Disclaimer: Hell's Kitchen is a reality show produced by Chef (and former football player) Gordon Ramsay. Hetalia and all further anime adaptions are the work of Hidekaz Himaruya.

DAY TWO

MORNING. 5:45 A.M.

"And now… brace yourselves! From now on, I WILL be running this show!"

Prussia places the limelight right above him. To his right is a mysterious box. It might be a booze box, but script says it may and it may not be something he commissioned Russia to do. The camera focuses first on his right hand, then his face.

"YES. Everybody else is sleeping. As of today, there won't be any other cameras on except mine." He chuckles, bringing a palinka bottle to view. "Now, it is my chance to show Hungary how much I love her. She will be MINE. ALL MINE."

England can be heard shouting in the background. "What the hell? What's happened to my camera?!" He tries to fix it, to no avail. A minute or two later, he finds out the wires have been cut and there are no extra tapes.

England starts knocking furiously on the door. "Give it up, now! I'll drag you by the hair if Sweden won't do it!"

"STOP IT! You're ruining my love declaration! Hungary, my love, my one and only love… to your health and your wonderful pair of… EYES, I'll down this second bottle of palinka…" This is currently airing on the huge flat screen close to the main entrance of the restaurant.

France restrains England, while the latter keeps thrashing around… The ruckus wakes up everyone else in the dorms. The trembling trio is shown. They've remained tied for hours now.

"This—is—why—you—WON'T-get—LAID!" screams France holding England back. Prussia is shown chugging down two more bottles and his eyes are glazed. Hungary, however, is tomato-red… from embarrassment watching from the outside.

America starts blasting Diana Ross and The Supremes, confident that it will help Prussia, because that's what America does. Help other countries, right? He turns up the volume.

Minutes later, Germany is seen dragging an intoxicated Prussia. Japan is handing out painkillers to everyone and Sweden is ringing. Hungary picks up with a paper bag over her head.

Sweden eyes Hungary closely, realizing what had transpired a mere ten minutes ago. Hungary decides to take off the paper bag. He might need to do something about France's nakedness. Prussia is just too blacked out to notice he's on Germany's bed.

"Good morning!" Sweden calls and everyone jumps at the sound. Ukraine thinks it's not easy… since she also has to hear Belarus' sobbing beside her.

"I have something new to propose!" America cheers, jumping up and down until Sweden sighs. "What is it?"

"Let's get everyone knives to cut the tension in this room! It'll be visionary!"

"Sounds like something Italy would say, but he's quiet… I'm impressed" mutters Germany under his breath.

"Please, let's suggest something realistic" Austria replies annoyed. "We could all do schnitzel, and that way, we won't have to stress over prep. Then we can compete against each other in the ultimate musical showdown!" Austria shouts, with glee. Spain is banging his head against the wall.

"I can teach everyone how to make sushi…" Japan offers. Sweden looks thoughtful. Poland appears out of nowhere with a giant set of knives. Italy only wants to eat from the sushi platters.

Estonia and Latvia, finally untied, rush to get the wasabi and the rice, with Lithuania in their wake telling them Sweden hasn't made a decision just yet.

Predictably so, Japan makes perfect sushi, but the rest struggles to recreate fifty rolls and forty wasabi tuna. Lithuania, flustered over the generalized mediocrity in the kitchen, looks at Sweden and they both decide to declare the following winners.

England: for making the amount in record time

France: for precision and presentation

Germany: for discipline and near-perfect recreation of the dish

Ukraine: for never forgetting the wasabi, not even once

China: for neatness and good knife skills

Belarus: for creativity in making Russia-shaped rolls with a vodka-infused soy sauce

Spain, Austria, America, Hungary, and Italy have to stay and prepare everything for the evening service under Japan's orders.

*AUSTRIA CAM*

"That damn Prussia!" Austria breathes for a moment, then relaxes, still looking annoyed. "After service, I am writing a treaty to get him OUT of the show."

DINNER SERVICE

FIVE MINUTES INTO DINNER SERVICE

"France! Why can't you slice your own avocados?" Spain whines. "I'm still sick with the brains we had for lunch and I'm HERE slicing avocados!"

"Spain… I may not agree with everything you do, but I will defend your right to handle *my avocados* as well." France winks at Spain, his blonde tresses looking glorious for L'Oreal. Spain looks murderous.

TWENTY MINUTES INTO DINNER SERVICE

"What did I just call out, Prussia?!" Sweden screams (not really screaming, everyone is afraid).

"You called for palinka cocktails!" Prussia retorts.

"No, I didn't! I called for sushi special and clam chowder!"

"Thirty seconds, thirty seconds…" Japan chants while finishing all the sushi specials on command.

TWENTY NINE MINUTES INTO DINNER SERVICE

"It'll be better if you just order the meatballs… you can't order dessert." Russia tells table thirty-five.

*CHINA CAM*
"But… what is he doing here? He can't wait on tables and offering free vodka and meatballs!"
"WHAT? No. Desserts are and will be fine…!"

ONE HOUR INTO DINNER SERVICE

*SWEDEN CAM*

"Peanuts are doing well with entrées… I can't believe them. Maybe if I can force England to season things a little more and producing beautiful Wellingtons…"

*ENGLAND CAM*

"Sweden is working me to the ground…! He weeps. "Look here, my hands are red… I can do more Wellingtons, but I'm tired. I'll go on…"

"Beckenbauer wouldn't have given up, England!" Germany cheers maniacally.

*BELARUS CAM*

"See?!" Belarus shows pretty clam chowder plates. "I'm not a waste of life! I can't wait to propose to Russia!"

*JAPAN CAM*

"I can't get nominated… I plated all the sushi tonight!" he sighs.

Sweden calls Russia and tells him he can't wait on tables. He's supposed to be the booze man, not the waiter. How can it be so hard for Russia to follow the script?

TWO HOURS INTO DINNER SERVICE

America miraculously produces beautifully scrumptious apple pies thanks to England's Granny Smith apples.

ELIMINATION ROUND

"Since Belarus and England both have surprised me tonight… we know which team will be facing the elimination round…" Sweden announces. France is now consoled by Hungary and Ukraine. Deep down, France wants to pounce on Sweden because of this new injustice. Japan worked his butt off with the sushi specials… but the avocados were Spain's work.

"It is not how you start, it's how you finish" the Baltic countries sing in unison. France leaves, feeling desolate and invoking Zidane… who suddenly appears on the flat screen for no good reason.

NEXT CHAPTER: HORSE MEAT. YES. WE SAID HORSE MEAT.