Once he'd soothed Kate enough for her exhaustion to engulf her Castle sat on the couch encompassing his wife's frame. For days Kate's sleep didn't resemble anything peaceful. Most nights she awoke either panicked or consumed by guilt, often both.
By instinct his fingers found their way through her silken chestnut strands. His gaze drawn to the scarce sunlight negating the shadows of their once dark loft. It didn't take long for him to become enraptured by the brilliance of its luster. It amazed him how an ordinary event could evoke such sentiment within him. For the first time since Kate's rescue he found himself alone with his thoughts. The numbness that once enveloped him began to fade giving way to bitter realization. This beautiful and remarkable woman asleep in his arms and their child had come so close to becoming the whisper of a painful memory. Conflicting emotion boiled within him transitioning from agony to relief to rage in an instant.
A warm and familiar sensation beckoned Castle from his thoughts. His eyes abandoned the abundant sunlight and fell to Kate's hand in gentle repose atop his. He grinned as she offered him a contented hum and brushed her fingertips along the top of his hand.
"What has you so lost in thought, love?"
"I'm assuming your question is rhetorical." Castle teased planting a kiss into her hair.
"It's not. It's a sincere question." Kate replied nestling closer to him.
"I never stop thinking about you, Kate. You should know that by now." His voice grew more serious than he intended. "How long have you been awake?"
Kate freed herself from his embrace and sat upright to face him, her hazel eyes searching the azure of his.
"When I realized that my hair is wet from my husband's tears." The pained look she wore pierced him deep. Her fingers wiped the tears from his eyes as they joined the stillness of the loft.
"I almost…" unreserved sobs squelched his words. He cursed his waning strength as he endeavored to stay his overwhelming emotion.
"Oh, Castle…" Kate soothed, slipping her hand beneath Castle's downcast chin entreating him to meet her troubled gaze.
Her captivating eyes spoke volumes to Castle. She made no attempt to veil the fact that many of his fears paralleled her own. He watched as the emotion overtook her and silent tears began to well.
"I know, babe. I know..." She placed her hand atop his lacing her fingers into the softness of his. "But I'm still here." Kate tightened her hold on Castle's hand and moved it to rest in reverence against the minute swell of her lower abdomen. "We're still here."
"Why?" It was the only word Castle could manage to say before forcing back a sob.
Kate cocked her head, her face painted with confusion.
"Why didn't you tell me?" The pain in Castle's voice evoking agony in Kate.
"Tell you wha -" Her words cut short by slight increase in firmness where his hand lay over her belly.
"I swear, I didn't know. If I had you would have known as soon as I did. I promise." She ran a weighty hand through her hair. "I thought that maybe it was stress with everything that Tyson and Nieman had put us through for over a month… I never even considered…"
Castle didn't hesitate to interrupt her with a sincere kiss with no sign of stopping there.
"I know." He breathed between each desperate kiss.
"Babe?" Kate interjected, her manner serious yet vulnerable. "You know that this baby is more important to me than my job, right? If I had known… I… I wouldn't have gone out that day…" Silent tears began to roll down her cheeks.
"Hey..." His voice softened as his fingers tucked her hair behind her ear. "Of course I know."
Kate could only shake her head at the unbearable thoughts flooding her mind, anxious to ward them off. Castle didn't need to guess what distressing realizations coursed through his wife's mind. They too plagued his.
"Thank you, Kate. For coming back to me." His words no more than a gentle whisper.
"Babe, it was the only acceptable option in my mind. We've fought too hard to have our story end so soon." Kate pressed her forehead against Castle's furrowed brow, "I want to grow old with you, Richard Castle. I've always wanted to."
Castle inhaled long and sharp and closed his eyes. His hands frozen, residing on the silken skin of her cheeks. Upon opening them once again he beheld his wife smiling at him in sheer adoration. A look that never failed to quicken his pulse and steal his breath away.
"You're so beautiful." He marveled as he studied her captivating eyes.
Kate opened her mouth to respond, but became distracted incessant ringing of Castle's phone in the other room.
"Go ahead. Answer it. We can't hide forever." She conceded.
As Castle rose from the couch to retrieve his phone, Kate resumed her lying position and fell prey to the heaviness of her eyelids.
"Castle. Oh hey, Espo. What's up?"
She found it odd that Esposito would call Castle and not her. Her concern grew when Castle began to speak in a hushed tone as if he didn't want her to hear. Before she could rise from the couch and confront him he was already walking out of their bedroom, his expression troubled.
"Castle, what's going on?" Kate said standing to meet him.
He paused for a moment as he struggled with how to tell his wife the news he'd just received. His concern for her fragile state of mind paralyzed him. He knew his hesitation wasn't helping, yet he found himself at a loss.
"Please, just spit it out. I can't take the tension any longer." She pleaded.
"I will tell you tell you, but I need you to please not be hasty about anything. You need to do what's best for you and our baby. Okay?"
"Okay…" Kate was lost.
"Emma's awake. Espo was there when she came to…" Castle winced at the flash of pain he saw in her eyes.
"And?" She knew there was more, but found herself afraid of what would follow.
"Babe, she's not doing well emotionally."
"I need to see her, Castle." Kate said brushing past him to grab her coat and boots.
"No! Not yet. Please." He beseeched grasping her arm.
"Castle, the only reason I'm standing here is because of her. She took it all to save me and our baby. I need to be there for her. It's the least I can do."
In that moment Castle recognized the need his wife had to make everything okay for Emma again.
"Fine. Let me get my coat."
The pace at which Kate hustled down the hospital corridor alarmed Castle. It was as though she couldn't reach Emma fast enough. Once she saw the doorway of Emma's room in the distance she's faltered in apprehension. An exhausted looking Esposito exited the room eager to greet the couple.
"Beckett!" He exclaimed rushing to meet her with open arms, "How are you holding up?"
"As well as one can expect. How is she doing?" Kate said with a nod in Emma's direction eager to change the subject.
"Beckett, I don't think it would be good for you to see her right now…"
Kate blew past him and entered Emma's room before he could finish explaining. Upon seeing Emma, she felt her knees give way and sunk to the ground. She found herself wishing that she had listened to her husband. Her body quaked with each sob as she took in the visage of a sedated Emma Coles, bound to the bed with various cuts decorating her arms and legs.