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10. Red Cow

It was a nice day with little clouds in the sky and a sun shining in my face. Standing behind the grand window wall in Edward's room, I looked down into the huge garden. The last 36 hours had passed very quickly. Everybody was busy with wedding arrangements and excited. Even Edward couldn't hide his excitement anymore. He was passing around the house while Alice brought the last things in order.

My body knew exactly which day was today – it was August the 13th – my wedding day. But right now I was feeling nothing. There was no excitement or fear. There was only nothing. My whole body felt numb - numb and cold – I shivered. Probably I was standing here for a too long time; but I wasn't sure where I should go without being strongly confronted with the whole wedding theme.

In six hours everything would be over - six long, painful hours, I thought to myself, shivering again. I didn't even wear my wedding dress. My hair hung along my shoulders and I wore my favorite jeans and an old blouse. No place came to my mind where I could hide for the next few hours to get my brain washed so I would be able to stand this.

The backyard looked very beautiful like in my dream two nights before. Alice must have seen this. But I didn't feel related to it. I didn't feel as it was my wedding. I felt like a noninvolved observer – like it wasn't important if I was here or not. I knew exactly this feeling was wrong; but I couldn't help – it was deep inside me.

I promised Edward not to run out on him; but at the moment I felt as I had to do that. Indeed, he was all I wanted and all I needed; but who wanted or needed a wedding. Trying to get a grip on myself, I sat down and swallowed hard.

Last night I'd talked to Charlie. He had been still concerned about my decision having such an early wedding. I'd been to Charlie's house for getting away from it all at the Cullen's place; but it had seemed like there had been no chance for me to escape. Arriving at Charlie's living room, he'd started a conversation about my wedding. I hadn't been angry with him. He hadn't seen me for a quite long time because of my nervous break down; so I had sat down and listened to his words. "Are you really sure of spending all your life with this guy. You are so young, honey. Why don't you wait? Your mother told me there are lots of reasons I wouldn't understand; but you didn't even tell me one. Are you pregnant, honey?" he had asked all of a sudden. At the word "pregnant" I had looked at my father's face, returning of my thoughts. In my mind there had been only Edward. I still could feel him, his touches and his body. There was no question I was addicted to him. He was my brand of heroine like I was his. "Who's pregnant, Char.., em, dad," I'd asked curiously. A little gossip maybe would help to distract myself from my distress of getting married, I'd thought.

"You, honey?" Charlie had replied.

"Me? No, I'm not pregnant," I assured him.

He exhaled relieved.

"But what is it then?" he had questioned.

"Oh dad, C'mon. We won't have this discussion again. I love Edward. That's the only reason," I had hissed.

Charlie's face had shown a pained look so that I had almost been sorry for my bad behavior.

I thought of my father's face when a slight knock on the door caught my attention.

"Coming," I whispered, eyeing suspiciously the door. Then Edward glided into his room with such a grace that knocked me breathless. I only glanced at him, not able to say anything; but the pained expression on my face must have told him enough about me at unease. He approached and put my face between his hands.

"Alice saw that would happen," he whispered, looking sadly into my eyes.

"What did she see?" I asked unsurely. I didn't make my decision to run off. Nevertheless, I felt guilty.

"You are unhappy and undecided," he breathed.

I shook my head. "No, I've made my decision and I stick to it," I said with a firm voice.

"You know, love, I only need you to be happy; but at the moment you are suffering form pain and unease," Edward eyed me anxiously.

"I'm just excited like you. That's all," I tried to assure him. "And by the way, are you allowed to see me today before the ceremony?"

Edward smiled crookedly, "No, I sneaked off to you. Alice was busy with arrangements; she didn't pay attention to her visions; so I took my advantage of it and came here. You look as if you need badly distraction ," Edward grinned at me.

"Not today. That'll be too much for me," I admitted blushing.

"Not that kind of distraction, silly," Edward shook his head in disapproval.

"I've got a surprise for you." Then his lips touched softly mine. "Climb on my back. Let's sneak out for the next few hours," he commanded.

I was stunned. Such a plan coming from Edward I would have never expected. But in my situation sneaking out for a while would be the best, I guessed.

He headed for the stairs and flew down with me on his back. Nobody came across us. Maybe they were all in the backyard. Then Edward arrived at the garage. I was a bit astonished because I thought we would sneak out on foot. He helped me on my feet and turned me to the left side. I glanced at an unfamiliar car. It was azure blue and looked very beautiful.

"Whose is it?" I asked.

Edward smiled, searching for the right phrases of his answer. Then he replied shortly "Yours, sweetheart."

Now I saw the big red bow around the car. "You bought me a car as a wedding gift?" I muttered; but I felt too weak to be angry with him.

"It's a Jag. First I tended to choose a nice little Audi coupe; but then I saw the Jag. It's a good car - very fast. Do you like it?" Edward asked innocently, ignoring my irritation.

"Come on, sit in. Rosalie has tuned it for several weeks. She will be offended, if you don't like it," Edward remarked with a slight reproachful tone.

Then it hit me out of the blue. I was standing in front of the Red Cow. That was it all the Cullens have tried to keep secret from me for the last few weeks – Edward had bought me an azure blue Jaguar as a wedding gift.

He pushed me gently to the driver's door, opening it for me. I smelt the rich scent of leather, coming from its interior. Like the scent had promised the seats showed up in black leather. An eye catcher was a big stereo integrated in the dashboard. I sat on the driver's seat and Edward closed the door behind me. Less than a second later he was sitting on passenger's seat, turning the key in the ignition. "Let's cruise. We've got two hours until we have to be back." Edward smiled excited.

I accelerated the Jag. Edward was right. The car was very fast, for my flavor a bit too fast. When I slowed down Edward rolled his eyes. "Now you are able to drive more than sixty miles an hour and you don't do that. What's the problem, Bella," he asked stunned.

"I'm a responsible driver. Remember, Charlie is a cop." I answered back.

But then my numbness returned and my thoughts circled around the wedding. Slowly I accelerated the car. Edward was playing with the stereo, demonstrating plenty of its functions. He smiled at me. It was his angel's smile.

I grinned to myself, still accelerating. I was now far over sixty miles an hour. The speedometer showed 110. Adrenaline rushed through my body. I felt better.

It was a snap decision: Seconds away from the next turn my foot jumped on gas pedal. It was almost a 90 degree turn. Edward looked up anxiously, reacting in milliseconds. He grabbed the steering wheel and turned it heavily to the right side; but it was too late. I heard a loud growl. "No, Bella, no. Please don't."

Then the car crashed with his whole power against a huge tree trunk. At the next moment I wanted to suck in air; but I couldn't. It felt like I was in a vacuum. Trying to call Edward's name, I realized I wasn't able to speak, too. Warmth spread around my body. It was a good feeling.

Abruptly there was a soft vibration getting stronger and stronger. I heard Edward's voice again. Probably my eyes have been closed because I haven't seen him since I couldn't breathe. "No, please don't Bella, not now. Please don't. Oh God," Edward screamed.

I felt something smooth under my palms. It seemed to be grass. Suddenly I was able to take a breath. Not a deep one; but it was enough. Little power returned to my body and I forced my eyes open. Glancing into Edward's horrified face, I tried to remember what exactly had happened. "Oh Bella, sweetheart, everything will be fine. Carlisle is on his way. Please don't die. I love you," Edward breathed into my face. Usually I would smell his sweet breath when he was this close to me. This time it was different. Everything was different. I didn't smell anything.

The slight vibrations, starting once, got now as strong as an earthquake. Damn, I thought to myself. This was a really bad moment for an earthquake. Edward stared at my face and pure fear dominated his one. Why was he so afraid of an earthquake? That made no sense. Something liquid concentrated in my mouth. I remembered the taste and spat it out. Crap, crap, crap. This was blood - my own blood. And there was no earthquake; it was only my body that was shaking.

As the warmth I've felt was replaced with coldness I heard Carlisle's voice. "For how long is she shaking? Is there blood in her mouth?" Carlisle asked. I didn't hear Edward's response.

I wanted to answer myself; but it seemed to be impossible at the moment. The shaking was too strong and the coldness made my body stiff.

Instead of answering, I followed Carlisle with my eyes. He came to me and kneeled down on the grass. Edward must have pulled me out of the car and must have laid me down here. Carlisle's fingers felt almost warm. Crap, how cold I must be? I wondered to myself. He glanced down into my eyes and shook slowly his head. The wind blew through his blond hair. He smiled gently. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Your injuries are too severe."

"No, no, no," Edward growled.

More blood concentrated in my mouth and I spat it out again.

"She is going to choke on her own blood. Her interior injuries are too bad, Edward. There is not much time left for your decision. You know exactly, what she wants." Carlisle looked at him. I couldn't see Edward. He was standing too far away from me.

Crap, I was going to die. I was dying. That really wasn't my plan. What could I do? What should I do? I wasn't even able to say goodbye, to give Edward a last kiss. That really sucks. And Charlie and Renée. They expected their only daughter getting married and now they'll have to attend my funeral. Poor Charlie, poor Renée. And Jake? Poor Jake.

Carlisle was still kneeling next to me, holding my hand, when the rest of my family arrived. I reached out my hand for Alice. She was in seconds by my side. "Ten minutes, Edward," she squeaked with a shaking voice.

"Okay, I'll do it," Edward suddenly said, absolutely calm, changing places with Carlisle.

"Bella, love, can you hear me?" he asked, glancing at my face.

I nodded simultaneously with my shaking.

"Your injuries are lethal. You are going to die." His voice broke on the last word; but he continued, ignoring it. "There are only two options."

He looked for long moment into my eyes, and then he spoke it out loud. "Either you'll go the right path that a human life provides for you or you'll join me. Which option do you choose, love?" he finished with a pained expression on his angel-like face.

It was hard to concentrate. I must have lost a lot of blood because Jasper, Emmett, Rose and Esme vanished seconds after they had appeared.

"Bella, have you heard me," Edward pressed.

Oh, exactly, there was an answer to give. What was it? I couldn't remember the question.

"Edward, you must do it now without her permission. She is already too weak and you know this is all she wants. You have only this one chance. If you wait too long, she will be gone for ever," Carlisle said, suddenly with an edge in his usually so calm voice.

"Five minutes until her heart will stop beating. If you don't do it, I'll do it myself. I'm not going to let her die because of your moral concerns, Edward," Alice blamed.

My mind got darker and I couldn't feel my body anymore. But suddenly a flash rushed through my head. Of course, he had asked my permission to bite me, to give me immortality. With the last sparkle of life I reached my hand out and touched Edward's cheek. He grabbed it and held it there. This was really necessary because I wasn't able anymore to control my limbs. "Do it, please," I mouthed, glancing into his golden eyes filled with pain.

For the shortest second he kissed me on my lips. Then I felt his cool mouth on my throat…