Disclaimer: Don't own POTC or Nickelback, whose song 'Rockstar' is about to be ruined thanks to my dear friend, Lady Hotness. Enjoy!
Jack, Elizabeth, and Rose danced about on their little island, drinking rum. "Yo ho, yo ho!" Elizabeth cried.
Rose giggled insanely. "That song is soooo unoriginal and overdone. Here; I've got a real song for ye!"
Rose jumped on top of a giant rock and sang:
I'm through with standing in line
To ships we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the sea
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
I want a brand new ship
On an episode of pirates
And a brig I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For rum plus me
I'll need rum bottles that's got no limit
And a big black boat with Jack in it
Gonna join the Pirates Fan club
At thirty-seven thousand feet below
I want a new crew full of spirit
My own cabin boy from Tortuga
Somewhere between Will Turner and
Jack Sparrow is fine for me
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name
'Cause we all just wanna be famous pirates
And live in a big ship with over fifteen crew
The girls come easy and the rum come cheap
We'll all stay fat 'cause we just eat too much
And we'll hang out in the drunkest taverns
by the pirates
Every good gold raiders
Gonna wind up there
Every pirate
With his rum and ship
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate
I wanna eat like Jack without any forks
Hire eight cabinboys that love to serve me rum
Sign on a couple crew
So I can work them like dogs
I think I'm gonna dress my…uh…CENSORED!
With the dirtest clothes
Get a key to an empty safe
so I can store all my
stolen goods
I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name
'Cause we all just
Wanna be famous pirates
And live in big ships
with over fifteen crew
The girls come easy and
The rum come cheap
We'll all stay fat
'Cause we just eat too much
And we'll hang out in the drunkest traverns
In the area with the pirates
Every good gold raider's
Gonna wind up there
Even pirates
With their rum
And we'll hide out in the back
With the fresh rum and
Today's who's who
They'll get you anything
With that evil smile
Everybody's got a
rum dealer on speed dial
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate
I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the redcoats
Gonna drink my rum
From a bottle
When they ask why I drink all day
I'll say because I can
I'll get washed-up pirates trying to steal my ship
stalk us every night so I can't do nuthin wrong
Then listen to the crew tell me how hot 'n good I am
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name
'Cause we all just wanna be famous pirates
And live in big ships with over fifteen crew
The girls come easy and the rum come cheap
We'll all stay fat 'cause we just eat too much
And we'll hang out in the drunken taverns
In the area with the pirates
Every good gold raider's gonna wind up there
Every pirate with their ship
And we'll hide out in the back
With the fresh rum and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a rum dealer on speed dial
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate
ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK
"These are great cookies!" Abigail said. "Want a chocolate chip, Willy-kins?"
"No, I want out of this cell with you!"
Abigail laughed. "Say...did you know ship captains can perform marriage ceremonies?"
"NO!" Will said, his eyes widening.
"Lass, why would you want to marry a eunuch?" a pirate asked.
"YEAH!" Will said. "Wait. I am NOT a...eunuch. I just realized something. I have no idea what a eunuch is."
"It means…" Abigail said, looking at the pirates. "It means…Will, darling, that you are…lacking in certain areas."
"Lacking? In what areas?"
"Personal areas," Abigail said awkwardly.
"Personal?" Will asked. "My private life? There's nothing wrong with my life!"
"Sooo….you knew Bootstrap Bill!" Abigail said to the pirate.
The pirate nodded. "Aye. I knew him."
"Yep!" Abigail said. "Barbossa tied a cannon to Bootstrap's bootstraps, and then, Bootstrap and his bootstraps sank to the bottom of the sea."
Will was silent a moment before gasping. The poor, poor lad had finally realized what Abigail meant by 'lacking in personal areas'. "I am NOT a eunuch!" Will yelled.
"It's all right, dear one," Abigail cooed.
Will screamed and began beating his head against the cell door. The two pirates outside the cell looked at each other and said, "She's worse than Barbossa."
"Hey, want a cookie?" Abigail asked the pirates.
One of the pirates perked up. "Do you have peanut butter?"
"Oh, yeah. Here."
ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK
Abigail woke up and puked. Brr….sh.. A big dramatic voice says, 'We interrupt this program to tell you that driving, flying, and/or sailing while under the influence ILLEGAL and DANGEROUS! We now return you to your scheduled fanfiction.'
Abigail looked around warily. "…is that the Force speaking?"
"Why is the rum always gone?" Jack wailed.
Abigail jumped up to see the palm trees on fire. "Ah! Fire! Run, Forrest, run! There's fire! Jackie, put it out!"
Hope you enjoyed! I'm looking for more opportunities for puns...I HAVE to add Leia's, 'I love you'. and Solo's 'I know.' because that line is sooooo HAWT! Happy 2008!
Preveiw
"You've been planning this form the beginning ever since you heard my name!"
"Duh!" Rose said. "Well, I TRIED to tell you to watch the negotitations!"
"You betrayed me for a plate of cookies!"
Rose pouted. "But it was chocolate chip with the little sprinkles..."