I am sitting on a bench in front of the house. I enjoy spending mornings outside, especially if I awake early enough to see the sunrise. It is cold, but the cold has never bothered me. And besides, Kaija has found me a wonderfully warm coat.
Kaija and Elias are leaving today. They are bringing food and medical supplies to the surrounding villages. Kaija said they will also be bringing the news of War's defeat, and of the new world they hope to establish. They will tell them of the gathering they have planned at the end of the month, where Elias will officially offer an apology to the common people. Kaija has her special book tucked into her pack. She is going to share its contents with those who express a desire to learn.
I am not going. I don't want to. I may find Elias tolerable, and maybe I like Kaija, but that doesn't mean I want to spend my time among peasants. Not to mention I'm fairly certain I heard talk of Felix going along, and my feelings toward that particular man have not changed one bit.
Kaija was not pleased with my decision, but she maintained that I am free to choose. At first, I waited for her to become angry. I thought she was simply waiting until I let my guard down to punish me for being disobedient. Here we are, though, on the morning of their departure, and neither she nor Elias have acted on her disapproval. So now, I am left wondering how I could make a choice so obviously at odds with what they want, and walk away unscathed.
I hear the door open, and feel the bench sag slightly as someone takes a seat.
"It's cold, Cachexys! Come inside! You'll catch your death out here if you're not careful!" Kaija exclaims.
She worries about me a lot. It confuses me, as most everything about my new life does. She is always saying things will or will not kill someone, or that they had better mind themselves or they'll get hurt. I think she is practicing "mothering", because that is what I heard Ahava say one evening. Well, not that Kaija was practicing, but that she will be good at it.
"It's not so cold. It's brisk." I say to Kaija.
"Cachexys," she says, her tone playful yet scolding, "there are icicles hanging from the roof. It is cold. Now come inside. I've made breakfast. I'll make you some cocoa before I leave, too. You should warm up that body of yours. You don't have any meat on your bones to do it for you!"
She taps on my knee, then stands and heads to the front door. I give one last look toward the sunrise, and I follow her inside.