Chapter 4: Snakes Without Wings

Kadaj and Yuffie schemed for a while, figuring out the logistics of their evil plan. Kadaj had to change back into normal clothes about five minutes into their plotting, because she would not stop looking at him. He had walked around the safe-house without a shirt on a few times before, and even Cloud hadn't stared at him that much.

"So that's settled then?" he asked as the young Wutaiian stepped haughtily out the door.

"Yes. I'll get everyone out to go see a movie or something in an hour, and then you and Cloud can have as much fun as you want." She grinned.

(She's only a year or so younger than me for all her wickedness.) Kadaj mused, chuckling softly. He couldn't talk; he had tried to take over the world at eighteen, but it still frightened him a little.

He followed scarce moments later, maybe to see how Cloud was doing with breakfast. He seemed to be all right, though there was a stony silence across the table between the blonde swordsman and Tifa. She was sipping some kind of fruit juice. It's bright red color was irritatingly fake.

Cloud seemed relieved to see him. He hooked the younger man around the neck to pull him down for an innocent kiss on the cheek. "Hey," he said tiredly.

"Hey yourself." Kadaj purred teasingly. He rubbed his nose affectionately against his lover's before seating himself in the chair next to Cloud's.

Tifa smiled at Kadaj across the table. It seemed to be an innocent enough gesture, but something glittered coldly in her eyes that Kadaj did not like at all. He saw the hatred in that glitter. It wasn't his nature to back down from a fight though.

The former remnant tossed Tifa a smirk and laid his head on Cloud's shoulder. He sighed happily. "Sometimes I wish I was a seahorse."

"Why—?" Cloud returned the cuddle, but was cut off when Yuffie popped into the room.

"Hey, Cloud, come talk to me for a sec', 'kay?" she said before bouncing off down the hallway.

The swordsman sighed and followed her. He paused at the door frame to look back, concerned for Kadaj's safety. The silver-haired teen arched an eyebrow and gave him the old hey-guess-what-biatch-I'm-Kadajgrin. Cloud sighed and shook his head, but went away without another word.

"I must say congratulations are in order."

Kadaj turned to find Tifa running a hand through the sleek, black sheet of her hair. "What was that?"

"I said, 'Congatulations are in order.'" She smiled that same deadly smile at him. "Get the picture, precious?"

"For what?" He said, leveling his cool, green gaze at her, instantly suspicious. Something about the way she was so relaxed and all smiles made him uneasy.

"Well for Cloud, of course. Looks like you nabbed him after all."

"I wasn't trying to nab anybody." Kadaj's voice was a near growl. It didn't take much to irritate him, and Tifa was going overboard with the whole cutesy innocent voice.

"Oh, let me fill you in on something, hon." She leaned forward conspiratorially, the poster-child of charitability. "We are all trying to nab someone of something. And I must say, the whole pathetic, miniature-Sephiroth thing totally worked. Cloud likes to fix things. Save them. I was always too strong for him. He would rather have someone who he can save from their own pitifullness on a daily basis. A little geisha of his very own." She took a long pull from the straw of her drink between thin pink lips.

Kadaj did not respond or rebut Tifa's characterization of him. He was so angry that he might be tempted to do something insane—something like screaming delectably profane insults while ramming his fingers into the glassy burgundy marbles of her eyes.

"Can I give you a piece of advice?" she asked.

He folded his arms over his chest and glared at her pointedly. She took that as a yes.

"You may want to—hmm—stay up-to-date on the... art of love. Cloud may act like a chocobo out of bed, but I think we both know he's a wolf between the sheets." It was a wild guess on her part, that much Kadaj knew, but a rather accurate one. And even though he knew it was a lie, it still stung.

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," he snapped. Kadaj had had enough. He stood, meaning to walk away, not wanting to stoop to her level. He did want too, actually, but he wouldn't if only for Cloud's sake.

"Yeah, he was a real wolf. You'd think he hadn't been laid in ages," Tifa purred.

Kadaj paused.

"I mean, doing it against the wall would never be my first choice; all that dirt, you know? But it did add a certain something to the whole thing. I guess screwing in the dark ten feet from everybody else kind of turns me on."

The former remnant leaned over the table to look her straight in the eyes.

"Cloud like it rough, you know?" She laughed in that high, lilting voice. "He's quite the closet kink!"

"Tifa"—the name tasted like sour wine on Kadaj's tongue—"Cloud told me how you threw yourself at his feet. If you're trying to shock me, don't bother."

"Oh, is that what he told you?" She tilted her head to the side and smirked. "Well the way I remember it, it was more of the other way around. I'm sorry to break this too you, but he was begging me for a good fuck." Her eyes hardened into two shiny circles of onyx. "Something he'd never be able to get from you."

Kadaj closed his eyes for a split second, willing his body not to betray him. He knew that Cloud had not lied to him. He also knew that his lover was not stupid enough to spear his heart like that and face his wrath. No, the blame here did not lie with Cloud. It was instead this creature who called herself a woman that needed to be taught a lesson.

Quick as a thought, with the dexterity and grace of the swordsman he was, Kadaj plucked the ridiculous fruity red drink from Tifa's fingers and poured it down the front of her stupid, too-big boob-things.

"Go to hell, you lying, plastic, hardcore wannabe, village bicycle, fake breasted, hard-up, pathetic little whore. Oh, and Teef? I'm not Sephiroth, I'm Kadaj." He spoke slowly and clearly, enunciating each syllable to make sure she understood. "There's this old proverb I know. Gaia did not give wings to serpents. No. They seem a little scary at first, but look at how small they are, how bitter and ugly. They just have to slither around in everyone else's business, waiting for the chance to bite someone." He smiled, showing more than a little fang. "Don't it just suck to be a bottom-feeder? Don't it just?"

With that, Kadaj spun on his heel and stalked away, head held high and proud like some great cat, silver hair flying out behind him like the mane of a lion. He ascended the stairs calmly, chuckling softly to himself, a little of the old Kadaj returning.

Yuffie would be announcing the "field-trip" in about ten minutes and discreetly hint to Cloud about a surprise waiting for him in his room. Kadaj smirked impishly. He had a few things to get ready.

- - - - -

Notes:

Hahaha. Bet you were waiting for this, weren't you?

Short, only two and a half pages on word, but exciting, neh?

Anyways, the next chapter will be FULL of smuttiness.

And you're waiting for that too, aren't you, you perverts?

But then again, I am writing it, so I guess I'm the biggest pervert of all XD

And don't worry, my loves, I will not be leaving after this is finished.

My brain is chock full of horrible things, so you'll be seeing plenty of me around.

Love,

Dove