Disclaimer: Don't own POTC, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, or Barney. Muhahahahah! And I'm running out of disclaimer puns...

"Hands aloft to loose t'gallants! With this wind at her stern, she'll carry every sail we've got!" Gibbs yelled as the crew rushed along the deck.

"Willy-kins, what's wrong?" Elizabeth asked, dashing above deck with Abigail at her heels.

"The Black Pearl. She's gaining on us!" Anamaria yelled.

"Willy-kins! Protect me!" Abigail yelled, throwing her arms around Will's waist.

Will attempted to back away from the crazed teenager but tripped over his own feet.

"This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean!" Elizabeth protested.

"Yeah? Tell them that when they catch us!"

"Will-ykins!" Abigail cried. "Save me!"

The crew rushed around, loading cannons, and creating general chaos as the Black Pearl came closer and closer.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Rose and Jack sat below decks in a cell. Rose sighed. "I'd love to be doing something completely time wasting right now."

"Like what, mate?" Jack asked.

"Like…texting or surfing the web or…reading fanfiction."

"Fanfiction?" Jack asked.

Rose nodded. "Yeah. It's where people write stories about famous stories or movies- like you."

"Me?"

Rose nodded. "Yeah…let me think. I think Abigail has a few fanfictions. She got some decent reviews…let me think…Hermione W. Cullen, Justanothercrazywriter, LPR, TheAbsoluteBestFangirlEver, POTCWright, the-american-hockey-girl…Lynxshade, hmsprincess…Mia Arabella Malfoy, revenge is fun…Captain Angelique Jones.."

"What kind of names are those?" Jack asked. "And there are…pirates?"

"They aren't real names. They're fake names, so you can be called whatever you want. They aren't real pirates, but I think she had some reviews from grecianpirate. She flaunted this in my face for hours…"

Rose jumped as cannon blew through the ship. "Hey! Stop blowing holes in my ship!" Jack yelled.

Rose touched the cell door, and it fell to the ground with a loud bang! "Oh.." Jack said.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"The medallion!" Elizabeth gasped.

Will rushed below decks to look for it. Abigail yelled as a mast fell, and she ducked, just barely avoiding it whacking her on the head. "Hey! Hey! Below!" Will yelled.

"Hi, Willy-kins," Abigail said sweetly.

"What? Wait, how'd you get down here?"

Abigail giggled insanely. "I looove you!"

Will backed against a wall nervously. "Wait. What's that in your hand?"

Abigail hiccupped. "It's some sort of drink; tastes like coconut."

"It's rum!" Will yelled.

"Oh, hee-hee! I looove you bunches! I love you, you love me. You're a happy groom-to-be. With a great big hug and a kiss form me to yoooou! Won't you say you love me, toooo?"

Will screamed, covering his ears. "Elllizabetttthhh!"

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Jack and Rose swung over, and Jack attempted to help Elizabeth. "Wretch!" she yelled.

"Ah….where's dear William?" he asked.

Elizabeth looked wildly around before seeing Will underneath the grate. "Will!"

"Elizabeth!"

"Rose!"

"Abigail!"

"Monkey!" Jack yelled.

"I can't move it!" Elizabeth cried, as a pirate dragged her away. "Will!"

"Abigail!" Rose screamed.

"Elizabeth!"

"Rose!"

"Why, thank you, Jack," Barbossa said as the monkey handed him the medallion.

"You're welcome," Jack replied.

"No, we named the monkey Jack," Barbossa explained.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"Abigail!" Will yelled. "We have to get out of here! How did you get in?"

Abigail laughed. "The door. Haven't you noticed the room isn't filling up with water anymore?"

"…oh…"

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

The Interceptor blew to bits. "Will!" Elizabeth screamed.

"Abigail!"

"She goes free!" Will said, leaping onto the deck with Rose, who corrected him.

"They go free!"

"What's in your head, boy?" Barbossa asked. "Girl?"

"She goes free."

"You've got one shot, and we can't die."

"Don't do anything STUPID!" Abigail, Jack, and rose yelled.

"No, but I can."

"Who is this?" Barbossa asked.

"No one. He's no one, a distant aunt's nephew twice removed. Eunuch.."

"BEEEEEEEP!"

"Stop that! I am NOT!" Will yelled.

"That's not what the girls think…" Jack pointed out.

"My name is Will Turner. My father was Bootstrap Bill. His blood runs in my veins."

"Will," Rose whispered. "Be careful with these negotiations. Make usre oyu specify where and when-"

"Yar lass, what's your name?" Barbossa interrupted, seeing the danger ahead.

"I am the High and Mighty Supreme Pirate Queen of the Mississippi River Lady of Hotness! My friends call me Rose."

"Well, your…Hotness, come to the dark side!"

"Never! And you are NOT my father!"

The pirates looked at each other in confusion, and Abigail laughed. "Oh, I get it, Star Wars! Luke, I am your father!" Abigail said in a deep Vader voice.

"Er…no, I'm not your father. Come over to the dark side!"

"Neeever!"

"We have cookies."

"Okay!" Rose yelled. "I'm joining the dark side!"

Duh, duh, duh, dum! Everyone looked around for the dramatic background music. "Oh, sorry. My cell phone," Abigail said. "Um…yes. No, I don't want to buy whatever you're selling!"

Thanks to all my reveiwers! I thought I'd dedicate a chapter to you wonderful guys!

PREVEIW

"These are great cookies!" Abigail said. "Want a chocolate chip, Willy-kins?"

"No, I want out of this cell with you!"

Abigail laughed. "Say...did you know ship captains can perform marriage ceremonies?"

"NO!" Will said, his eyes widening.

"Lass, why would you want to marry a eunuch?" a pirate asked.

"YEAH!" Will said. "Wait. I am NOT a...eunuch. I just realized something. I have no idea what a eunuch is."