Chapter 2

"Talking"- speaking
"Talking"- thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other character in this story. The plot is mine and only mine.

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Outside

"This is horrible," cried Hermione. "Everyone thinks that I am some tramp. My future is ruined."

"Everything will be okay," said Ron. "We'll find out what is going on and stop it. Once we find Harry, I'm sure all this will go away. They will not want to make their saviour mad."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," drawled a voice from behind.

"What do you want Malfoy," said Ron as he turned around. "If people see us together they might think we are together."

"Never mind that," he waved. "Potter is the problem. I know for a fact that Dumbledore hates both of those men. My father used to say that it was one of the only things he had in common with the old man. This smells like Potter."

"Harry wouldn't do this," said Hermione. "He hates the media and he is our friend."

"I also think Parkinson is somehow involved in all this," said Malfoy. "She has not been around the common room a lot. She just disappears at random moments."

"Now that you mention it, Harry has not been in the common room either. In fact, I could go as far as stating that he has not been there one time this semester."

"I…," Hermione began.

"They were telling the truth," shouted a second year Hufflepuff girl. "You three are together."

"No..no we are not together," shouted Ron as the girl ran back inside to tell all her friends. "We are so doomed."

"Let's provide a united front," said Hermione. "If we go in together, they can't say anything."

"Are you crazy," said Draco in disbelief.

"Hello," said Ron as he waved his hand in front of her face. "Anyone in there?"

"Stop that," she growled. "If the three of us stand together, they can not crush us. We can also present a untied front when we find Harry. He won't be able to resist three of us."

"Did you hit your head or something," asked Ron.

No. Why?"

"Because that is the second time you have made a stupid suggestion," he said. "Did you forget that Harry is the one who went into Voldemort's lair? He killed the dark lord and his top death eaters without breaking a sweat. All because the dark lord ordered Nott Jr. to steal his invisibility cloak. He stormed the dark fortress over a cloak, what do you think we could do. We can not do anything that would gain his attention? Kill his bunny? Oh, that's right. He doesn't have a bunny."

"You don't have to be sarcastic about it," said Hermione.

"Maybe there's hope for you yet Weasley. A tad bit more sarcastic and it will be just right."

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Great Hall

"Attention," called Dumbledore. "After talking with both our good guests, I have decided to aid the students in their problems. I can no longer sit back and allow young love to die. From now on, all couples in 7th year recognized by myself shall be roomed together."

"He's gone barmy," said Ron. "Or at least more than usual."

"I think he's smoking something," said Hermione. "He can't mean us. The three of us are not a couple."

"Furthermore," he said. "It's with great pleasure that I give Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley, and Mr. Malfoy the first room."

When everyone looked at the trio, Draco had fainted and fallen into the arms of Ron. Hermione could only open and close her mouth soundlessly.

"Now that the Headmaster has made his announcements," started Jerry. "We'll be moving along to Ms. Weasley. Are you out there Ms. Weasley? Steve, find her."

"Accio Ginny Weasley," he called.

Ginny came sailing through the open doors flailing her arms as if trying to fly in the opposite direction. "No," she screamed. You can't make me."

"Calm down," said Jerry. "Now would the audience like to know why Ms. Weasley is joining us today?"

"Yes," boomed the Great Hall.

"Ms. Weasley as everyone might know is smitten with Mr. Potter. We have found out that Mr. Potter has spurned her advances, so she has taken up stalking as a hobby."

"No," she screamed. "It's not true."

"Come now," Jerry chided. "We have footage of young Mr. Potter with his future wife. We thought they might enjoy a video of themselves in school as a wedding gift. Anyway, we noticed a certain female following them. A charm has been applied to block any parts that our underage viewers should not see. If you are 17 or above, you will see the whole thing. Roll video."

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Recording

"Harry," Pansy called as she ran to catch up with him. "Wait."

"Did you want something," he asked.

"No, well yes," she said as she kissed him. "I want to tell you something. I know that I have said it before but I am sorry for how I treated you before. I always knew about the marriage. My father told me and I was always excited when he told me. I also want you to know that he looked for you. He was going to try and make you his ward. We would have grown up together but Dumbledore stopped him."

"That can't be what you wanted to tell me," he said.

"I love the sex. I couldn't live without it."

"Nice to know that I am good for something," he said dryly.

"Stop that. You know that I like you for another reason."

"What's that?"

"You can cook better than any house elf we ever had," she smirked. "I've never had food as good."

"It's also nice to know that I rate higher than a house elf," he said. "Anyway, what did you want to tell me?"

"I think that we are being followed. I know that I have seen someone before and I think the"

It's probably Dumbledore," Harry said nonchalantly. "He knows everything in the school. Most likely wants to keep his ticket to fame safe."

"No, it's not him. This is a female. I can smell her perfume."

"Who? And how?" he asked as he looked around.

"I don't know but it is some cheap stuff," she said. "My mother would always say that only of a lady of the night would wear it. It reeks."

"So," he said slowly. "We're being followed by a prostitute. That's never happened to me before. Unless you count that time that…never mind. Ah, who cares anyway."

"Let's give her a show," she whispered. "If she wants some gossip for the school, we'll give it to her."

"Let's go down into the lower dungeons," said Harry louder. "There's never anybody down there, it's only used for storage."

"Let's," she chirped almost too happily.

"You know," he started. "When you start acting that way, it scares me."

"That's good," she smiled. "I need to keep you on your toes."

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Edited out for possible content warning. Go to where it says read and review my stories/ or my homepage to read the un-edited version.

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Harry's point of view

"That was intense," breathed Pansy as she tasted some of the chocolate. "We got to do that more often."

"I agree," he replied as he popped the last cherry in his mouth. "You think our guest saw all of that?"

"I hope so," she smirked. "Maybe now they will no that you are mine."

"I doubt it," he said. "I'm never that lucky. With my luck, everyone will probably be after me more know."

"Let them come," she said. "I've got some new spells I want to try out."

"If you ever need any money to buy more magazines for ideas, let me know. That was a great one."

End Recording

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Great Hall

"Well," Jerry said with a smile. "Want to deny being a stalker now?"

"No," she said. "I am not …"

She was interrupted when the projector was destroyed by a blast of blue light. "I personally don't care what you do with that tramp, but videos of my private life are not for the eyes of others," said Harry with a maniacal grin. "I'm afraid that your time here at Hogwarts is over."

"What," Jerry said with wide eyes. "You can't do anything. I have my rights."

"Aufero induviae," Harry muttered. He watched as everyone began laughing when they noticed Jerry had no clothes on. "This is great material. I am sure your viewers will love it."

"My clothes," Jerry stuttered. "What did you do with them? And my wand?"

"Yes, they are gone," he said as he turned away in disgust. "And please leave. If I see you without clothes anymore, I might have to resurrect Bellatrix so she can torture me into insanity. "

"But.."

"Leave," Harry bellowed.

Jerry took one look at Harry and took off in the direction of the door, his crew behind him.

"What wand was he talking about," asked Pansy. "I couldn't see one."

"That was fun," Harry laughed. "When does that Phil dude start?"

"I'm not to sure about this anymore," Dr. Phil said. "I think that I may have an appointment."

"Nonsense," Harry said. "Start your show. I'm pretty sure that it will be over before you know it."

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Teachers lounge

"Minerva," Flitwick called. "What do you make of all this? Mr. Potter does not seem to be the type to be an exhibitionist."

"No," she said as she blushed when she thought back to the recording. "I think he had planned only on Miss. Weasley being there. He probably planned to shock her and it back fired"

"Are you blushing," smirked Flitwick. "You do know that he is way too young for you."

"I'm human," she huffed. "I can think, can't I. It's not everyday that you see something like that."

"Ha, ha, ha, ha. All you have to do is ask Sprout for her collection of magazines. A couple were delivered to me by mistake."

"As amusing as your crush on the boy wonder is," Snape sneered from the door. "We might have a problem."

Startled, McGonagall replied, "What problem? We already suspect that Mr. Potter is up to something."

"Not Potter," he growled. "He is involved somehow, but he is not the reason. Albus is under a spell, I think."

"Impossible," said McGonagall. "We would have noticed it."

"Not so," Snape replied. "How else can you explain those two being here."

"Albus has always been a little touched in the head," she said. "I just figured it was another one of his little quirks."

"Could Mr. Potter be involved in it," asked Flitwick.

"Potter is involved somehow," Snape sneered. "But he does not have the brains to think this up. Nor the subtlety to pull it off alone. He is a pawn in another player's game."

"Don't forget he was the one who killed the dark lord," warned Flitwick. "That was no was no easy task."

"The boy admitted it himself," yelled Snape. "He went in with no plan. Just blasting away as usual. That's not a plan."

"Maybe that was his plan," Flitwick shot back. "Destroy everything in site and kill anybody that got in his way. There was not much left of the bodies when the teams were going through the ruins looking for survivors."

"The day that boy is anything other than a Gryffindor is the day that I become part of that little love triangle Weasley has going on."

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Great Hall

"Welcome," called Dr. Phil as he made his way onto the stage. "Welcome to another show. Today our show is being shot on location at Hogwarts and we have a special guest for you all."

"Harry Potter, defeater of the Dark Lord, winner of Witch Weekly's Hottest Wizard, and the last man standing at the Massacre of the Dark Fortress. Here he is."

The professors watched as Harry made his way onto stage and took a chair far away from Dr. Phil. The students, minus most of the Slytherins, were cheering wildly.

"Today we are discussing Mr. Potter's friends and how we can help them. He has asked that we bring them onto the show and help them work their problems out. Come on down Mr. Weasley, Ms. Granger, Mr. Malfoy, and Miss. Weasley. I also have asked Neville to be my co-host. He will be assisting me in this session."

"I'm not one of his friends," called an enraged Malfoy. "And I refuse to get on that stage."

"Shut up and get up here," whispered Dr. Phil as he looked at Harry with fear in eyes. "Accio Malfoy."

Due to his low power level, Draco came flying unsteadily from the Slytherin table to land in a chair next to Hermione which brought great amusement to many Gryffindors.

"Mr. Potter," started Dr. Phil. "What exactly is the problem that you want my help with?"

"Well," he started. "At first it was help my two friends finally stop fighting but now that it has come out that they are with Malfoy, well… I want the three of them to be happy together."

"You're a dead man," whispered Draco.

"Ignoring him, he continued on. "I also wish for Ginny to realize that we can never be together. I never thought of her as anything more than my friend's sister. How can I live with someone when there entire family can't stand it when I give them gifts? They all think of it as charity. And she kind of freaks me out. She looks like a boy."

"Harry, don't do this," cried Ginny. "We can work it out. I can apply charms to look better. That slut will only break your heart.

"We will start with the stalker," announced Dr. Phil quickly. He was not sure who he was more scared of, Potter or the stalker.

"I am not a stalker," yelled Ginny.

"Ms. Weasley, you do realize that Mr. Potter will be married shortly?

"He'll come to his senses once the potion he is under wears off."

"I am not under a potion," Harry declared. "I have had the necessary tests done to prove that I am not under a potion or spell."

"We have the results right here and they prove that he is not," said Neville. "What exactly are you thinking of when you look at Mr. Potter?

"Love," she said. "I love him."

"Hmm. I don't think so," he said. "How do you see yourself living in a few years?"

"In Potter Manor with Harry. We will be going to all the balls and I will be wearing the best gowns."

"I think you are in love with the idea of his money more than him."

"I am not. I love him."

"Mr. Potter," he began. How do you see yourself in a few years?"

"Not living in Potter Manor," he said as he looked at Ginny. "I will stay there every so often, but Pansy and I will be living in a small castle in Ireland. It's smaller than the manor and more private. We will be attending some balls, but only the holiday balls."

"So you see yourself living a life of relative peace and quiet compared to the life in the spotlight that Ms. Weasley wants?"

"Yes."

"Do you wish to add any more," he asked Ginny.

"Yes," she cried. "I love you and nothing that Bitch can do will keep you from me."

"Dr. Phil," Harry said. "I think that Ginny is suffering from some type of mental illness and would benefit a long stay in the tender care of a mental institution where they can attempt to cure her. What do you think?"

"I would have to agree with your diagnosis. I can give her family the name of a good institution after the show," he answered. "Ms. Weasley, could you step off the stage now? We have to get to our other guests now."

"No," she cried. "He's mine."

Some stage hands quickly grabbed her and drug her off stage to someplace where she could not bother the show.

"Ms. Granger," he began. "When we first came here we thought we would be helping you in your relationship with Mr. Weasley. We have now come to find out that you are in a relationship with Mr. Malfoy also. What do you have to say about that?"

"I am not in a relationship with him," she yelled in frustration. "He insults me all day long."

"Still in denial I see. I am sure we can help you work it out."

"Hermione," Ron began. "Do you really love him also? If so, we can work something out. A schedule of sorts. That way the two of us would not have to see each other."

Hermione's left eye suddenly developed a tick. "What," she whispered.

It was taking everything Harry had not to burst out laughing at what was happening. This was better than Prime Time.

"I've been reading those books you told me to read," Ron said. "You know, the ones about how I should care more about others feelings. They started making sense. When I first heard about Malfoy and you, well I was kind of mad. Then I thought back to those books and knew that if you wanted us both, I could live with that. We can have a large house where you spend half the time on one side with me and the other half with him."

The tick just became more pronounced. "Of all the times that you have to start listening to me. Of all the times that you start reading a book," she screamed. "Why now?"

"What," he said as he scratched his head in confusion. "I thought you would be happy. I even found us a place to live. It's large enough for us all."

"You're dead," she screeched as she jumped on Ron.

Harry and everyone else was gobsmacked that Hermione was attacking Ron. "Malfoy, you know that I would have never suspected that she had it in her to attack."

"I agree," he smirked. "It sure is funny though…"

He was interrupted as a gasp came from the professors and laughter came from the students. Looking over at the couple, he saw what had happened. When Ron fell from the impact of Hermione hitting him, he had grabbed anything he could to keep from falling. That anything happened to be Hermione's shirt. When he fell he tore the right side of her shirt exposing her breast.

"I thought she was a prude," said Draco. "I would have never thought that she did not wear a bra."

"Me too," agreed Harry as he clutched his side laughing. "She must have been using a charm instead of a bra."

"Potter," began Draco as he was still looking at Hermione. "You wouldn't kill me if I agreed with that crazy man, would you?"

"What do you mean," he asked while keeping his eyes on the fight. This was too good to be true. It was better than he had planned. "Is there a reason that I should kill you?"

"No," he hastily said. "You wouldn't kill me if I agreed that I was in a relationship with Granger? She's hot and I do need to ensure that the Malfoy line goes on."

"Even thought she is muggleborn?"

"She may not be pure, but she has brains and power," Draco replied. "Our kids will be powerful."

"Sure," Harry shrugged. "Though if you hurt her, I'll have to kill you".

"Thanks, I think."

"No pro…"

He was interrupted when Ron decided to take up singing lessons, in soprano. Hermione, still not noticing her torn shirt, had kicked Ron right in the family jewels.

"Ouch," Harry and Draco said in unison.

"That had to hurt," commented Harry.

"They seem to defy gravity," said Draco as he cocked his head sideways.

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Headmaster's Office

"Albus," yelled McGonagall. "Now that those two are out of here, you have to listen to reason. You are most likely under a spell. How else can you explain letting them come here?"

"It was all in good fun," he smiled. "I assure you that I am just fine. There is no spell."

"Allow me to check you," insisted Snape.

"If I allow you to check me, will it calm you down?"

"Yes," they all chorused.

"Fine," he grumbled.

Snape's face paled to an unnatural colour as he read the results of his scan. "He's under a spell and if I am reading this right our golden boy is responsible."

"What," said McGonagall. "It can't be."

"I knew it," squeaked Flitwick. "That boy is just like his mother."

"We can finally expel the brat," said Snape. "I can't believe it. This is the happiest day of my life."

"I hate to tell you this," said Flitwick. "But we can't expel him."

"What," yelled Snape as he tripped over his feet and fell.

"Exams are already over," Flitwick smiled. "All that's left is graduation."

"No."

"I am afraid so," smirked McGonagall. "He is untouchable. Severus, could you remove the spells?"

"Sure," he grumbled as he cast the spell.

"What's going on," asked Dumbledore. "Last thing I remember is looking for my candy. They took my entire stash."

"Call Mr. Potter," said McGonagall. "Let's figure out what he was planning."

"I believe he is with Ms. Parkinson at the moment," said Flitwick. "I passed them on my way up here. They were laughing about this whole affair and some bet they had."

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A little while later

"I believe we only asked for Mr. Potter," sneered Snape. "We do not require your presence Ms. Parkinson."

"She stays," Harry said.

"Fine," interrupted McGonagall before her colleague could but in,

"Mr. Potter, what did you hope to accomplish with your little stunt," asked McGonagall.

"The intended results were pleasing, but I loved the bonus."

"Answer the question," snarled Snape. "I may not be able to expel you but I can make your life a living hell."

"Temper," chided Pansy. "You might have a stroke."

"Why you…"

"Shut up," said Harry. "I intended for Ron and Hermione to turn their attention away from me. I did not need Ron insulting Pansy nor did I need Hermione trying to over analyze my relationship. That whole Draco thing was just a bonus."

"But the Headmaster…"

"The Headmaster is fine," he cut her off. "Now that is taken care of, I wish to formally invite you all to my wedding. Even you Snape."

"That's Professor Snape."

"Thank you," Flitwick said excitedly. "We will all be there."

The End

I may go back and write a small sequel detailing the lives of everyone in their relationships later. But for now, I am going back to work on my other stories.