Intro A/N (introducing!):
BW (Byakuganwalker): Yeah! You thought just cause we only get one review that we would stop? Well, we back, on your computer, out the gate, and in yo' asshole. Oh yeah, sharinganrivers got an announcement to make.
SR (Sharinganrivers): So that's what you're going to do? Just going to give us one review? Like a bitch? Fuck you too. We're not giving up. We're going to keep going with it. So there.
BW (Byakuganwalker): Fuckin y'all in the ass baby! Let's go!
"I raise the black fist to keep the earth on its axis,
I make a good day move slow like molasses
Welcome to the beehive as I process it with the G5
It's not a tape or disco break I carry live" –The RZA, (Advance Pawns)
"I saw a transvestite wearing a shirt that said GUESS" –Demitri Martin
Back in Konohagakure Sasuke and Itachi were sitting down to breakfast. Saskue watched the morning news and Itachi was reading his daily newspaper as he usually did when he finished watching The L World. Out of nowhere Sasuke asks Itachi a pretty random question.
"Hey Itachi? Where do babies come from?"
"Babies?" Itachi said, still reading his newspaper.
"Yeah. I mean how did we get here?"
"Well Sasuke I'm going to tell you a story. Once upon a time, Mom and Dad fucked and we were the end result."
"That's not really the answer I was looking for." said Sasuke
"Well let me answer your question with another question. Have you ever lost one of your testicles in a knife fight with Mom?"
"No."
"Damn, so it's just me."
Meanwhile at the Akatsuki lair…
All the members of the Akatsuki were gathered in a meeting. Pain stood at a podium in front of everyone. He spoke into a microphone to start the meeting.
"Okay everyone first agenda of today: There's a running joke…everywhere of the mouths on Deidara's palms eating everything he holds. Let's laugh at his expense."
Right then and there everyone began laughing at Deidara for the next four hours.
"(groan)" groaned Deidara. Huh, that was redundant.
"Okay folks now that we've finished laughing at Deidara I'd like to say now I can't make it rain. Okay? No matter how much you complain I can't make rain okay? So shut the hell up" announced Pain forcefully.
"Wait what do you mean you can't make it rain?" asked Konan
"You make it rain everyday in the Hidden Rain Villa--
Right their Konan was cut off by a swift punch from Pain.
"Just goes to show you I won't hesitate to hit a woman." said Pain.
"Okay then folks I would also like to direct everyone's attention to the King of Hell statue. Does anyone notice what's wrong with it?"
Everyone stared up at the giant statue. For a while it seemed no one seemed to see what was wrong with it. Then Hidan asked, "It… has a new…hat?"
"It has a new hat." Pain muttered quietly to himself.
"Well first off, no it doesn't have a new hat! What the hell kind of question is that? What the fuck you talking about man? I don't see a goddamn motherfuckin hat! And secondly for some reason one of the thumbs from the statue is missing. Incidentally it happens to be the thumb I wear my Akatsuki ring. I want to know who did it?! Huh?!"
Back in Compton, where Naruto and Sakura were on their S-rank mission, the pair decided to take a tour through the streets.
"Wow Sakura, the people around here are so nice!" chided the blonde as he ran back to his pink-haired friend.
"What do you mean Naruto?"
"Um, this guy across the street taught me that if you say 'Fuck the Bloods' at the top of your voice, they'll give a…drive-by they say it was called…"
"Huh, okay, here goes…FUCK THE BLOODS!" Sakura yelled at the top of her voice.
A moment's silence…
Then, out of nowhere, a 64' Chevy crept on in, windows rolled down, with three hooded and ski-masked figures in it.
One of them leaned out of the window, 9mm Glock raised. "Fuck the Bloods right? Fuck you-oh wait, hold up-son stop the fuckin car man!"
The vehicle came to a complete stop, and another ski-masked man leaned out, sawn-off shotgun held loosely in his hand.
"Yo-it's cool, she got the red on son." He said sounding suspiciously like Mack 10.
"Naw, the boy! Get his ass!" yelled the driver, sounding suspiciously like Ice Cube, pointing at Naruto, who was eating ramen from a blue bowl.
"Hmm?" Naruto looked up from his bowl, noodles hanging from his mouth.
The Westside Connection (all three of them) stepped out of the car, and aimed their various guns (or in Ice Cube's case, a previously tucked AK-47) at Naruto.
'Hmmm…what are those shiny things?' he thought.
Gunfire rang on through the rest of the day.
Meanwhile back at Konohagakure, Orochimaru was making one of his routine visits to the village. While walking through the streets he and Kabuto came across Sasuke walking towards them. Orochimaru became excited when he saw Sasuke coming.
"Hello Sasuke." Orochimaru said to the young former rogue ninja.
"Enjoying the fact everyone has allowed you to return to the Village?"
"Yeah." Sasuke said hesitantly. "Well since you're here I expect that you'll be at the big party in the village?"
"Ku, ku, ku…Yes I'll be there and I hope you'll be there as well."
"Yeah. Well see ya. Weirdo" said Sasuke walking away
"Get your fat ass back here. Your really fat ass." Orochimaru said audibly enough for everyone in the street to hear him.
Five hours later, Sasuke spotted his two teammates at the village gates.
"Hey guys, how'd it go…the fuck happened to you Naruto?" he added noticing the Sakura was carrying a seriously bandaged-up Naruto in her arms.
"I found out that I'm a Blood, and Naruto found out what a drive-by is." laughed Sakura, not noticing the seemingly unconscious blonde nuzzling into her chest.
'Mmmm…soft pillow…hold up dunn, I bought that bitch a drink!' Naruto drifted in and out of consciousness.
A/N: Well that's chapter 2 of The Life Of Konoha. Please tell us how you liked it. And uh, remember to diversify your bonds y'all, every motherfucker needs em'…yeah so do it!