This fanfiction is written by Chaos

Chapter One

(About a year earlier)

I sit on Castiel's carpet, the bass from the dancing below pulses through me rhythmically. The party slithers and slides around me. The large house spilling out at the seams with people on every floor, from the goths in the attic to the rave in the basement. I sit in the center of it all, watching the hectic crowd of hormonal children running around me. I'm surrounded by chaos and completely detached.

"Nathaniel." Silver taps on my shoulder, breaking my thoughts and materializing from the crowd like mist. She's wearing sparkly fishnet tights, black shorts and a neon green tank top, matching the green beads in her black dreadlock extensions. The smell of stripper flows around her, she must have come straight from work. "This is Chaos, keep an eye on her." She shoves a dainty girl in my direction, then quickly turns around and is consumed by the party as quickly as she appeared.

"Wait where are you going!?" I shout after her, but it's no use. She is gone.

Silver; stripper, thief, party girl extraordinaire and probably my best friend. But I'd never tell her that.

I look to the tiny girl she shoved in my direction. She has waist long black hair and piercing red eyes. A black sliced dress hugs her body, stopping just before her mid thigh. Neon blue blades slither through the cuts in her dress.

She looks too graceful to know Castiel, but that might just be the pills I took earlier.

She comes down to my level and places herself so close to me I can feel the heat radiate through her body, into mine. She crosses her legs and pulls at the dress, trying to cover as much skin as possible.

"I'm Nathaniel," I smile and shake her hand in the way I was trained from childhood, be a perfect gentleman, "And I guess I'm in charge of your wellbeing now." She smiles warmly and lets go of my hand only to be shoved into me again.

"Sorry."

She says looking up to me, her boobs pressed up against my chest.

"It's fine."

The second lasts forever, her warm body and obvious discomfort overwhelm me. I stand and take her hand, pulling her to the side of the room away from all the bustling. She looks grateful. We lean against the wall and she finally introduces herself.

"Um, Well i guess I'm Chaos now, so, it's nice to meet you." Her red eyes nervously look at her toes as she talks, this obviously isn't her crowd. I step back only for her to tightly grasp my arm. "I know this is weird." She says, her hands slightly shaking, "But I'm not good with groups I don't know, can you stay with me till I find someone?" She finally meets my eyes, the deep red burning me alive.

"Of course." I smile. She smiles. I need a drink.

I find a stray bottle on a table and an empty couch for us to sit on. I come to a party only to get stuck babysitting, Silver owes me big time.

I take deep swigs while she explains that she met Silver a good twenty minutes ago, where she promptly decided her new name was Chaos and brought her here.

A classic Silver move, always reliable.

"I like Chaos, I think it suites you." I slur, something about those eyes, "But what's your real name?"

Her face flushes, I don't think she's used to the attention.

"Kitty." She mumbles.

She seems uncomfortable talking about herself and blushes when I ask her questions, not like these self centered party bitches I'm used to. I like it.

After a while, and a few tentative sips of my vodka, she opens up more. Telling me about her life back in new england and her crazy christian mom, who would absolutely murder her if she knew where she was. There's a small spark in her eyes and her smile warms a cold place in my chest I'd forgotten about.

She's in the middle of telling me about how she just moved here, and doesn't really know anyone yet when Castiel appears above me, silencing her.

"Hey," He says tersely. "I have some 'party favors' in my room, if you're interested." He says it like he's bored, looking anywhere but me or the girl.

"I'll meet you there in a minute." I say, always down for something new in my system.

I turn back to Chaos, "K, bye. Nice meeting you."

I mean the girls cute and all, but my one true girlfriend awaits me in Castiel's wrecked bedroom. I stand up and give her a messy salute, when her hand around my arm stops me in my tracks. Her eyes are wide and desperate.

"Take me with you." She mouths.

Ugh.

I look at her, then in the direction of my goal, then back at her,

What do I do? I can't take her with me? I hate these moral dilemmas. What would a boy scout do?

Fuck, a boy scout would take her with him.

"Fine." Relief instantly spreads across her face. "But you have to be...cool, with what's going on in there. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm totally cool. Just please don't leave me."

I lead her through the house, through the crowd, to Castiel's room. I almost lose her four times in the sea of people. I snatch her hand, annoyed that she slows me down.

The stark white door of Castiel's bedroom is oddly welcoming as I open it. A few people I know and a few I don't sit in a messy circle on the floor. I take a spot against the foot of the bed and Chaos sits next to me nervously bouncing her knee. Everyone sloppily gathered in impatience. We look like we're about to sacrifice a virgin to Satan, but in reality it's a much more destructive ritual.

Castiel sits with a small box in his lap, the center of attention. He pulls a grimey old silver spoon out of his pocket and the ritual begins. We all watch in deep infatuation as he pours powdered gold into his spoon, mixing it with his pinkie and letting some greedy whore lick it off his fingers. The pure, holy aroma of white china heroin finds my nose and my mouth waters as the heavenly orange liquid is absorbed up through the needle and into the syringe. When he hits the cold metal and plunges pure pleasure directly into his arm, his head falls back and a large smile fractures his stone face. A smile only dope can bring about. He sinks deep into himself passing off the needle to his left, right to Chaos.

She stares at the empty used syringe in shock as it sits in her hands. Her eyes pass from the needle to me, from one harmful piece of trash to another.

"Go ahead." I tell her.

The room bleeds into black around her, glitching and short circuiting so that the only thing distinguishable is her. A clean patch in my inkspill world.

She moves slowly and carefully, the world bending around her. Flames engulf the spoon and I am transfixed as she fills the needle with poison. She taps the syringe and pushes out the bubbles, taking a rubber band from a girl with dreads across from her when-

"WAIT." I interject. "That just came out of Castiel's arm," I say taking the needle from her hand. "And he has like twelve STD's" I disinfect the needle with my lighter then hand it back to her.

"I can't have him infecting my little flower."

A look of subtle curiosity spreads across her face as I hand her the shot, but she says nothing. She rolls the band up her delicate, pale arm, securing the knot with her teeth.

She moves in slow motion, sharp white teeth flashing at me from behind lush lips. Her legs crossed floating a few inches above the ground, thick jet black hair flowing around her as she levitates in front of me. I catch ruby eyes just before they twinge in pain. Her jaw tightens, she freezes for just a moment before collapsing and it's as if I can see her soul leaving her body as she drifts to the ground and falls into my lap. Her sharp bloody red eyes have softened and look up at me with compassion. She raises a hand and lightly brushes my face before breaking into a quiet laugh, her whole body radiating joy. This joy leaks into me and I fall back into reality while she ascends out of it, the room coming back into focus.

"C'mon, Giggly. It's my turn."

I take her needle and cook for myself, smiling down at her occasionally. I just can't help it, she bring out this gay side of me. I untie her band and use it for my own shot, smiling at the familiar sting of the needle.

"Hey, aren't you going to clean it?" She asks me, "What if I give you something?"

I look down at her and take my shot.

"Oh, I'll take anything from you." I tell her, she blushes slightly, I hand the needle off to the next junkie.

Time passes independently of us as we lay in silence in the center of Castiel's floor. We mirror each other on our backs, her head by my feet. People coming and going as they please but we stay put, content in our own little world. We're not touching, but she feels closer to me than physically possible, and my heart pounds uncomfortably in my chest. Her voice speaks so softly I almost don't hear it at first, but it's unmistakable.

"Nathaniel?" The word is born somewhere to the left of my toes.

I sit up to look at her. "Yeah?"

She lays perfectly still across from me. Her hair making large spirals on the floor. Her porcelain face starts to turn pink and large tears well up in her perfect eyes, spilling over and splashing onto the floor, leaving dark circles in the carpet.

In a very sudden movement she snaps her knees to her chest and slams her head into her hands. She pulls tight at the roots of her hair, as if to pull out all of the pain and suffering she's endured. "Nathaniel." She looks at me with wide wet eyes. "Make it stop." Her tears continue to fall in between gasps as her hands pull harder at her hair. "Make the pain stop."

A feeling splashes through me. I don't know what it is, all I know is I'm not okay with it. I don't know what to do. Do I touch her? Leave her?

She pulls at her hair again actually succeeding in removing some strands.

"Stop!" I grab her wrists and struggle with her withering, bending form.

"Make it stop." She keeps crying, more to the world than to me.

"Fine." I cup her face with my hands, looking deep into her red eyes. "I'll make the pain stop." Her tears are temporarily halted as she watches me stand, walk over to Castiel's bedside table, open a drawer and remove a pair of scissors.

I touch her arm gingerly. She doesn't resist so I help her into a sitting position, her holding my stare constantly. The tears haven't stopped but they fall silently instead of dramatically. I sit on my knees mirroring her, "I'm going to make it all better, okay?" and in that moment that's all I want. I want to make everything in her life all better. For the rest of her life.

I run my fingers through her hair and she closes her eyes. The silk dark strands fall through my fingertips. I gather a small amount in my hand.

"Ready?" I whisper.

"Ready." She breathes.

I take the harsh metal scissors and cut the hair. It falls to the ground, strands scattering from their original gathering.

A small smile forms across her lips.

A take Another handful and cut her free. I cut and cut, breaking the strands of hair and the faster I go the bigger her smile. She starts giggling, and I smile too, as the soft locks fall around me and assault any bare skin it can find.

I keep going, and she keeps laughing, until her black hair is short and choppy and littering the floor around us.

A small white glow seems to radiate from her skin and she looks so light she could float. I place my hands under her jaw and on the sides of her face, she relaxes into my hands.

"Open your eyes." I whisper.

She's hesitant but looks around anyways. Her eyes fall on her hair on the ground and she smiles at the mess with such gratitude.

"You know, my grandmother used to tell me we hold our sorrow in our hair." Her vulnerable swollen eyes meet mine.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She smiles at me and electricity crackles through my chest. "Thank you."

She slips her hands into mine and they rest between us. We don't talk. We sit and stare at each other as the bass from the party still pumps through my veins.

There's only a wall separating us from the rest of the party but again it feels like we're in another world.

The glowing seems brighter and I can feel a heat pulse through her hands into mine. I can feel the disturbance in the air when she breathes.

She's perfect.

I want to be close to her but I feel like any closer might kill me.

The door opens.

Fuck.

Castiel comes in. Looks at the hair on the floor. Scoffs. And sits unnecessarily close to me.

I can feel our little world shattering as he picks up a bag of chips and loudly inhales them.

"Can I help you?" I turn to him dropping Chaos' grip.

"Mmm yeah," He says between chips. "Silver's looking for her." He motions towards Chaos.

"Oh shit." She panics as her hands search her person. "Where's my phone?" She asks frantically as she stands up. "I don't know." I say as she smiles at me for a last time and strides out into the party. I keep my eyes glued to her as she walks out the door. "Wait!" When it shuts I feel like she took a piece of me with her.

"Are you okay?" Castiel asks me, eyebrow raised.

"Bro," I sigh, "I think I'm in love."

Please Review, even if you dont like it review