Kisses of Disapproval

(the next day)

Chapter 2

Leonardo let out a sigh and stretched his arms above his head. His skin was damp from his before-bed shower and he felt tired from the long day's training. He could have sworn Splinter had been watching him much closer than usual, although he supposed he was being paranoid. Their training had been harder than usual, too, and for a fleeting moment, he had worried it had to do with his and Donatello's relationship. He shrugged that off as paranoia, too. Donatello had felt it, too, he was sure. The purple clad turtle had shot him nervous looks all day… it had been like that from the beginning, Leonardo realised. They had always hidden, always worried. Always wondered. And now they knew, and now they hid more, and they worried more.

And Leonardo could not help but wonder… What if Splinter never looked past his human ways? What if they would always need to hide and worry? The blue-clad ninja shook the thoughts from his head. Everything would work out. It had to. With another small sigh, Leonardo reached for the doorknob of his room, his muscles aching and his brain on overdrive. Had it not been for the image of his bed, he may have let himself collapse in the bathroom.

He flicked the switch and his room was blasted with instant light.

Before him stood his father.

"Hello, Leonardo."

Leo blinked, confused. His gut clenched and he resisted the urge to lick his suddenly-dry lips.

"Father?"

The room was encased in silence, the only sound being the faint sound of the overhead roar of the city, and his brothers' snores. His gut was beginning to coil, his mind going blank. He knew he should not worry. He and Donatello had been careful; so, so careful. There was no way that his father could know… But if this had nothing to do with that, then why was he there, of all times?

"Father… I don't understand." He said.

"Don't you? Did I not make myself clear enough the first time?"

Leonardo hated the way the man was looking at him; with eyes filled with nothing but despise and an expression that showed nothing but dissatisfaction. It made him feel like the sludge forever imprinted along the sewer walls. It made him feel like getting on his knees and begging for forgiveness. But Leonardo would not listen to those urges. He had done nothing wrong. He and Donatello were in a loving, consensual relationship.

And that- that was beautiful.

He could not understand why Splinter, of all people, could not accept that. Splinter, who had lost so much, who had loved and raised them as his own. How was it that he could not comprehend the care Leonardo and his brother shared for each other? Had he not taught them, all their lives, to live by love, and not hate? Leonardo could not understand how the man before him could teach him those things, could praise the word 'love', but then turn around and threaten banishment from the lair for the simple act. He wished that Splinter would give them forgiveness, give them his blessing. He wished he could stop hiding, stop pretending. But, from the expression on his father's face, he had other ideas. And that caused Leonardo's heart to pull, and stretch too much, and begin to tear.

"… Please…" He whispered.

"I expect you to be gone before breakfast." Splinter said evenly. "I warned you, Leonardo. The both of you. I refuse to allow you to.. to soil your brother like this, to brainwash him into thinking that… that this, could be okay, that this could be viable, acceptable."

"I never brainwas-,"

"Before breakfast, Leonardo."

And then he turned, and left. And with him, he took all the scraps of certainty and hope Leonardo had been clinging to ever since he had made the proclamation the week before. Every hope the turtle had held onto, every dream, shattered and lay in pieces at his feet. He did not bother to try and clean it up, or piece them back together. There was simply no reason. Gone before breakfast. As in, he was to leave. He was to leave behind this room, his brothers, his everything. He was to leave Donatello. The blue-clad ninja squeezed his eyes shut and breathed in and out deeply. He then began to pack. He had few possessions to take. A few bits of clothing, for if he grew cold. Tools for his swords. Photos, for if he needed them. He would grab some food from the kitchen, for just in case. And maybe-

"Leo?"

The said turtle shook his head, cleared his thoughts and forced back his tears. He then turned to face Donatello, who stood at the door, his eyes damp and a green-ceramic mug of steaming coffee pressed to his lips. Leonardo offered him a weak smile.

"Hey, Don."

The purple clad terrapin walked into the room slowly. He reached his side and placed the mug on the bedside table delicately. His fingertips pressed against the top of the mug for a moment too long, as though it were the only thing in the world to support him enough to stand. But then he let go and turned to face Leonardo.

"I heard… I heard what he said." Donatello whispered.

As he looked to Leonardo, the blue-clad ninja felt just about ready to drown within the pools of coffee-brown.

Donatello then spoke with more conviction, "I'm coming with you."

"You're not coming, Don."

"I'm not staying."

"You haft to." Leo said and placed a hand gently on both of his lover's cheeks, "The others need you, Donnie."

"And I need you. We all need you." Don replied, "We can tell the others. They can come. We'll… We'll go away for a while and then Splinter will realise how wrong he was and-and then we can come home and-,"

Leo shook his head.

"He will accept us when he is ready, and not a day before or after then. He needs time, Don. That's all. And once he's had that, I'll come back." He pressed a soft kiss to the other's forehead. It was unlike any other they had shared together. It was small, quaint, and, unlike all the others, caused a torrent of tears to fill Donatello's eyes. Leonardo wrapped his arms around the smaller turtle and closed his eyes.

"Where will you go?" Donnie choked out.

"I'll go to April's. I'll see if she will help." Leo replied in a small whisper, "If not, then… Then I'll work something out. I'll call you, okay? I told you last night, you're not going to lose me. You would never lose me. I… I love you, Donnie. I love you so much and I promise you, everything is going to be okay."

Don opened his mouth but all of his questions, all of his words, died before they met the cold night air. Leonardo let out a sigh. He pressed one more kiss to his lover's head before turning to the door, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He paused at the doorway as Donatello's voice reached his ears.

"Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"… Be safe."

Leo offered him a small smile before he closed the door, leaving Donatello behind in the dark, empty room.

The sun had set upon the horizon hours ago, leaving the full moon to rule over the night sky. The stars were hidden behind thick layers of the city's artificial light and pollution. The cold air whipped at Leonardo's skin. Never before had he felt so alone. Never before had the blank rooftops of New York seemed so empty, nor had the cold night air felt so compressing. Never before had his eyes stung with so many tears. I expect you to be gone before breakfast. Had the past seventeen years meant nothing? Had they been nothing but warriors to the old rat? Nothing but weapons to use against his enemy?

Leonardo swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head. Splinter did not think that… but what other explanation was there? Why else would Splinter have gone as far as to kick him out, as though he were nothing but a pile of trash? The blue-clad ninja shook his head again and tried to push aside the bitterness consuming his heart. I expect you to be gone before breakfast. The words were sharp and clear within his mind, the memory hauntingly vivid. The expression Splinter had held had been so emotionless. And that was not fair. Leonardo had always followed the rules and had always strived for perfection and acceptance. He deserved better from his father than that cold, heartless stare.

Didn't he?

Raph let out a rough sigh and walked to where Michelangelo stood, preparing breakfast. With their current life conditions, they lived a nocturnal life, eating breakfast after moonrise, and dinner just before sunrise. The orange-clad terrapin was slowly mixing together the ingredients of scrambled eggs, his eyes damp.

"Hey," Raph muttered uneasily.

"Hey," Mikey replied half-heartedly. He sniffed quickly and wiped at his eyes as nonchalantly as he could manage.

"… Ya seen Don yet?"

Mikey shook his head. His hands began to shake as he clutched the kitchen utensils and he squeezed his eyes shut as more tears began to fill his eyes.

"Argh, Mikey… Jeez, uh…" Raph hesitated. Shit, he wasn't good in these kinda damn situations. That was more Don, or Leo's, thing. But they weren't exactly in the position to help. He let out a rough sigh and gently took Mikey's fingers away from the bowl and he placed it down on the countertop before the idiot spilt the contents over the floor, "Look, Mikey… Uh…"

"It's not fair."

Not sure what else to do, Raph shut his mouth and leaned against the counter. His stomach had turned to goo from the moment he had figured out that Splinter had learned of Don and Leo's little... defiant acts, and had sent Leonardo off as a result. He just hoped Leo knew what the fuck he was doing, 'cause Raph himself sure didn't. They were family. They needed to stick together. And yet Leo had quite simply walked away, too damn afraid to face Splinter, to tell him how damn wrong he was.

"I… I didn't even get to say goodbye," Mikey whispered.

Raph resisted the urge to squirm. His gut began to coil tightly as he tried to force words from his mouth. He huffed; what the fuck was he doin'? He wasn't a word-y kind of person. But… he wasn't much of a feely, touchy person, either.

"Mikey, I dunno what ya want me to do." He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at his feet, "I mean, I can't change Splinter's mind on this. None o' us can."

"We haft to do something." Mikey said, "I mean, we can't just sit around and-and-," Mikey shook his head, "There has to be some way to change Splinter's mind."

Raph huffed and rolled his eyes, "Mikey – it's like Leo said. Splinter's got the mindset of a human an' so unless you have some magical way of knowin' what the shell that is, ya ain't exactly gonna be knowin' how to change it, are ya?"

"But we know people who do have that kind of mindset, and who deal with people with that kind of mindset." Mikey argued, completely undeterred, "I mean, look where waiting around for Splinter to change his mind got us all.

"Ya know, Mikey," Raph heaved a sigh and turned to face the said ocean-green turtle. He kicked off of his resting place against the counter and placed a hand on both sides of the smaller terrapin's body, and whispered, "This is why I love ya."

Mikey grinned sheepishly and looked down to his feet, unable to hold the fierce molten gold-coloured gaze of the warrior before him. Raph let out another sigh – he seemed to be doing that a lot lately; sighing – and stepped back. After all, if the 'great Leonardo' couldn't even manage to keep Splinter from finding out about his and Don's relationship, there was little to none chance Mikey and himself could manage it, either. Which meant that they needed to decrease their amount of 'lovey-dovey' time they spent together and which (as much as he hated to admit it) made Mikey all the more right. There was no way in shell that Raph was just gonna keep lazing around, waiting for something (a something that probably wouldn't even happen) to happen, especially when it was his family on the line. They were already starting to fall apart, what with Leo already banished from the lair and Michelangelo and Raph himself still on the verge of being caught. Dammit; the whole thing was gettin' outta control.

"Look, um… Ya just finish makin' breakfast, an' I'll go see if I can get Don and his sulking ass out here. A'ight?" Raph asked.

Mikey smiled and nodded, "Alright."

Raph nodded, too, and headed for the archway connecting the kitchen to the rest of the lair. He paused and glanced back. Mikey had picked the bowl back up and looked at him, and sent him another flirtatious smile. Raph managed a fleeting smile in return before heading for the stairs. He walked straight into Leonardo's room, knowing that Don hadn't left it after Leo. He could feel his heart aching for Donatello; he knew that staying behind couldn't have been easy for the genius. Shell, Raph didn't know how he'd be able to go through that if he were in Don's situation with Mikey. He couldn't quite get why Don was still in the lair, instead of with Leo, but guessed that ol' fearless had said something to keep him from coming. Leo was like that; good with words. And the dumbass knew how to use them, too – just apparently not well enough to convince their dear ol' dad. Raph shook the thought from his head and didn't knock on Leo's door before entering. Knocking was never his strong point.

The room had that familiar scent of burning candles and green tea which Leo always carried with him; Raph's stomach twisted at the thought. Fuck, what was with him actin' like Leo had died or whatever? He was probably just stayin' at April's until they figured out some way to get Splinter to change his mind… But the whole thing was still setting Raph on edge. He could feel it in his gut that things were about to get a shell of a lot uglier. Raph pushed the thoughts aside and turned to Donatello, who sat on Leo's bed with the faded blue quilt wrapped around himself. A green ceramic mug was on the bedside table, untouched, and filled with coffee long ago forgotten.

"Come on, Don," Raph said, already getting sick of all the moping shit, "Get up."

Don glanced at him but didn't move.

"Don, please – I'm gettin' tired o' this." Raph said, "Just get the fuck over yourself, okay?" Alright, maybe that came out a bit harsher than intended, "Look, I know this is fuckin' hard, aight? But we've faced worse, haven't we?"

Don looked back to him, his coffee brown eyes deep and sorrowful, "What's worse than your own father disowning you?"

Raph hesitated. Oh, crap, Don, don't give me that shit. He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged weakly, deciding to take a more Mikey-like approach. Don needed cheering up. Fuck, maybe he should'a gotten Mikey ta cheer Don up and finished breakfast himself. Too late now.

"I thought da whole 'giant-cockroach' thing was pretty bad." He muttered feebly.

Don rolled his eyes and looked back to his feet, a flicker of a smile appearing on his face… Did that mean it was working?

"Don, come on. We're gonna work this out – just like Leo said, okay?" Raph said uncomfortably, "Ya know Leo. He's da plan-guy. He'll think o' something."

"He won't." Don mumbled, "He thinks Splinter 'just needs time'."

Raph could hear the resentment in his brother's words.

"So, what? Ya just gonna mope up here forever?" Raph asked, "'Cause, I mean, if that's what yer planning, yer kinda provin' Splinter right, ain't ya?"

Don looked back to him and something flickered in his eyes – anger? Good. Raph could deal with anger.

"I mean, isn't that the main reason he's sayin' no to ya? 'Cause he knows you two can't make it work; not in a battle. Ya see Leo get a little itsy-bitsy scratch, and ya'll turn into some sort of mope-machine in the middle of a ba-,"

"Shut up, Raph."

Raph felt his throat tighten at the ferocity in his brother's voice – the guy could be a fuckin' nightmare when he wanted to be. But Raph hadn't come all the fucking way up here to back down.

"Why? Can't take the truth, huh?" Raph taunted.

Don's hands tightened into fists and his shoulders became taunt, his eyes narrowed.

"I. Said. Shut. Up." He drawled out each syllable in a menacing tone.

"Or, what? Little Don gonna start crying? Ya know, yer got some nerve, moping up here like ya the only one hurting over this." Raph watched as the flicker of anger died within Don's eyes – but Raph wasn't finished yet, "Ya know he's our brother, too, right? Mine and Mikey's? Don't you? We ain't exactly happy 'bout him being forced outta the lair, either."

"I-I know." Don sighed, slumping back, "I just… We should have stopped. When Splinter told us to."

Raph hadn't been expecting that. He felt any words he'd been going to say, die within his throat.

"Wh-What?" He finally managed to splutter.

"He's gone, Raph. All just so we could… Could what? Smooch our faces together a few times? Everything was fine before, with us as brothers. We should have just left it that way. All of us." Donnie said. Raph frowned and jabbed a finger towards the purple-clad genius.

"Ya don't believe that, Don – you know ya don't!" Raph snarled, "And don't ya dare point ya finger at me! Ain't mine or Mikey's fault you and Leo fucked up and let Splinter catch ya's!"

If Don was affronted by Raph's words, he didn't show it. Instead, the purple-clad turtle merely leaned against the wall beside himself and avoided Raph's gaze. Raph sighed.

"Look, Don… I don't wanna fight, okay? Just come down an' have some breakfast." Raph said, struggling to keep his anger in check. It was like a volcano; once it erupted, it wasn't exactly easy to get it to stop. It would just keep roaring until it had nothing more to give.

"I'll be down in a minute. I just wanna be alone for a bit, okay?"

Raph nodded, deciding it best, anyway. Shit, he shouldn't have exploded like that. Hadn't he come up here to try and coax Don out, and to help him? But he couldn't have helped it, really; not with Don saying that shit, that none of them should have started dating each other. Raph balled up his fists as his brother's words echoed in his mind as he headed down the stairs. Raph didn't care what anyone said. Being with Mikey made him happy. Yeah, the runt could be annoying… but it was worth it. Just for that smile, and those lame-as-fuck jokes. Making the runt yelp was pretty damn great, too, he added with a grin.

"Why you smiling?" Mikey asked as he placed another plate of scrambled eggs on the table, his blue eyes twinkling with curiosity.

"Oh, no reason," Raph said, discreetly yanking on the smaller terrapin's tail as he walked past, "Absolutely no reason at all."

Mikey yelped, and some of the scrambled egg fell from the bowl he had been placing onto the table. He rubbed at his tail and, suddenly, he frowned.

"Wait, what?" He eyed the red-clad turtle suspiciously, "What exactly were you and Don doing up there?"

Raph snorted on the drink he'd began drinking and looked to Mikey with wide eyes and his mouth wide open, hidden from view by his hand, "Wh-What?"

Mikey grinned.

"Just checking."

He turned back to the last plate of food, making a small show of waggling his tail as he went. He picked the bowl up… and that was when it hit him. He was holding Leo's bowl. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and put it back down, his cheeks flushing and his stomach churning. The words 'old habits die hard' drifted into Mikey's mind. He bit his lip and debated what to do. Put the food back in the fridge as left-overs? But it felt so wrong, to not set Leo's food out for him… but he couldn't put the food there, and watch it grow cold, knowing that Leo wouldn't be coming from his morning run to eat it… but maybe if he did put it there, he could just pretend Leo would be coming back, and that everything was fine – but the thought of pretending made him feel worse. He decided to leave the bowl there and turned back to the table. Raph shot him a sympathetic smile, and Mikey managed to return it.

"So, uh… Don coming down?"

"He just needed a minute more to himself." Raph shrugged and looked back down to his food. Mikey caught the golden eyes flash towards Leonardo's empty seat and his heart yanked. It seemed so surreal that Leo wouldn't be sitting there in ten-twenty minutes time, apologising for getting caught up in his morning run again. He looked down to his own breakfast and wondered what it was Leo was doing, and what he was eating, what he was thinking.

The wooden frame was soft brown in colour. Inside it was a picture of both Leonardo and Donatello. They were in Don's lab, Donnie sitting in his large black leather desk chair and Leonardo standing behind it. Donatello's olive green arms reached up around his lover's neck while one of Leonardo's arms draped over Don's plastron and his other hand stretched out, holding the camera. Smiles were etched forever on their faces as they lived a blissful eternity in each other's arms within the picture, never forced to separate or lose each other until the day came that the photo wilted and crumbled. Leonardo sighed and ran his thumb over the protective glass frame.

"I got you some rice from the store down the road – I hope that's okay?"

Leonardo glanced up at April, who stood by the opened door, holding a plastic container of take-away fried rice with a plastic fork sticking out.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Yes. It's fine- great." Leo stuttered. He breathed in and out deeply and managed a smile, "Thanks, April."

She smiled back and entered the room, handing him the food.

"It's going to be alright, Leo." She said, her green eyes fierce and determined.

"I know." He lied, shifting the rice uneasily with his white, plastic, take-away fork. At that point in time, he couldn't really see things getting much better. Splinter's glare from earlier was stuck in his mind. It had been so… so harsh, and un-loving. He had never known Splinter could make such an expression… but maybe Leo was just letting his imagination get the better of himself. Maybe.

"I mean it, Leo." April insisted, pressing a hand onto his shoulder, "You wait."

Leo smiled. It was nice, hearing someone else say that for a change. Reassuring, even.

"Thanks, April." He repeated, and added, "For everything."

"Don't mention it." April dismissed, "It's what family is for. I'm here whenever you guys need me. There isn't much room, of course," she let out a tired laugh, "but I'll make it work."

"You always do." Leo acknowledged warmly.

April smiled and sighed, "Well, I'm going to head to bed; I have to get up early to open the shop. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay?"

Leonardo nodded and shifted the rice with his fork. He needed to eat, yet the thought of doing so sickened him. He just wanted to feel Donatello's touch, hear his deep, melodic voice. He wanted to be home with his brothers, he wanted for his father to accept him, he wanted to hold Donatello in his arms and feel his lips against his own. Surely, that was not asking for too much.

Surely, he deserved that much, at least.

Didn't he?

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Your words mean more than you will ever know :) !

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