A/N : SORRY! I know, I know, it took me forever to update and I'm really sorry! Please don't hate me! I will not bore you with excuses because I know that nothing I can say will make up for what I did! SORRY!

Disclaimer: Anything/anyone you might recodnize (I know I didn't spell that right) does not belong to me, they all belong to J.K. Rowling. All I own is the plot.

(thoughts are in italics)

She couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but just look at him. He's dead. The though echoed in her mind. She couldn't believe it, wouldn't believe it. It wasn't fair! She could feel the tears running freely down her face but did nothing to stop them. Maybe he's still alive... maybe it didn't work. As weak as the thought was, she believed it. It's all she could do, believe. She ran over to him, fell to his side, hesitated. What if he really was dead? No! He can't be! He has to be alive! She reached out a trembling hand towards his neck and placed her fingers along his throat, feeling for a pulse.

"Please... please..." she wispered, hoping, praying that some high power would hear her. She waited a long time, longer than it would take for her to know if he was alive. Nothing. Her whole arm was shaking now. She moved her fingers a little, making sure she was at the right spot, and waited.

Then she felt it, a small wave passing below her fingers. Her heart stopped. Was it possible? She waited some more, and felt it again. He's alive... he was alive... She should tell the others, they could still save him. But she couldn't think, she was numbstruck. He's alive... "He's alive..." she wispered, hardly daring to believe it. She was sure now, she could feel his pulse for sure. "He's alive..." a little louder. Her mind still wouldn't allow her to believe it... he told her he would die... but he was alive.

Finally it hit her, like a bolt of lighting, it finally sunk in. He was alive! "He's alive!" She yelled, taking her eyes off to look around. Dumbledore was rushing forward. "Are you sure?" he asked. A part of her mind was saying no, she pushed it away. "Yes, he has a pulse."

In no time, Albus had magicked Severus on a stretcher and rushed into the castle.

Hermione didn't move, she remained there, on her knees, staring at where his face had been. He was alive. Those three short words had started a fire withing her, new hope, that it wasn't over yet. But even as she thought of it, she could feel a heavy rain beating on her fire. He was alive, but he was dying. If they didn't do anything for him he would die, no doubt about it.

She jumped to her feet and ran to the Hospital Wing. She had to know if there was still hope, if it was still possible to save him.

The Hospital Wing was packed with people when she got there. She dearly hoped most of them were just there to watch over a friend. The though of so many people hurt, dying, or dead scared her. She hadn't even had time to realize Voldemort was dead yet. It was over, the endless list of people being killed, the secrets, the waiting in the dark, not knowing what was going on, it was all over.

She kept walking, looking around to see where Severus was. Her relief to know that he was alive was hidden under various layers of worry. He was alive but how long would he stay that way? Finally she spotted him in a corner, Dumbledore was watching while Madam Pomfrey performed several diagnostic spells on him. Hermione hurried forward, she just had to see him, didn't know why, but she had to. Albus spotted her and came to join her before she got too close.

"Miss Granger, you shouldn't be here." Technically, she had every right to, but he knew that she wouldn't like what she would hear.

"Please sir, is he alright?" He didn't answer at first and she grew worried, the twinkling in the old Headmaster's eyes was gone and had been replace by a fog that overshadowed them.

"We are doing everything we can for him, but I need you to understand that his chances are slim." Hermione bit her lip and didn't say anything. Dumbledore continued. "I need you to tell me what Severus told you."

Mustering up her courage, she told him everything.

While his body had received no damage at all, Severus' mind was spinning down a black abyss, going over all that he saw, all that he'd done, all that he was.

A group of Death Eaters was entering a house. It was dark, all the occupants were asleep. Silently they each entered a room and killed whoever was inside. While the light from the spell was present,Severus could see the look of suprise and fear on the child who died a moment later.

He was just a child...

The Dark Lord was asking him if he wanted to join him. To rid the world of those who were unworthy, of the filth that had no right to breathe the same air as pure wizards, of those who dared call themselves magic yet had no magical heritage. He said yes. The Dark Mark was burned onto his skin and he was forever stained.

Forever hated...

James Potter was dead, as was Lily. It was his fault. He had revealed the prophecy, and in doing so had killed the one person who ever stood up for him.

I never wanted her to die... I just wanted Potter to pay... just wanted revenge...

Voldemort was back from the dead. Back to haunt them all and bring his followers back. Severus was now a spy, for both the Order and the Dark Lord. Made to come up with excuses and fear for his life at every Death Eater meeting.

Always had to come back... still had to kill...

He was discovered as a traitor. They tortured him for a long time. Never even giving him time to breathe between curses. Somehow he made it out, and was forever a traitor to both men he had served.

Traitor... all I ever was... all I'll ever be...

Traitor...

A/N: Hm, not exactly how I wanted it to turn out. Ah well. Sorry again for taking such a long time! Please forgive me :(

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