A/N: I just wanted to put this here now to avoid confusion. There are character name changes in this chapter. Since CJ wants to change his name, once he picks a new one, that is what he gets referred to. Since Olivia is too young to have a say, Castle and Beckett first used old name-new name, then new name-old name, and then just referred to her by her new name. I did a ton of research about changing kids names during an adoption, and the feelings were split, but this was one of the techniques outlined for getting a younger child used to their name. Thank you, and please enjoy the final chapter!
It was a week before they could see the kids again. This time they met Diane at the carousel in Central Park. The Mary Poppins organ music seemed louder, though it might have been because CJ was singing along, the words falling out of his mouth with ease as he danced between the horses. Castle took point with him this time, listening to the six year old spout knowledge and spin stories with a wide grin on his face. Olivia was content ripping the grass out of the ground and putting it on Kate's knee, giggling with each handful. They walked around, picking a bouquet of dandelions and other weeds that Kate wrapped with a hair tie for safekeeping.
When they got home, she hung it upside down above her nightstand. His arm wrapped around her waist, and he looked up at the bundle of weeds. "It looks perfect." His voice was a whisper, one filled with joy, and he pressed a kiss to her temple as she melted into him.
Two days later, the kids were placed with them. It was supposed to be just an overnight visit, but Diane's mother had taken a turn for the worst, and she had to leave. Olivia seemed unfazed, too young to grasp what was happening, but CJ was sobbing, his arms wrapped around Diane's legs. Even she had tears in her eyes as she knelt down to hug him one last time. And as the woman who had cared for him left, he stared at the door, his eyes closed as he muttered something over and over. He was praying for her to come back.
As Kate dragged their trash bags of belongings upstairs, she decided that the first thing she would buy them was some proper luggage. As she put away their clothes, she decided that the second would be clothing that fit, and was appropriate for the seasons.
The night was a nightmare. Castle learned that CJ hated peppers when the boy refused to eat spaghetti with the sauce, throwing a tantrum Kate would have expected from Olivia. He had retreated into himself, not talking to either of them, and even refusing to look up when they pulled out their comic book collections for him to go through.
And Olivia screamed. All night. The routine that Diane had given them wasn't working. "After a bath, read a story, then sing a lullaby, and she'll sleep like a baby." But it must not have been the right story or the right lullaby, or it wasn't sung to her by the right person, but she didn't fall asleep. Instead, Kate and Rick took turns pacing around the living room with her. At almost five in the morning, she settled, but wouldn't let them lay her down, so Rick collapsed on the couch with her on his chest. Kate sat next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, and she worried. Adjustments weren't supposed to be easy. But what if they went about this all wrong?
After thirty-three days, some things had changed, and some had stayed the same. Olivia seemed to be thriving. Her speech had improved, as CJ was no longer speaking for her, and she had started falling asleep much easier. But CJ still hadn't warmed up to them. Kate felt like she was hitting a brick wall each time she tried to get him to open up, when he would respond to her queries with only one word.
As she dropped his shoes in his lap, she flicked off the TV, his mouth falling as he dropped the controller in his hand. "Come on, we have to go. Auntie Janice is waiting." They'd set up a visit with a family member at the urging of Tom, and were hoping it would help to open him up a bit.
But CJ just shook his head, pushing his shoes to the floor. "I don't want to go."
She found herself rolling her eyes as she huffed, picking up the boy's sneakers and depositing them back into his lap. "Well, that's too bad. We're going."
"No!" His voice was loud and echoed in the loft, making Castle peer his head around the corner, a fifteen month old resting on his hip.
Kate rose her voice to the same level, frustrated and forgetting all about the lessons that told her to remain calm. "You know what, Christopher? We're running…"
"Don't call me that!" His interruption came with another volume increase, but this time there was fear in his voice instead of anger. His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he made eye contact with Kate for the first time since he'd moved in. He dropped his voice to a whisper, his hands playing in his lap. "Please don't make me go."
Kate dropped to the ground at his request, listening to his voice crack, and reached a hand out to cup his cheek. She nodded, offering him an apologetic smile before calling out to her husband. "Rick, CJ doesn't feel well. I better stay here with him." CJ deflated at her words, relaxing back into the couch.
Her husband raised his eyebrows, glancing between them a few times, before shrugging his shoulders. "Okay." He tugged the baby closer, Kate smiling at the little girl's laughter, and headed for the door. "Looks like it's just you and me, Liv." He blew a kiss in her direction as he left, the door closing with a thud behind them.
CJ hadn't moved toward his controller or the television remote. Instead he sat, staring past Kate, his breathing heavy. She squeezed a hand around his knee, getting his attention and locking eyes with him. "So, I'm not going to push you to tell me anything you don't want to. But I want you to know that I'm here. I'm always here. And I'll always listen with an open mind." He stayed silent as he nodded, his eyes searching hers like he was looking for the truth. And despite the fact that she felt like progress was being made, it frustrated her that he still wouldn't open up. True to her word and ignoring that little voice in the back of her head, she sat next to him on the couch, turning the TV back on, his game stuck on a pause screen. "You know, I never got into video games. But sometimes I like to watch Rick play. Do you mind if I watch?"
The boy heaved his shoulders up and down. "Whatever." She watched him select a level, and watched as he navigated the worlds to beat the puzzles. Each time he beat one, he would grin, his dimples deep in his cheeks as he did a little victory dance. After a few levels, Kate would dance with him. And he wouldn't retreating. Soon, even on tougher levels, he would listen to her advice, his grin growing whenever one of her suggestions worked. It was small, but it meant the world to her.
After an hour and a particularly difficult level, he paused the game and looked straight ahead. "Auntie Janice was the first person we lived with after Mommy. And she wasn't really nice. She got angry a lot and yelled. She would throw things and make a lot of noise. And she hit me sometimes."
It was the most she'd heard him say since their first visit at Diane's house. Her instincts told her to reach out and hold him close, but the nagging voice in the back of her head begged her not to push anything. So instead she just ran her hand up and down his back, her voice soft as she spoke. "I'm sorry. I promise, I won't make you see her if you don't want to."
"Please don't call me Christopher either. She only called me that when she was really angry." And with that one simple request, plus the new information about what he'd suffered, she understood his reaction earlier. Between her raised voice and the use of his full name, he had a flashback.
"I won't, I promise." At her reassurance, CJ leaned into her, his head resting on her shoulder. "You know, if you end up staying with us, you and Liv could both have new names. Then you wouldn't have to worry about me using your full name."
At this, he perked up, his head moving so he could look her in the eye. "Could I help pick mine?"
Kate shrugged and offered him a smile. "You're old enough to have a say if you want." Now he grinned, wider than she'd ever seen, his eyes searching the air as he thought about it. "But Rick and I have veto power, that's the rule. No calling yourself 'Megatron' or 'Fang.'"
"But Megatron is such a cool name!"
"No!" She laughed as he once again settled against her, the conversation reminiscent of one she'd had with her husband about 'Cosmo'. "See, veto power."
"I don't like veto power." His hands had moved back to the controller, but now he was curled into Kate, allowing her to rest her hand on his shoulder.
"Well, tough luck, kiddo." She dug around with her free hand, pulling out her phone and sending a quick text to Castle. Hey, do me a favor. Don't leave Liv alone with that woman. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Six days later, Castle came home with a book of names. This delighted CJ, who would turn the pages, point to names at random, and ask what they said. Kate read them all to him, including their meanings, and watched his face as he reacted. "Should I keep one that starts with 'c'?"
"Pick whatever you want, Bud. Start all over if you want to." Castle answered, dropping a bologna sandwich in front of him.
"Sweet!" He went back to the book, picking out long names, ones that looked cool, asking Kate to read them all. Each day since they'd talked, CJ had started opening up more. It started with cuddling as they watched movies together. The look on Castle's face when CJ first squished himself into his foster father's side was priceless. Then, Castle did something Kate was still afraid to do. He pulled the boy closer, squeezing him into one of those hugs that reminded her of her younger days. After this, it was little steps each day. Once he asked for help with homework, and another day he couldn't wait to help Castle cook dinner. He participated in the bedtime story now instead of just listening, and played with his sister, talking for her and making her laugh, like he used to before.
As soon as Olivia's plastic plate made contact with her tray, she started dismantling the sandwich, grinning up at Castle with her eyes scrunched shut. "Sanks!"
Castle leaned down, pressing a kiss to the girl's hair. "Anytime, Princess."
Kate didn't know when CJ stopped flipping pages, his eyes trained on the corner of the page, his movements stiff, and she found herself worrying he would retreat back into his shell. "If I'm looking at names, does that mean you want to keep us?"
It always amazed her how quickly he could change. One moment, he's having fun, loud and sure of himself, and the next he'd be so small and unsure. Her hand found his, and she squeezed it tight, grabbing his attention. "If you want to stay with us, we'd be happy to keep you. And if you didn't, well we'd work our hardest to make sure you ended up somewhere great."
And then the boy said seven words that made her heart soar. "Don't do that. I want to stay."
All she managed to choke out was, "okay."
Later that that night, a notebook between them, they thought up some ideas for Olivia. Kate jotted down 'Charlotte Olivia Castle' on the top of the page, trying to slow down the thoughts racing in her head. "If there wasn't a history with the birth family, I wouldn't change her name. I like her name." Her fingers traced the 'O', her mind drifting to her chubby little bundle of laughs with the cheesy grin. "It suits her."
"I know. But I worry that this adoption will already be high profile, and I just think that changing her first name will bring her a little more security." Kate leaned into his touch as he spoke, her hand moving toward the pen again, 'Elizabeth Olivia Castle' joining the list. "Besides, as teenagers, kids like to go by middle names. And if she wants to legally change it back, we can take care of that for her once she's old enough." He gestured for the pen, adding 'Cosma Olivia Castle,' underlining it for emphasis.
She rolled her eyes, but he'd achieved his goal. She laughed, grabbing the pen from it and crossing it off the list. He countered, stealing the pen back and adding another name. 'Johanna Olivia Castle.'
Her heart filled with gratitude at the gesture, but she took the pen and crossed it out anyway, and turned her head to meet his eye. "Mom would be so proud. But it's not fair to Liv, to give her a name of a person she's never met, and expect her to live up to those expectations. I don't want her to feel more guilty when she makes mistakes about disappointing not only us, but the memory of my Mother."
"Okay, I get that." He reached for the pen again, writing slowly, his arm blocking the name. "But I think this one both honors your Mom, and allows her to be her own person. Plus, I think it's pretty." When he moved his arm, her smile grew as she read the name in his familiar scrawl. 'Josie Olivia Castle.'
"I could get behind that."
"I'm glad." He pulled her in, pressing a kiss to her head and dropping the pen. "Did CJ get any closer to finding something he liked?"
"Well, we talked about it at bedtime. He wants to stick with names that start with 'c'. So far he seems to like Cole, Carter, Caleb, Charlie, and Connor. And we should pick a middle name that starts with 'j' so he can keep his initials if he wants."
"Maybe I'll suggest Cosmo." He waggled his eyebrows at her as she pushed him away.
"Seriously Castle? Twice in less than five minutes." She narrowed her eyes at him, tucking the notebook away in her nightstand before pulling back the covers. "And don't even think about mentioning it to him, he might think you're serious."
Three days later, while Kate was kissing the toddler on her neck, laughing at her squeals, there was a knock on their door. Castle opened it while she repositioned Olivia-Josie on her hip. "Tom! What can we do for you today?"
Despite the case manager's cheerful grin, Kate clutched her foster daughter closer, her mind traveling back to that day years ago when she opened the door to find Maria waiting. She had the same reaction each time Tom came to visit, and each time she couldn't relax until her husband was by her side. This time was no different. His hand on her back helped her to breathe, her shoulders relaxing. "Just checking in." His eyes travelled up and down her, taking in her crisp uniform, and the way her hair twisted into a tight bun in the back of her head. "Are you back at work?"
"Three days a week." She answered, holding Olivia-Josie a bit closer, the toddler burying her head in Kate's neck. "But we have a huge case, and I have to do a press conference today, hence the uniform."
The voice of CJ yelled out from the table, the boy speaking with a mouthful of cereal. "I think Kate's uniform looks cool!"
"Hey bud! It is cool! Make sure you're chewing, okay?" Tom called back, acknowledging him before turning back to the adults. "So you're only working part time?"
She nodded, letting the squirming child in her arms down to run across the living room. "I'm gradually picking things up."
"Glad to hear it. I'll bring by that paperwork you requested once you get back to a regular schedule, as long as everything is still running smoothly." The adoption paperwork. Everything they needed to solidify their lives. Kate's heart began to race just thinking about it. "It can take some time to get a hearing, but in the meantime you can discuss names, notify the family that you have contact with that you plan to adopt, and keep an open dialogue with CJ about the process."
"Well we are working on one of those things now." Castle spoke up, thrusting his head to indicate the little girl, who was banging on a toy drum. "Liv will soon be known as Josie, and CJ is still marinating on a few names for himself."
The boy appeared at her side as they spoke, his hand finding Kate's and squeezing tight. "I have three that I like." He told Tom, a hint of a smile on his face.
"I look forward to hearing it. I bet it will be great." At Kate's glance at the clock behind him and the shuffling of her feet, he addressed her, writing a quick note on the top of his clipboard. "Don't let me keep you, Kate. I'll give notice next time. Please don't change your routine because I'm here."
She wanted to call the boys and tell them she'd be late. She wanted to stay for the whole visit. She wanted to make sure that the kids would still be there when she returned. Her husband's hand on her back soothed her though, and instead she only whispered, "Okay," and rushed off to the living room to press a real goodbye kiss into Olivia-Josie's curls. CJ stayed close to her side, his arms wrapping around her neck when she turned to him. "Bye guys. Be good." She grabbed her hat from the table and kissed her husband on the cheek as she rushed out the door, listening to Tom ask about how things went when she was gone. She couldn't wait for the day to be over.
Seventeen days after the unannounced visit, Castle brought the kids to the precinct. Without telling her. She had to text LT while they were in her office to get someone to cover the murder board. "What are you guys doing here?" The file that had been open in front of her made its way into her desk, hiding from prying and impressionable eyes.
"We wanted to show you something." Castle answered, his hand on the boy's shoulders. With a nudge, and a "go ahead" from Castle, CJ stepped forward, holding out an oversized piece of paper. As Kate turned it around, she saw a picture of a face, darker skin and warm hazel eyes, with black spiky hair. "It's his self-portrait."
"CJ, it's wonderful!" She couldn't help but look around and see where it might look good in her office. "I think I need more original artwork in here, what do you think?" But she never heard his response, if he even responded at all. Because her eyes fell to the bottom of the page, where he'd signed it with a blue crayon. Caleb. "You picked a name."
"Are you gonna use your veto power?"
She had to laugh at that, kneeling down to press a kiss to his cheek. "No, Caleb. I won't use my veto power."
Later that night, after reading them a story and tucking them in, Kate accepted the glass of wine that Castle had poured for her. As she sunk onto the couch, Castle's hand landed on her knee, and the thing that had been bugging her all day came tumbling from her lips. "You can't stop by with them unannounced."
His responding grin was sheepish and apologetic, his blue eyes softening. "I realized that as we were leaving, when the murder board was covered with the sheet."
"I don't mean they can never come by," she explained, relief flooding her chest at his understanding, "I'm just asking for a call first to make sure we can cover the board, or that we aren't interrogating any suspects. But right now they don't get it." Her mind drifted to the little boy upstairs, his head resting on his Harry Potter pillowcase, arms wrapped around his stuffed bear. "CJ, I mean, Caleb thinks that I save people. But the truth is, I just bring them justice once they're gone."
He grinned at her, placing his glass of wine on the side table before speaking. "You don't want to fall in his eyes. It's cute."
"Well, he's seen a lot of disappointment. I don't want to add to that list."
"Kate, you catch the bad guys." His voice was soft and reassuring. "Without you there would still be hundreds of murderers roaming the streets. You do make a difference, and you do save people. You won't be any less cool in his eyes."
Why she needed his reassurance, she didn't know. How cool Caleb thought she was had nothing to do with whether he stayed with them. Her job being a bit different wouldn't make him hate her. But she still snuggled close to her husband, her head resting on his chest, her arm wrapping around his midsection and pulling him close. "Promise?"
She felt the kiss he pressed to the top of her head. I promise."
Ten days later they filed the paperwork and got a hearing date for the official adoption. Kate paced that night, running through every possibility in her head that could prevent this from happening. Castle took her by the hand, kissed her forehead, and whispered, "I worry too." Somehow, sitting with him on the bed, and listening to his ridiculous theories about how the kids would be taken away again, and voicing hers out loud, helped her realize that she didn't need to worry so much.
Another thirty-six days later, on one of her days off, she went shopping with everyone in tow. Caleb wanted to try out for little league, and they needed to get him his own glove. Of course, Castle needed one too, and Josie-Olivia wanted every brightly colored ball she came across, so the quick trip to the sporting goods store took almost two hours. But then they were in Central Park, Kate tossing a bright green kickball to the toddler, who laughed each time she had to chase it, and Castle playing catch with Caleb, helping him break the glove in. Kate had to laugh, because Castle dropped the ball as much as (and maybe more than) Caleb, who watched the ball with his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth.
After a half hour, Josie-Olivia tried to run towards them, right into the center of their game, and Kate had to catch her. As the girl seemed interested in the boy's game of catch, Kate sat with her in her lap, cheering them on. "Say, 'Go Caleb!' Say, 'Catch the ball!'"
"Go Caweb, go!" She yelled back, copying Kate's words with her hands in the air. The boy waved before throwing the baseball over Castle's head, laughing as the man leapt for it. As Castle turned to chase it, Josie-Olivia let out another yell. "Get it, Daddy!"
Kate stilled, her fingers gripping the toddler tighter. But as Castle turned, his grin was brighter than he'd ever seen it. He raced toward them, picking up the girl and pressing kisses to her neck, laughing each time she said, "Daddy, top it! That's enough!"
Caleb called her 'Mom" first though, two days after the park, at his try outs when he hit the ball into the outfield. He was so excited, running towards her, and yelling, "Mom, Mom, did you see? Did you see how far that ball went, Mom?"
She met him with a hug, letting him wrap his arms around her neck, while she hid her smile in his shoulder. "I did. It was great." But hearing him call her that, without prompting, well it felt like this whole crazy process was worth it.
Twenty-four days later, they celebrated Josie's second birthday. Kate made her Mother's special birthday pancakes for Josie (and a batch for Caleb so he wouldn't feel left out) and she and Castle woke her with a song. They listened to children laughing and playing while they set up the loft for the party.
When Alexis showed up with Lauren, Kate worried the kids would knock the poor girl over. But Lauren just smiled back, hugging her friends with the same ferocity, her cane discarded on the floor. They eagerly showed Lauren around their new home, Caleb offering her an arm to hold onto as they walked. Lauren's hands traced over the keys of the piano, and she told them all about the lessons she'd started taking. With the three kids, the grandbaby, Martha and her Father all there, Kate didn't think she'd ever felt the loft more alive.
Martha accompanied everyone on the piano as they sang, Josie squirming in her seat to blow out her candles, her dark eyes wide in wonder. It was a Joy cake with yellow icing, and as Josie had taken an immediate liking to the character, she squealed when she saw the smiling woman with the sparkling blue hair on her cake.
"I want Spiderman on mine!" Caleb called out once they finished singing, his knees on the chair so he could lean forward on the table.
Castle laughed as Kate cut the cake, giving Josie the ceremonial first piece. "I'll keep it in mind." He told the boy, his hands on Caleb's shoulders gently pulling him back so he was sitting correctly. "But we have a few months to wait." A few months. By the time his birthday rolled around, he would legally be a part of the Castle family. As their court date loomed closer, Kate's nerves only increased. She hated to think they were getting so close just to lose it all again.
At Josie's squeal, Kate reoriented herself. She could worry about the improbable later. Right now, they were celebrating.
Eleven days after Josie's birthday, while Castle was writing and she was finishing paperwork, she hear the shuffling feet of the older child approach the office door. Kate closed the file, placing it under her keyboard before turning to face him. His face was wet with tears, and he clutched his bear to his chest, and Kate's heart leapt up to her throat. She reached him in record time, sinking to her knees and wrapping him in her arms. He buried his head in her neck and let out an audible sob, and she shushed him, her hand tracing a steady path up and down his spine. "It's okay, sweetheart. Whatever is wrong, it's okay."
"What if I have to leave you?" His question made her stomach sink. It hadn't occurred to her that he might be worried about being taken away too.
Kate pulled back to look him in the eye, and felt her husband's presence behind her as he kneeled behind her. "Why would you have to leave us, sweet boy?"
"What if you have to move to Canada, like Diane? Or what if Tom moves us somewhere else?" His voice cracked with his tears, his head falling to drop eye contact.
"All our family is here. I don't even know anyone in Canada." Castle's soothing voice from behind them relaxed her, and made Caleb look up again. "And Tom knows that we want to adopt you, and that you want to stay. He won't move you."
"Plus, when you're adopted, we can take you with us." Her hand moved to his cheek as she spoke, her thumb wiping away his tears. "Even if we had to move to Mars, you would come with us. You're stuck with us, okay?"
He sniffled, his eyes falling once more. "Even if you have your own kid?"
Kate's heart stopped as she realized that he must have experience with this. She imagined them getting settled in a home just to move a few days later because the foster parents found out they were expecting. The message came across loud and clear. We don't want you anymore, we have children now. Kate pulled him back into her arms and felt Castle at her back, his arms enveloping them both. "Caleb, we want you in this family. And Josie too." She pressed a kiss to his cheek before meeting his eye. "And if we ever happen to have our own baby, I want you to be as good of a big brother to that baby as you are with Josie. I want you to teach her how to be a big sister." She watched as a hint of a smile appeared on his face. "I would want you to teach them how to play catch, and go to any of their games or shows. I'd want you to help them with their spelling words, and draw pictures for them. Do you think you can do that?"
"Yeah." His arms came up to wrap around her neck, the bear dropping to her feet. "Thanks."
"Anytime, Bud." They stayed there for a few moments, until Castle helped her rise with his thin frame in her arms. He followed her up the stairs, his hand resting in the small of her back, and they tucked him back into bed together. He slept with a smile on his face.
Twenty-eight days later, Kate found herself in court for a good reason for once. Josie shone in a yellow sundress, her hair in curly pigtails, while Caleb fidgeted in his suit and tie. But it was the day they'd been waiting for. Their family filed into the courtroom, filling the seats behind them, Lauren and Sarah Grace becoming fast friends as they whispered back and forth. Caleb wanted his own chair, and spun around in it at the table, while Josie sat in Castle's lap. The lawyer asked for their names, for the record, and what they wanted to change the kids' names to. They double checked and made sure everything was spelled correctly. Castle's lawyer addressed her first. "Katherine, you understand that by adopting these children, they will be treated as your natural children, and be entitled to the same inheritance as any natural children. Do you understand this?"
"Yes."
"Are you okay with this?"
The corners of her mouth pulled upward. "Yes." The lawyer asked Castle the same questions, and as he answered, he pulled Josie closer to him.
The lawyer focused his attention on Caleb. "Hey, Caleb. Do you understand why you're in court today?"
"Yes. We're getting adopted!" His grin was infectious, and the courtroom laughed at his enthusiasm.
"What does adoption mean to you?"
His eyes traveled around the room as he thought of his answer, his voice smaller when he talked this time. "Adoption means I have a home, and parents who love me and my sister."
"Do you want to be adopted today?"
"Yes, please!"
Even the attorney wasn't immune to his charms, and grinned as he took his seat. "I have no further questions, your honor.
What the judge said was a blur. Kate couldn't hear it over the flurry of excitement seated next to her, and her own heart beating. She briefly heard the judge mention Tom's report, that it was in the best interests of the children to be adopted, and she heard the "congratulations" before the crowd behind her started clapping and drowned everything out. But she kissed Caleb's head, caressed Josie's chubby cheek, and gave Castle a celebratory smooch.
They took their first family picture with the judge.
It took three hours for it to actually sink in, but when it did, it freed her. She didn't have to worry about a family member contesting. She didn't have to fear that men in suits would come to her door and take her children away. Now, the bright little girl with ice cream all over her face was their daughter, and the cuddly little boy she thought would never accept her was their son and it all seemed so surreal. It took seven hundred and ninety two days for her to officially become a parent. It took one hundred and sixty two days to bring her kids home. She was relieved that she could finally stop counting.