Hello again everyone. I'm sorry for the long delay. But I had been submerged in another fandom and have emerged just recently.
I didn't think that I would make it to anyone's favorite list in my first try. The only thing I can say is Wow, thank you guys. I'm honored.
When sunlight touched Kakashi's face, he opened his eye and sighed. He had no motivation to get out of bed. What was the point anyway. It wasn't like he had anything to do. He was not fully recovered, so hard training was out of the question. And how many hours could one stand in front of the memorial anyway?
But like always, sleep was elusive. He was an early riser by nature, and his nightmares didn't make sleep easier. So as much as he had tried in the days that had passed since his forced vacation had started, He couldn't sleep past early hours in the morning.
He got up and started his daily routine. After a light breakfast, He left home to go to the memorial. He spent about three hours there, cherishing the extra time, doing his normal ritual ,reflecting about the past and his mistakes, and asking forgiveness for his shortcomings. But he tried not to think about the recent events. He didn't want to think about change. Change scared him. After so much struggle, he had finally managed to find a lifestyle that didn't add more sorrows to his already full heart (or at least not too many sorrows),and he didn't want to change that.
After the memorial, Kakashi went to one of his new haunts. In his wanderings around the village in these past days, He had found some good places to read. And he had found his favorite spot from when he was a kid again, the Hokage monument, above his sensei's head. Now he sat there, took out his book and readied himself to spend the rest of the day reading.
Might Guy was an energetic man. He was always full of life. And one of his primary goals in life was to pump others full of energy as well. His first encounter with Kakashi was when they were little. And his first impression of the boy had not been so great. That boy had been so full of himself.
After that, one of his other goals in life had became to surpass that arrogant boy. After graduation, he had tried to draw the boy's attention any way he could. But that boy had been simply impossible. But then Guy saw himself nothing short of unstoppable. It was his desire to challenge that boy and make him take Guy seriously, and he was going to do that no matter what.
After so much hard work, he had succeeded to challenge the boy, and they had started sparring from time to time. But he always lost, because Kakashi was really good. And he was always so cool in his attitude. He really was a worthy opponent.
Challenging him was so invigorating. With each loss his desire to win grew, and he became more and more obsessed with Kakashi. He trained hard every hour of his free time to be better at taijutsu, to have better speed and to have better aim. He had eyes just for his rival. Although Kakashi still didn't see him as a rival. He was always cold and took their sparring as something to blow steam off with. He used their matches to vent his frustrations with his team, and most of all, his teammate Obito. But as long as Kakashi was willing to accept his challenges, it was fine.
Then came the Karnabi Bridge incident. Kakashi came back from that battlefield changed, in both appearance and personality. His now sole eye that had always been cold and brooding, was now filled with a profound sadness that nothing could shake. And he became more accepting of Guy's challenges. But he wouldn't use his Sharingan much in their training. It was like he wanted to forget that eye sometimes.
Guy was making much progress. He even get to the point of wining two or three times. From Kakashi's attitude during their training, it seemed like he wanted to replace Guy with Obito. But many times during their matches he would suddenly stop with a hand on his left eye, look at Guy strangely, and leave without explanation. But as long as Kakashi was accepting him as something like a friend, it was fine with Guy.
And then Rin's death. A haunted quality was added to Kakashi's single eye. At first he wasn't into their matches anymore. In fact he wasn't into anything, anymore. He wouldn't even look Guy and the rest of their group in the eye. It was like he wasn't there, Like he wasn't the Kakashi they knew anymore. He kept his distance and never approached any of them. But after a few months, he began taking his training seriously again, and this time around it was he who challenged Guy one day. Guy had wanted to dance from happiness. His rival had accepted him after all. From that point forward they would train many days a week together, and a new addition to their training was Sharringan. Kakashi wanted to hone his skills with the eye, He had requested to become Anbu and Anbu would accept only the best.
When he became Anbu, there was not much time to spend together and Guy had to train alone most of the time. But even then they still had time to fight once in a while and Guy tried to be near Kakashi as much as he could after his missions to keep the boy from dark thoughts as much as he could. And everything was fine.
But then came the last blow to Kakashi's now fragile psyche, Yondime's death. And after that everything shattered. Kakashi who was scarce before, completely vanished. It was as though there never was a boy named Kakashi. But Guy couldn't accept that. He couldn't leave his friend and rival alone. Because now one of his new goals in life had become to bring life back in the eyes of his friend. But Kakashi was not in the village most of the time, and when he was he would avoid Guy like the plague. Guy always tried to check on him in his house (even though he wouldn't open the door) and even tried to join Anbu, but was rejected. But after all these years he still cherished every little chance he could get to be with Kakashi and not once lost hope. Despair was not a word in Guy's vocabulary.
After returning from his last mission, he had been informed by Asuma that Kakashi had sustained serious injury the previous week, and went to hospital to see him. But as he suspected there was no sign of the man there. So he took to the roofs and started his search. There was no point to search for him at his house, because Kakashi never stayed there longer than necessary, So his first stop was at the memorial stone, when he couldn't find him there he went to the Anbu training grounds. But he was not there either, and Anbu operatives informed him that he would not be there for about another week. So there was nowhere else to look for him. It wasn't like the man had many haunts in a village he actually never resided in. But Guy was not a man who easily gave up.
He had spent three hours searching the less crowded areas of the village, when he reached the monument. He saw a dark spot on Yondaime's head and smiled. He, the green beast of Konoha, had finally managed to hunt down his elusive prey.
Kakakshi sighed inwardly, he had been so absorbed in his book that he had sensed Guy's chakra signature a little too late to escape. He didn't have the energy to be near Guy today. But then he was almost always like that, and he hadn't been able to get rid of him in the past. So there really was no option but to endure.
Guy ran up the monument and jumped near Kakashi, he didn't raise his eye from his book. But then it was all normal behavior for him and Guy was used to it after so many years.
"Hello my eternal rival. I heard you were indisposed, so I have come to offer my sympathies. How is your spring time of youth today?"
".."
"What do you say to a challenge that doesn't need physical prowess?"
".."
"You know that I'm not going away, don't you?"
Kakashi sighed, well it was always worth a try. Maybe someday Guy would understand his nonchalance like other people and leave him alone.
Yeah, and someday you are going to wear a green overall and spew nonsense about spring time of youth.
"Did you say something?" He said noncommittally.
Guy flashed one of his blinding grins and made a pose. "Well my cool rival, what should we do today? And you can't suggest paper, scissor, rock. Because we agreed to do that just once a year."
"Oh, well. You choose then. It's not like I have anything better to do." Kakashi Said.
Guy was speechless for a minute. Kakashi had never accepted his challenges so readily. He always had to harass him to the point that he would accept the challenge just to get rid of him. And many times Guy had to outright attack him to start a challenge. His immediate acceptance was strange to say the least.
A grin appeared on his face. He wasn't going to waste this opportunity. Now that he could pick something except fighting, he was going to come up with a challenge that would make Kakashi see the value of life.
"We are going to see who can count more man, woman and child in Bazaar district!"
"What ridiculous challenge is that?" Drawled Kakashi. "What's the point of it?"
"It'll show our powers of observation and our ability to hold three different accelerating numbers in our head." He made up quickly. You will see ordinary people again, and see their lives. You will see what you are protecting. Maybe it will open your heart a little.
"It's stupid" Kakashi said uninterested. "And you know I've never liked crowded places. No, choose something else."
"Are you going against your word Kakashi. It's not like you!'" Shouted Guy. "We will do it from the rooftops, so it won't bother you. Is it acceptable?" Declared Guy.
"I knew I should never agree with you for anything. I think I'm losing what little common sense I have left." Said Kakashi with a sigh. "OK,I did agree, didn't I?"
"So come my rival" Grinned Guy, and leaped from the monument.
Kakashi put his hands in his pockets and started down the stairs leisurely. At least he could wreck Guy's nerves a little, he mused.
Guy had declared the duration of the challenge to be one hour, and they still had 30 minutes to go. Kakakshi looked to the sky with a sigh, then looked down and continued counting. He hadn't come to civilian parts of the village for years. He did all his meager shopping (It wasn't like he was home that much to need many supplies) from a supermarket near home at midnight, to minimize the chance of encountering familiar faces.
After all, he had done everything in his power to have the least interaction possible with people (well, except that pig-headed Guy it seemed), to lessen his heartache when they died. Even with his Anbu teammates, he kept his distance from them even if he did everything in his power to keep them alive, and it had been effective to lessen the blow to his heart with every death. He would not shatter again. He had vowed after Sensei's death, that he would never have another precious person, that he would never experience that harrowing pain again.
So it seemed like a whole new experience for him, to sit on a rooftop and watch the flow of people beneath. It was like a river, and a roaring one at that. They were so many voices there, He couldn't make out a single voice. It was somehow like a single hum. Like it was the sound of life itself.
Guy looked at Kakashi from the corner of his eyes. It was apparent that the copy nin was not counting, instead he seemed overwhelmed by all the flow of life beneath their feet. Guy decided to help his friend indirectly.
"You know" He said dreamily "Every time I see people that go about their everyday life, I'm reminded of why I became a shinobi. It was always my goal to protect people, to make their lives easier, so they could laugh and love and live. And now that I look below I see that I've succeeded."
Kakashi looked sharply at Guy. Now he understood what this challenge was about. Guy had brought him here to show him something he had forgotten, something he had left behind so many years ago. In his haste to run from heartache, he had also ran away from the meaning of his life. The meaning of every shinobi's life. And Guy had brought him here to remind him.
He felt a heartfelt gratitude toward his friend. Yes! friend. It was not by his choice, but that man had somehow passed every barrier he had built around himself and stayed by his side all these years. He did not deserve someone like Guy as a friend. But he was not going to change his attitude toward the man. After all, He couldn't afford to let him get any closer that he already had. It was dangerous. But Guy deserved acknowledgement for what he did for him.
"Giving profound lessons of life doesn't become you Guy." Kakashi said seriously. And it's not going to be easy for me to learn those lessons. "You should stick to your energetic spring time of youth. That's your area." He added with a faint smile.
Guy looked warmly in his friend's eye for a moment, he had understood from Kakashi's words that he had gotten his message. He stood with a nice guy pose and declared "I'll run 500 laps around the village if I've counted less than you in total. What's your count?"
Tenzo knew Kakashi from when he was little. He had always been a role model for Him. He was a man to be reckoned with. A great warrior with a no nonsense attitude. He was a very famous (or infamous, depended on whom you asked) ninja in all of shinobi lands.
But he was an enigma all the same, After all he was a man who wore two masks on top of each other most of the times. He barely talked, unless it was mission related, and always hid behind a book when there was a reprieve in their missions.
Kakashi had been his squad leader for many years. He had always been there for Tenzo in the worst situations. He had lost count of the times Kakashi had saved his life. Tenzo had joined Anbu when he was very young and Kakashi had taken it upon himself to keep him healthy and strong, by giving him healthy food and spending extra time to train him. Based on this, many had thought that they were friends, but that was not the case at all. Kakashi was a closed book for Tenzo. He was always there to help, but just that. For all the years they've spent together, Tenzo could count with fingers of one hand the number of their private conversations. Kakashi had just taken pity on him because of his inexperience and helped him learn how to hone his body and mind for being a better shinobi, that was all. He was a very strange man, in the battlefield he was always ready to sacrifice himself to save a comrade, But any time someone was injured and had to stay in hospital, Kakashi was the only one that never visited. He never even asked about them. It was like every time they got injured, they were purged from Kakashi's mind until they recovered.
Tenzo had seen him break three times (he knew the actual number was much bigger than that), and every time it was after the loss of a comrade that he had personally failed to save. But Kakashi was not someone who stayed down, and every time after a few days he was back desperate for another mission. Tenzo guessed that for kakashi, every mission was like a narcotic drug. Something that kept his mind from those deaths. It was like Kakashi was running away from his life by taking missions. The harder the mission the better, and best of all solo missions. Kakashi would do everything in his power to be given as many solo S ranks as possible.
He had been hiding inside a tree for hours now, keeping an eye out on the aforementioned man, lounging in a tree some feet away, reading a book. He had been given the mission of shadowing Kakashi and reporting on him by the end of the month to Hokage himself. He had not been given evaluation missions before, because he was not so good on human nature to understand it and evaluate it correctly. But every Anbu given this mission in the past years had been discovered within hours by Kakashi, and he was the only one with any chance of finishing the mission successfully.
He had spent the last week getting bored to the point of falling asleep. Really, it was like that man did nothing but lounge somewhere and not move for countless hours. He understood that Kakashi had been injured, and did not have permission to go near training grounds for the week. But it was odd to see him in such a peaceful setting. He had never thought of Kakashi having any sort of life outside missions, but then he was not a good judge in these matters. Just because he did not have a life, didn't mean that others didn't either.
"Aren't you tired yet?"
Tenzu tensed and checked Kakashi closely. His head was still in the book as if nothing had happened and there was no one around. Had he been talking to him?
"If you return in a couple of days at least you can join me for training, I guaranty that I would do nothing drastic till then." Kakashi said peeking from above the book and looking directly at him.
Tenzu huffed irritated. "How long have you known, senpai?"
"For about a week now." Replied Kakashi with his eyes on the pages again.
"So why didn't you say anything? You ratted out the others immediately." He asked exasperated.
"Oh, I was just evaluating you and your methods. You were good the first days, but got sloppy gradually." Replied Kakashi. "And it was fun seeing you bored out of your mind." He added passively. Then his eye snapped up and he became deadly serious. "You can join me in training if you want next week. But for now you are dismissed soldier."
"Hai, captain." Replied Tenzu at attention and departed immediately. He could have stayed. After all he had not received the mission from Kakashi, but what was the point of secretly evaluating someone when he knew he was being secretly evaluated.
Sarutobi was doing paperwork like usual when he sensed the chakra flare outside his window, pronouncing a request for audience.
"Come in Anbu"
Tenzu materialized from the floor's wood work in front of Hokage and dropped to a knee.
"What are you doing here? You are supposed to be tailing Kakashi!" Asked Sarutobi.
"I've failed my mission, Hokage sama. I'm sorry."
"Oh, well. It was worth a try. Stand up Anbu. Report." Said Sarutobi with an amused gleam in his eyes.
"I'm afraid there is not much to report sir. He has spent all his days around village doing nothing."
"It does not matter. Start from the beginning. And report on his moods if you can."
"He spends about five hours each night at home. He has nightmares most of the nights. After leaving the house, he spends two or three hours in front of the memorial, usually gloomy and deep in thought. And after that he chooses some spot and reads nonstop."
"Where are those spots?"
"For the first days he chose places in the fringe of the village, far away from people. But after spending an afternoon with Guy, There was a significant change in his haunting places. Now he spend his time atop roofs or in trees in the village near main streets or bazaar."
"Is Guy the only person he came in contact with?"
"Yes Hokage sama."
"Report their meeting."
"He confronted Kakashi on top of the monuments and after talking for a bit they departed to the bazaar district together. They spent an hour sitting there watching people pass by in the street and talked occasionally. And in the end Guy departed with the loud exclamation of needing to run 500 laps around the village. Kakashi remained there for about two hours without reading anything, lost in thought. And then he went to his apartment."
"And how did he discover you tailing him?"
"Well it appears that he had discovered me from the beginning, but decided to lay low and say nothing."
"Why would he do that?" Asked Sarutobi, intrigued.
"He was evaluating me and my methods." Replied Tenzu. "And apparently, he was having fun seeing me bored to death." He added sheepishly.
Sarutobi laughed loudly. "Oh, That's very good. Very good indeed."
"What do you mean sir?"
"Nothing, nothing. You did a good job Anbu. Well, at least better that the rest. You are dismissed."
"Thank you sir."
After Tenzu's departure Sarutobi sat thinking about the situation. It seemed that Kakashi was better off than he thought. Maybe he could remove him from Anbu immediately without much issues. He had to talk with Guy and ask what he had said to make such a change in Kakashi.
Kakashi had spent the week after receiving his clean bill of health bringing himself back to top form. The week he had been prohibited from doing any taijutsu or ninjutsu had been agony. He was not used to sitting and doing nothing. At least he had Tenzu to entertain him for the first days, but it had gotten boring pretty quickly.
It was the first time in the past years that he had spent more than a few days at home, And three people had decided to admonish him about his way of life the first chance they got. It was a clear sign that he was doing something wrong. Well, he knew that he was doing it wrong, but it was the method that worked for him. It had kept him sane all these years, hadn't it?
But maybe it was not all that life was about. He knew that it was not. But he never thought that anything besides being a ninja was his to claim. Well, it was apparent that others disagreed.
He had spent the majority of his free week trying to reacquaint himself with the village and its people. He would sit on a roof or in a tree pretending to read while actually he was watching and thinking. After all he had much to think about these days.
He was deep in thought when he received his summons, he donned his mask and departed immediately. When he reached Hokage tower, he spotted Hokage on the roof and sped there, dropping to a knee.
"At ease soldier. Give me you mask please." Requested Hokage.
Kakashi stood, removed his mask and gave it to Hokage with questioning eyes. Hokage took the mask.
"I am removing you from Anbu, Kakashi. From this day forward you will be a regular jonin."
Kakashi stared at Hokage speechless. He could not believe his ears.
"But.. but" He stammered.
"Are you questioning your Hokage?"
"No, of course not Hokage sama." He gathered himself quickly. "I live for you and the village. I just wanted to point out that I am far more useful as an Anbu."
"Useful for who?" Asked Hokage.
"For the village of course."
"Well, I have decided that you are not useful to us as a damaged tool. And staying any longer in the Anbu will damage you beyond repair. You are not just a tool for this village Kakashi. You are also a part of it. You cannot fight only for the dead. You have to start fighting for the living. I don't want you to forget your connection to this village and its people. You are one of our finest assets and I want you to have a long and fulfilling life as an esteemed part of this community."
"But what kind of use can I be by having a long life? Is it not better to die in service to the village than having a long life doing nothing?"
"Who said anything about doing nothing?" Replied Hokage amusedly. "No Kakashi, you will start having regular missions in a week. And in a few months, after the academy graduation, I want you to start working as a jonin instructor, shaping the minds and bodies of our future generation. This is what I expect of you from now on."
"I don't think I'm suited for this job Hokage sama." Said Kakashi desperately.
"Of course you are. You have been an Anbu captain for years. Some of our best operatives have been trained and nurtured by you. You will do fine." Replied Hokage with resolve. "Present yourself at the mission desk for your new instructions in a week. You are dismissed."
Kakashi just stood there confounded. He didn't know what to do. In a minute his life had turned upside down. When it registered that he had been dismissed, he started walking dazedly toward the edge of the roof.
"And Kakashi, I'm sorry to inform you that you are banned from solo missions from this day forth. This ban will be removed only when I am convinced that you have become able to comprehend the value of your life, and will not gamble it unless it's absolutely necessary. You can go."
Kakashi jumped down on one of the adjacent roofs and sat down heavily. Well, so much or not wanting to change. It seemed that the choice had been taken from him; And now the only choice he had was to find a way to cope again.
Author's Note:
There will be only one chapter after this.
But like the last time I can't promise anything :)