Head Trip - A Minako Story

Chapter Four: The Void, A Wall, and Pandora's Box

The outcropping crumbled beneath Minako's hand, sending her plummeting into the darkness below. A shriek of utter panic echoed around her, one she finally recognised as her own…

"Where…am I?"

A terrible cold permeated Minako's skin, the chill seeping into her very bones. Her eyelids fluttered as her mind struggled towards consciousness, opening at last to reveal utter darkness. In a strange, unsettling moment of disorientation, she felt weightless. Her legs hung limply beneath her, without the familiar touch of ground beneath them. Was she floating? And why couldn't she see anything?

"I…I'm blind?!" It was a frantic, quivering cry of panic born of a horrifying truth. "I can't see! I CAN'T SEE!" Minako reached instinctively for her eyes…and wilted as her hands came into view. An all too brief surge of relief was quickly lost to embarrassment as she realised she'd literally had nothing to see. "Oh. Well, at least nobody else saw that…"

"I saw the whole thing. Sorry to sail on your parade."

Minako stiffened at the familiar voice. Her voice. She tried to turn but failed, confirming what she'd already come to suspect; she was floating in this strange, black void. "Goddess?"

"So you don't need Other Minako around to look like an idiot after all."

With great difficulty – and some near-comical flailing – she was finally able to turn herself in mid-air. "Where is she?" Any doubts about Goddess' true nature were now long gone. Her treatment of the others is proof enough she's rotten to the core! "What have you done with the others, you evil…er…me?!"

Goddess' right eyebrow twitched momentarily. "There's that word again. What about me is so evil?"

Minako rolled her eyes, now in full-blown snark mode herself. "Oh, I don't know. Let's start with the fact you're trying to steal my body! Or maybe that you tried to kill me and the others, and-"

"Oh, boo!" her double scoffed, waving a hand dismissively. "They're fine! I have nothing against them. Heck, even V isn't much of a threat without you around."

"Huh?" Minako deflated quickly. "Then where…?"

"I sent them home, Little Miss Melodrama. Back where you found them." Goddess' casual shrug was almost infuriating. "This was never about killing anyone."

Confusion began to supplant Minako's fiery defiance. "But…you're trying to steal my body…"

"I'm just trying to survive," Goddess countered, folding her arms across her chest. "Haven't you been doing exactly the same thing since you got here? Are you evil for fighting me?"

"No, but it's not the same thing!"

"Isn't it? Are you so self-involved you still don't understand what this is?" A hint of Goddess' familiar anger began to slip through her calm façade. "That's not good enough. I want, no, I need you to hear me! I need you to understand!"

"Understand?"

"What is it V calls me?" Goddess asked, before raising her fingers in mock quotation marks. "Oh, yes. The manifestation of all your selfish thoughts and desires, right?" She rolled her eyes in an incredibly familiar fashion. "You're all so quick to dismiss me as some evil psycho, but you never consider how I feel. Maybe I can be selfish, but it was as part of you! I wanted to get you everything you wanted! All your hopes, your dreams, your goals and ambitions, that's what I represented! I'm your drive, your focus, even your obsession. At least I was…until you decided you needed to grow up."

Minako felt the sudden urge to back away in the face of her double's vitriol, but her feet still hung limp below her.

"You changed," Goddess muttered bitterly. "You became ashamed of me, tried to push me aside and bury me." Her hands came up to grip her elbows almost fearfully. "After everything I did for you, all I helped you accomplish, this was my reward. A cold, dark prison cell."

It was certainly a different picture from the one V had painted, one Minako had no answer for. She'd pictured Goddess as a villain, this evil mockery of her that was trying to steal her body…but that was becoming increasingly difficult to believe.

"Then, it happened…" Goddess trailed off a moment, staring vacantly into the void. "I fell into a new darkness, different from this one. It was colder, more permanent. There was this sense of…finality, I guess?" She shook her head sadly. "I thought I'd been banished completely, until I saw it. A blinding, brilliant light. It was warm and comforting and, for the first time in a long time…I felt hope."

The moment Galaxia killed me, Minako thought, stunned. And Usagi's later resurrection. Goddess saw all of it from inside my mind. She described it perfectly!

"I was back, inside your mind, but…it was all different. Somehow, we were separated. I knew I was a part of you, but I could move now. I could explore your mind at will, see the world through your eyes even if I couldn't control anything." Her eyes narrowed immediately. "But a prison is still a prison, no matter how free you appear to be. That's when I knew I had no choice. If I was going to survive, I had to take the body for myself…and banish you the way you'd once banished me!"

Try as she might, Minako just couldn't get the words out. At least, not verbally. Somehow, when Usagi brought me back she brought Goddess back as a separate personality too? Does that mean I...am I really the bad guy here? I can't be...can I?!

"The drive, the focus…the obsession? I would have used it all for you." A note of genuine regret now entered Goddess' voice. "We could have made it as an idol, we could have landed that boyfriend you always wanted…but it's too late for that now."

"Even if everything you say is true…how did you rail off go like this?"

Goddess blinked slowly, apparently confused. "Are you…are you calling me insane?" She blew a stray lock of hair out of her eyes with an irritable huff. "Talk about the robot calling the metal fat!"

"...What?" Minako shook her head, dismissing what were likely two very mangled proverbs. "No, I…I mean it's my mind, my body-"

"It's my body now," Goddess said flatly. "I'm going to live, and you're going to be stranded here in the deepest, darkest part of your subconscious." Again, she sounded almost remorseful. "I'd suggest you get used to it, because you're never getting out. It's the only way to be sure you won't destroy me!"

"No, Goddess, wait!" Her doubled ignored her and faded away, leaving Minako hanging in the silent void. She hung her head in defeat as she came to terms with what had happened. Goddess had won; she was all alone.

Minako had no idea how long she hung there in the dark. There was no frame of reference, no sign of the passage of time. "Trapped in my own subconscious," she muttered. "This is not how I thought my day would go…" Her whole body slumped dejectedly as she considered what was probably going to happen from here. "I screwed up bad. Goddess is gonna take my body for a joyride in the real world, and there's no telling how much damage she could do. I doubt she's interested in being Sailor Venus, either. Who's gonna look out for Usagi and the others?"

A faint pulse of power accompanied the dull orange light that sprang into existence, and Minako realised it was coming from her hand. Her right hand. "My Sailor Crystal?"

A voice fluttered out of the darkness, distant yet immediately familiar to her. "…Come on, Mina! Fight this, whatever it is…"

"Artemis?!" Her head darted about in surprise, searching for her friend. "Where are you?"

"…It's not like you to just give up! That's not who you are…"

He's talking to me from the real world, she realised. I'm probably still lying on my bedroom floor and he's there with me, trying to cheer me on even now. A defeated sigh slipped from her lips as she took stock of her situation. "Oh, Arty. You've never given up on me, not even those times when I screwed things up really badly. But what can I do? Goddess has all the power in here. I can't even get my feet back on solid-"

For just a moment, before she could finish her thought, her feet settled on…something. "Ground? Huh?!" She waggled her feet about at random, trying in vain to recreate her brief success. "Did I just...?"

"…Believe in yourself," the cat murmured, his voice fading slowly. "The way I always will…"

It was faint, but Minako felt it; a spark of confidence deep within her heart. "You're right, Arty. This is my mind. Maybe I'm not entirely myself, but I can't just give up and let Goddess win! There's way too much at stake!" Her fist rose determinedly before her. "Like I showed Princess, when I faced off with Gigaros! Maybe the power's been inside me all along. Maybe, as much as I have lost V, Other Minako and Princess, they're still here with me after all. Maybe I really am me?"

Her focus turned to the darkness around her. "V said this is like a dream. My dream. Could it be that simple? Could I just…Lucy dream?" Minako gripped her chin in quiet contemplation. "I don't know if that's the right word for it, but it doesn't really matter. If I can gain control, if I can change things like Goddess did…" She remembered Other Minako's manipulation of a door to find Princess, nodding in acceptance. "If Other Me can do it, why not me? No offence, Other Me."

With an anxious gulp, she raised her hand. "Sailor Crystal? Are you still trying to help?" There was no response, at least nothing audible, but a faint tingle of comforting energy confirmed its presence. All she had to do was focus on it. And my newfound confidence. "I'm in control here. Not Goddess. Me." Nothing seemed to be happening, but she continued her mantra. "I'm in control here. Not Goddess. Me." She pictured a door, the same style as those in Magellan Castle, and stretched out her hand. "I am in control. I…am…in…control!" A ghostly, washed out version of the door in her mind shimmered into being and, as she repeated her chant, solidified. Minako's hand came to rest on it, confirming its existence as her feet settled against a solid surface once again. "I'm in control!"

Her hand dropped to the knob and, somewhat nervously, turned it. The door swung open before her to reveal a similar portal, a swirling maelstrom of golden light. Minako took her first real steps in the void, but paused just before entering. A quick glance down reminded her she still wore the same pale green dress as when she'd arrived; the one she'd worn in the real world. The same one Goddess is wearing now. That settled it. It's not gonna work for me anymore.

Her hand pressed gently against her chest and another flash of light enveloped her. When it faded, Minako was pleased to find herself wearing the comforting uniform of Sailor Venus instead. "I may not be complete as Minako right now, but I will always be Sailor Venus." She took a deep breath as she studied the doorway once again, squinting into the light. "Now, to find the others and get my body back." She shielded her eyes against the blinding light and stepped through the door…

…opening her eyes to find herself standing on the Moon. Its vast, grey expanse stretched off into the distance in all directions, its surface only broken up by an occasional crater or mound. It wasn't what Venus had expected to find on the other side of the door, but it made sense when she turned. Princess was perhaps thirty feet away, standing before a huge stone structure. A wall, in fact, higher than anything she could have imagined. It disappeared into the distance, evidently encircling a huge portion of the lunar surface. Could it contain the entire Moon Kingdom?

"Is this what Other Minako was talking about?" she wondered breathlessly.

"Indeed," Princess murmured, placing a hand on the stone. "My entire life is here, behind this great stone monstrosity." She stared up at the top, sadly shaking her head. "I fear I shall never regain that which I have lost."

Venus moved closer, feeling no cold despite her skirt exposing far more skin than her dress ever had. "How did this thing come to be? What could cause it?"

Princess frowned, as if in pain. "I see…a ginger scoundrel?" She shook her head immediately. "Tis but a flash, the vague recollection of a dream. Its nature eludes me, faded like the stars with the dawn."

Ginger scoundrel? Venus could only wonder at what that was supposed to mean.

Her gown-wearing counterpart turned with a short, exasperated sigh…and blushed bright red. "Alas, I fear your name escapes me once more."

"It's Minako," she replied, with a laugh. "Though now, in this outfit, I usually go by Venus."

"My apologies," Princess said, offering a formal bow. "This infernal memory of mine is most frustrating. I do, however, recall my Sailor Senshi attire quite clearly." She raised an eyebrow as she inspected Venus' oversized rear bow. "It would seem you've made some alterations."

"Um…" Venus could only manage a shrug in response. "It's a long story?"

"Regardless, 'tis a relief to see you once more. I feared that Goddess had banished you completely."

"She did. She tried, anyway, but I realised I'm still me. Maybe some pieces of me are separated right now, but it's not like I magically lost it all. I just thought I did." Venus unconsciously wrapped both arms around herself as she stared up at the wall again. Banishment. Is that what it'll take to save us all from Goddess?

"Yet you still seem troubled," Princess observed. "You doubt yourself?" At Venus' nod, she tapped a finger against her cheek thoughtfully. "While 'tis true Goddess wishes you gone, did you not wish a similar fate upon the poor, sweet, simple one?"

"I can't deny that," Venus agreed, reflecting briefly on the fact Other Minako had now become poor in addition to sweet and simple. "You think Goddess is right to hate me?"

Princess shrugged, an act far more reminiscent of her present-day incarnation than any she'd shown previously. "Is it really a matter of right or wrong, Minako? Does Goddess not have the same right to life that we do? Do you not stand for life as a Sailor Senshi? Could you really crush her from your mind and continue to call yourself Sailor Venus?"

Her language was still somewhat stilted, but Venus was making far more sense of it this time around. With a nod, she made a decision. "Thank you, Princess…Me?" That was still a very good question. "I, uh, I don't suppose you remember your name yet?"

Princess shook her head and smiled faintly. "It matters not…for I go by Minako now. As good a name as any I could wish for." She reached out and grasped Venus' hand in her own.

A jolt of energy coursed through the Senshi's body, followed by a familiar warmth. The same feeling as when Other Minako and I synced up. Princess, she…we've reconnected!

"Well," Princess murmured, stepping back with a contented smile, "that was a most fascinating little sensation, wasn't it?" She took a moment to collect herself, brushing her hair back into place before gesturing to a distant Earth. "Come. Let us find the barbarian and the simple girl. Goddess awaits your decision."

They found V in London as Venus expected, sitting atop Big Ben of all places. She left Princess staring in wide-eyed wonder at her self-described 'home away from home' and made the climb alone, easily scaling the impressive structure. She found her 'younger' self above the clock face itself, staring out at the city, and couldn't resist teasing her just a little. "Brooding again, huh?"

V's head snapped around in an instant, her eyes wide behind her mask. "I don't believe it. I was sure Goddess had won, that she'd sent you away forever…" Her gaze shifted, taking in her different look. "Something's different, isn't it? Something's changed...and it's not just your outfit." She snorted quietly. "Guess you prefer a little more orange these days, huh?"

"Oh, I don't know about that. There's still a lot of blue in the bows."

V nodded silently, her left leg bouncing in a symptom of nervous energy. Finally, she bowed her head in contrition. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Venus asked.

"I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to protect you-"

"And you have," Venus assured her, "for so long. Not just me, either, but the others…and Usagi." She saw it right away; V seemed to pull back at the mention of her friend. The barbs when Goddess appeared as Usagi, her reluctance to follow her… "I get it. I see it now."

V stared back at her in suspicion. "What?"

"You do resent Usagi a little, don't you?" The true meaning of that revelation finally became clear to her too. "Oh. I resent Usagi…"

"I…" V clammed up, abruptly turning back to the cityscape before them. She hugged her own elbows in a familiar display of unease.

Venus might have felt the same discomfort before all of this began, but she was finally coming to see things clearly. Seeing these different aspects of my mind separated like this, speaking to them? It's helped me get a handle on myself, if anything else. She hesitated a moment before placing a hand on V's shoulder. "It's okay."

"How can you say that?! She's my friend, and I-"

"Yes, she is my friend," Venus agreed, "and I love her. I love everyone, but there are times when I do miss being you, V. The spotlight, the fame…I miss it all now and then. Sailor Venus doesn't really get much attention at all next to Sailor Moon." She took a deep breath and prepared to make her case; for V and for herself. "But Usagi didn't end Sailor V; I did. I made a choice."

V had become every bit the broody barely-teen she remembered being on occasion. "What choice?"

"You know what choice." She eased herself down beside her 'younger' self. "We watched it happen back in Magellan Castle, remember?"

V nodded once. "Alan and Katarina..."

"Being you cost me a lot, V. My relationship with Mother, Hikaru, the rest of my friends, my grades; Artemis tried to keep me on track, but it was hard juggling two lives." Venus sighed heavily as she let herself remember. "That was the night I decided I didn't want to be alone anymore. Yeah, I guess it was nice being popular, but I was more alone than I'd ever been in my life…and I made the choice to end it."

V hung her head. "I remember."

"I found comfort in my friendship with Usagi," Venus said softly. "And Ami, and Rei, and Mako. After what felt like an eternity, I had friends again. Sure, maybe I miss having all eyes on me…" She shifted uncomfortably, unwittingly drifting off-topic. "I mean, sure, Sailor Moon's the hip, new Sailor Senshi, but it was Sailor V who first fazed that trail-"

"You're rambling," V murmured, nudging her gently, "and I'm pretty sure it's blazed, not fazed."

Venus coughed into her hand, taking a moment to gather herself. "My point is, while I may miss the spotlight, I know I made the right decision. I know the Sailor Senshi are stronger together, as a team. Just like the two of us."

"I know," V said, rising carefully to her feet. "Me too. I just…" She trailed off before laughing quietly. "It really doesn't matter, does it? God, you and Airhead were right; I can be broody!"

Venus held up a hand, thumb and forefinger less than an inch apart. "Just a little."

Her masked counterpart glared at her in mock irritation before softening again. "What are we going to do about Goddess?"

A quick glance down confirmed Princess was still scurrying about from building to building, taking it all in. "I haven't decided yet…but I'm no longer so sure throwing her away is the right call."

"What?! After everything she's done to us? To you?!"

"Yeah, okay, she's trying to kill us…sort of…but I can't exactly plead innocent in all of this myself." A moment passed while Venus collected her thoughts. "I caused this. Not her."

"You can't let her stay," V growled, shaking her head for emphasis. "She can't be trusted! She-"

"She's a part of me, V, just as much as you are. As much as any of you are. You were right to stop me from abandoning Other Minako…and I'm right now." Venus took a step towards her, careful to avoid the ledge. "I respect your opinion, you know that, but this is my mind…and it's my call." She reached for V hopefully, leaving her hand open in an invitation. "What do you say? Will you still help me?"

For several agonising seconds V stared down at her hand, then knocked it aside…only to hug her. "Guess I didn't get all the guts in our little split, huh? I'm with you."

Minako felt the same warmth again, along with a brief flood of conflicting thoughts and emotions. I'm back. For the first time since Galaxia killed me, I feel complete. Like my old self, reflexes and all!

"…even if you did decide to wear the orange skirt instead."

"It's what I'm used to!" Venus protested, smirking at V's good-natured grin. "Besides, I have no idea where my old transformation pen even is. Maybe my wardrobe, but there's no way I'm opening that Pandora's Box!"

V's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "You say fazed instead of blazed, but you get Pandora's Box right?!"

"Oh, shush." Her mock annoyance only lasted a moment before she smiled again. "Seriously, though. Thank you."

"Don't sweat it." A familiar bravado coloured V's voice again as she raised a finger to the sky. "Now, let's go get her!"

Venus shook her head quickly. "Not just yet. We need to make one last stop first…"

The arcade looked the same as ever, but this time it was empty. Save, of course, the one blonde girl sitting in one of the driving games…

"You're not banished!" Other Minako leapt from her seat and dashed over, embracing Venus tightly. "I thought Cloudface had won, that I'd never see you again!"

"You sure seemed torn up over it," Venus noted, with a mischievous wink. "Break any lap times?"

"What? No, I, er…" A familiar, high-pitched laugh fluttered from Other Minako as she began playing with her bow. "I was just…traumatised by grief, you see! I needed something to, uh…um…I just had to take my mind off it all somehow!"

"Uh-huh." I can't really be mad at her, Venus admitted, holding back a giggle. This is what I wanted her – me – to be like. "I'm glad to have you back, Other Me. I have a feeling I'll need to blow off a whole bunch of steam by the time we're done in here. Any ideas?"

Her energetic doppelganger's eyes sparkled. "Well, the arcade's always there in the real world too." An excited squeal followed as she clapped. "The new Sailor V game comes out soon! How about we get a nice strawberry milkshake and-"

"Or," Venus countered, tapping a finger against her cheek in thought, "I could ask dad to buy me the home console version." A giggle escaped as she considered the possibilities. "Along with the console..."

"OH, MY GOD!" Other Minako screamed, waving her arms frantically. "I LOVE THIS IDEA!"

"Oh, please," V scoffed, with a dramatic sniff. "Dad will never go for it, you airheads. As if Mother's gonna let him spend that kind of money!" A look akin to absolute horror quickly settled on her face as she digested what she'd just said. "Oh, no. I do not like this. Not one, little bit!"

Princess simply stared at each of them in turn. "Home…console?"

Other Minako took up the challenge. "It's this little box, you see, and you put these other littler boxes called cartridges in it and they have these cool games on them that you can play with a controller-"

"I must reiterate that you're all most strange. You especially."

"First I'm simple, now I'm strange?! Listen up, Flakeface-"

Venus couldn't help but laugh as she summoned another doorway, her palm pulsing briefly with yet more orange light. "We need to get back to the real world first, Other Me, and that means fixing my mind." She exhaled slowly, at peace with her decision, and nodded. "Come on, everyone. It's time to settle things with Goddess." As they proceeded through the portal one at a time, her final thought went unsaid.

I only hope it's not too late to save her.

AN: Another chapter down. This is probably the talkiest chapter of Head Trip, dealing with Minako's internal conflict. She's made peace with Other Minako, accepted her buried resentment of Usagi, placated her "V" persona, and come to see Goddess may not be quite the villainess she thought she was. With the band back together, it's now time for Team Minako to face off with Goddess for the final time. Will they talk her down or will she force a fight? You'll just have to wait for the finale to find out! Thanks to the couple of guests who've reviewed recently, it was a really nice confidence boost to get your feedback! I'll be back with the final chapter soon!

Lisseas