A/N: EW! Oneshot. I should be working on other things but I chose to do this instead. I hate this. This is kind of like a concealed rant. I am so fucking pissed. I want to just…argh. Mwahhh…and the romance is…lamer than lame.
disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
title: the things i do for you
genre: romance / humor-type things
warnings: um. i'm not a very nice person sometimes. rated T.
things: er. this is a nejisaku. i'm not so good with the nejisaku. but here you go.
[more-than-average
Haruno Sakura is a more-than-average optimistic teenage girl who has a more-than-average life. She is a more-than-average kunoichi who can smash more-than-average boulders. She has/had more-than-average teammates and more-than-average senseis. She has a more-than-average temper and a height that is more-than averagely short but the thing that she never had was a more-than-average relationship.
And you see, Haruno Sakura wants a more-than-average romantic relationship. But now, Haruno Sakura is more-than-averagely impatient. She wants to just fucking grab a guy, any guy, by their hair (yes, they need to have hair) and pull them down the street into her apartment and make out with them. She may have hormones that are more-than-average for a girl her age (16) and she needs something more-than-average.
So basically she wants a more-than-average shinobi that can make her toes curl more-than-averagely and make butterflies float in her stomach more-than-averagely. She wants someone who makes their love seem like more-than-average love.
Of course, Haruno Sakura was also a more-than-average picky person. She wanted it to be more-than-average. So that fateful day, she went down to the hospital to see her mentor to pick out her future suitor.
"Ohayō, Tsunade-shishou!" Sakura chanted in a more-than-averagely cheery voice because today she would find her true love! "I am going to find my true love today!"
The Hokage was not stupid. She knew that one did not fall in love within a day no matter how more-than-average their lives were. Things like that were only in more-than-average fairytales where they wed after they sang songs. In this world they did not sing more-than-average love songs dedicated just for one special person because this world was full of more-than-average distrust and disillusionment and death and horror. There was a more-than-average villainous shinobi world out there where there was no time to be playing games or singing songs or having great big weddings.
The Hokage is still not stupid. Her student, when put down, falls into great depression and the rest of the town's spirit dies. She wishes that she could have that influence on everybody's life (she does by being the Hokage but she is not as emotionally connected as Sakura is). She loves her sake and her job and is quite content with her life. She knows that if Sakura is sad then life will be horrible.
"Sure you will," she said somewhat reassuringly and somewhat sarcastic so much that it was almost neutral. Sakura gave her back a smile that was just more-than-averagely beautiful but estranged because she herself wasn't so sure about the plan either and she knew that her shishou wasn't either but she wanted to be reassured.
This would be a more-than-average Thursday.
[looking for love
Sakura peeked at her clipboard before entering the room.
Ew. Hyuuga Neji.
Well, not really ew, but she was at this point where she was avoiding him because he kind of stole her shampoo so when she goes to the store to pick it out only the icky damaged bottles are there so she decided to just not talk to him anymore.
"HELLO!" she screamed as she entered the door, leaving our Neji quite speechless and his ears quite awestruck. "I know you are amazed by the wonder that is me but if you wouldn't mind telling me just why the fuck you're here this whole process would go much faster."
He stared at her with ice and thrill and amazement because she is so weird. Her eccentricity causes people to love her for it. He supposes he maybe loves her presence because she is a sweet girl who has a sense of humor that actually makes people laugh (however she is also a CRAZY and slightly ANNOYING girl).
"Well, since you didn't answer me, and you don't seem to be bleeding…" she said, and he realized that she had been analyzing him. A grin spread across her face as she pushed him over hastily (and harmfully) and announced, "MOVE OVER! My ass hurts and I've been dying to sit down for hours. Well, minutes. Those minutes just happen to almost form a half an hour."
He wants to laugh but instead he says something completely stupid.
"You're a kunoichi."
"You're a shinobi. What's your point, prodigy?"
"Shouldn't you be used to walking for long periods of time?"
"WELL OF COURSE, but today I'm looking for love! And girls who are looking for love shouldn't have to do anything. Their bachelors should."
"Bachelors?" he wrinkled his nose (not because he was jealous).
"Yeah. You know. Contestants. My bitches," she joked (he hoped). "Haven't gathered them up yet but I'd probably like to date a shinobi."
"And I'm sure your tactics from 'ICHIBAN LOVE LOVE!' will work. I didn't know that Jiraiya sold self-help books now," Neji countered.
She raised an eyebrow. "Bah. Jiraiya's writing sucks. The first page was about sex, so I stopped reading."
"And skipped to the middle?"
"Yeah, much juicier," Sakura gave a wolfish grin. "I'll have you know that I have good taste in guys. I'm a tad picky too."
"What are your standards?"
"Hair."
"Where, exactly?"
"Oh, wow, really delving into this, aren't we?"
"I want to see if my hair is up to your standards."
"Looking to date me, eh?" Sakura joked.
"You wish."
"Freak."
"Loser."
"Hyuuga…um…Hyuuga-type person."
"Haruno."
"Er…well, now then. If you want to come to this party on Saturday at Ichiraku's you can. People will be there. It'll be kind of fun."
Her amazingly not-so-good ability to change the subject.
"Hn."
Then a nurse knocked on the door and asked for Sakura's help.
[oh no not again
It was a Saturday that he saw her next. She was dancing with some bastard who was training for Interrogation? 'Plain flat-out wimp' and 'shrimpy idiot' were words that came to mind when somebody first saw him, though. He fainted at the sight of blood when he saw him at the hospital, so how could he possibly be doing okay with Morino Ibiki and capture the rosette girl's attention?
She hummed, before twirling around and laughing at something that the little bastard said. His name was Mamiya Shunji, Neji recalled.
"Hello, Sakura-san."
"It's Sakura-chan, bitch!" Sakura shouted, unknowing of who was talking to her. Turning to face Neji, she grinned. "So you are going to try to be my bitch!"
Oh hell no.
This was a party for her suitors.
There were several shinobi of all sizes, shapes and ages that were standing around Ichiraku's. All of them with hair, of course.
"What's Kakashi-san doing here?" Neji writhed in disgust.
"Kakashi-sensei? Well, he's supervising. You know, he's one of the judges. He gets a cool chair when the time comes."
"Isn't that for directors?"
"Are we talking about movies, Hyuuga? No, it's not for fucking directors. It's because Kakashi is like my otousan."
"Er," cough, "what about your real otousan, Haruno?"
"Well, I don't have one."
…
"Oh…"
"You sure know how to charm your way into a girl's heart, don't you?" Sakura joked mildly, before hitting him (with the force of a two whole sumo wrestlers) playfully.
"Sakura-chan!" yelled a teenage shinobi, who Neji found to be called Ashina Teruyuki. He was the same age as Neji, but he had beaten Teruyuki many times before. He was also a weakling. Why were all these fools at her party? And what was this emotion he was feeling as she sauntered over to Ashina?
Oh that's right, jealousy.
[face to face
"Hello, Ashina," Neji said coldly, as he walked over to the brown-haired jounin.
"It's Hyuuga, isn't it?" the shinobi taunted.
"Hai," he said calmly, as if he wasn't being mocked. This annoyed Teruyuki, but he ignored it.
"One of the ways to make it into Sakura-chan's good list is to beat her jounin sensei…or at least try," Neji lied easily and smoothly, hoping that his plan would work. "She told me."
"Being talkative today, aren't we?" Teruyuki accused him.
"Of course. Just trying help a fellow colleague."
Haha.
"Okay, well, arigatou, I guess," Teruyuki shrugged, and walked away to go find Hatake Kakashi.
Neji smirked.
A few seconds later, Ashina Teruyuki was on the ground compliments of a swift kick from one copy-nin.
Oops.
[just one more
"Argh! I can't believe it!" Sakura sighed, sitting with Neji at the counter of Ichiraku. "Teruyuki seemed so nice, too! He tried to beat up Kakashi-sensei, though…and then Eiji with insulting Naruto! I thought these guys were nice! Masahiko was quite a bastard too…Sasuke isn't that bad! I don't know why they were all so mean to my teammates…"
"I guess you only have one more option left."
"Yeah, I know…" she sighed again (remorsefully). "I have to leave the village on the ultimate QUEST FOR LOVE!"
I'm sorry, have you been replaced with Lee?
"No."
"What?"
"No."
"Oh…okay. I totally understand you, Neji! Thank you for voicing your thoughts in such complete, multisyllabic words and multiword sentences so that we can all understand what goes on in that amazing prodigy Hyuuga head of yours. Really, thank you."
"I feel special."
"So, I guess the only option is…"
"Well, who did the panelists choose?"
"Judges."
"Hn."
"Actually, Neji, they picked you. They said your tactics to drive almost every man out of the party were successful. You should feel pleased."
…
Wait, what?
And with that she kissed him. With so much passion that he, Hyuuga Neji, enjoyed it. He wrapped his arms around her possessively and her arms went around his neck. When the kiss ended, he patted her head and said, "You're mine."
She shrugged
Other way around, m'bitch.
[I love love love to love love love
"AISHITERU!"
"DAISUKI DA YO!"
"SARANG HAE YO!"
"WO AI NI!"
"JE T'AIME!"
"TIAMO!"
"I LOVE YOU!"
Sakura jumped on Neji's back, screaming 'I love you' in different languages. "It's been a year!"
He raised an eyebrow and she looked at him, hurt. "You didn't remember? Since we first got together!"
"Oh, that."
"It's called an anniversary you fucking dumbass! I can't believe I'm even with you!" she yelled, pounding on his back.
Ouch.
"Sakura, I love you," was all Neji said, and she stopped.
Her eyes softened a bit.
But then they changed back.
"I FUCKING KNOW THAT ALREADY! GET ME AN ANNIVERSARY GIFT!"
A/N: Wah. It makes me sad… :[