The Confrontation Part 6

It took everything bit of Mick's willpower to keep himself from crossing the room and taking Beth into his arms. He knew how much he had hurt her -- was hurting her, and would continue to hurt her. But to give into his desires and the love that he felt for her would do her more harm in the long run. Being with him, sharing his life put her in danger, not only from the other vampires in this community but also from himself. He knew that she thought that she had an understanding of what he was, but she had really only skimmed the surface. He had felt her preoccupation and interest in vampire culture grow, but she still only understood a fraction of what their life was like. There were times when he still felt like he had a lot to learn. And there were still other times when he would listen to Josef, study the way he acted and wonder if he, himself, would someday have the same views, live the same lifestyle. Maybe it was the difference between 85 years and 400, that made Josef's view of the world and humankind so vastly different than his own. Or maybe it was the scars that never really seemed to heal that had tinged his outlook, made him more than a bit cynical and detached. Whatever the reason, Mick knew that he had to be the strong one now. He had to be the one to end what should have never begun.

Watching Beth now through pain-filled eyes, he silently wondered where he would find the strength to do just that. He eyed her as she still leaned heavily upon the counter, trying her best to control her tears and failing miserably. He saw the way her body trembled, the way her hands so tightly gripped the edge, the way she refused to look at him. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back and silently prayed for the second time in an hour to a god he was no longer sure existed. He'd stopped believing the day he found out that the curse that Coraline had "blessed" him with could not be reversed. The day he found out he would be a blood-drinking monster for all eternity.

Mick was brought back to the here and now when he heard Beth move away from the counter and approach the spot where he stood. Her head still tilted down, she slowly shuffled her feet, stopping a few feet away. Through the curtain of her hair, he could not see her face, but he could still see the slight tremor in her body. His hands itched to reach for her, to give her some sort of comfort, but he remained steadfast. It would do more harm than good to give her any sort of consolation.

He heard her take a shaky breath before she finally uttered a one word plea, "Why?"

How could he explain this to her and still hope to have her believe that it truly was for the best? Beth Turner was a strong-willed, resilient woman. He knew her well enough now to know that she would fight him on whatever argument he would give her about their future together, a future he saw as being nothing but filled with regret and pain.

"Beth……" he began before she abruptly cut him off.

"Why are you not even willing to give this….to give us, a chance?" she implored. She looked at him then, and he saw a fire in her eyes accompanying the anguish. He knew that she wouldn't just let this go, not without a fight. In as much as he admired that determination, he knew that he had to work even harder at making her understand.

He took a deep breath and looked away for a few seconds as he attempted to collect his thoughts. "Beth," he tried again, "I do love you…..you know that." He paused then and steadied himself, all the while watching as her eyes turned slightly hopeful. He continued on before she had a chance say anything. "Maybe I love you too much." He could see the hope turn to confusion at his declaration. He turned then and walked a few more feet away, feeling the need to physically distance himself along with what he had to tell her. "If we were to do this……if I allowed you to become a part of my life…….well I…….I'm not sure I would ever be able to handle the moment that I lost you." He paused long enough to read her reaction to what he'd just said. Her bewilderment increased as the tears slowly dried on her face.

"Why….why would you think that you would lose me?" she asked tentatively, her voice barely above a whisper.

A sad smile briefly crossed his lips before answering. "Because eventually you would…...leave me," he explained, hoping that she would understand what he was really trying to say. His life would continue, for how long, he had no idea. Centuries perhaps. And compared to that, her life would be over in but a blink of an eye. Although what he was telling her was not the real reason he opposed this relationship, it would perhaps be the one argument she would listen to. Perhaps if she thought that ending things now would save him pain in the future, she might be more accepting of the split.

He watched as she took in his words, processed them and finally came to understand them. She looked away from him then, her head slightly nodding in understanding. He didn't need to see her face to know that the tears had returned. She looked at him then, her eyes now reflecting defeat tinged with melancholy and regret. She stared into his eyes for a second more before pulling her purse more firmly to her shoulder and turning around, heading for the door.

Before she reached her destination, she stopped, her head bowed as she contemplated something. "It's funny….."she began, "you're willing to throw away a chance at happiness today because someday in the future, that joy may end." She turned back to him, and continued, "You're right…..I don't know how long I'll live. And sooner than I'd like to think, I'll grow old….gray hair….wrinkles. And you'll continue to look exactly the same as you do right now. What would people think, right? How would we ever explain it? Maybe by the time that happened, we would have to say goodbye. But I can't believe that you'd so willingly walk away from what we have….or at least what I think we have….right now."

He could see how she was struggling to fight off the tears that threatened to fall. He gazed at her while she worked through her thoughts. What she said next caught him completely off guard. "My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was 17." She paused for a heartbeat or two before continuing. She went to all the doctors….had every test. Listened to what each had to say, but decided that she wanted no treatment for her illness." Beth let out a bitter laugh. "I was furious with her. How could she not fight to survive? Why wouldn't she do anything and everything that she could? I didn't understand. All I knew was that my mother was dying and she wanted nothing to do with stopping it from happening. The doctor said that without treatment, she would live for maybe one year more. She never made it that long. When she knew her time was coming, she finally had the chance to tell me what she'd tried to all along. She said, 'There's a difference between living and existing.' You see, if she'd gone through the chemotherapy, the hospitalizations, she would have missed doing all of the things that she loved to do. That would have killed her quicker than the cancer. I didn't really appreciate what she meant until I was older, but it's something that I'll never let myself forget." Beth sighed heavily. And sadly shaking her head, she continued, "I can't explain what it its that I feel for you. Somehow love just doesn't quite cover it," she explained with a sad smile. "And I don't know how much time we would have together, but for me…..even one day would be worth taking a chance." Her last words almost coming out as a choked whisper. "I don't want to just walk through my years as a ghost………I want to live." She stared into his eyes for a few seconds more, before turning once again and walking toward the door.

The moment seemed to freeze in time as Mick watched Beth slowly walk toward the door, and ultimately leave his life forever. The last words she'd said kept running through his mind. I want to live……I want to live….. He hadn't realized how much he had been just existing….hadn't seen how far he'd pulled himself away from humanity until Beth had invaded his life and his dreams…..how much he'd kept himself from enjoying all because of one betrayal. As he gazed at her retreating back, every fiber in Mick's being was crying out for him to stop her. But in doing so, could he accept the consequences of putting her in harm's way?

As Beth reached the door, her hand turning the lever, Mick suddenly sprinted forward and reached across her shoulder, pressing the door closed. Eyes closed he buried his face in the crook of her neck, and spoke just loud enough for her to hear, "Please don't leave……"

To be continued………