Chapter 5
A brown flash caught his eye, he whipped round and scanned the corridor, his black eyes narrowed with suspicion. It had been the third time that day that he'd thought he'd seen a… a monkey. It sounded absolutely ridiculous but he could have sworn he'd just seen a large, burly monkey with a red tie wrapped around his neck.
As he started walking in the direction of where the mysterious visitor had disappeared, he tried to convince himself that it was just an illusion. Yet, even as he was failing to do so, the gorilla? actually waltzed across the corridor, seemingly coming from the doorway of a classroom far ahead of him. It turned it's head insolently towards the absolutely befuddled professor and gave him a cheery wave with one of his large pale hands, before carrying on away from him. The now slightly nervous professor, ran after it as it once again vanished from sight. He frantically searched for the now missing beast, he just had no idea what kind of damage it might be doing to the students. He had to find it and stop it. Before it was too late.
"Hello Severus." Snape slammed on his metaphorical brakes, as Headmaster Dumbledore appeared before him. "What are you looking for, my dear boy?" Dumbledore peered around his shoulder, looking for whatever had troubled his professor.
Looking more than just a little ruffled, Snape ran a hand through his hair, his body twitching with adrenaline. "Headmaster, some imbecile has let loose a gorilla in the school. I'm not sure whether by transfiguration or conjuring, but I've seen it along this corridor." His words came out a rush as he impatiently waited for the chance to hunt down the cretin.
Laughter boomed from the elderly wizard. "My dear fellow, there is no monkey strolling along these halls, I can assure you. I know everything and everyone that is within these grounds; Hogwarts is connected to my magic, you know." The Headmaster smiled benevolently at the younger wizard.
Snape huffed with exasperation. "But sir, I saw it with my own eyes." He spoke slowly, leaving no doubt of what he thought of Dumbledore's elderly marbles.
His eyes just twinkled in response.
"But… but… I know I saw it! Are you questioning my mind now, sir?" Dumbledore simply patted the younger man on the shoulder. His blue eyes, framed by half moon spectacles, practically sparkled with amusement.
"Of course not, of course not. I wouldn't dare question you, Professor."
A distant giggle alerted them to the presence of another. "Ah Miss Granger, wonderful to see you." The headmaster didn't even turn around to look upon Hermione's startled face. She quietly came out from her hiding space, a small alcove from which she had seemingly heard most of the conversation.
"Good afternoon, Professors." She smirked slightly at Snape, taking in his rather dishevelled appearance. He glared back at her with utter loathing in his eyes.
"Miss Granger." He ground out, his jaw clenched painfully to keep other less polite greetings within.
"Are you alright now, Severus? I'm sure I can leave Miss Granger in your capable hands." With that, the esteemed Headmaster whistled as he glided away.
With no supervision, they both glared at each other with revenge written across their faces.
"I believe that this was your handiwork then?"
"Naturally, Professor."
"Really, I shouldn't be so surprised, only a Gryffindor could have come up with something so bold and without finesse. And only you could have come up with something so unimaginative." Sneering, he swept closer to her, using his height to full advantage. "Be careful Miss Granger, you do not wish to experience anything truly unpleasant, now would you?"
Hermione, very close to losing her cool, huffed indignantly before backing away from him. Taking one last look at him to fully appreciate how discomposed he was, she walked away, flitting away the persistent thought that he looked rather roguish with his hair so tussled.
"Oh, Professor, I believe the gorilla's name is Donkey Kong. Just in case you were curious."
With that last parting shot, she ambled off, inordinately proud of herself. If only she had any idea of how very vexed the Potions Master had become, she might just have been a little more cautious with her gloating. Indeed, she had left him with a vast list of ideas for revenge and absolutely no guilt to hold him back from his next plan.
Over the next few days, Hermione was lulled into a sense of almost complete security. Maybe the professor had decided it was better not to challenge her. She could be pretty fierce. Maybe he just didn't have a sense of humour. As a teacher he might have thought he had to take the moral high ground. Well, as numerous as her theories were, they didn't stop the smug grin from appearing on her lips at times. Take that evening's dinner for example, she was just tucking into her pasta when, bam, the grin appeared. She peeked a look at the teachers table and lo and behold, Snape was there at the end, giving a serious look into his own pasta. Without a doubt, she had well and truly defeated him with that last prank. A pure stroke of genius she had to admit.
Though, if she'd been forced to tell the truth, she would have admitted grudgingly that she had been slightly disappointed at Snape's lack of response. It was almost as if she wanted his attention. But that could never be true, right readers?
While she was mulling that over, a figure in a slightly offending purple, waltzed up to the teachers table. Absolute fear gripped her and she released an earsplittingly loud, terrified scream. Everyone whipped round to look at her, panic on their faces as they tried to see what scared her. Slowly, she stumbled further away from the figure. She couldn't think straight, fear and adrenaline was coursing through her. Slowly she lifted a violently shaking finger towards the person, even as she continued to back away. "You…" She stammered, "…Get away from me…" Her shaky voice echoed through the Great Hall.
At this, everyone swung round to the figure. He straightened in surprise.
"Me, Miss Granger? Are you alright, dear girl?"
She involuntarily let out another terrified scream. Her staggering increased in speed, until her back was against the wall. The students were now looking at eachother in confusion. What was so scary about the headmaster? Sure, they all could agree his clothes were rather shocking, but hadn't they always been so?
"Just..just…stay away from me!" Hermione flung an arm out as if to shield herself from this supposed monstrosity.
As the teachers didn't look too worried except for the girl's sanity, the students started relaxing a bit. A few even let out small titters at the girl's dramatics.
The Headmaster started walking forward slowly, trying to approach her as if she was a wounded animal. " Miss Granger, there's really nothing to fear-" He said soothingly.
She must have remembered she was a witch at this point though, as her wand was suddenly thrust forward in his direction. Hermione waved it round a bit. "Don't come any closer!" She practically growled. He stopped moving and threw a beseeching look at his deputy, for once he wasn't quite sure how to deal with this. McGonagall just sighed in exasperation, if Albus Dumbledore didn't know what to do, how could he expect her to?
The students reactions were gradually turning into complete mirth at the utter absurdity of what was going on. Hermione Granger, the war hero, was acting as if Albus Dumbledore, one of the nicest and most senile man was going to attack her. The Headmaster was an extremely powerful wizard let's not forget that, but even then he just mainly used his magic for lighting and blowing out candles or making waves, not exactly fear inspiring magic. Harry Potter just stared at his friend with disbelief, while Ron her other 'supportive' best friend was hiding his chuckles by stuffing his face full of Hermione's deserted dinner. At least, that's the excuse he would have given if anyone had asked.
Hermione still in a position of fearful defence, suddenly stiffened. What on earth was wrong with her? Immediate clarity seemed to come to her, bringing with it the absolute mortification of what just happened. She had just experienced Albusphobia, the fear of Albus Dumbledores. She straightened up slowly, placed her wand back in her pocket, taking her time and gradually lifted her head back up to look at her audience. Her utter embarrassment must have shown clearly and expressively on her face, as what happened next could have only been in reaction it. A great booming laugh was heard. Foreign to everyone, the deep sound resounded through the Hall. Hermione Granger had broken Snape. He was laughing. The great bat of the dungeons had tears running down his face, hands clutched at his stomach and he simply laughed. Who knew he was even capable of such emotion but it seemed that even his renown talent for control over his emotions, had failed at this point. The Slytherins look worried, the Hufflepuffs vaguely concerned, the Ravenclaws simply befuddled and the Gryffindors were terrified. It was rather a strange situation.
"You! You did this! You horrid man! How could you?" Hermione's outraged shout simply seemed to worsen his condition. He bent over with the force of it, the booming turning into a great whooping laugh. "Arggh!" She let out an aggrieved noise but not many really payed attention to her, history was being written that second by the Potions Master. She stormed off, promising herself to think up worthy revenge.
As minutes wore on, still Professor Snape couldn't let up. Students gradually finished eating and were sent up to their dormitories, teachers slowly drifted off and still late on in the night, a great hysterical noise was heard coming from the Great Hall. Professor Severus Snape's first genuine laugh.
AN: Hey, all! Thanks for all the comments and such! I love reading them. As ever, I'd love to hear your ideas for any pranks.
I'd like to just point two things about this update. No.1, I've never experienced having a phobia, I just wanted Hermione to have a really extreme reaction to Dumbledore, I hope no one was offended by it. Most of everything in this story is just caricature. No.2 I kind of made Dumbledore slightly less kickass, it just didn't really fit with what I wanted for the story. Hope you all can forgive me. ;p
It was my birthday yesterday, so I thought I'd share the love. Remember, sharing is caring. ;p And I just wanted to mention that it was my birthday yesterday. If you didn't get that, it was my birthday, yesterday. ;p
Err, yeah I hope you enjoyed reading. I'm sorry for the wait, after Easter I've got tons of exams and revision so I'll try to update when I can but qualifications do matter a lot more, I'm sorry to say. ;p
Anywho, happy to be soon Easter (and happy birthday to me ;) ),
Emra ;p