Well I did not expect to be posting this so late. Schools sucks, my grades are dropping like flies, and teachers love giving out surprise research papers and tests. Oh, did I mention that I have no money whatsoever? Life can suck… whatever. Anyway here is the new chapter! Oh and if you get confused about the past and present, well then good. That's the point. So good luck!
Rey did not like Ben Solo (or as he liked to put it "Kylo Ren"). Ben Solo was a spineless evil turncoat that cared about no one but himself. In Rey's eyes, Ben Solo was indeed a dead man. Ben Solo died after betraying the great Luke Skywalker. All that he wanted was power, and in order to gain said power, he picked up the work that his grandfather left off. Of course he would forget the fact that the famous Darth Vader turned to the Light side at the end of his life.
Kylo Ren destroyed many families and killed innocent lives for the sake of power. He destroyed entire planets. Millions of people! All obliterated. It was horrible watching the red streak of pure energy and heat collide with the Hosnian System. It was impossible to look at or even comprehend the fact that the Galactic Senate was destroyed, along with part of the New Republic Starfleet. It seemed like the end was near. She remembered having no hope, and life without hope was an unbearable thought.
And then he killed Han Solo, his own father. That was the final straw. Kylo Ren was correct when he said that she considered Han as a father that she never had. Rey had planned to stay on the Millennium Falcon and travel the galaxy with him and Chewie. But that was torn away from her by Ren. She would never forgive what he took away from her- what could have been.
No, Rey did not like Kylo Ren one bit.
Rey had been informed that General Organa was in the medical wing, so Rey made her way through the many winding hallways to reach the General; a route that was familiar to her.
The doors slid open and revealed a white room full of beds with many machines occupying the wallspace, beeping randomly while people and droids filtered in and out. In the corner of the room laid her friend, Finn. Rey went inside and found the General next to where Finn laid; hunched over a display screen, clothes and hair disheveled, as she studied the route to her twin with another person that Rey did not recognize. Upon approaching her, General Organa noticed Rey and dismissed the worker with her hand. The General looked at her with tired eyes that seemed to have aged fifty years. "How is he?"
"He's awake," Rey replied, "The injuries that he sustained didn't seem to affect him greatly."
The General was silent for a minute, thinking about what Rey had reported. Rey added, "He did not take kindly to the fact that he is here, with the Resistance."
The General sighed, "I expected as much." Organa pushed the screen away from her and collapsed into a nearby chair, motioning Rey to do the same. They faced each other, but their eyes did not meet. General Organa ran her hands over her face and moaned, "What am I going to do with that boy?" The General looked to Rey, her face showing defeat.
"He will come around," Rey lied, "We just need to give him some time to sort things out."
There was a pause. The General looked over and studied Finn, guilt evident on her face. "He did this."
Rey looked up at the General and tried to reply, to respond in some way, but the General was right. Kylo Ren did do this. "My son did this to him. He even killed his own father. My son," the General went on, no emotion evident in her voice. She just stated the facts- and Rey thought that that was what really destroyed Leia, because those were the facts, and there was no way to contradict it. Rey just sat there, observing Finn. He did not look hurt, he just looked like he was sleeping, like he was going to wake up anytime soon. But she knew that he wasn't. She saw the medical droid's report and heard the whispers from the other workers. He had sustained too much damage, and he was in a coma. They had no way of knowing when he would wake up, and Rey couldn't stand it. First Han and now Finn. I can't lose you too.
General Organa noticed Rey's distress and placed her hand on her shoulder. Her thumb stroked her skin in a comforting way. "He will be fine. Everyone here is trying to find a way to wake him up. They will find a way, and when he does come back, I will make sure that you are the first person that he sees."
Rey smiled, "Thank you." The General pulled Rey into a hug and Rey melted into her embrace; feeling secure like a child would in their mother's arms. Leia was so warm and comfortable, and Rey didn't want it to end. She never had a mother figure.
Organa pulled away first and placed a light kiss on Rey's forehead. Leia knew that Rey and Han had grown close during their short time together, and she knew that Rey took Han's death just as badly as Leia did. Leia considered Rey as the daughter that she never had. Rey was intelligent, kind, selfless, and considerit. Ben used to be like that. Will he ever be able to be that again? Those thoughts swirled in her mind, but she pushed past them- not wanting to have to face the answer that she knew was slowly penetrating her soul. Leia pushed herself up from her chair and fixed her composition. She will not show weakness. She will stand tall.
Leia commanded, "It's time to see my son."
Breath.
Just breath.
Calm down and just breath dammit!
"Are you even trying?" the cold voice mocked, sending a shiver down his spine. Breath, breath, breath, breath.
He croaked, "I-I'm sorry Master. I'm trying my h-hardest. It's just tha-"
"Just what? Are you tired? Are you hungry?"
He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around his legs as he curled into himself. "Y-yes Master, but-"
"But what!"
Ren flinched. He wanted to get out. He needed to get out. He couldn't (breath!) stand it anymore. "Nothing M-Master."
"That's what I thought," Snoke snickered, "You are nothing."
Ren screamed as electricity consumed his already damaged body. His limbs convulsed and twisted unnaturally. He knew he couldn't last long.
Ren gasped awake, sucking in much needed air into his depleted lungs. Breath, breath, breath. The mantra never stopped. It couldn't stop. Breath!
The pain in his sides did not subside, and the dull throb was starting to take its toll. Ren pushed himself up and pressed his hand against his flesh wound. He winced as he pulled his hand back and found small traces of smeared blood on his palm. He could feel fresh warm blood trickle down his chin as the familiar metallic taste flooded his mouth. He knew that he had bitten his tongue, however the extent was unknown. He could hear something in the background, and inhuman shriek, but he could not place where the sound was coming from.
Stop! That's in the past! he thought, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to drift mindlessly into a calming meditation- but the throbbing in his side and his face only intensified.
It felt like hours before the pain subsided; the aftereffects of the torture tingled and spasmed his muscles randomly.
Breath and forget, breath and forget. Stop this!
He realized the shriek came from him; his throat sore and tender. Breath breath breath!
A cold breath breathed against the tip of his ears. Someone was talking to him. "You are nothing."
"Stop!"
Ren grabbed his head in his hands and tried to will away the memories. Memories of pain, shame, failure.
"You are nothing."
Am I?
"Ben?"
Ren twisted his head around to find an older woman stand inside his room. Leia Organa. His mother. He turned his face away. He didn't want to look at her. Couldn't look at her (especially not now!), however he would never admit it. He had to look like the one in control, and not the pathetic child (breath) that he knew that he truly was.
He gritted his teeth and swung his legs around to let them rest on the ground while bringing the the blanket around to cover his midriff - to cover the blood. No weakness. He tried not to look around too much - the fear of the walls closing in on him was slowly returning after gaining consciousness. He stared at the ground and felt Organa's eyes on him the entire time. Breath.
Organa noticed the way her son's eyes dropped to the ground, and the fact that he did not move his gaze away from the small stain on the floor. She sighed, knowing that this was not going to be easy. A guard came into the small space and placed a stool on the ground, saluted, and retreated quickly. Organa shook her head as she carefully set herself onto the seat. She sat there in silence as she took in her son's condition. White gauze was stretched unceremoniously across his angular head and made his long hair flatten in some parts and not in others. He looked older. A spike of sadness enveloped her at the fact that a young man of his age should not have the aroma of someone who has witnessed such horrid atrocities (that he most likely has had to endure in his time with Snoke). No one should have to go through that. However life was cruel, and even the brightest, like Rey, were victims to life's hand at times.
Organa cleared her throat, "Are you feeling better?"
Her son did not reply. Leia, knowing that he won't talk, continued, "I was worried about you. The medical droids made it seem like you were going to die at any minute. But I knew that you weren't. You're strong, like your father."
Ren met Organa's eyes at the mentioning of his father. He started to pick at the fabric of his clothing.
"Oh your father… Always the first person rushing into a battle, he was. He wouldn't even consider the possibility of death; he would just run straight toward trouble."
Ren listened, his hands preoccupying themselves as his nervousness grew. Nervousness or guilt? Suddenly the walls of the room seemed to start to move slightly inward. His breath caught, but Organa did not notice this. Breath breath breath.
Organa smiled, "I remember when he didn't want anything to do with me. Oh yes, I remember those times. He tried pushing me away- too many times to count!- and yet after all that we had went through, he stayed with me." She chuckled and shook her head, the memories of her past flashed before her eyes. We did have good times Han.
Organa looked to her son, the last thing that truly connected her to Han. Her smile faded into a sad one. She whispered, "I forgive you, Ben."
Ren's face failed to cover his immediate shock. She forgives me? But how? I killed him! Her husband! My father! Guilt then took over his mind. How could I have killed my father?
You are pathetic! Have I not taught you anything? She is turning you. She is manipulating you. Or are you too naive to see that? Snoke's voice drifted into his consciousness. He was always there. Always.
She is?
Breath.
She is.
Anger replaced confusion. That had to be the truth. She would never forgive me so quickly like that. Ren grunted, "I am not Ben Solo anymore. I do not need your forgiveness woman!" Ren pushed himself up off of the cot and faced his mother straight on, his eyes cold and distant. His thin blanket fell to the ground, and his hands took their place. Show no weakness. Show no pain. Breath.
Organa pleaded, "Ben listen I-"
"No!" Ren yelled, while his body shook with the strain of using his weak muscles. "Do not call me Ben. I know what you are trying to do. You're playing little mind games to confuse me. But I will not so easily be fooled. I am smarter than you. I was trained for this!"
Organa interjected, "Ben what-"
"Don't take me for a fool you old hag," Ren stepped forward towards the force field separating him from his mother. He sized himself, looking down on the pathetic excuse for a mother, and sneered, "You, your brother, and your husband have been trying to make me turn all this time, however I am the stronger one! You cast me away to Skywalker, and even he could not stop what was already destined. I've been able to smother every pull of the Light. I'm immune! Who is the stronger one now."
"We only wanted to help you Ben. You were our son, and we didn't know how else to help," Leia cried.
"Stop calling me Ben!" Ren screamed, bringing his good arm up to pound against the force field.
"Ben wait-!"
The touch of his flesh against the field caused him to drop down on the ground. He didn't know what had happened. All that was evident was the pain. The pain. The pain.
Breath! Stop it!
The electricity coursed through him. He should have been used to this kind of pain after the many years that he had been with his Master. He deserved this pain.
The torment stopped as quickly as it came. He knew his Master was angry with him. He disrespected him yet again. Breath, breath.
Why can't I do anything right?
He was in a room. Too small.
Closing in.
Breath.
You are nothing.
The air was thin. Too thin.
Breath.
Something was pressing into him. The walls. It was the walls.
It hurt.
You are nothing.
You are worthless.
Breath breath breath.
Pathetic.
Breath.
A failure.
Breath breath breath breath.
Just like your father.
Breath breath BREATH
He was suffocating.
Too much.
BREATH.
Organa watched in horror as her son wreathed in agony from the electric shock that the force field emitted. She barked over her shoulder, "Take the field down. Now!"
In seconds, the force field between herself and her son was dropped, and automatically her paternal instincts kicked in. She dropped to the floor, noticing that several guards (including Rey) swarmed into the small room. Her wrinkled hands reached for her son to cradle him in her arms, however she was stopped when Ben opened his eyes.
His Master stared down at him, disgust in his eyes.
"Please. I can't take any more," Ren begged, pushing himself further away from the wrath that his Master would undoubtedly reign upon him. "I will try harder I swear!"
His Master stopped in his tracks, his hand outstretched, yet it slightly shook.
He was angry- so angry that he was shaking.
Ren's face dropped. Only several times had his Master been so full of anger, and all of those times Ren had been left as a blubbering mess. He couldn't take that. Not again. Breath!
"I'll do better! I will do anything to prove to you that I am worthy. Anything."
Organa could not do anything but watch hopelessly as her son looked through her with eyes that were not in the present. He babbled fearfully to the specter of his 'Master' while he shifted his body further away, "Please, I'll do anything! Don't punish me! I can't take it anymore!"
His body broke down on the cold floor and curled into a fetal position. Blood slowly seeped into his clothing and smeared across the floor. Tears long overdue spilled from his eyes as he cradled himself against the side of the wall.
Leia could not contain her emotions as they too spilled from her eyes. She sobbed, "Ben, what have they done to you?"
I hope that was okay. It took a long time to do… So I hope to post soon but no promises. Make sure to review! Oh, and hitting that favorite/follow button wouldn't hurt either!