Chapter 11: The End (pt. 2)
"Kira got to him." Matsuda's voice echoed in my head. This couldn't be true. How could Kira get his name? I didn't even know it and somehow Kira was able to get a hold of it? It was impossible!
"How?" I wanted to ask, but a more important question came out of my lips "Is he okay?"
Matsuda didn't reply for a long moment that seemed like hours to me. "Could you please just get to the hospital as soon as possible?" he nearly begged.
"..o-of course" I said, quickly hanging up the phone and abandoning my half prepared dinner sprawled across my kitchen.
I made my way to the hospital in a daze. This couldn't really be happening, could it? I couldn't lose him. Not now when I had just found him again… and this time, I could lose him forever.
"Marie!" said Matsuda with obvious relief as I entered the hospital to find him in the waiting room surrounded by several other worried-looking people who were waiting for updates on their loved-ones' health.
"Where is he? Is he alright?" I asked, urgently rushing over to him whilst he did the same and we met in the middle of the room.
"He's this way" he said, hurrying down a corridor that reeked of anesthetics. I took note of the fact that he didn't answer my other question.
Seeing him hooked up to all of those machines was the worst thing I had ever seen. A slight sob escaped me as I rushed over to the side of his bed. His eyes were closed and his face was peaceful. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought that he was simply sleeping. But people didn't wear oxygen masks when they were sleeping and I'd have to say, the last time I had seen him sleeping was when we were young. The unsteady beeping of his heart-rate took my attention away from his face. I couldn't look at that face any longer, not when it was so pained though it didn't show it. She could feel it radiating off him. Shame. He felt as though he had failed and as hard as he was fighting, he had lost.
"…L" I said, coming even closer to where he was laying.
"The doctors say this is the most stable he'll get, it seems his heart can't recover from this," Sochiro said, I hadn't noticed that he was sitting in one of the chairs in the corner of the room, "but they don't know the L we do, do they?" he managed to say, weakly, "he's still fighting, he's been holding on for you."
Sochiro left the room shortly after that, though I didn't even notice, I was far too entranced by the look on his face. "L… what have you gotten yourself into now?" I managed to ask. He didn't answer, I didn't expect him to. "Why now, L? when I finally find you, you have to do this to me? You can't leave me, you haven't told me your decision yet! You obviously have no idea how much you mean to me, and I'll never know if what I'm feeling is requited or not. You know I love you, but to you love me too? You never told me and that's as good as you saying you don't and that's what I'll assume until you tell me otherwise. L, please wake up… wake up and tell me I'm wrong… L, I love you too much. I don't even know your name… don't go… don't leave me again! L, please wake up!" I couldn't say any more because I was sobbing too much. I could barely breathe as his heart-rate monitor changed from an uneven beeping to a single monotone. I let out a scream of sorrow. I didn't even notice as the doctors rushed in.
One doctor was able to pry my fingers off of his shirt and drag me out of the room while the others rushed to attempt to restart his heart. But all of their effort was to no avail. One of the doctors finally pronounced the love of my life dead. That was the darkest hour of my life and the doctors there may as well have pronounced me dead alongside him because my reason for life was no longer there.
Somehow, I arrived at home. I remember blacking-out grasping his cold,lifeless hand. I woke up the next morning in my house and once I regained my thoughts, I was more distraught than ever. I broke down on the same floor where I had sat with him what seemed like moments ago.
But time passed, as it always does and soon weeks had gone by. But time didn't pass at the comfortable pace it usually did. Now it seemed as though everything were going at a hundred miles an hour. Everything seemed to move so much faster without him. I seemed to be the only thing that needed time to mourn him. They say time heals all wounds but whoever said that was stupid and never lost the love of their life because the only thing time was doing now was making it worse since no one understood my pain anymore. Matsuda would call me each day after it happened to make sure that I was alright but soon his calls became less frequent and now they disappeared altogether.
I must be cursed. First Darrel, now L, I was doomed to have every person I love die. I often thought of putting myself out of my misery but I've always been a coward though I used the excuse that neither Darrel nor L would want me to do that. If I were braver, I would disregard what they wanted in a second. Nothing was worth pain like this. Anything death could whip up wouldn't match up to this. But I still couldn't do it.
Exactly 20 days after it happened, I was contemplating calling in for another sick day, I opened my front door and found that I had letter in my mailbox. It was in a small envelope with 'MaRie' written in sloppy script that seemed familiar. There was no return address or even a stamp on it. It was a plain envelope with nothing but my name on it.
Marie,
If you are reading this, it means that I must be dead. I feel it's safe to assume that my death is somehow tied to Kira but that isn't the point of this letter. A few weeks ago, you told me you loved me and I was unsure of how to react to that. Part of me (the logical part) wanted to turn you away telling you it was far too dangerous but I couldn't do that. I wasn't sure why but later it came to me. The reason that I can't turn you away is because I love you and I never knew how much until that day at your house. I love you so much that I hate myself for any pain I've put you through past, present, and future. But please don't feel guilty or angry and please don't hate me, I'm sure it would have been easier if you didn't know this but I felt you had the right to know.
I love you,
L Lawliet
It was his real name. He finally trusted me enough to give me his real name and it was the most beautiful name I had ever heard.
I clung to that piece of paper as though letting go of it would cause it to disappear forever. I could never hate him and as horrible as I felt, it seemed as though I was able to find comfort in his sloppy handwriting. Now I knew that he loved me too and that itself gave me the strength to live on. Because even though I would have to do so without him, I felt as though he would always be there with me as he always was in my memories.
THE END.
A/N: Ended hopefully on a lighter note but I'll need some serious convincing (not to mention a plot) if you guys want a sequel. This is my first completely ended, multiple chapter fic (I'm mostly 1-shots or abandoned HPFF stories) so I appreciate the support you guys have given me especially my reviewers whom I believe deserve some sort of recognition so here's a list to all of those who have reviewed to the end (in order of review).
Keeper of Cheerios
Princess de la Luna
Saphiranna
Minny
Lb hi
pinkrolling stone
WolfDemonFelix
Miss Princess of Randomness
Leonie Lawliet
Junnina
zander herris
xXx13EMO13xXx
flor-desu
klspun
beamingatyou
Osage