Death would have been freedom; surviving seems like more torture.
I do not think Tony skipped a beat from when I hit the ground to his instinctual scooping of me into his arms. I was in and out of consciousness for the next few minutes, aware of little. I was told later that Tony had rushed my unconscious body out of the compound, alarmed at how little I weighed, and rushed me towards the local hospital.
I remembered little of this besides hot desert air rushing against my face, sand spraying up onto my skin… and my body being cradled in Tony's arms. The sound of his heavy breath against my ears, and the soft whispers of "stay with me, angel, please" and "keep breathing, Zi, keep breathing for me" that never seemed to cease. His words made no sense. The sweet pet names and desperation…. It wasn't Tony. And yet, there we were.
The next time I faded back into consciousness, it was days later. My body felt cooler, less wracked with thirst, and ever so slightly stronger. Most of all, I felt safe before I even opened my eyes.
The next thing I was aware of was a low hum, the sound of air rushing by, and the weight of something pressing down on me. It took me a moment, paying attention to the sounds and sensations around me, to realize that I was on a plane, immobilized under a layer of blankets. An IV was stuck into my left arm, and my right hand was captured in someone else's grip.
I fluttered my eyes open, alarmed, only to find a sweaty, grime-covered Tony sitting next to me, holding a damp cloth to my forehead. His face was creased with rampant worry, and I could see the smudges where tears had recently made their way down his face. His eyes were puffy, and it looked like he hadn't slept in days. When he saw me meet his gaze, a small smile spread its way across his face.
"Hey," Tony murmured, his voice soft, gentle, and relieved.
For a moment, I just stared. Tony took this as a cue to reach out and stroke my face, but I flinched under his touch.
"It's okay, Zi. It's just me," he tried to soothe. "You're going to be okay."
But I do not deserve to.
Tony's face shifted to pure horror, and I realized too late that I had spoken aloud.
"Ziva, look at me," Tony commanded. I acquiesced, meeting his steady gaze with my own shaky one. "Whatever they told you, it's not true. You deserve the world."
My mouth fell agape.
"I came to avenge you, Sweet Cheeks. And when I found out you were alive… It was the miracle I never thought would be granted. I need you, Zi, I can't even tell you how much." His words were serious, but there was a spark of light and hope in his eyes that I hadn't seen in a while.
"Thank you, Tony," I managed to croak out. "I do not know what to say."
"Get some sleep, Ziva. We'll talk when you're healed. You're safe with me," Tony promised.
And for the first time in months, I felt safe. Just like that. I knew that Tony would go to the ends of the earth to protect me, and he'd already practically done so to rescue me.
For the first time in a long time, I could rest easy, knowing my partner was by my side.