"

Immediately, he answered, "да. We're going. But we have to make sure that no one catches us."

Oh right. Back then, Ice Bear would use the first person's point of view. The only reason why his speech pattern changed was because...,Oh how he hated remembering that day. If he could just go back in time and stop that from happening, then...

Ice Bear shook his head mentally. No. If Ice Bear makes that thought dominate the others, then he will break down in front of Ashley. Ice Bear...doesn't want that. So he tried his best to block that thought as he followed Ashley.

He looked around at his surroundings, as if he was a person who was working abroad and then came back to his native country (which is, in a way, legit in his situation).

Nothing has really changed. It was as if this land was never explored before, Ice Bear noticed. The only thing that was weird, though, was the other bears staring and whispering at him.

"Please wake up..."

"We need you..."

"...my fault..."

"...remember..."

"We love you..."

"...used to play..."

"...used to have fun..."

"...used to smile..."

"...what happened?"

And those were a few of the many thing he heard.

What were they trying to say?

That was what Ice Bear had been pondering on for the next thirty minutes. Out of all things, that was the weirdest scenario Ice Bear had been in ever. Creeps, was definitely his initial thought. But as the murmurs went on and on, he felt as if there was an underlying message in them. He just couldn't put his finger on it.

Another thought then came into him.

Wait, he thought. How did Ice Bear even get here? He closed his eyes and thought about it clearly.

Let's see...if Ice Bear remembers clearly, he saw a fish store. Seeing that it was okay to cross, he did. Then...then...

Ice Bear's eyes snapped open upon realizing that he tripped on a rock.

"дерьмо. That's painful,"he uttered. A paw held his. Ice Bear accepted the offer and was helped up. He closed his eyes, then opened them to see his sister, worried.

"Большой брат, are you okay?"

Ice Bear rubbed his forehead, before he replied. "Ice Be-I mean, I-I'm alright. I...was just thinking of something..."

Crap. He shouldn't have said that. If there's one thing he wouldn't forget about his sister, it's that she couldn't shut her mouth whenever she got curious. How was he going to live with that?

"What are you thinking about?"Ashley asked before they continued their journey. Ice Bear gulped. Think, Ice Bear. What can he say so Ashley wouldn't be suspicious?

"Umm...well...I was thinking about...well..."

Ashley tilted her head. "Hmm?"

Ice Bear widened his eyes and looked down. "I...I was thinking about how much Siberia hasn't changed over the past years, you know."

Ashley chuckled. "Well, it's true. There are a few explorers her and there. But yeah, Nothing has really changed. It's weird, though. The world is changing, yet this hasn't changed much. I guess the saying, 'Some things never change.' is true, no?" Ice Bear returned the chuckled. "да." But deep inside, he was sad. Sad at the fact, that Siberia and the world were similar to his view on society and himself. Over the last fifteen years, so much things have changed in his life. While he had seen the good things, along with them were the bad things.. Every single second, change will happen. And change, to him is inevitable. But despite, the only things that will never change are the memories that lay deep within his heart. To him, they're the ones that will last forever. And they'll never be erased. That's why Ice Bear held onto those memories. Those memories that were about the ordinary, yet meaningful days with his family (despite the harsh, Siberian weather) served as his will to live. He lived because he knew that if he enjoyed life like they wanted him to do, then patience would give him the reward and someday, he would meet them again. Ice Bear was not one to believe in a certain religion. But a part of him knew that whatever God/s existed, he oped that He/they would grant his wish when that day comes. Until then, he had to develop that patience and hope while holding to those precious memories that lay in his heart.

Suddenly, another thought came.

His will to live changed. Something, or rather some people, changed that reason and made his life really worth living. Ice Bear once that thought that his life will be nothing more than moving from one zoo to another and entertaining the visitors, young and old, alike. Those people opened the doors to a whole, new world and introduced him to a life so different than the life he thought about. He may have not gotten the privileges a human has, but as long as they were there, what else could he have asked for? They alone were the only ones, aside from his previous family, that truly made life worth living for.

The question was, what were their names?

Ice Bear knew them very well. How couldn't he? They've been with him throughout his childhood and they'll be with him until the day they die. But for some reason, he forgot their names.

They were at the tip of his tongue. He knew them. He had to.

Blurry images appeared in his brain. Ice Bear was too familiar with him. As seconds passed by, more images popped out in his head. Ice Bear didn't know what to do. He wanted to scream. Loud. Scream until he remembered everything. But a part of him told him not to, for Ashley might get worried about his welfare. For hell's sake, he's the older sibling, not her. He's supposed to protect her. He's supposed to-

Stop. Don't let that thought overwhelm Ice Bear. Relax.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

And so, he just focused on where Ashley was going. He tried blocking the images in his head. But for some reason, he couldn't.

Minutes later, both bears stopped at the site. The explorers' shelter contained computers, a tent, and a container full of food. Normally, bears like them would sneak in and find seafood in the containers. But for Ice Bear (or Anton, in this case) and Ashley, the only thing they were after was a television. After all, it was the only thing that can entertain them in the vast, lonely Siberian plains.

Ashley looked around. "Looks like there's no one here. Let's go in,"she whispered. Both of them made their way in carefully and sat down on the ground.

"I fixed the cable last time. It's your turn now,"Ashley said. Ice Bear stood up, went to the antennas, and held them. The younger of the two turned on the TV.

Bjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjh...

Ashley didn't see anything but the grey, white, and black pixels trying to mix together. Ice Bear noticed it through sound and moved one antenna to the left.

She saw a little of the picture. "We're halfway there,"Ice Bear moved both antennas to the left. The view was finally clear.

"Okay. That's enough, Anton,"replied Ashley. Ice Bear nodded and sat down beside her. Ashley grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels.

"Boring."

Next channel.

"Boring."

Next channel.

"So boring."

Next channel.

"Bori-"

"Wait,"Ice Bear said. Something in that channel felt weird and strange to him. And he wanted to find out that strange feeling.

"News? Alright,"Ashley said, putting the remote down. "But it's weird, though. You never seemed to like the news." Ice Bear ignored her and just continued watching.

He has a feeling that he wouldn't like it. But he had to know.

"On today's news, two bears were found dead in an alley at San Francisco, California. The cause of death, according to investigator and witnesses, was probably murder. Both bears were stabbed directly where the heart was and were left to die. Police says that the stab wasn't treacherous enough to kill them. But there may have been a possibility that both bears decided to push the knife in, causing their deaths. Police are still on the look out for who could be their murderer."

Ice Bear widened his eyes, not just because of what the newscaster has said, but because of the images that were shown on the screen He saw one grizzly bear whose eyes and mouth were wide open and his blood covered his brown chest, staining his fur. And the other was a panda whose appearance was like the grizzly bear, expect his eyes were closed. Despite that, they shared the same fate: death.

More images ran through his head. His heart beat rapidly at the sight of those two too familiar faces, lying on the cold, hard ground under the rain. He saw their once, bright eyes now turned into the eyes of the helpless. He could imagine them asking for help, asking for a soul to take their spirits to a safe place where ignorant humans wouldn't torture them. He could imagine their last thoughts and dying breaths; the way they gasped for life. He could imagine the hope that died away when they pushed the knife into their bodies.

Ice Bear was not one to cry when a stranger dies. But those faces felt all too familiar to him.

Tears came from his eyes.

"No...it can't be..."

"Б-Большой брат?"

More tears fell down as he heard the words that were said.

The images were finally clear to him. In all the pictures he saw, the familiar faces he came to cherish and love.

One had a wide smile and eyes that reminded him of warmth, happiness, and safety.

"Grizz..."Ice Bear uttered. Ashley was worried. "Б-Большой брат, are you okay?"

Another image came. The other bear had a small, yt adorable smile and eyes that told him that no matter what will come their way, they will always be family.

"P-Panda..."

All of a sudden, a memory came to his head.

/...\

"I wonder what's in this box..."

Little Ice Bear covered his head with his paws. He was scared. Scared what might happen to him. He didn't want those animal smuggles to come back. He just wanted to live a peaceful life. Wasn't that too hard to ask for?

"Grizz, I'm scared. You open it," another voice said. He was more terrified at the sudden realization that there were two people. He hugged his body and braced himself for the worst.

The box was lifted.

The two voices gasped at the sight.

"Grizz, look! It's another bear!"the second voice exclaimed. Ice Bear froze. Wait, another bear? He removed his paws form his face and looked at the two figures in front of him.

Ice Bear was shocked. Right in front of him were two other bears. One was brown and the other was black and white. They may not be polar bears. But they're still bears, right?

The brown one looked, went to him, and smiled. "It's okay, little guy. We won't hurt you,"he said. He gently rubbed his head and asked, "What's your name?"

"I-Ice Bear..."he whispered. Anton held too much painful memories. So he had to start fresh.

"Ice Bear? That's an awesome name! My name is Grizzly Bear, but you can call me Grizz. The other one is Panda. He's my little bro,"the brown bear said.

"L-little bro?"

"Yep. And you're gonna be our little brother from now on!"

Panda immediately went to Grizz. "Grizz, are you sure about this?" Grizz nodded. "Sure am, Pan-man!"

"It's Panda, not Pan-man!"

"What's wrong with that nickname?"

"It feels weird hearing it!"

Ice Bear giggled and laughed. Both bears stopped and looked at the youngest of the three.

"Look! He's smiling!"

Panda gasped. "You're right! It's so cute!" Grizz chuckled, looked at Ice Bear, bent down at him, and wiped his tears. "There, there. It's gonna be fine. As long as you're with us, you'll never be sad,"he said. Grizz kneeled with one knee and extended his paw to the polar bear.

"Come on,"he said. "Let's go home."

/...\

Ice Bear used to think that home meant being with your blood relatives, even if they're gone. But then, they came. And just by simply looking into their eyes, he knew that home meant more than that.

Home meant more than seeing the birds chirp whenever the sun would rise. Home meant more than frolicking around the green fields. Home meant more than enjoying a cup of hot chocolate under the stars. No. Home meant more than that. Home...meant something else.

It's when you watch the morning sunset with the people you cherish the most (blood related or not) as the birds sing their harmonious melodies. It's when you spend the afternoons with them, running around the fields while laughing and singing the songs of a bright, summer day. It's when you spend the cool, breezy nights under the stars, chattering silly stories until you fall asleep. That feeling was familiar, warm, and welcoming. And it was the only thing that can calm the waves of distress in his mind.

/...\

He smiled and held Grizz's paw. "Yes!"

Grizz helped Ice Bear stand up. The polar bear looked at Panda, and looked back at Grizz.

Grizz cleared his throat. "Alright. On this day, Ice Bear is officially our little brother from now on until death. Starting today, you are now part of this family." He then pat his head, and hugged him. "We promise that we're going to love you so much!" Grizz then released him, and held his paw.

Panda walked up to Ice Bear, rubbed his head, and held his other paw. "Come on, guys. Let's start finding food."

All three brothers walked hand in hand, laughing while the sun started to set.

That was the real meaning of home.

/...\

"Большой брат?"

That settled it. Ice Bear wanted to go back to his true home.

Ashley knelt beside her brother. "Is something wrong?"

Ice Bear bit his lip. A tear rolled down on his cheek. If he wanted to go back home, he had to show his real self to his own sister, even if it would hurt her. "Ice Bear...wants..."

"Ice Bear? Who's that?"

"...Ice Bear...wants to go back home..."

"Then let's find him, Anton!"

"...No. Anton...is...dead."

Ashley's eyes widened. "But...you're Anton..."

Ice Bear shook his head. "No. Ice Bear just...wants to go back home...to his big brothers...to Panda...to Grizz..."

Ashley gritted her teeth and grabbed her brother's shoulders. She looked him into the eye and scowled. "What's wrong with you?! There's no Grizz nor Panda and you are not Ice Bear! You're Anton for Siberia's sake! You're my Большой брат and we live in Siberia! Wake up, will you?! Whoever they are, they don't exist! Get out of that stupid dream and wake up!"

Ice Bear turned furious. Why wouldn't she understand? Why was she trying to revive Anton when reality made it clear that he's gone? Why couldn't she just accept that?

He saw red. His eyes turned red. He wanted murder.

"No, Ashley. You should be the one waking up!"He pushed her sister down and grabbed the ax nearby. Ashley tried to wiggle backwards. "W-what are you doing?" Ice Bear went to her and kicked her in the guts. He gritted his teeth and raised the ax.

"Can't you understand...? Your precious Anton is dead. So if you want to go to him...you should die too!"Ice Bear lowered the ax and instantly hit Ashley. He then proceeded to hit her repeatedly and randomly. As Ashley screamed in pain, blood started staining the once, pure fur until all that was seen was dark red.

Ice Bear cackled. "This is what you want, right?! Be happy Ice Bear's giving it to you!"

Slash.

"Why are you crying, you little girl? Are you that of a brat to complain when you are given something you want?!"

Slash.

"Stop! Please stop, Большой брат!" Tears ran down, mixing with the dark substance. Ice Bear gritted his teeth. After all that, she still didn't understand? What the hell is wrong with that girl?! "How many times does he have to tell you that Ice Bear's not your big brother?!"

Slash!

Ashley cried.

"Большой бра...почему? I-Isn't this the world you want-"

And those were her last words.

Ice Bear had chopped off her heart.

Ashley was dead.

Wait...Ashley...dead?

His eyes widened. Dropping the ax, he looked at Ashley's bloody corpse. His breathing rate became rapid. His heart beat non-stop.

Ice Bear fell onto his knees. He felt the instant slap of reality across his face upon realizing what he had done.

It was exactly what they had done years ago in a zoo that was once full of happiness.

"Ashely..."he uttered. His paw reached up to her chopped heart. More tears came out as his paw ran up to her cheek. He then lifted his paw to examine the blood which was all over it. Afterwards, he placed the paw near his heart.

"Was this...the world Ice Bear really desires?"

He thought for sure that it really was. He felt so confused.

All of a sudden, his world blackened.

And it was at the third time when he finally realized that that was not the world he wanted. The question was...what does he really want?

Everyone has a right to pursue a happy life.
The difficult part is to be given that right.

Everyone has a right to pursue a happy life.
The difficult part is to fulfill that right.

I too have a right to pursue a happy life.
The difficult part is to work out a compromise for that right.

-Frederica Bernkastel

Большой брат- Big brother
да- Yes
дерьмо- Shit
почему- Why

Anyone who knows Russian, please tell me if it's the wrong word, etc. I'm not good with Russian so yeah.

The quote shown was by Frederica Bernkastel shown in Matsuribayashi-hen, which is part of the Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Solution arc (Don't read the VN if you haven't read Onikakushi-hen up until Minagoroshi-hen. Matsuribayashi-hen is basically full of spoilers). The VN, manga and anime are equally good. My favorite arc is Saikoroshi-hen, by the way.

I'm sorry if I made Ice Bear deranged, though. It was too OOC, I know. But like what I said at the beginning, the story is AU-ish, okay?

Anywho, please tell me what you think!

-Ultimate-Bear-sama

P.S. Will Nom Nom and Charlie appear? Yes, they will. In time, child. In time.