Disclaimer: Hell's Kitchen is a reality show produced by Chef (and former football player) Gordon Ramsay. Hetalia and all further anime adaptations are the work of Hidekaz Himaruya.

DAY FIVE

Lichtenstein has just gotten comfortable on her futon. Five minutes into Hell's Kitchen, way past the opening theme, Switzerland is nowhere to be seen. Lichtenstein sighs. Switzerland hardly takes a break, but today will be the exception.

She looks restless. "Switzerland! You're going to miss it again!"

Switzerland yells something about the incredible number of errands he has to run. There's no time for the devil to enter his playground.

"It's just cooking…" Lichtenstein pleads. "You don't need to buy anything. Besides, Austria is still competing!"

Joining her on the futon, Switzerland looks like he has sat on a bed of thorns, but is willing to endure it. Lichtenstein throws him a quick glance, followed by a precise prod on Switzerland's right shoulder. He squints. Both are now watching.

"You know, this is the most fun we can have ever since you agreed to owning a TV…" begins Lichtenstein.
"Yet you know how I feel about distractions. I need to take care of you" he interjects.
"I'm going to cut my hair again" she continues.
"What for?" he blushes a deep crimson.
"To show that I do care" she says.

Lichtenstein and Switzerland both lean back and relax. They are sharing a bag of pistachios.

*FIFTEEN MINUTES IN*

"Why isn't Canada in the competition?" asks Switzerland, trying his best not to sound too excited about the show.
Lichtenstein sighs loud enough for Switzerland to notice. "Canada's running his own version of Chopped. A few countries have done the same. America has already said he will combine all the cooking reality shows into one if he wins. Maybe he'll just re-copy Hell's Kitchen."

"But isn't England mad about it?" he asks again. This time, his excitement is showing.

"He is. Look, he's saying he's dreamed about the UK Hell's Kitchen again." Lichtenstein smiles. "Don't you dare leave. I'm bringing the cashews."

*SIXTEEN MINUTES IN*

"We are interrupting Hell's Kitchen for thirty seconds to broadcast the following announcement: France is currently dating… PANAMA."

Switzerland groans. Remembering the über-summary Lichtenstein gave him as soon as he sat on the futon, he wonders why France had to be so darn tenacious. Always wants to stay relevant even in his own irrelevance to Hell's Kitchen. Always wants to meddle in Switzerland's business. In deep silence, Switzerland vows to compete against France and show him. No one knows if there might be a second season at all.

"England looks upset. Really upset." Latvia's voice can be heard coming from the television. He was the one making the announcement. "Now that France will be smooching Panama to death, we feel things don't bode well for England…"

"AND NOW… BACK TO HELL'S KITCHEN!" Russia's voice booms from the screen.

*THIRTY MINUTES IN*

"I miss my porn mags. I miss my beer… My mind is a mess…"
"What is this? The Germany Confessional?!" shouts Switzerland to the screen.

Lichtenstein smiles. She has brought the cashews, but now, they seem like an afterthought compared to watching Switzerland so into the show. Switzerland suddenly goes quiet. With Germany in that melancholic state, he wonders if Austria is doing okay. He hopes he won't have to drag Austria home if he loses.

*AUSTRIA CAM*

"Can we all get back to the ACTUAL cooking?"

Switzerland gives a noncommittal nod. Austria is going to be fine.

*AMERICA CAM*

"I am the Rocky Balboa of cooking! Everyone will see that. My cooking is an event in itself!"

*SPAIN CAM*

"Yet he screwed up the side dishes. He refuses to do vegetables because it reminds him of his weight."

*AMERICA CAM*

"What weight? Don't you dare call me fat, Spain. I'll steal your tomatoes!"

*ELIMINATION ROUND*

"Ukraine… give me your jacket…" Sweden begins.
A throat in the background is being cleared. Sweden looks a bit puzzled. "What, Germany?"

Germany retorts, "If Ukraine goes, I go."

Back at home, Lichtenstein and Switzerland shout "WHAT?!" in near-perfect unison.

"Ukraine interests me. I wish to be with her."

Prussia jumps up and down. "I KNEW you'd come through, Germany! Hungary's going to be all mine now!"

Meanwhile, Ukraine doesn't know what to do with herself. She is blushing a deep scarlet. In the background, the Baltic countries are wondering what to do with the carefully detailed statement they wrote to FOX. In it, there were long-winded explanations concerning why Ukraine had to be taken out of the competition because of a clear conflict of interest involving Russia's presence in the show. The higher-ups weren't liking Russia's open support towards Ukraine and his refusal to keep quiet. But Russia was Russia. He was the embodiment of randomness and chaos.

"Why on this bloody planet would you go for Ukraine?! I don't understand!" pipes England. Italy is standing right beside him, shocked with the news. Deep down, he realized he was feeling betrayed.

Germany clears his throat again. "As the WWII version of myself, I have a duty to fulfill, and that is besting my opposition. Russia, clearly."

England's not buying it. "You said you wanted her out along with Prussia and Russia. Why the sudden interest?"

"Ukraine's still sour about Russia's demands. I'm just offering her a chance to come with me. The more territory I gain, the better my chances."

Austria vents. To anyone who would hear him, he vents about this being a cooking competition, not the complete hijacking of Ukraine to piss off Russia. Austria rounds it up by asking to the winds why no one, ever, makes the effort to remain consistent.

Ukraine is still surprised. So many conflicting feelings are welling up in her heart, the same way her eyes are welling up on the outside. Hungary hugs her. Will leaving Russia's side be worth it? Will all of this backfire on her if they elope? What about Italy? Will she muster the courage to do anything at all? Prussia smiles. The Universe must love him.

"I cannot continue on with my machinations for world dominance if Ukraine leaves. Russia is my one obstacle, and I will take Ukraine for myself to see him fall. Therefore, either we both stay or we both leave."

The camera focuses on Germany's stern face. His eyes are looking sharp. Resolve is etching every muscle of his body. Every muscle. Maybe too much for many of us to explain further. Before we all get a chance to brace ourselves and keep up with this level of suspense, the camera switches to a generous view of Ukraine's chest. A covered one at that, but generous.

"Ukraine, what are you going to do, my darling?" asks Sweden. All the other countries are holding their breath. The camera now points at Ukraine's pretty face… but Hell's Kitchen comes to a halt.

"Now I can't wait for next time!" Lichtenstein squeals with glee. Switzerland is satisfied. Internally. So he just nods.

WILL BOTH GERMANY AND UKRAINE LEAVE HELL'S KITCHEN?

UKRAINE'S FINAL DECISION WILL BE AIRED NEXT TIME. WE HOPE.