Title:Rationality
Pairing/Characters: one-sided Kyouya/Tamaki, mentioned Tamaki/Haruhi
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Rating:PG
Summary: How Kyouya tries to convince himself that falling in love with Tamaki is a very bad idea.
Author's Note: This piece here, was inspired by the response I received from my previous drabble. I'm genuinely surprised and touched with the reviews I've gained. It's meant to be a waffy piece, but somehow… it degenerated into angst. I do apologize for that. I'll make up for this as soon as I can.
Disclaimer: Everybody and their monkey's uncle should know that this being a fanfic means this measly author has absolutely no right to desecrate the characters she's writing about. Yet she still does it anyway, in this case to the creations of Bisco Hatori. So it's a good thing she doesn't get paid at all.

Kyouya had always suspected he harboured intimate feelings for his bestfriend. Feelings that he knew would never see the light of day; feelings he would quell with his characteristic ruthlessness.

There can be no merit, he often mulled to himself, in loving Tamaki. He's an arrogant, self-centered, narcissistic half-wit. Unselfish, innocent, optimistic and loves unconditionally his subconscious would counter. Then of course, there is society, what a riot there would be, if the Japanese elite found out the youngest Ootori is a homo. Nothing with being gay here, this country is quite tolerant to homosexuals, and really you're not as much homosexual as you are Tamaki-sexual. That little voice persisted in defiance to logic.

This, he thought wryly to himself, is why falling in love with your same-sexed bestfriend is a bad idea; having an uber-long heated internal monologue is hazardous to one's mental health. If you can suffer his daily antics, surely you can survive a little bit of identity crisis.

What a persistent little bastard his conscious is turning out to be. Kyouya however refused to listened to that irrational part of his mind. It would ruin his life, Kyouya argues, he would be ousted from the Suou household. His father will be hurt and he will blame himself.Suou-san loves his son too much to judge his sexual preference, and he won't ever let anyone or anything hurt Tamaki. Including Tamaki himself.

Aha! See, sexual preference, we all know Tamaki is in love with Haruhi, ergo, he's as straight as an arrow. Kyouya didn't know if he should be thankful that finally, that teeny part of his brain decided to shut up.

It had hurt, really hurt, to tell himself that it is inconceivable he will ever be with Tamaki in a lover's capacity- because of Tamaki himself. He knew he would be able to bear the devastation of rejection, his Ootori pride demands it, but Tamaki… He knows the blond would be delicate in his response to Kyouya imaginary (and will remain so) confession. That however would occur straight after Tamaki's face contorted with shock and horror, and even worse, the following guilt he would undoubtedly show. The portion of his mind that's dedicated to Tamaki knows that the blond's guilt-ridden apology, and subsequent attempts to normalize post-confession interactions would hurt him more than anything.

This, Kyouya sensibly thought, is why Ootori Kyouya will never, ever profess his inappropriate love for the Host King.

"Kyouya!"

The serenity of the third music room was shattered as the objects of his thoughts blasted the door open and launched himself at the brunette.

"She said yes!!" Tamaki squealed in delight. "Haruhi has agreed to be my girlfriend."

As he smiled and shared in his friend's happiness, he can't help but feel a stinging twinge in his chest, and the sensation that part of his soul just died.