It was almost three hundred days after before Kate started actively participating in life again. Not that she had given up on it, but she had retreated into her head again, afraid to get excited about anything lest it be taken from her again. She saw Dr. Burke weekly, and sometimes Castle even joined her. "I mean, it's not like she died," Kate had explained during their session that day, "I shouldn't feel this bad."
"She's not," Castle agreed, never ceasing to let go of her hand, "thank whatever entity that you want to for that. But we cared for her for a month. We held her and cried with her, made her smile, talked with her, and loved her. And then she was taken from us with no warning. We still lost her, Kate. It's okay to feel this way."
"Sometimes I wonder if it's worse knowing that she's alive, you know? Just knowing that she's out there somewhere, probably running around in costumes and singing along to Disney movies makes me ache for her even more."
"I know." His eyes locked with hers as he squeezed her hand tighter, reminding her with his actions that he wasn't going anywhere. She didn't know what she would do without him at least semi-grounding her. "Every time I see a little girl on the street around the same age, with perfect brown ringlets and big dark eyes, I want to scoop her up and never let her go. The fact that she is out there somewhere just kills me, Kate." His face perked up, and he smiled at her, his goofy grin helping to pull her out of her own thoughts. "But then I imagine her laughing, Kate. I imagine Maria kissing her neck the same way you did. I see her playing with Maria's younger cousins, speaking a mixture of Spanish and English, and having a good life. And sometimes that makes me feel better."
It was a good picture to imagine. She just wished that the good life that Hope was having was with them.
At home, Kate relaxed while Castle cooked. Alexis was coming over for dinner that night with her boyfriend, Emmet, and their exciting news. Kate was guessing that they were finally engaged. Castle, being a father, didn't want to believe that. He was guessing that Emmet had received that residency position at Mt. Sinai. "That's not their exciting news, that's Emmet's exciting news." She argued from the living room while he danced around the kitchen.
"They're a serious couple. Any news is their news." He offered weakly, refusing to meet her eye as he said it.
"So, when I got promoted to captain, that was just as much your accomplishment as it was mine?"
"No! Of course not!" He looked at her now, leaning on the island to address her. "This is my little girl we're discussing. Yes, I want her to be happy, but if she is engaged it's just proof that she's all grown up."
"Castle, she's twenty-four. I think she's pretty grown up."
He plugged his ears with his fingers, , moving back to his manicotti and turning his back to her. She laughed at his childishness and returned to her book, her knees pulled up into her chest. She allowed herself to be transported into a world of magic and corruption until a knock on the door pulled her out of it.
Alexis let herself in, pulling Emmet in behind her, their fingers laced together. Kate got up from the couch to greet them, craning her neck to see if Alexis was wearing any new jewelry on her finger. Alexis embraced her father first, relinquishing Emmet's hand to hug him properly. Emmet in turn hugged Kate, his body stiff and the hug quick. He flashed her a nervous smile and nodded once before shaking Castle's hand. He leaned against the island, watching Alexis instead of looking anyone else in the eye. Castle went back to the Manicotti, ignoring Emmet's nervous glance.
Kate seated herself at the island, her eyes flashing between the young couple. They were looking at each other, frantic looks in their eyes as they either nodded toward Castle or vehemently shook their head. Kate had to hold her laughter in as she observed them, her hand placed over her mouth, remembering back to a time when she and Castle had communicated the same way.
She was glad it wasn't her to pull them out of their conversation, her husband waiting a few moments to prove that he had eyes in the back of his head. "What's going on with you two? Are you going to tell us, or do we have to wait until dinner?"
Alexis sighed, grasping Emmet's hand with both of hers, looking into Kate's eyes because her father's back was facing her. "I'm pregnant." She blurted, squeezing her eyes shut as she braced for the reaction.
Kate heard the clatter of the spatula on the counter and saw her husband whirl around in the corner of her eye. The next thing she knew, he had flown across the kitchen, his arms wrapped tightly around his daughter. "Really? I'm going to be a Grandpa?" She could hear his voice break as he fought the tears, his body rocking the redhead back and forth. Emmet watched them from his spot next to them, his smile radiant now that their secret was off their chests. He wasn't ready for Castle's arm to reach out and add him to the embrace, his face squashed awkwardly between Castle and Alexis' shoulders.
When Castle released them and turned to Kate, his excitement was plastered across his face. He grabbed her shoulders, planting a kiss on her lips. "I'm going to be a Grandpa, Kate!"
"Well calm down, Grandpa and go make sure you didn't burn dinner." She laughed, a playful smack to his rear making him move in that direction.
"So, Dad wants to be called Grandpa." Alexis moved to the seat on the island next to Kate, who held out her arms to embrace the younger woman. "So, what do you want the baby to call you, Kate"
She pushed Alexis out of the embrace, holding onto her shoulders still as she looked into the young woman's bright blue eyes. "What do you mean?"
Emmet approached behind Alexis, his hand resting at her waist. "I mean, you plan on sticking around, right?" His brown eyes met hers as he spoke, and Alexis' grin hadn't left her face. "So, what do you want your future grandchild to call you?"
Her heart was soaring, for the first time in a year, and no matter how much her head kept telling her to put her walls back up, she just couldn't do it. She was going to have a grandchild soon that she had to live for. She couldn't afford to let life pass her by anymore. It took her a moment to find her voice, but when she did she had no doubts what she wanted to be called. "I had a Nona. She was the best."
Three hundred and thirty two days after Hope was born, Kate stepped into ultrasound room three for the first time since they had last seen their daughter on a screen. Maria's daughter, not their daughter. She had to correct herself in her head, the latest way that she had learned to take control back of her feelings. Castle guided her in, his hand on the small of her back. She hugged Emmet as the entered, while Castle leaned down to hug his daughter. "Are you excited?" He asked her as he pulled away.
"Yeah."
The door opened, a dark haired woman entered, a warm smile plastered on her face. "Alexis, how are you doing today?"
The redhead grinned back, her hands resting on her expanding abdomen. "I'm doing well, thanks!" She reached for her boyfriend's hand, clasping them together and letting them rest in the space next to her head. "I'm a little nervous. Is that normal?"
The tech, Susannah, nodded as she prepared the equipment. "We see all different types of emotions in this room, you being nervous is normal." She looked around at the other people in the room. Castle was standing behind Alexis' head, his fingers threading through his daughter's hair, and Kate's hand was resting in the small of Emmet's back as he held his girlfriend's hand. "It looks like you brought the cavalry."
Alexis laughed as Susannah squirted the gel on her still small belly, her gaze shifting around the room. "These are my parents, Rick and Kate. Emmet's parents live out of state." The younger woman was looking up at Kate, gushing her reaction to the statement, almost asking for permission. Kate flashed a warm smile in her direction, her fingers reaching out to join her husband's in Alexis' hair.
Susannah's gaze was directed at the screen as she made sure everything was going right. "Well, it looks like you two have a wonderful support system." As she stopped talking, they heard the steady thump of the heartbeat fill the room around them. "Perfect. Everything looks perfect, Alexis." She turned her head to face the couple. "Did you want to find out the sex today?"
Alexis met Emmet's eyes before turning back to the tech, her head bobbing up and down. "Yes please. Our friends are making bets."
Castle snorted next to her, a smile stretched across his face. "Sounds familiar." She felt herself smile, remembering cashing in when her boys swore up and down Hope would be a boy, one to run them ragged and drive them insane.
"Yeah, well we played both sides." Emmet explained, squeezing Alexis' hand as he spoke. "Alexis jumped in the pool for a boy, I put my name down for girl. Either way we get something from it."
Kate chuckled behind him, her hand leaving his back as she shuffled closer to her husband, seeking out his warmth. "Smart. Alexis is good though. She and Lanie had Hope pinned as a girl. Martha and my Dad agreed with the boys." She met Castle's eyes, reassuring him that she was okay. "I think we joined the girl pool just to spite Ryan and Espo."
"Well I guess that worked out in your favor." Alexis' voice was soft, like she didn't know what to say.
Susannah looked around the room, her eyes falling on the two oldest people. "Do you want to cast your bets while you still can?"
"Boy." They spoke simultaneously, like always, a soft smile on her face as she realized just how in sync they were. His free hand wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him.
Susannah grinned, her face returning to the screen. "Always listen to your parents, they tend to be right. You're having a little boy, Alexis. Congratulations!"
Alexis tugged on her boyfriend's hand, pulling him down to her. She spoke to him in whispers, their smiles wide as they shared their moment. For Kate, it was bittersweet. She was so happy for them, so happy to see them take this next leap in their life. But it conjured images for her of the day they sat in this room, and found out about their own little peanut, their whispers to each other much like her step-daughter's, except they stood behind the seat, his arms wrapped around her waist as they imagined their life with their daughter.
"We're going to have a little grandson, Kate." His whisper from behind her made her shiver, her body melting into his embrace. "A grandson that we can take to see the Lion King, that we can play with at the park, that we can spoil rotten. One that we can watch while Alexis is at class or when she starts taking on cases. We can dress him up like Peter Pan, and you can be Tinkerbell, and I'll be Captain Hook and we can have adventures."
She turned her head to face him, a smile on her lips. "I want to be Hook."
"Deal." His eyebrows raised with mirth as she turned around to face him. "I look better in fairy wings anyway." She laughed then, the sound bursting from her chest, disrupting the ambiance of the room. She hoped that her lips pressed to his would be enough to let him know that she couldn't wait.
Three hundred and fifty five days after, Kate took Alexis shopping for maternity clothes. She had gotten by with baggy shirts and yoga pants, but with her internship, she had to dress professionally. "It seems dumb to shop for clothes that I'm not going to wear again. At least not unless we decide to have a second one. Which won't happen for years, and I won't fit into any of this anymore."
"So just buy staples." Kate pulled down a pair of pants and handed them to the redhead. "A few pants, a couple skirts, and some blouses that you can throw a cardigan or nice jacket over." Alexis pulled a loud patterned blouse off the rack and held it up to herself, laughing as she showed it off. Kate ran her fingers over a navy blue dress. "Maybe a dress or two to hang out with your friends. But as soon as you get home you can change back into your yoga pants and t-shirts. It's one of the luxuries of being at home."
"I do love being comfy at home!" She enthused, closing the dressing room door. Kate leaned against the partition, listening to the redhead hum to herself. "So, are you and Dad going to try again? WIth the whole adoption thing?"
"We haven't talked about it." She had almost broached the topic after the ultrasound, but when she caught him staring at an old picture of her and Hope, she dropped the idea. "I think we both ignore the subject so that we don't hurt the other."
"Well, one of you has to cave." Kate could see her know-it-all look through the door, one eyebrow cocked as she chastised the older woman. "Think of everything you'll be missing! It's clear you both want to expand the family, and I was always open to the idea of siblings."
"Well I think all the cool things that he wanted to do with your siblings he now wants to do with your son." Kate laughed, pushing her hair behind her ear. "Have you two picked a name yet?"
"Don't even get me started on that!" Alexis opened the door, modeling an outfit that Kate vetoed, telling her to stick with the skirt and thrusting another blouse in the door. "I mean, we keep bouncing them around, and they'll stick for a day, and then we hate them. I never thought that naming a human being could be so hard."
"Tell me about it. We only had to pick Hope's middle name, and that was tough enough." It was the pesky 'a' at the end that ruined it for them. Castle thought her identity should be different than her birth mother's, but Kate thought that it was best to honor her by making sure that she was always with Hope, even if it was just in spirit. "I like to think that if we had to pick both names it would have been easier to compromise. But then again, both your father and I are stubborn. I might not give up on a name I don't really like just because the one he comes up with is better."
"And then he starts to gloat and you hate the name just out of spite, trust me, we've been there." The redhead's laughter from the other side made Kate relax. "Kate, he's kicking like crazy today. Look!" The door opened to another outfit, this one much better than the last. But Alexis wasn't looking for an opinion this time. This time she was dragging Kate's hand to the swell of her abdomen, so she could feel the movement of the baby inside. He pushed against her hand, making Kate smile, her eyes meeting the redhead's.
Kate pulled her hand away after a few moments, afraid to invade the woman's personal space. "That's amazing." Alexis grinned and shut the door again, returning to her task at hand. Kate leaned against the wall, her phone out. "I have to text your father. He'll be so jealous that I felt the baby move first."
Alexis' laugh on the other side of the door had her chuckling along, her thumbs moving fast over her keyboard. "Children. Actual children."
On day three hundred and eighty eight, Emmet's parents came from Michigan to visit, inviting everyone out to dinner. Castle was overly energetic, checking his watch every few minutes to make sure they weren't running late. "You know, I'm sure they'll wait for us." Kate called from the bathroom as she brushed blush onto her cheekbones.
"I know, I'm just…" He stopped, leaning against the doorframe as he watched her get ready. "I'm nervous." He finished, his face sheepish.
"Nervous about what? That they won't like us?" She pulled out the mascara, pulling one of her eyes tight. "Guess what, babe? It doesn't matter. Emmet is crazy about your daughter, and she is crazy about him. Nothing we do could ever change that."
"You really think she's crazy about him?"
"Castle," she scoffed, turning to meet his eye, "can't you see it? The way they look at each other?"
"Yeah. They kind of do that thing we do."
"Exactly." She finished her makeup and pinned her hair out of her face, the curls bouncing on her shoulder. She turned to him. "Ready to go?"
Alexis was already there, dressed in the dress Kate had picked out, deep in conversation with Emmet's mother. Emmet greeted them, shaking Rick's hand and giving Kate a warm hug. "Rick, Kate, these are my parents, Jane and Don." Everyone shook hands, a chorus of greetings and polite smiles as they sat, Kate next to Alexis and Castle on the other side of the table next to Jane.
"We were just talking about Alexis' work at school, and how you helped her study, Kate." Jane started, her green eyes studying the brunette.
"Yeah, I used to be in law school. So I think I only helped with the early stuff, the rest she did on her own." Kate offered Alexis a smile, not allowing her to downplay her own accomplishments. "I just wonder how these two cope with the stress of law school, medical school, and maintaining their relationship. They do an amazing job, and I'm in awe of what I hear every time they come to visit."
"Well," Emmet started, his hand finding Alexis', "I find it helpful to come home and just start venting. We both do it, vent about all our stresses, and we have this rule that we can't judge one another for what is said when we vent like that."
Alexis grinned, her eyes locked on his. "Yeah, and we say and do some pretty crazy things. But it kind of helps clear our heads so we can start tackling the problems. Plus, if we know what the other one is dealing with, it's easier to understand why he might be a little snappy or I might be a little nit-picky."
"Makes sense." Castle agreed, his head resting in his hand.
Dinner progressed normally, telling stories, giving advice, talking about their families. Alexis and Emmet had that whole telepathic speech thing down again, jerking their heads and laughter coming from their corner of the booth. But it was Emmet who perked up, making eye contact with Castle across the table. "We picked a name. Owen. Owen Foster McGregor."
"It's beautiful, Alexis." Kate told her, her hand squeezing the redhead's shoulder.
"It is," Don laughed, leaning forward, "Now you just have one more name you have to change."
Emmet bit his lip, his hand dropping to his pocket. "About that." Kate met Rick's eyes across from her. She just realized why he was so worried about being late. Emmet pulled himself off the booth, down on one knee as he stared up at her. "Alexis, I didn't think my life was missing anything until I met you. I realized that you were what I needed, to keep me sane, to keep me happy. You have made me the happiest guy on this earth, and I can't wait to see you with Owen. I only hope that I do the same for you, and make your life better just by being a part of it. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
He opened the case, but she was nodding yes and hugging him before she could actually see it. When she turned back to the table, her eyes were red. Emmet pushed the ring onto her finger as she wiped her eyes, the biggest grin on her face. "Stupid hormones." The table erupted with laughter at that, before congratulating the happy couple.
On day four hundred and thirty one, they had a baby shower up at the hamptons. Many of Alexis' friends from high school and law school came, as well as Lanie and Tory. They played all of the typical games, like guessing who Owen would look more like, figuring out how big around she was with toilet paper, and scratch tickets with prizes.
It was after the shower was done, when Kate was sitting out by the ocean, that Alexis joined her, playing with the sand at her feet. "Thank you, for planning everything and making sure it went off without a hitch."
"Of course. I mean, you did the same for me."
Alexis chuckled. "Yeah, except I was getting a sibling out of the deal. You don't have those ties to me. You could be indifferent about this whole thing."
"Alexis, I love you, okay. I don't love you just because your Dad does, or because it's an obligation. I love you because you are an amazing young woman who could have hated me for the way I treated your dad." Their relationship was hard to define. She never wanted to be called 'Mom'. No, Alexis had a Mom. But it was different than a friendly relationship. She respected and loved the younger woman, and wished she'd had that time to get to know her when she was younger.
"I could never hate you, Kate. I mean, yes, I got angry sometimes, and yes, that whole separation I was upset with you. But I saw how much it hurt you both, and I knew that, just like always, you would find your way back to each other." She gazed out at the ocean. "My Mom wouldn't have done this though. I'll be amazed if she even shows up to see him when he's born." Her hand rubbed him over her stomach, protecting him already. "So thank you, for doing what my mother wouldn't, something you had no obligation to do."
Kate reached out for the younger woman's hand, squeezing it tight as she spoke. "It was no problem. Anytime, Alexis, anytime."
On day four hundred and sixty four, they got a call in the morning that their grandson had arrived. They rushed to the hospital, Castle still in his pajamas, Kate in her NYPD sweatpants and a Yankees shirt. Alexis was asleep in the room, her hair disheveled and her mouth hanging open. Emmet followed them out of the room, the smile on his face permanent. "He's beautiful, so beautiful."
Kate hugged him tight, patting his back. "Congratulations, Dad. How does it feel?"
"I don't know if it's completely hit me yet? It comes in waves. I mean, I'm excited now, but every once in awhile it hits me again and I just get ecstatic!" He led them down to corridor to the nursery. He held out his hand. "They only give out two nursery bracelets. Let me go get him. I'll be right back."
He disappeared through the doors and reappeared a few minutes later, a tiny infant with a shock of red hair in his arms. "Red hair, like Alexis!" Kate whispered, trying not to disturb the sleeping wonder.
"I mean, my grandparents had red hair, and some of my siblings. It doesn't surprise me that much." He handed the baby to Castle, who cradled his grandson close. "Right now he's asleep, but when his eyes are open they're really dark, like mine."
"He's got your nose, too." Kate told him, her hand reaching out to stroke the boy's hand.
Castle rocked him for a while, whispering to the boy and playing with his feather-like hair. He met Kate's eyes. "Does Nona want to hold Owen?"
"Is that really a question?" He deposited the newborn in her arms. Her heart swelled at the sight of him, and she leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. "Let me tell you, Owen, you and I are going to have a lot of fun together."
Four hundred and ninety days after giving Hope back, they were watching Owen for the night so that Alexis and Emmet could have a night to themselves. He was smiling and cooing at them now, kicking his feet when Castle talked to him. He liked dancing around the loft with his Nona to old music, reading stories with Grandpa, and he really liked when they sang to him.
Castle went to get the mail while Kate put him down for his nap. The grave look on her husband's face was not what she was expecting to see when he got back. He held out an unopened envelope, heavier than she expected it to be. The return address wasn't listed, just a name. Maria Sanchez. "Why would she be contacting us?" He asked, dropping the rest of the papers on the island.
She shrugged, holding it in her hands. "I don't know, Castle. It could be anything."
He watched her for a while before walking away, his hands over his head. "I don't want anything to do with her. Do what you want with the letter."
Kate took it and sat on the couch, the sound of her husband typing away catching her attention. He was angry, slamming on the keys, and she didn't blame him. She turned the envelope over in her hands a few times before sliding her thumb under the adhesive, opening it. about twenty pictures fell out along with a folded letter. She looked at the pictures first. Hope's hair had grown a lot, and she had a tooth. She showed it off in all of her photos, the gummy grin almost too much to handle. She was happy, all they ever wanted for her. Kate opened the letter next, purple ink on lined paper.
Dear Castles,
I'm sorry. What I did was awful. It made me feel better, made me feel right. I didn't think about how you must feel, that the same feeling I had for thirty-seven days is what you must be feeling every day afterward. My parents and Aunts all told me that they'd help out, and I realized that I had way more support than I originally thought. And the attorney they hired for me told me that I still had time. I acted without thinking, and I'm sorry.
I will tell you that I talk about you all the time to her. She won't grow up without knowing that you took care of her for me when I couldn't. I actually have a picture of you two holding her in the hospital hanging up in her room. I couldn't have done it if I didn't have the time to figure myself out, and we will forever be grateful to you for giving us that time.
Hope loves Pocahontas. Every time that movie is on, she stares at the screen like it's the most riveting thing ever. And she loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She even does this adorable little dance at the end of it where she bobs up and down! And I read Goodnight Moon to her every night.
It was almost two years ago that I first reached out to you for help. I've been thinking about how I can thank you for everything you've done for us. I hope the pictures brought a smile to your face, and I hope this helps to clear up any resentments. I'd like to continue sending you pictures each year, and there should be an index card somewhere in the mess with my address. If you don't want them, if they're too painful, I understand. Just let me know. Thank you so much again for being her parents when I couldn't, and for being supportive when I took her back. My lawyer had me geared up for a fight, but I breathed a sigh of relief when that didn't happen. I hope this finds you in good spirits.
-Maria
Fighting was never an option for them. They could have, but they didn't want to start their family like that. They didn't want to turn Maria off from asking for help when she needed it either. They didn't want to be unfair, even though they felt like the whole situation was unfair. But Maria wanted to open up a small line of communication, one that would give them at least a little access to their daughter. It was exciting. Not what she envisioned, but exciting.
She brought the pictures into Castle, laying them out on his desk. He tried to ignore them, breathing deep through his nose to control his feelings, but looked down when she finished, standing next to him. His hand ghosted over her face, and she could hear him sniffle. "She's beautiful, Kate. And Happy."
"Yeah." She wrapped her arms around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder. Alexis' voice echoed in the back of her head. One of you has to cave. And she knew it was now or never. She took a breath. "I want to try again."
A/N: People wanted me to continue, and I want to make it a three shot... Tell me what you think! The first chapter I was trying to keep under 1000 words (which didn't happen) but I kind of went all out with this one, expanded the points. I hope you enjoy!